It's good for me to be reminded once in a while about things that go well in my life. I've been divorced for almost 6 years now, and Mr. W's dad and I get along fine. We are amicable for the purposes of raising our kid, I don't socialize with him otherwise, and we do share a 20 year history, so there are things that happen and we will update each other. I'm still close with his mom, and I'm pleased with that. I never had MIL troubles.
I don't know exactly why it works out well. I tried really hard, once I had done everything I could to save the marriage, to act in the kid's best interest. And I get more of what I want if I'm nice about it. I imagine there was/is a substantial guilt motivator on his dad's part in terms of being cooperative, and that's just fine with me. And we both need occasional flexibility to travel for work or to simply attend an event we'd like to attend.
It's not perfect, but it works. I think about how it might be confusing for Mr W, once he's old enough to really think about it, that his parents seem to get along just fine, yet they got divorced. I'll have to just say, "Ask your dad what happened. I didn't want to get divorced." It's true and as un-loaded as I can make it.
Anyway, I went to a potluck yesterday for the single parent group I'm part of. It was fun, and we chatted and kvetched about ex-spouses as we inevitably do most of the time. Of the 7 of us, no one but me had a 50:50 time split with the other parent. Several were strictly single moms whose kids' fathers were not in the picture for whatever reason. The others were lopsided in the parenting, and had their kids most of the time. We didn't even get into talking about financial support. It gave me pause, after I left, to realize I was the only one in the group to say, "Yeah, my situation works just fine."
And I didn't say it too loud. I think here, too, that the financial stuff is something that I don't worry about much. Mr W's dad could support him financially if I was unable. And I could do the same. We don't have any court-mandated agreement about who pays for what; we work it out. I end up buying more clothes, and signing Mr W up for stuff, so his dad pays a bigger share then of the next after school care bill. That IS a good thing.
OK, then. Color me grateful.
I was at first going to say, "Do you know how lucky you are?" in regards to your relationship to your son's dad and your ex. But, doggone it, I'm sure you've worked hard at making it so, especially since you didn't want to get divorced. So many divorced people struggle so hard in so many different ways and even with the best intentions in the world on the part of the parents, the kids suffer. If a couple does go through a divorce and a child is involved, it seems Mr. W has come out having the best of possible worlds. Kudos to both you and your ex for managing that. It's a biggie. (More credit to you though for obvious reasons!)
ReplyDeleteyes - absolutely what she said!!
ReplyDeleteI get along great with my ex's first ex-wife and my ex-step kids, but he and I don't speak. I think it's great you get along by your "lil" guy's sake, tho I know it is something you put effort into. He will appreciate it.
ReplyDelete