Another list

So long, 2013! It was a good year. 

We just got back yesterday from visiting family in Charleston, SC. It was good, as always, to see them, and the visits go so fast. We had relatively uneventful plane rides, although our plane was held for 30 minutes in Atlanta while some snowy weather in Denver (our destination) blew through. What a difference a day makes, as I've read today about travel delays all over the country due to the severe cold weather across much of the country.

While in SC, we visited a town/island called Folly Beach, and drove past the house we rented in 2007, my sister's last summer. It was bittersweet. She loved the beach, which is strange given that her siblings really shy away from being in the sun. She loved the fancy house we stayed in and we talked about how we were so glad that we splurged to rent it. 

Other activities included a Japanese steakhouse, where they flipped the utensils around and cooked the meal on a big grill in front of the group. The kids especially enjoyed it. We also went to a new bowling alley/restaurant downtown, and the picture below shows my younger brother and Mr W doing their respective things. Older brother and I played pinball too, and I was reminded that younger brother and I spent a lot of quarters on pinball when we were growing up. I earned two free games, btw :-)

Although I'm not one to make resolutions because I don't keep them, I've been thinking of some changes I'd like to make regarding my free time and some other aspects of my life. 

I'm backing off of the jewelry thing (again). I've been making things for the wrong reason, namely making things to stock my Etsy shop, and they don't sell well enough for me to justify the time (at this time) to promote and try to drive traffic to my shop. The poor sales at the craft show I did last month really drove it home that this is not how I want to spend my free time right now. I'm going to clean up the area of my living room where I do my crafty stuff, and put things away for a while. 

I'd like to cook more. It takes more organization and planning than I've been giving it. Mr W is getting older and his palette is expanding such that I feel like I can stop making two things each time we eat. I know, I know, I should have never gotten into the habit, but it is what it is. While we were in SC, he shucked oysters and thought they were quite good, and ate shrimp as well.

I'm going to accept the way I look right now. This is a biggie, and I'm not going to bore you with details about the path I had to take to get here, but it was residual divorce stuff. I feel progress has been made, and my perspective is more that I'm grateful to be healthy.

I want to save to take a big trip. Related to this is to get better at staying on a budget with my finances. I've always pictured myself as someone who would benefit by a little overseas travel. I decided that if I didn't have anyone to travel with by the time I turned 50, I'd book a trip to the UK with Road Scholar. I I have a year and a half until then, and it's time to start saving. There is the possibility that my brother and SIL might go to Spain this summer with a couple of friends, and I would try to tag along on that if it worked out. 

And those are good starts. The last thing isn't a goal so much as something that needed to happen so I could continue the goal of getting regular exercise. My lower back has been hurting for the last couple of months. I thought originally that I hurt it doing yoga. All well and good, and I've successively backed off of doing things that I thought would aggravate it. The act of standing for more than 20 minutes or so (like I need to do for working in the lab) hurt quite a bit, and I was taking Ibuprofen for the pain most days. I bought a new pair of Danskos, which helped, but I was getting concerned that I had done something serious to my lower back.

Fast forward to the Charleston trip. I was nervous about sleeping on anything other than my Tempur-pedic fancy shmancy mattress. Mr W and I each had half of a trundle bed. I borrowed several of my SIL's quilts and along with a couple of pillows, was able to sleep with my shoulders elevated a bit. Lo and behold a couple of days go by and I'm waiting for the pain to start and it never does. Huh. The working theory now is that it's my damn bed/pillow configuration. I propped myself up a bit last night and it seems to help. I wondered whether the fact that a certain dog sleeps in my spot most of the day has anything to do with this. As in perhaps the mattress is getting compressed there? I don't know, but I'm going to try to rotate it and see if that helps too. I am relieved to have made progress on figuring out the cause (hopefully) of this back pain, and am looking forward to getting back to spin class and yoga.

Shuffle

No new kitchen pictures today. They've installed a new ceiling and put in the wiring, but the room doesn't look much different. I met with the flooring person here yesterday and don't know how they'll manage to get it all done in the time window the contractor planned for.

We are reasonably comfortable, though. Sally has been dropped off at the local doggie day care, and I don't think she minds too much, although she'd rather sleep on my bed all day (me too, now that I think of it). Mr W's been shuttled over to his dad's house. And while that has come with some drama, as they've got a new puppy and Mr W grows weary of the responsibility, I was very proud of the kid for coming up with a plan that involved tethering the dog to the tree in the yard, and camping out close by with his computer. They just stayed outside most of the day.

I have felt really busy lately. Not quite frantic, but overextended and hoping I don't forget something that has to be done. Most certainly not enjoying the ride. And my back has hurt lately. It is, I believe, related to my old hip injury, which has left me with a stiff back a lot of the time. Stretching helps a lot, but I don't do it regularly enough.

I've also not been finding the time to practice my banjo. The last two weeks have been so hectic that I either forget, or put it off until the end of the day and then decide not to do it.

I have decided to shuffle the deck a bit.

I've suspended my banjo lessons for a month or so. Also, when it was time to sign up again for another three months of spin class yesterday, I did not. I'm going to join a local health club that has a lot of group fitness options, as well as yoga and "body flow" type classes. My employer will reimburse me up to $30 a month for a health club, so I'm going to give that a go for three months. I'm hoping it will make my back feel better.

Last thing is that I'm going to close my Etsy shop until the end of September. I haven't made anything new for a while, and will use the time to get my stock back up and think up some new things. My muse did visit a couple of months ago, and I need to follow up. I hate feeling like "OK, I've got an hour and a half to be creative, then I have to go to Target". That shuts down the process pretty fast for me.

It is amazing to me how these things mill around in my headspace for a long time, and then - bam - it's time to do it and the decisions come easily. Especially the banjo. I feel guilty for not keeping that up, but I just need to throw my free time up into the air and reschedule it.

I leave you with a recent picture. I can't remember what I called the post, but I wrote a few months ago about the people who empty my garbage.  They regularly leave the bin right in my driveway so I have to get out of my car and put the thing away before I can pull in. I thought it was accidental, but now think otherwise.

A note from a past self

I'm cleaning out cupboards in preparation for the kitchen demo that happens Thursday. It's not too bad, but I had one shelf that held bits of this and that and stuff I intended to file away or do something with. I found a notebook that I used to carry around in my purse. It had a quote that I had copied from, it says, the ceiling of a local coffee shop. Here it is:

"Life is about discovering and accepting yourself. Life is about stepping outside your boundaries and believing that you can. It is about following your dreams and knowing you are capable of achieving all that you desire. It is about recognizing possibilities and taking risks. Life is about loving, enjoying and being active in every sense. It is about appreciating the people, community and nature surrounding your being. Life is." Stacy Page

Isn't that nice? A little food for thought.

Reasonable Saturday reasonably interrupted

My otherwise solid plan of "getting things done" on Saturday was interrupted by a request to go to the zoo, so that's what we did. I am ambivalent about zoos in the truest sense of that word, but we did see some cool stuff. The weather was perfect for it, too. Mostly overcast, a bit breezy, and temps in the 60's. 

There will be time this weekend to pull up carpet and install the vinyl tile. Looks like it's going to be warm, so I might be able to update my irrigation this week, too. 

Blast from my past

I ran into an old friend at the grocery store yesterday. I marvel at coincidence, how I can decide to make  a run by a store I usually only go to for small things, take my time getting my items (Easter basket goodies), stroll to the check out and see someone I know. 

We chatted briefly about what our lives are like at the moment. This was off the cuff, I wasn't expecting to account for the five years or so since I had last seen him. I said something like, "I'm good! I'm still at the CDC, still in the same house. Life is good. I started playing the banjo." 

I've been mulling the content and intent of my words, and thought as I got into the car that I sounded like nothing happens in my life, which isn't true. When you see someone at the grocery store and you've got about 2 minutes to catch up, I guess you try to hit the high points and convey that yes, things are good and that you are OK. He was a friend from the time I was married, and was around during my divorce. I feel compelled to show people from then (maybe now, too?) that I've done OK. 

It's Friday! This has been a very busy week. I need to start some seeds, and would also like to finish pulling up carpet in my back hallway and getting the peel and stick tile installed. 

I've had a nice experience on Etsy lately. A couple of weeks ago, a woman who owns a yarn shop (!) bought a few buttons and brooches from my shop. Then I listed more brooches, and she bought those. then I listed a few more and, you guessed it, she bought those too. She emailed asking about the possibility of buying 20 more, in colors that go with certain yarns. How cool is that?? I've been sort of blah about mixing new clay colors and making tiles, but this has revved me up and I'm looking forward to making a bunch of tiles this weekend. 

This is an example of one of the styles she liked:

Me too. I like all the textures doing their thing, yet there is a rhythm to it. Yea!!

I like the last part best

I agree with the sentiment of this xkcd comic. But I really identify with the nerdy group who are talking about giant squid. Am seeking more such groups to chat with. 

Back to work

Mr W and I had a really nice Christmas. I feel a little bad that he doesn't get a strong traditional Christmas when he's with me, but we end up doing what we feel like doing. I suppose that's not a bad thing. This year we had a good meal on Christmas Eve (spaghetti) and Christmas Day (ham and roasted veggies), and those made yummy leftovers. We were supposed to drive to Denver to join friends at their traditional Polish feast, but it there was snow forecasted, and I didn't want to chance it in my old Civic. Instead we drove around town and saw some lights, coming home when the roads were getting a little treacherous from said snow.

We went to the Denver Botanic Gardens and saw the lights, which were fab, plus it wasn't too cold and we got in before the crowds. We went to a winter solstice service at my church in lieu of the Christmas Eve service and that was good. Reflective.

He got me up on Christmas at 6 am, and we had a nice time opening presents. My family sent several things for us and it was fun to open all the loot. SIL L got hardback books for each of the families made from the vacation pictures she took when they were out here in August. It's really cool to have hardcopies of the pictures, in a book - I know, sort of like the old days. Just about all my pictures are digital these days.

And when his dad came to get him yesterday, so Mr W could spend time there and celebrate Christmas with them, I fought back the melancholy, like I always do. I get used to having him around, and when he's not, I miss him. I can't to go back to how things were, so the only option is to move forward, and thinking that way helps. I've got plenty to do around here - thoughts of remodeling projects are sloshing around in my head...

I'm working W-F this week, and will take a couple of days off next week. Not too many people at work, but I've got plenty to do. I'm trying to get some background (via the primary literature) of the genetic work that's been done in insecticide resistance in the mosquitoes we work with. I find it really interesting, so that's good.

One of the people from the group of old-time musicians that plays together weekly is having a New Year's Eve party, and I will likely swing by there. I've decided to start saving for a new banjo. My dad sent a generous Christmas check and I've got some craft show proceeds that could go toward it. Twang, twang, twang.

Things are good.

Post-Big-Craft-Show Thoughts

I am relieved the big craft show is over and am looking forward to getting my house put back together and getting my kid out from behind the computer to make some cookies and put up the tree today. It was a large chunk of time to get ready and do this thing, and I wanted to get my thoughts down so I can come back later (maybe next year when it's time to sign up!) and read them.

What sold best was my watch parts bracelets and the bookmarks I make from buttons and clay tiles. As a last minute thing on the Wednesday before, I made about 15 bookmarks with my clay tiles only and sold all of those. All told, I sold about 50 bookmarks, 20 of the watch parts bracelets and about 10 button bracelets. People are looking for something different.

I sold small numbers of magnets, buttons, brooches, earrings, and ornaments. These were my lower-priced items that I figured would sell well because they were inexpensive, but it didn't go that way. The bookmarks were really cheap at $3 and it's hard to tell if I could have charged $5 and still sold as many, or people would have not bought them because they didn't look like they were worth that much. As far as time and materials went, $3 was fair as long as I didn't have to ship them.

People either liked my stuff or didn't and this was very interesting to me. Many looked as they went by and didn't slow down as they passed. Others stopped and I could tell my stuff connected with them and that was really neat to see. One woman wearing a bright blue and purple sweater stopped and looked at the button bracelets. I looked at which button bracelets I had out, and after she passed fished around in the box where the extras were and put out one that was purple blue and green. She came back around, zeroed in on that very bracelet and BOUGHT IT! I was very pleased and told her what I had done and she thanked me. That was pretty cool

I am lucky and fortunate to be in a position where I am not dependent on the sale of my stuff to put food on the table and pay my mortgage. So why am I doing it? It was fun to interact with people, and I get a kick out of having people like my stuff. It was also fun to see people I knew who stopped by because I was there, or happened to be passing through. Without thinking too hard about it, my goal should be to cover my expenses (including my time) and maybe just a little on top of that.

I was talking to the woman in the booth next to mine and she wasn't shy about telling me that I wasn't charging enough for my bracelets. More to the point that I wasn't charging for my time. I do spend a lot of time finding the right elements to buy, and that time is done and passed and I'm not sure how much time it was, but that was time spent making pieces that I made and will make. I guess I need to come up with some way to estimate that, and also to keep track of my time going forward.

With the money I have made at the three craft shows this year, Mr W and I are going to take a vacation. I believe we will go to Washington, DC some time in the late winter/early spring. He's just the right age for it and I'd like to go as well. I was talking to my dear SIL who turns 50 next year and she's organizing a long weekend in Las Vegas in April to celebrate. Looks like I'll have to make more bracelets to pay for that airfare as well.

The Secret to My Success (sort of)

We are in the midst of a very laid back holiday weekend, the kid, the dog, and me. We've walked the dog for about an hour yesterday and today, so I sort of feel like that offsets the long periods of being sedentary. I'm also doing a small amount of cooking, housework and jewelry stuff, so am being reasonably productive. I'd feel weird if I got absolutely nothing done.

We went to my friends J and S's house for Thanksgiving this year and had a really nice time. We were picked up as Thanksgiving orphans there last year and I was glad when she extended the invite again because we had such a nice time. Another friend invited us to their family's gathering as well, and I feel lucky indeed that folks would think to include me and Mr W. I did something a little different and bought dinner rolls from a restaurant in town, and they were really good.

In the last week or so leading up to Thanksgiving, I caught myself starting to go down a line of thinking where I was just starting to despair because here I am, alone still, going into another holiday season. It's been almost 7 years now since the divorce was final, and there are times when I cannot believe I haven't found my mate, my guy, my match, my (dare I say it) soulmate.

And then the thought popped into my head to focus on the have and not on the want. As my kid and I both sit in my warm living room, using our respective laptops, having just had a nice meal, I feel blessed, lucky even, that I have a job and my health. Really, those two things make the rest of it possible. I feel that with a decent job and my health, the magnitude of my happiness rests squarely on my own shoulders. So the idea of taking note of what I have (mostly regarding intangibles, but being able to buy my kid a pair of shoes today as well) instead of the part of my life I want to be done and settled, has helped a lot. I feel more grateful than cheated.

I also talked on the phone with my dad and my younger brother and got caught up with their lives. It was good to hear they are both doing well, although my brother got laid off and like a lot of people is over qualified for a lot of the openings. I'm trying to draw him into selling his woodworking stuff on Etsy. You never know, right?

I'll probably do a separate post saying this, but I'm having a sale at my Etsy shop, 20% when you use the coupon code "Holiday".

No mind readers

I am outraged, outraged, I tell you that my 17 year old car is starting to have problems. Well, not really, but there's a tiny part of me that is sad because this feels like the beginning of the end for my trusty 1995 Civic.

It's running fine, and starts up without protest. There's just little things that one would expect to fail on such an old vehicle that are starting to fail. The A/C stopped working last summer, for example. Recently, I was walking past the driver's side, rolling the trash can back to its spot by the garage, and my hip bumped the side mirror, breaking it such that it swivels now, and is pointing down. Sigh. A headlight went out this week, too.

17 years on the original two headlights. That is impressive, and I'm not really complaining that these relatively minor things are going wrong. They are a forecast of things to come and it's time to look for a new car.

I had thought about walking into a dealership and just getting exactly what I wanted. I've already decided to keep the Civic, as a second beater car and because it's not worth much. But common sense prevailed and I made an appointment with my wonderful mechanic to give the Civic a once-over and oil change it needs to get it in as good of shape as possible to buy me time to look for a car. The end of the year is supposed to be a good time to buy a car, right?

Having sold the van, and living by myself, taking the car in for service presents some mobility challenges. What I usually do is put my bike in the trunk, drive to the mechanic's (1/2 mile) and ride my bike home. Then I ride my bike to work the next day (3 miles), and also back to the mechanic's to get my car.

Yesterday, I was at my spinning class (the biking kind) thinking that I had to then go home and put the bike in the trunk, etc. Somehow, the idea popped into my head to say to the class, "Hey, I need a favor, could someone follow me to my mechanic's and give me a ride home?" Two people volunteered, and J, who lives up the street from me, gave me a ride.

No one would have known of my predicament if I hadn't spoken up, you know? I'm normally firmly in the mindset that I have to figure out a way to do these things on my own, but not always. She was glad to help, and I think people often are if you don't abuse the privilege.

No, you can't have my hope

As the election season mercifully draws to a close today, I'm thinking about the sermon at church this past Sunday. It was about election ad fatigue and how it is not so very hard to get beaten down by the advertisements and feeling like a lot of bad stuff will happen if the other side wins.

This is a quote from the piece the sermon was based on:

"My husband will say on those occasions when the weight of the world is closing in and the evidence against hope mounts as I read the news, when I start confusing cynicism with pragmatism, and I sigh, “I’m so tired, I’m so discouraged”—he’ll say, in the kindest way: “What kind of entitled grandiosity of privilege is this, to think that you or I or anyone has the right to sever the bright thread of hope, the tradition of dedication to the common good and faith in the people’s power to imagine great change and great risks and then take them; the beautiful, proud history of work for human rights and freedom? We’re only here to pass it on,” he’ll say. “All you have to do is keep the fire burning for a little while, and pass it on. You have no right to put it out.” Not in so many words, but that’s about what Ross will say." 

I was kind of relieved to hear things put that way. May we not confuse cynicism with pragmatism.

And next, we have Linda on the banjo

I have my first ever banjo recital tomorrow. I'm trying hard not to get tweaked out about it, because it doesn't mean anything, and I know the songs, and it's a more than friendly crowd, and most importantly, I WANT to have this experience. 

I'm doing two songs, Blackberry Blossom, which is sort of old-timey/bluegrass, and Cripple Creek (not the one by The Band...). They are songs I have played as practice for months and months, so I know them very well. It's funny how each time you play, though, it's a little different. 

The picture above is from a jam that my instructor had a couple of weeks ago. That's me and my banjo in a contemplative moment there on the right. Actually, I didn't know the song, and there was someone to my immediate left, so I was holding the banjo upright while I was waiting, to make a little more space. 

As an aside, can you see my shoes? I do most of my clothes shopping at the consignment store. It takes more time, but it's so much cheaper that it is largely worth it. It's hard to find shoes that work for me because I think if shoe are comfortable, people hang onto them. As a result there are a lot of 5" pumps for sale and, well, I just don't have occasion to wear such shoes. But I was perusing the racks the other day, and happened upon the mules you see in the photo. They are really pointy-toed, they have a 2" heel, and they look like cowboy boots, although they cover just a little more than what a regular tie-up shoe would. In other words, they are cool shoes that I probably would never buy. And they fit! And they were $18! So I had to have them. They are not walkin' shoes, but I loves them anyway. 

OK, back to the jam/recital. I'm glad my instructor hosts these jams, because they, like going to the Old Time jam downtown, are such good practice. In my mind, this music is meant to be played as part of a group. 

But she also hosts a cool recital once a year, at the local Grange. I remember when Mr W took piano lessons for a year, he had a recital and it was about what you'd expect. Kids in their good clothes playing the same piece of music over and over. No. This recital is more like a party, where there is food and drink and everyone has chosen what they will play. My instructor will play along with me, and sing the words to Cripple Creek. 

I'll see if I can get someone to shoot a video. It'll all be over in about 3 minutes. Then I'm having a glass of wine. 

Better

Another unrelated garden picture.  I've got two Dahlias that flowered at least a month early this year but did fine. They are very sensitive to frost and got zapped when it first started getting cold.

Thanks for the well wishes and advice, I think I've turned the corner, cold-wise. I had a properly-placed breathing strip on my nose last night and slept soundly. I think about how some people cope with chronic health issues and it makes my piddly cold seem so insignificant.

Case in point. Yesterday, my church sent an email saying how a church member died yesterday morning after riding his bike to work. Just gone. He was probably in his late 50's. I've been thinking about the abruptness of having someone die in that manner. No prolonged suffering, which is good. But it's an understatement to say no one is "ready" to go that way.

I've been spending the better parts of every weekend for the last couple of months making bracelets, brooches and buttons. Now that I signed on to do a craft fair in three weeks, I've been trying to get organized for that. Carding buttons, trying to get a few more pieces made, blah blah blah. It takes a tremendous amount of time and for what?

Things feel out of balance. I like to make these pieces. I truly get a kick out of putting something together from component parts that is pleasing to my eye. But it feels like I've been spending too much time on it lately. Someone asked me whether I had been out hiking lately, and I had to say that I have not been hiking ALL YEAR. That's not right.

I've told myself, too, that I'm not going to meet and nice and compatible guys while I'm gluing clay pieces together in my basement. Must leave house. There must be a balance out there that feels more right than this. I need to find it.

Pilgrimage

Last night I watched the movie The Way, with Martin Sheen. It's about a straight-laced, follow-the-rules kind of guy who gets a call that his wandering adventuring son has died on his very first day of a pilgrimage that starts in France and goes through northern Spain to the sea called the Camino de Santiago (The Way of St. James). This link shows the route and has info.

Sheen's character flies to France to identify and claim the body, and decides on a whim to take the pilgrimage in his son's stead. The movie is about the people you meet along the way and how we make choices about how we live our lives. I really liked it and recommend it.

This is a picture I pulled off the internet (link below). Amazing scenery, with this pastoral-small European village feel - really nice. The movie has made me think a bit about folks who have the wanderlust in a big way, those that most definitely don't, and the rest of us in between.

I found myself thinking about my assumption that, sure, I'm in good enough shape to do an 800 km walk over the course of a month. Well, I think so. And thinking that I could do this kind of thing if I really wanted to is an assumption I carry with me that makes me feel better about not doing it. I've always figured I'd get to Europe someday. As I've mentioned before, it's something I don't want to do by myself; I'd like to go with the wonderful guy I hope to eventually meet. 

But I feel sort of this nagging feeling that I should be making contingency plans so I don't wait too long and miss the opportunity. This thought isn't necessarily new, but I figured I'd put it down on the blog. If I hit 50 (3 years from now) and still my match is taking his sweet time, I'm going to Europe for 2-3 weeks on my own. Saying that makes me feel better.

It's a big world out there, that like it or not we are part of. Ack. I'm a little embarrassed to say I've never been further out of the U.S. than Canada, and that was 20 years ago. Life kind of happens, you know? It's more in my nature to do things locally, I guess. I was chatting with someone the other day, saying how, when you own a home, you could work on home stuff during almost all of your free time and not be finished. Ergo you need to back off a bit sometime, yes?

Hmm. I need to cogitate on this a bit more.

image from here

Post vacation post - 3

I know! There's been a lot rolling around in my little head lately. I think I'll have one more after this and that'll be all the self-disclosure I'll inflict on my valued readers for a while. I've got some garden pictures that I want to share. I'm going to get one now, go off on a little tangent and circle round to my revelatory musings.

Aren't those nice? Volunteer 4 o'clocks that did some kind of genetic two-step because I had one yellow and a couple of pink ones last year. Isn't that cool? I don't know at all how the expression of the color works in this plant, but these are wonderful. I will never ever go without  4 o'clocks in the garden again. They are big, prolific flowerers and do really well in the spot I've got them in. That's a big part of gardening with perennials, isn't it? Finding the spot where they will thrive. 

I started eating the first cantaloupe from the garden and it is FAB. I thought I may have waited too long, but it's really good. I will always plant cantaloupes, too. As an aside, I'm going to buy some peaches tomorrow and make ginger peach cinnamon jam. Yum. I'll take pictures.

OK, back to the stuff the title of the post is about. So another thought that has occurred to me as a result of the vacation mind shift is that I have become kind of cynical. Protected and cynical. Not a good combo. I'll doubt that things work the way someone says they do, and have been a little pessimistic lately. I realized this actually the Sunday after vacation, when I was playing a game with the gamers group from church. There is a couple that I don't really know, but I've seen them as part of the group a few times. 

The woman, M, was so genuine, and earnest, and open. I really saw it as this kind of reverse mirror of what I am not really like at the moment, but would like to move towards. I don't need to be her, and I don't think it's my personality to be as enthusiastic as she (but it fits her really well). So I'm going to work on it (again). I see it now as sort of a pattern, and that's a good thing, because then it can be worked on. Smile, nod, breathe, chat, laugh, repeat. 

Post vacation post - 2

This is another of my musings from having been on vacation recently.

I'm a pretty safe driver. I zip around town in my trusty old Honda and it gets me/us where we need to be. I try to be courteous, I let people in line when things go down to one lane, that kind of thing. I have noticed, though, that lately I'm getting more annoyed at inconsiderate driving. Nothing like road rage, and I'd never confront anyone, but my remarks inside the car are growing more frequent. It's on the level of, "What a jerk! I can't believe he cut that other person off". That kind of thing.

I am concerned about the effect this has on Mr W, where I'm seem to frequently be complaining about other people's bad driving. And it leaves me a little annoyed to, to have been annoyed, you know? It's ultimately not worth my time and energy.

So I've decided to raise my threshold. I started a couple of days ago, and it's actually pretty challenging to break this habit, so I'm working on it still. Inconsiderate drivers are the worst (don't you realize we're all trying to get somewhere?) but there's not much I can do about them. I'm not about to teach them any kind of lesson, so my best option is to LET IT GO.

Hence raising the threshold. So my goal at the moment is that things that don't impact me directly, like if someone cuts someone else off, or (this one seems to really annoy me) it's the third person in a row to run the red light and the rest of us are waiting to proceed through our green light, I'm going to try to let it go and get on with my day.

Trying to control things I don't have any control over, especially the actions of others, is not a good use of my time. Stay tuned, this one's not accomplished yet.

Post vacation post - 1

I mentioned yesterday that visiting with my wonderful family usually causes me to be introspective about my life and examining whether there are things I could change. This is going to take more than one post...

The first thing I have noticed is that I have become a unit unto myself. It used to be that it would be me and my ex at these gatherings, then my brothers and their wives (and my sister and her husband, when she was with us). And we were units, couples. While I don't feel uncomfortable being with them at all, it is clear that it's just me. It made me aware again of how there is no one to discuss options with (whether that's a good or bad thing depends on the situation, I think!) I don't know if I've lost that give and take aspect of dealing with people, it's something I'm thinking about.

It's funny, that give and take of everyday life doesn't happen with me at the moment, and being around the fam made me realize this. What happens instead is that the problem/issue rolls around in my head for a long time, while I gather data to make my decision. I really am like that, evidence-based. I of course have people I can talk to. I feel like I'm making friends at a good rate and while I do need to get out more, I feel like that's something I can control. But with decisions, it takes more time because it's just me making the call. That's not necessarily a bad thing, just different than how it used to be.

Button pitch

I'm taking a sample of my buttons to a fabric/sewing store downtown today to see if the owner is interested in buying some. Yes, I know a few don't have holes. I'm going to use those for bracelets, and wanted to give some samples of color blends I've made.

It's been a busy week with getting Mr W to his Percussion camp every day. I've been working on my laptop while he's in the school and actually getting a good bit of stuff done, so I don't feel like I'm wasting that time. I also attended a volunteer meeting for the next Ignite Fort Collins, which is fun and I'm happy to help out with them. Banjo practice was last night, and Mr W and I went to one of the music stores in town and got him a rental Percussion kit. The thing comes in a suitcase with a handle, on wheels, which is good because it easily weighs 30 lbs. It's got a snare drum, a thing you and I would call a xylophone, sticks, a stand, a practice pad, all in one zipped up case.

It all makes me appreciate that my kid has a dad that is involved. I have taken advantage of the half-time parenting schedule by getting my grocery shopping and Target runs largely done when Mr W's with his dad. Since his dad's been out of town for the last couple of weeks, it's been a different thing. I'm grateful the kid can stay home by himself ("I'm not a little kid, Mom") for an hour or so at a stretch.

But things are good. I've been playing board games with people from church who get together weekly and have really enjoyed myself. It's largely the same people every week, so I'm getting to know people a little better and that's good. I joked last week that one of these days I'll play a game for the second time, and then they had all better watch out. They play so many different games that for the half dozen or so times I've attended, we've always played something different. I sincerely appreciate that a couple of them have taken a lot of time at the beginning to explain things.

Did you hear of this story? The one about how hard it is to make friends when you're over 30? I confess I didn't read it, because I feel like I've had some success through simple persistence. It did make me think about my efforts though, and feel appreciative for the friends I have made at the dog park, my Spin class, through playing the banjo, and by playing board games. Getting out and doing stuff.

We pause for station identification

Things are really busy right now. Nothing's wrong, but going straight from the road trip back to work the next day and then keeping busy with our usual stuff has me feeling a little overwhelmed.

Good news: Mr W auditioned for his middle school's Percussion group and was accepted. The teacher said there were about 25 kids wanting 8 or 9 slots, so I've very proud of him. The downside is that they have a 1 hour/day camp for the next three weeks that I need to get him to. I'll bring my laptop and try to get some work done, I guess.

I feel like everything's logistics lately. How am I going to work everything in. The button lady liked the first shipment of buttons and that makes me very happy. I need to finish the next round and get those off.

I keep telling myself that I am here to be doing this. That at the very very least, I am alive and kicking and feel grateful for the opportunity to be here and as busy as I am.

Bittersweet

 

Mr W had his 5th grade "Continuation Ceremony" this past Friday. It was a nice ceremony, and at the end, a teacher read this little piece about how kids are like dogs, and teens are like cats. I hadn't heard it before, and when she read the final line it brought tears to my eye. The mom in front of me actually wept briefly. 

We went to a graduation party, and I don't know many of the parents very well, so I wasn't talking to people very much. I looked around and some moms were filling water balloons. I have to say that this will be my mantra from now on in social situations where I feel a little awkward. I will try to find a job to do. I stood there and tied water balloons for an hour and a half and chatted with a group of moms. It made the experience very pleasant. 

Saturday, I volunteered at the old-time music festival that a couple of my dog park friends (and the people who told me about the weekly jams) helped organize. Again, I didn't know many people there, so walked around a bit, and then sat at the ticket desk for an hour before my shift started, chatting with the other volunteer and people who were coming in and milling about. There were two jams that were held right in that area, so I got to listen to good music too. I'll feel more confident next year participating music-wise, and left my banjo in the trunk. I do enjoy doing that kind of volunteering. Keep busy, chat with people, and have a job to do. 

We took Sally to the dog park in town that has a pond, and she loved it. We've been there a couple of times, but it's farther away from our regular dog park so we don't get there often. We threw the ball into the water for about 30 minutes and it wiped her out (in a good way - she was tired). I had felt bad because I left her alone all day Saturday to go to the festival. When I got home it was raining, so I didn't walk her that day. I will definitely remember the pond for hot days this summer. The water wasn't something I'd want to swim in, but for dogs it was fine. She ended up looking cleaner than when she went in. Not surprising, as I've had to wait an extra month for a grooming appointment due to one of the groomers quitting. 

I got my sample buttons sent off to the button lady. I like the colors and how they turned out. I improved my method of poking the holes in the buttons after a bunch of trial and error, and feel capable of turning out 800 in a relatively short amount of time. Fingers crossed and I'm glad for offers of help from a couple of friends. 

WebRep

currentVote

noRating

noWeight