Thursday, June 25, 2009

It's not you, it's me

I don't blog much about being in a long distance relationship (LDR). I can see now that, at the beginning I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I'm quite satisfied (for/at the moment anyway) with how we carry on the relationship in the present. CB and I've been doing it for a little over two years now. He also travels for a living, leading bird watching tours, so there is an added component of absence that wouldn't be there otherwise.

I have to say, though, that one major challenge is processing the subtleties. Having to wait to speak until CB's in cell phone range or has an internet connection is just how it is, and for the most part, I haven't had a situation where I had to talk to him RIGHT NOW.

But something did happen the other day that gave me some insight, so I thought I'd share it. Being divorced and having a young kid who loves his dad but won't think to get him anything for Father's Day presents a situation that I sometimes have trouble with. Long story short, CB and I were talking on Father's Day, about Father's Day, and I saw his perspective as being (imagine this) quite sympathetic to a divorced man like my ex.

At the time, which was a bad time because he was in the middle of the last dinner of the tour with the people he was traveling with, I felt weird, like I had been scolded. And yet I couldn't do anything about it because he had to go. So we agreed to talk about it later.

Sometimes the feelings just sort of burn themselves out, and sometimes they don't. We eventually got to talk about it a couple of days later, and while I wasn't seething the whole time, the basic feeling didn't abate either.

It was interesting, after we each had our say, the difference we had was sort of still there, only it was in context now and it was OK. Another thing was the extent to which I realized how the things I do or don't do for Father's Day are hopelessly wrapped up in how I feel about the day.

I marvel at how the process ends up providing me with insight as to why I see things the way I do. Thanks, CB.

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Hi, sorry to make the humans do an extra step.