Miss you, Mom

My mom passed away on this date in 1993. Sixteen years. It seems like 16 years; it seems like she's been gone a long time. Her death came as such as surprise to us all at the time. I guess it was because we couldn't imagine what life would be like without her.

I was thinking whether I had an electronic picture of her and realized that I don't and I'm kind of shocked. I'll have to dig around and find some snapshots to scan. She passed away before people really started keeping their photos on their computers.

Shitfire (for some reason this word is not in the dictionary, and it is the only word flagged as misspelled in this post). There are times when I'm as OK as a person can be when she's lost both her mom and her sister young. Mom was 56, Kris was only 45. I try to look forward while having learned from the past; that's how I want to live my life. But there are times when I'm tired (like now) and the loss still seems so profound that I have trouble measuring its consequences.

So that's it. Just a marking of the day. Remembering.

Eight Hours Earlier - The Next Day

That's the time difference between most of Australia and Colorado. CB's off for three weeks of working in southern OZ (as the cool people refer to it) and I have a few thoughts.

First it IS a long way from home. It's about a 14 hour flight from Los Angeles. Usually CB's trips keep him in this hemisphere (although he did go to Spain in May) and this trip seems different both because it's longer and farther away. Never mind that he'll be home for three weeks then goes back to New Zealand for another tour in November. Bounce bounce bounce.

By the end his internal clock has been thoroughly messed with, and it takes some time to figure itself out. In the meantime, he's overcome by the need to sleep occasionally and not much can be done about it. We've figured out that me waiting a week and then coming down for a visit seems to work best.

Also, the time change is wacked, in terms of trying to talk every few days. I'll need to be better at carrying my phone around, and crappy connections are more the rule than the exception. It's a mixed bag to be all excited to talk only to have to keep saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear that" and "I'm sorry, you just cut out".

That being said, connectivity is apparently a lot better than it used to be. For example, CB said it's possible to go to Google Earth and get street views of the hotels they are staying in. I can only assume that means that the place in general is moving towards better and faster internet, but at least I can see the place!

Finally, I think about how I was the first two years for this trip. For some reason, the combination of factors for this particular trip made me anxious while he was gone. Anxious about whether the relationship was going to work out, anxious about his safety, etc. I have since come to a realization, and I had to go through a few trips to get to this place. The realization is that, left to my own devices, I worry too much about things that aren't worth worrying about and that further, I can do nothing about. And knowing the process can happen sort of names it, and then it goes away.

So this year, I'm too busy to worry! It's not just that I have the teaching gig to keep me busy. We've now done this enough that I know the routine and know that I'll hear from him when he's able to call. So simple. But keeping busy does help, and if I ever feel like I've gotten ahead, I've got a pair of socks, a sweater, a scarf and a bag waiting as unfinished knitting projects that are just waiting for me to come back!

That's not how it looks from here - oh wait

It's Saturday morning, I slept well, and the day will be full of getting things done. Unfortunately, it's mostly going to be related to making up hours at work and doing things for class. Playing catch-up, as it were.

I've been in a grading vortex the last couple of days, where I'm plodding through a stack (and it's not a huge stack, only 21 papers) of lab reports. These mostly first-time college students who have no experience writing scientifically are expected to churn out a lab report that conforms to and is graded based on how people write scientific journal articles. If they put me in charge (ha ha) we'd start with the pieces of it, because no one gets it. I write lots and lots of comments (hint: never say "First you take a measuring tape...") and I've already put 8 hours into grading these damn things and I've got another 8 reports to do. Harumphhhhh.

It's times like this when it's really important for me to step back and look my situation from a different, wider perspective. One that takes into account the temporary nature of this "problem" and the fact that I have it because I have a full time job plus took this on. It's going to be a beautiful day, and I'm meeting up with a friend for dinner, and once I get over this hump of grading, I'll be able to actually work ahead on lectures a bit.

That's a good thing, a really good thing, because I think it's getting more important in this class that I don't spend the time yakking up front. I'm on the look out for activities they can do in class, and so far it's worked well. I gave the first exam Monday, and while the average was 70%, a lot of people didn't do as well as they had hoped and I want them all to succeed.

And for all my kvetching (I'm sorry to those of you that have had to listen to it) I really, really like it. I wish someone would hire me to do it full time. I have noticed that my effectiveness and maybe my skill as a teacher are directly related to how comfortable I am with the material, and the students of course respond well (both with their attention and with good questions) when I'm in that zone. I suppose that's a no-brainer, but it's been my experience (teaching three labs a week in grad school) that getting to the "I've done this before, so I'm comfortable" stage doesn't happen the same way when teaching only one class - I have to be really well rehearsed instead.

So with that, I'm off to get ready for the day. I'll start out at work, where I owe them some hours and am looking forward to seeing some results of a test. Then I'll maybe go someplace nice and get the rest of these lab reports done.


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A Word to My Boss

Dear H,

A couple of days ago, I was getting myself, my kid and my dog all ready for the day and it struck me how amazingly great it is not to have a set clock-in time for work. Your attitude has always been one of, "You guys are adults, you know how to get your hours in, and as long as the work gets done, I don't need to hear the gory details".

I was thinking, then, about the implications of this attitude. For starters, it has allowed me to carry on a long distance relationship with CB by letting me work weekends to bank hours in order to visit (or be visited) a few days every few weeks. With 10 measly days of vacation, I couldn't swing it otherwise. And while I'm thinking of it, thanks for hiring me at a decent wage. If I'm there for another year I'm going to ask to be upgraded a pay level, but I think it will be worth it for everyone.

Perhaps most importantly, being freed from a set start time has promoted a calm and largely anxiety-free atmosphere in the mornings at my house. I know what time I want to get to get out of the house that day, and if I miss that by 5 or 10 minutes, no one cares. I see women putting make-up on at stop lights, and hear about "breakfast on the go" and am thankful we don't have to do that.

And while I'm at it, I also appreciate the way you let us work on our projects without hovering. There's sort of this understanding that we'll come to you with updates and problems, and it's really great to be free to work on my stuff at my own pace.

So that's it. Thanks again, and I'll try to have that manuscript finished by the end of next week.

Linda

Don't look now, here come the holidays

My family is scattered around the country - Ohio, Minnesota, and South Carolina. It used to be assumed that I would come in yearly for either Thanksgiving or Christmas and spend a few days.

I've been thinking lately about how some things have changed, though. Since my divorce, it's Mr W and I who will travel together (CB's working for most of that time). Last year, which was the first Christmas after my sister died, I simply couldn't bear to be in her house without her, so I didn't go to Ohio at all. I elected to meet up with my siblings in South Carolina, and had a great time.

But the desire to meet up with family during the holidays stays the same. I guess there are more choices now.

I'm getting the same feelings of anxiety when I think about how they'll have the house decorated without Kris there. Hmm, I'm a little surprised about this myself.

Anyway, plans are shaping up, and I need to decide where Mr W and I will spend Thanksgiving or Christmas. Thankfully, Mr W's dad is flexible as to the holiday schedule, so I don't have to worry that a battle will ensue over holiday time. That IS a good thing that I often take for granted.

Mr W's developed some anxiety of his own regarding flying, and I need to help him work on that. CB suggested we get some books about the ins and outs of flying because, as I often say myself, knowledge is power.

Back from radio silence

I've fallen off of posting and intend to get back on it soon. CB was here for a few days, and we were BUSY most of the time. I need to see if he can send me some of the video from the bike parade that went past my house last Saturday - it was fun to watch. Next year, we're doing it, though, not going to be spectators.

Teaching is going well, but I feel a bit behind. They have their first exam on Monday, and I haven't written it yet. Good thing those copy machines are available on Saturday.

Finally found some music lessons for Mr W that I think will work - more on that later. The short version is that they were going to have him in a class, but all the other kids were 6, so he'll get private lessons for the same price.

I'm starting to think about the holidays, too. Looks like Mr W and I will go somewhere, just not sure where yet. Probably Ohio for a few days.

I just noticed the date. My recollection of 9-11 includes spending a lot of time in the basement of the house my x and I were living in at the time. Mr W was 7 months old, and I remember having him on my lap, and he was gnawing on my fingers like babies will do. At one point, I felt two little ridges in his bottom jaw, and there were his first teeth just starting to poke through. Life marching on.

A Musical Wumpkin

Mr W is the nickname I use for my son Zach. After he was born, they brought him into the room and I said something like, "there's my little wumpkin". Or maybe it was pumpkin, but no matter, wumpkin stuck and he, as of this writing, will still answer to it.

He's an only child, and spends his time equally between his dad's house and my house; we all live in the same town so this usually isn't too much of a problem. He does well in school, and given the choice, he'd play on the computer or his handheld DS game thingy for the remainder of his free time. OK, that's not entirely true, but his dad and I (mostly I) felt that he should develop some other interests.

I did not come from musical people. This might be revisionist history, but I remember coming home in 3rd grade and wanting to play the clarinet. And my parents said no. As a parent of a kid who to date hasn't shown the initiative to say "I'd like to try X" I'm still surprised I got turned down. But my parents weren't musical either, so they didn't have a basis to know what they were getting into.

And, neither do I, but I'd like Mr W to have some musical background. A friend's son takes lessons from the terrific music director at our church, so I contacted him and was put on a wait list for private piano lessons. I think Mr W would benefit from the lessons, but looking back, I don't think he's ready to dive in. And, while Mr W's interest right now is an electronic keyboard, those lessons' point is to make him into a piano player.

This was a bit frustrating for me because I don't know what makes a good music teacher or program. I want him to be engaged and like it, despite the fact that he's got to practice.

And then, by chance, I found the place and program.

I was driving by our sad excuse for a mall (vacancy rate = 50%) and saw a colorful sign that said "Foundation Music School". Yup, I was attracted by the sign (hey look! color!). I looked at their website and they've got a program for kids 6-9 (Mr W is 8) that introduces them to piano through aural and visual means, and they play games and imitate sounds. I talked to one of the teachers yesterday, and she was enthusiastic and from the conversation, I think this would be a great introduction to music for the kid.

Phew! It's odd how chance played into this, but that's how it goes sometimes.

I just realized it's September

It's been a good summer. How is this measured? Well, partly by the absence of tragedy, but also by the extent to which the fact that it was summer was taken advantage of (if that's a sentence). Last summer we were all reeling still from my sister's death, and a couple of years before that was the whole divorce thing, so it may be the absence of tragedy. But we did do some good stuff:

Mr W, Sally and I went hiking, something I'd like to do more of, especially given this one trail that allows dogs off-leash. We also went to an amusement park and pushed his boundaries a bit as to what he was willing to go on ride-wise. I keep saying I'll go on whatever he'll go on, but I'm going to have to modify that to exclude rides that go around in speedy queasy circles. We rode our bikes fairly often, and he had a good summer at camp.

I got a decent garden in this year, although my landscaping projects have not come to fruition. Good thing about Colorado is that I've got some time yet before the snow flies to make some progress there. CB and I visited the Grand Canyon and looked for condors. Saw the former, looked for the latter for several hours with no luck. Over half the visitors seemed to me to be foreign - welcome, of course, but where's the Americans? I did some fieldwork for work and have concluded I prefer fieldwork on plants to that with mosquitoes. On the up side, I got to visit several cities in western CO that I had not been to, and they were lovely. Not to mention I collected specimens that will be my work for the next few months!

The weather wasn't too hot, which is always nice when one's house doesn't have AC. There is usually a stretch of a week or so when I contemplate putting the window AC unit in the living room, but it never stayed hot for that long.

So all in all, it was a good summer. Mr W was asking just yesterday about how long each season is, and I told him that if we end up with a mild winter (like we did last year) fall lasts a long time. Ah, sunny, jacket weather during the day and cooler temps at night. But there's always a chance of a blizzard in October as well, but that's the price of living here.

CB's coming in on Friday for several days. It's been a while since he's come here, and I'm very much looking forward to it.

Yes, that's pretty much what I thought

I've been sort of struggling to get up to speed with lectures and the other stuff (so much other stuff!) involved in teaching this class. Getting to bed late, not sleeping as well as I usually do, that kind of thing. But it's getting better, and as long as I'm a chapter ahead, I'm good.

I had this dream the other night that was kind of telling. I was driving, and twice I was going over a hill, and it was so steep that I couldn't see what was ahead of me. The second time I remember saying to myself "I can't see what's ahead". I go over the top of the hill, and can see at the bottom that the river that runs alongside the road has flooded so that it is crossing the road and it's just about impassable. I start to get panicky, as I feel like I'm going to have to go into that flooded area. I look again, and there's a spot on the side of the road, just before the flooded area, where I can turn around. I was really relieved.

I think this is my mind reviewing how I was looking at the situation: first, not knowing what was going to be ahead, then getting caught up in this fast moving thing that I didn't know how to deal with. And finally, the relief of there being a place to turn around, which I think is the reminder that after the semester is over, I can go back to the old routine.

On a related note, I had a realization when I was talking to a student in the hallway before class. There is no way I can speak all of the information they are expected to know by us "covering" the material at the pace that we do. An instructor has no choice in this kind of class but to hit the high points and convey their expectations that the students read the book. I'm grateful that the book comes with this really extensive online learning program and I'm going to use it.

Good Morning, I'm Linda and this is Bio 111

Aaaaaand we're off. I think I'm going to like this teaching thing. If the thought of "wow, 45 minutes has passed" is any indication, I'm fully capable of listening to myself talk for long periods of time.

It's funny. Where I work, there are lots of people who have their Ph.D.'s, so it's not like anyone goes "oooh", although I guess people expect you to write papers instead of just being a tech. However, yesterday, I saw nods of approval when I said I had a doctorate. Instant cred. Well, for that moment anyway.

Of a total of 24, there are lots of nursing students, lots of people returning to school, a couple of people who don't know why they are there, and overall I think they will be a good group, if first impressions are telling.

I need to rehearse my shtick a little more. I found myself pretty much reading from the slide when it was something I just lifted from the book, and then expounding on how cool this or that was if I already knew a lot about the topic. I also do need to get more class activities into the mix. So far, I've spent my time getting all the necessary stuff done (book keeping stuff) before I can think of cool and relevant activities for them to do. I'll get there.

I had them answer some questions so I could get a sense of where they were in terms of biology courses and to get a sample of their writing (to compare against written work done outside of class) and I'm so glad I did. Most of them had biology in high school, but they are coming into this with a blank slate. Good to know.

Tomorrow's the big day

Tomorrow is my first day of teaching. I'm ready content-wise, although I can't seem to get into my campus email account. There's also a bunch of little things to remember and book keeping things to do.

I feel like this is the time to take a deep breath and head on in there. I've sort of figured out how I'll allocate my time, and on the days during the week that I have Mr W, I'm just not going to expect too much school stuff to get done. I was also hoping to bank some hours for CB visits, but it's been hard to both take time off of work to do school stuff, and get ahead in that regard. I have a week's vacation yet, so that' good.

Here we go.

"There's been a small glitch"

That's how I approached my boss yesterday with the news that this awesome data set, which I had just finished a second draft of a manuscript for, had something wrong with one of the analyses. Oops. There's a lot to this population genetic stuff, and I discovered an inconsistency when I was going over the results for something else and I have to get it figured out before we can publish the paper.

One of the measurements one makes when doing population genetics is a measure of inbreeding. Big populations of organisms, like mosquitoes in general, should be random with respect to who they are mating with. This more or less absence of mate choice means there should be NO inbreeding in these populations. Small, isolated rare plant populations? Sure, they're expected to have some inbreeding. But big (like 10's or 100's of thousands - geez, maybe more) populations of flying organisms shouldn't have detectable levels of inbreeding.

But mine do. My feeling this is most likely a scoring error. I put the bits of DNA of interest through a DNA sequencer that is able to detect the size of the bits. Sometimes, especially when the bits are close in size, it's hard to tell what they call stutter, from actual data.

So I'm going back over the whole data set today - let's see, that's 10 markers times 247 individuals. I sure hope I can tweak the machine so I don't have to score all of them by hand, but I might have to look at a lot of raw data to get this figured out. *sigh*

To my boss's credit, his main concern was that we didn't put out erroneous data, so he's OK with me re-doing this part. I don't think it's going to change the gist of the data, but if the problem is what I think it is, what I'll do over the next few days will fix this finding of inbreeding that shouldn't be there. If it doesn't, well, I guess we'll have to come up with an explanation, but I'll feel better that that finding is genuine if I go through this exercise first.

Weekend? What weekend?

I've burned through an entire work day this week going to meetings for my second job (and getting my hair done :-)). I'll need to work Saturday to make up that time, and then wanted to work another half day to bank some hours for when CB comes in a couple of weeks. That may or may not happen. Yea for vacation time...

Like CB said yesterday, when so many people are out of work, no one wants to hear the travails of one's SECOND job.

Classes start Monday, and I'm well on my way to my goal of being two weeks ahead in terms of lecture prep. It's enough and it's all I'm going to be able to do this first semester. I'm having trouble getting into the college's class management sites; the system doesn't recognize my user ID and password. I called tech support this morning - nice of them to have it up and running 24/7 - and they'll fix it soon. *twiddles thumbs*

Gaa. I'm still off balance. Yesterday, we had a meeting with the textbook rep and they have a whole site devoted to helping the students master the content. There are animations, quizzes, homework - and the students pay to use this service whether I get my act together and get it organized or not. I intend to have them do some homework each week, to keep up with the reading and help them use the site, which will help them in the class. But it's one more thing, beyond the classroom management program where I'll post my lectures and keep track of student grades...

I'll get there, but I'm not there yet.

Orienting

I went to the part-time instructor's orientation yesterday at the community college, where I'm going to start teaching on Monday (gulp!). I'm more or less ready, I've given up the idea of being fiendishly ahead in terms of lecture in favor of being a couple of weeks ahead and able to think of those in class assignments that will relieve some of the drudgery of lecture.

There were a lot of people there. The first part was just for the department, which is natural and environmental sciences. It seems the lead instructor is the only full time faculty member; the rest are adjuncts. I can't believe this is a profitable way for a community college to go. There are, let's see, about 7 adjuncts teaching biology. I guess I look at it in terms of me possibly getting a full time job someday, and the odds just seem overwhelmingly against it, even though I think I would like it and do well.

The second part of the orientation was college-wide, and there were about 100 people there, all part-timers. Probably 2/3 were returning. They had most everyone except for the new president (who I guess hasn't started yet) come out and say a few words. I was impressed by the resources available to these students. Writing, note taking, stress management, tutoring, if a student shows any initiative at all, and nothing weirdly unexpected happens (which sometimes does), he or she should be able to get their two years of schooling and get on with life.

I'm pleased to be part of this. Colorado doesn't seem (and this is just my opinion) to support higher education to the extent that some other states do. My brother works for a community college in Minnesota, and they really seem to have it going on. It's presented as this really viable option for students who don't want or need a 4 year degree, or who want specific training. In his department, there are 4-5 full time faculty, and the students go through a program that leads to a certificate or associates degree.

I guess biology at the community college level isn't really a stand alone thing, like other subjects. You take your biology courses on the way to getting some kind of specialized training.

The new reality

I often struggle with the question of whether I'm doing enough for my son. Since he's an only child, the reality is that on the weekends, when I'm trying to keep the place from looking like no one cares what it looks like, he's got to entertain himself sometimes.

His preference has strongly gone to what I call "screened things". The TV, computer and his Nintendo DS. In a pinch, and particularly when I've said "no more" of those things, he'll ask if he can play on my iPod.

The question of an addict. Or is it? Recently, he go the idea to reconfigure the 10 or so Bionicles he's got so that they have pieces and parts of different ones on each. Hybrids, Franken-onicles, whatever. I like seeing that spurt of creativity, especially because he used to be very reluctant to take anything apart once it had been put together. Over this past weekend, he spent a lot of time doing this on his own. He wants to photograph or video them and put them on Youtube. I wish I had more than my very old digital camera that shoots a minute of uneditable video at a time to give him.

I think that, overall, this summer was a summer. That is, even though he went to camp most every day, it was primarily a playing camp. He certainly went to bed later, and got to play more screened stuff than he normally would. He read books voluntarily maybe three times, and I failed miserably at getting him to read aloud daily. On the flip side, we rode our bikes downtown for ice cream almost weekly, and that's a good thing. He also is starting to do chores, which I like and appreciate.

Oh, the sweet days of summer. Well, now it's the first day of school, and I'm looking forward to him actually learning stuff again. He'll bitch mightily, but I'm implementing a new schedule.

I think that he, like a lot of kids, actually finds some comfort in knowing what's expected of them, so with that in mind, we'll try to have a routine in the evenings. It mostly involves me keeping a better eye on how much screen time he's getting, and of course he's got to have his homework and chores done before the fun stuff. His dad and I are wanting him to learn an instrument, so we'll have to work that in too.

I'm looking forward to having him read to me again, and I think we'll wean ourselves off of the Calvin and Hobbes (he can read that on his own time) and I'll start reading him chapter books at the end of the day. I've seen some great recommendations lately, and it won't be hard to find something for us to read.

But for now, I need to get him up so we can start our day.

Clear as mud

One thing about having a blog is that the communication is so often one way. Yes, I lurv to read comments! But since no one proofs this stuff, and by golly, I'm often tired (or pre-coffee'd) when I write, sometimes it makes sense to me but perhaps no one else.

So I was writing about not feeling as much anxiety about teaching because CB and I had had a conversation where it got put into context. He noted that the lab frog cartoon was confusing, so I thought I'd clarify. The cartoon was unrelated except that it had to do with teaching biology.

I had been reading and getting lectures ready for this class, and it seemed like it was just prep and prep and there was no way I was going to be ready. The conversation with CB reminded me that, once I met the students, I'd make a connection with them, and the preparation would be put into context because I'd be helping the students learn.

We don't dissect frogs. Good thing, that.

In other news, we went to the annual Pooch Plunge yesterday, among other things in a very busy and fun weekend. I took some video, which has Mr W voicing concern over the thunder he hears and wanting to go home, but it's otherwise fun. I'll post the video soon.

Time, time, time

Last weekend, I started to prep lectures for this class that I am teaching. It starts in about a week, and my goal is to be 3 or 4 weeks ahead in terms of having lectures ready to present. I had wanted to do things other than lecture, because I think it's good for both students and the teacher to do that.

But I think that for this first time teaching, I'm going to barely keep my head above water presenting lectures that are more or less from the textbook manufacturer. I've edited them some, but am using pretty much what they have. It's not like the material is hard, it just takes a lot of time to process it!!! I have about an hour at the end of the day, and it's enough to get through half a chapter.

I should have started this process earlier. Coulda woulda shoulda. It will be fine, but I hate this feeling of disequilibrium before I settle into a routine of... of..., well, handing over almost all of my free time to this endeavor. It's only 15 weeks, right (insert weak laughter here).

I'm not at the "what the hell was I thinking?" stage (yet), but I feel woefully underprepared to start. Now, I haven't gone to the new instructor orientation (which is tomorrow), and there's another 5 hour (!) deal between the college and the department next week that I imagine will get me where I need to be.

*sigh* It will be OK, I think I'm just off kilter (why doesn't anyone ever say they feel on-kilter?) at the moment and things will settle into some kind of pattern soon. Just starting it is a big deal too. Funny, I haven't had any "I'm back in high school" dreams lately. They're just normal dreams, but I'm waking up more frequently during the night.

I remember when I was in graduate school and my lab stuff wasn't working, I'd wake up in the middle of the night and all of the sudden get hot, like a temporary fever for about 10 minutes, then I'd be up for an hour and finally fall asleep (about 30 minutes before the alarm went off, it seemed). I got that once last week, but have somehow convinced myself that the stakes aren't as high this time around, and that my time management skills are pretty good (and I don't have an infant...).

I hope to resurface here at the beginning of next week and say that it feels more under control.


And the picture is unrelated, but an old PostSecret entry that makes me smile.

A tad conflicted

Let me start out by saying that I love my job. I like it that my boss leaves me be to get my work done, and as long as the hours are in, he doesn't care when I work them. I also get a lot of say in what projects I work on, and we have funding to the extent that I don't have to scrounge to buy reagents.

Doing mosquito fieldwork is not my favorite, but I haven't had to do all that much. Having to attract mosquitoes with horse manure laced water has its downsides. On the upside, I'm going to Denver today (about an hour's drive south) to collect more egg rafts out of trash cans that have water in them. It's easy, and if it works it gets us another colony population to work with.

While I'm down there today, I'm also meeting with the associate director of research at the botanic gardens in Denver. I'll do it more or less on my lunch hour, so I'm not worried about using work time to do this, but I feel a little weird, seeing as I like my current job, that I'm inquiring about another. One that I would likely have to move to Denver for.

But Mr W and I were down there the other day, and even though he wasn't all that interested, and it was hot, I was blown away by the gardens. I loved the feel of the place so much that I sent my CV to this person. I had also heard through the grapevine that they were going to start a conservation genetics program so it was a good time to see what their plans are. I was a Botany major, and I do want to work with plants again someday.

So, we'll see how it goes.

I finally started preparing lectures for this intro biology course I'm teaching and haven't slept well ever since. I should have started earlier, and I will have enough time, and it's not that I don't know the material (water is the universal solvent, by the way). But I'm not in the groove of giving my free time to this class yet. It will happen, but I don't think I'm going to rest easy until I'm about three weeks ahead on lectures and have the other stuff like assignments, and quizzes, in order.

Thanks, Sal

Getting ready for the day is usually a reasonably smooth experience. I get up about an hour before I wake up Mr W, and he gets over an hour to eat/watch TV/get dressed/play a little. I make lunches the night before, and often lay out clothes for each of us as well. It's a rare thing that I arrive at work with my blood pressure up and pissed off.

But pissed off I was last Wednesday, when I sync'd my ipod, unplugged it from the computer and put it.... somewhere. Couldn't find it. Looked by the back door, in the bathroom, in my room, back to the computer. Rinse and repeat at least a couple of times. I couldn't find the thing, and ended up getting to work 15 minutes after I had agreed to be there. Arrg.

I still don't know exactly what happened, but I came home, and there it was. On my bed. With a few suspiciously dog-sized tooth marks in the case. And a little damp. But intact and it's worked fine ever since. What possessed Sally to stop at a little bit of chewing and stopping before she did any damage is beyond me.

I have witnessed her destroy a cell phone at the dog park once. Someone must have lost it in the grass because she found it and (in retrospect this seems so clear) Mr W's and my hysteria in trying to run her down and get the thing resulted in unabashed glee on her part, prancing around as she chewed it into a couple of pieces.

So, thanks Sal. I appreciate having my ipod back, even though I don't know how you got it in the first place.

Random thoughts

Wow, I can't believe it's only 9:05 pm as I begin to write this. Mr W's been getting to bed entirely too late these days, and today was so wiped out at the end of the day that there were only feeble protests of "but it's still light out" when I got him to bed earlier (like 8:15!) than I think he's been to bed all summer.

I usually don't get him down until close to 9, then it's a half hour of making lunches and doing dishes, and it's 9:30 before I sit down for a few minutes. This is really nice to have a little extra time. I might send him to bed early more often.

He's in a good space, this kid of mine. And I feel like I am too. He knows more or less what's expected of him, and knows that he'll lose access to the things that he loves to do the most (Nintendo DS-Computer-TV) if he doesn't do what he's asked. He's going to his first sleep over party this weekend. Right now I give it 50:50 that he needs to come home early, but he very well may surprise me.

And, I have to toot my own horn here for just a minute. I have palmed off one of my least favorite jobs to my eight year old son. Cha-ching! His job, when we come home at the end of the day, is to put away the dishes in the dish drainer. I don't know why, but I hate this job, and having it done for me when I'm starting the dishes later in the evening has been such a treat. Yes, I'm working on the laundry folding thing. That's my other least favorite task.

What else. I've been missing my sister lately, and it's something I should probably devote a whole post to. Her family has weathered this storm with grace and courage. I haven't been able to talk to my nephews much about it, but I talked to my brother in law the other day and he's been trying to get out and meet some new friends. It breaks my heart all over again to think they've had this new reality forced on them, but what else can we do?

My brooding is in stark contrast to her usual outlook and demeanor. She was a highly skilled neonatal intensive care nurse, very competent and also had the ability to put families at ease about their little babies. She was awarded her Bachelor's of Science in Nursing posthumously, and her husband and two sons, as well as my dad and his partner attended the graduation. The hospital where she worked renamed the intensive care nursery in her honor.

If I think about this too much I get teary (like now) and I wonder how stuff like this can happen in this world. Always, though, I come back around, eventually, to the realization that we have our time now, that going through pain and loss is supposed to make us realize how good the good usually is, and we should appreciate (and celebrate?) the now to the extent that we let the little things go and get joy from all the stuff that goes right in a day.

OK, before this turns sappy and preachy, I will sign off. I feel appreciative tonight.