Dog Park Angst

As I was getting out of my car at the dog park yesterday, I noticed a scuffle between some dogs that are regulars there. Two pit bulls, one little stinker of a something-small mix who tries to mount everything in site and regularly incites trouble, and a black Lab mix. Sally and I walked in, and within a few minutes, it had blown up into an actual fight, where one of the Pit Bulls had the Lab mix by the neck and wouldn't let go. It bit the Lab mix's owner, and everyone was quite upset about it. Sal wanted to investigate (funny how dogs are compelled to do that), but I held her back.

But no one yelled, and there weren't any human scuffles. One of the dog park regular regulars, who is a psychologist/counselor by trade went back and forth between the two camps, and by the time I left they seemed to be working it out. One of the Pit's owners had been concerned that her youngish (about a year old) dog was becoming sort of aggressive. It's too bad, because it seemed to me like she was really working with the dog, and he listened to her at the dog park (like when he takes Sally's ball).

This gives me pause about the breed, I'm sorry to say. Those two Pits are nice dogs. I can attest to both of them being kind of clumsy, but friendly (one of them has a name that indicates his lack of coordination at high speeds). However, it was like a switch got flipped, and no one can predict when or how exactly it would happen. And when the switch was flipped, that dog went into some other mode. The owner of the Lab mix had to hit the Pit repeatedly over the head with one of those retractable leashes to get it to release, and then it bit him. It's scary.

Bizzy

No posts lately. It's been a busy week, and I guess that's a good thing. I've got someone in for training this week at work, and I've been working on job apps. My garden has largely recovered from the hail, and I'll post some pictures soon.

No news on the search for job or mate, but the searches optimistically continue.

Kinda Cool

It seems the weather's been unsettled here lately. Nothing too crazy (besides that hail a couple of weeks ago) but some rain and wind. We've had one bout of showers today, and it looks like there will be another rumbling through this evening. Did I put buckets over my tomatoes? You bet I did.

As a result of the changeable weather it's been kind of cool, so I thought this would be a good time to fire up the oven and get some cooking done. I don't have air conditioning, so I tend to not turn the oven on when it's hot outside. This worked out great and I cooked/made all the stuff above. I love Whole Foods pizza dough...

Isn't it funny how tasty the food photographers make food look? This is all yummy stuff, but my pizzas look pale, my brownies look like a tire, and the chili is just kind of blah. Oh well, you get the picture. Mr W and I also made strawberry freezer jam today, which is in the containers. It's pretty darn sweet, but was my first time doing it, so next time we'll back off. Can anyone weigh in on the nutrient content of freezer jelly vs. canned? It seems the nutrients in the cooked kind would be less, since the berries in the freezer kind are frozen fresh. I might can some strawberry jam, but with just me and Mr W eating it, I also might just wait and do the cooked peach jam like I did last year. That jam, the first thing I ever canned, was such a triumph in terms of being able to open the last jar a couple of weeks ago and have the satisfaction of having made the stuff.

It's been an interesting weekend as far as parenting goes. It seems like all Mr W wants to do is to play on the computer these days. We've gone around a few times this weekend about how he needs to develop other interests (I feel like a broken record) that he likes to do besides the computer. He gets touchy, I get annoyed, blah, blah, blah. How does one get their kid interested in a new hobby? He knows that I'd pay for him to take lessons in almost anything, but he doesn't want to try anything.

And yet, yesterday and today, we went out and did what I call "nature stuff". It's the activity I do when I'm out of ideas and need to punt. Yesterday, we packed a picnic and rode our bikes down to the park by the river. The river is flowing really fast, and it was cool to see it (from a safe distance). We ate our dinner at the park, and visited with the horses that are part of the city's nearby demonstration farm. We then rode downtown to see marimba players and met up with one of the ladies from the dog park, who knew the players and bought ice cream for Mr W (and me too!). It was a really good day.

Then today, we went north to Soapstone Prairie, which is this very cool short-grass prairie (or is it Short Grass Prairie?) that the city owns (even though it's an hour north of town). There's an archeological dig ongoing there, and we caught the tail end of a guided talk about it. Did a little bit of hiking, too. After we got back into town, he helped me cook, we went to the dog park, it was a good day. Maybe I shouldn't worry so much about it, but he needs to get together with his buddies more and I'll need to keep trying to help him find something he likes to do that doesn't have a screen involved.

Eye Contact

I catch myself doing it sometimes.

When I'm not feeling like I'm at the top of my game, I will tend to not look people in the eye quite so much. I don't think it's painfully obvious, and it's in situations like at a checkout, where it just seems easier to concentrate on getting my card swiped and PIN punched and getting my stuff to make way for the next person in line.

Yesterday, Mr W and I went downtown to get ice cream (a standard summer evening endeavor around here) and we were in line at the ice cream shop. I was doing it, looking at the menu board, looking into my wallet, and finally, when it was time to hand my card over, I looked at the scoop jockey and she was smiling and friendly and I thought, "Geez, is it too much to function as a kind person here?" No, it's not. I have been getting a little self-absorbed with the stuff going on and it is often that I have to remind myself to get back to the business of living this life.

So now that it's at the front of my mind again, I'm going to look folks in the eye, and smile when our paths cross. It's OK that my inclination at the moment is to kind of turn inward, but this is a really good exercise to stay focused on the present.

Zoom

It's been hard for me to be in the moment lately. A couple of days ago, I left groceries in the trunk of my car overnight. I didn't realize this until I went to find the bread I bought and it wasn't there. There have been a few other forehead-smackers like this, and I know it's because I'm pretty focused on the job thing. Like it or not, that's in the front of my mind at the moment.

"Living in the moment" sounds like a squishy sort of New-Age term, except when one misplaces their car registration, or forgets to mail a bill, or forgets to bring that van to pick up the kid because he brought his bike, which he had at his dad's house. It's as though there's only so much space inside my head, and it can be taken up by looking for a job, or it can be taken up by the day to day things that need to be done, but not both at the same time.

I'm not really worried, per se. I still feel like something will come up before I have to move, or lose my house, or something extreme like that. I know (in my head anyway) that I've got skills (I've seen them on the resume and all) and that somewhere, there will be an organization that can use me and I it. My SIL pointed me to the blog of a mutual acquaintance whose family's financial situation is a lot more dire, and it in turn humbles and scares me, and then I think, "what if?".

This is what I mean by "Zoom". I've mentioned this before, oscillating between "it's going to be fine, don't waste your time worrying" and "I need to find something NOW" is a bit of a ride sometimes. So it goes. One thing I think I have managed to do reasonably well is to hand it all over at the end of the day. I've gotten good at realizing that when I'm going to bed, I can't do anything else about my situation at that moment. As a result, I fall asleep pretty easily. But I've been waking up early, so the system isn't perfect.

Phone Interveiw

Just had the phone interview. Sounds like an interesting position, and the company sounds like it's growing, and there's is room to advance, which is something I'd really like to be able to do. I'd make pretty much what I'm making now, and would like need to move closer to Denver. I'll know if I get a face to face interview by early next week. I think I did a pretty good job, considering I haven't been interviewed for five years. The HR person was very nice.

It was a strange feeling, waiting for the phone to ring. I've spent all this time preparing, looking for job postings, writing cover letters and tweaking my resume. It was a funny feeling that that should somehow be enough, and I thought, "wow, now I've got to talk about all this stuff as well". As though it's really finally underway, if that makes sense.

Hike: Youngs Gulch 6-12-11

Sally and I went for a hike yesterday, to one of our favorite spots, Youngs Gulch. There are probably 12-15 small river crossings on the way up to the top, and my Sal revels in each one. We started at 10:30, but it was still a little too hot for me. We'll start earlier next time. Above is Sal with a bunch of blue Delphinium.

Lots of Rocky Mountain Columbine on the trail. Showy and beautiful.

Scouring Rush (Equisetum). I think it's so cool how specialist plants are really abundant where they find the right conditions.

Shooting Star (Dodecatheon sp.). Small and unusual.

These are some lovely Calypso orchids. Each one is about five inches tall, so a common name is Fairy Slipper.

Me and Sal.

In other news, I got word yesterday that I'll have a phone interview this week for a researcher position in Denver. I forgot to save the job announcement, so I had to ask the HR person to send it to me again. I feel like a dufus, but it's a good lesson. Also, another in-town Biologist job got posted. This is the position that called for resumes ahead of the official posting, and I got to send mine directly to the person who would be my supervisor. I think it would be a great fit, and will enthusiastically throw my hat into the ring.

Gone to Hail

We had a big hail storm last night. This Delphinium is one survivor. I really thought it would be among the first to go, but it looks OK. We get these storms every few years it seems. Three years ago (before I had a vegetable garden and therefore didn't care as much), we had several hail storms early in the season and there were hardly any fresh local tomatoes to be had that year.

A view of my peas, raspberries in the bottom left. Not sure if the peas will recover.

There was still hail built up along north and west faces this morning.

Last night out my back door.

 Last night out my front door.

Intrepid rhubarb. This plant has been pasted several times by hail and has always bounced back. I guess that means a second crop of rhubarb...

 Pulverized peas and lettuce.

Soggy slop formerly known as red leaf lettuce.

I did one picture-taking round this morning, and need to look more closely to see what might pull through and what's lost. Most of the tomatoes are gone, green beans are OK. More pictures later.

So Social

With the job search, I'm of course paying some attention to the things I WANT to do, the things I wouldn't mind being paid for. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure gardening and knitting are off the table, and I think it would suck the joy out of each to have to do them under a deadline anyway.

I have, however, been paying attention to my Facebook account. I've been on FB for about three years now, and have (re)connected with various friend from my past and present. Overall, for me, it's been a good experience, although I've heard stories about how delving into the past doesn't always have positive results.

One thing I've noticed is that more and more organizations have a FB presence. I have ended up not using FB to keep up with celebrities, politicians or rock stars, but to keep up with friends, and groups and organizations that I'm interested in. I also use it to help me plan my weekend, and activities for me and Mr W. In this regard, I think I'm using it more like Twitter, and it works for me.

I keep up on the Kew Gardens in the UK, my city updates things like road closures due to traffic or our flowing-ever-higher river, local bookstores, garden companies, science blogs, journalists I like, the list goes on and on. I've had to prune and edit some things back, such as NPR's feed, because I already look at their website several times a day.

But I like how this aspect of social media has worked for me. One of the duties of a job I'm applying for is to maintain the organization's presence on FB and Twitter, and I've been studying how other organizations do that. It can be very effective/informative, and I've seen examples of both too much and not enough presence. Interesting.

Some thoughts on job hunting

I have looked at a lot of job descriptions over the last three months. I started by looking to do a new job that is like my old job. It seems that mid-level-type people like myself aren't in demand, so much as entry-level and senior-level positions. This is OK. This has forced me to look around to see what else fits my skills.

I can tell you that when I use search terms that seem to describe what I'm looking for, what comes up are.... IT and medical jobs, overwhelmingly so. I search "laboratory", "research", "science and communication", "outreach", "research analyst", "science education", stuff like that. Searching "genetics" pulls up the EOE statement on many jobs, so it turns out that isn't very useful.

IT and medical. Can I just say at this point, that I have looked up to the sky several times, where presumably, my mom is up in the heavens, and said, "OK! You were right! If I had gone into nursing, instead of being put off by the thought of having to empty peoples' bedpans, I'd have no trouble finding a job right now. You were right!" She never pushed terribly hard (it wasn't her style) but my parents did suggest nursing as a career path for its stability, flexibility, good pay, etc.

I'm a little bummed out that many of the jobs that sound interesting to me are an hour's commute away, but that's how it goes. I was hesitant at first to apply for such jobs, but have worked up a little momentum so that I've got my resume and letter done, and I like how they represent my skills and experience. I just need to tweak them for each position. I think it is one of those things that I just have to keep seeing what's out there, and one of these times it's going to click. Or stick. Or whatever. Sounds a bit like finding a mate.

Anyway, I've applied for a couple of federal government positions in town, and have given up on the Biologist one that I thought would really be a good fit and opportunity. It's too bad, but I feel better knowing I did give it my best shot there. I've made the first cut for a regulatory-type job in town, which also had a lot of "read and interpret findings", writing and that kind of thing, so we'll see how that goes.

One job did come up yesterday, in Boulder, that I am excited about. It's for a Citizen Science Coordinator. It combines the academic (they want someone with a Botany degree), with the public outreach and using social media technology aspects that I'm looking for. I have no idea what this job would pay, but I'm very interested. Fingers crossed.

I need to get a life

Ta-da!! Six cubic yards of mulch, distributed.

I feel like I've been toiling at yard work for many weeks now. It looks great, though, and I'm, as my dad used to say, "rounding third" on this project. I'm not sure where my head's been, but there sure was a lot of work to do to get the place looking like I wanted to be here. Almost all of my immediate neighbors have mentioned how nice the place looks. I'm sure they mean it as an innocent compliment, but it makes me cringe a little, thinking that it must have impressed them how badly the place looked before.

Well, no matter. This spruce-up will hold for a while. I'll need to pay attention to the weeds, which seem to do fine despite the dry climate here. I had just the right amount of mulch. I used as much as I wanted, and didn't feel the need to skimp at all. It was warmer today, and I could definitely feel it. I'm a bit dehydrated, and need to tank up on water tonight. 

This is part of what's left to do. As part of an odd sort of what in retrospect I can only figure was emotional restitution, my x installed this fence for me after I moved in, under the auspices of making it safer for the dog (which had been our dog). Anyway, it's been great to have a fenced yard for Sally, and it already looks better with the white paint.

I put Mr W on this task of starting to paint the fence, and you'd think I had asked for one of his kidneys. I even paid him for his time, and he complained and did shoddy work. *sigh* I got annoyed, as I was trying to haul carts of mulch and show him how to paint. He's gone to his dad's house for a couple of hours for a party for the x's mom's birthday, so the break is good. When he gets back, we'll have a discussion about expectations, and pitching in. I suppose it's a kid thing, but he sort of resets himself so he almost always acts surprised, and a little affronted, that I'd ask him to do work around the house. I'm going to tell him to just assume he's going to have to give me 1-2 hours of work each weekend he's here. Then he should expect it. 

But you know what? I liked painting. There's no hauling of heavy stuff, bending over to distribute it, throwing it into a cart with manure fork (I love my manure fork, btw. It's perfect for mulch). I could see myself going out and doing a bit in the evenings. Instant gratification.

And here was one of the areas that got mulch today. The other was the alley-side garden, which ended up not looking all that much different, but looks better. I'll make a third raised bed from those timbers, but not until next year. Those are my snap peas making their way up the trellis, and the raspberries in the corner are quite happy. I've got a bunch of tomato plants in the closest bed. I'm planning on putting up tomatoes aplenty this year, and this is the start. I had bought some flowers for the garden on the other side of the house, and on a whim decided to put them in the big blue pot. I think they look great there. Serendipitous.

Lessons

I'm not big into astrology. However, I see the value for me in being reminded about what it means to lead an examined life. I do check in with Free Will Astrology from time to time,  and this week he quotes a quote:

"Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents that in times of prosperity would have lain dormant."

It got me thinking, and seeing my situation from a new angle. The job search continues to be really slow, and it seems that most of the jobs I apply for are in Denver or Boulder (an hour's commute away). The thought of fitting in 2.5 hours of commute time fills me with despair. On the other hand, what if it's a cool job? What if they let me telecommute a couple of days a week? What if the money is good, I learn new things, and it's got that "for the greater good" aspect? What if it lets me keep my house, and the life I'm otherwise used to living? Well, then I guess it's OK.

Besides that, though, I thought about this in-between time. This waiting time. This period of my life when I'm (broken record here) without a partner (saying "husband" sounds needy, "boyfriend" sounds like we're all in high school), and looking at being without a job. My thought was something like, "This is it. Living life is what you're doing right now. And you can be waiting for the next big thing to fall into place, or you can recognize that most of life is this in-between stuff when there is at least a little bit of flux." It got me back to the moment, and I'm trying hard now to focus more on the now. I've thought about, once the love and the job thing are resolved, how I will look back and see how I handled it. I want to be able to look back and feel like I did what I could, and lived life in the meantime.

Oh, and one more lesson, this morning, as the dog paces around, wanting to get into my room, but can't because my big boy 10 year old son is sleeping in there. The lesson is, don't play too much Plants vs. Zombies. There actually isn't a lot of violence, and the zombies are cartoonish and not all that scary. However, Mr. "I'm not scared" called out at 12:35 am, "Mom, I'm scared because of the Zombie game". OK, you get one night of refuge, but tonight you're on your own.

Tangential

This is just something interesting that I've seen and wanted to share. The blog for the website Knitty has a section for yarn spinners (as opposed to bike Spinners...). A contributor named Jillian has been spinning different types of wool recommended by a book about rare breeds of sheep.

I don't have a desire to spin wool into yarn, but her weekly forays into the different types of wool out there has been very interesting to me. Above is something called Romeldale. Here's a link to her post from today, from which you can see the previous weeks' trials. 

Blubarb and More Yardwork - Updated! Now with more Mulch

A blog that I follow regularly, A Home Grown Journal, recently had a recipe for a Rhubarb Crisp that was just the thing I was looking for. I happened to succumb to an impulse purchase of blueberries the other day, so I used half rhubarb from the plant that grows outside my back door, and half blueberries. Thus Blubarb. My rhubarb wasn't the screaming red that I've seen in the store, but the Crisp tastes really good. I brought it to a party tonight, and brought one piece home to eat. I might make another, as there's plenty of rhubarb yet.

Here's the finished product. I might fool around a bit with the topping. I like more topping, but there's already a stick of butter in there as it is, so maybe I could tweak something. It was yummy. Thanks, Mama Pea!

This is certainly the Spring of yardwork around here. Here's today's project. I'm certain it's because it has been a wet and cool spring, and the weather's been conducive to working outside without wilting (that's without ME wilting, not the plants). It's a good thing, too, because my yard looked bad, and I like how it's shaping up.

Here's the before. See all the plants along the sidewalk? They're some kind of violet, and have been slowly taking over this bed. So much so that when I went to dig them out, I found their roots had permeated the cedar edging there, so I had to remove a stretch of it and replace it. I thought all of the nice Penstemmon had died in the dry winter, but found a few hangers on that I moved around so they were distributed nicely. I also divided one of the ornamental grasses, which you can't see in the picture, as well as trimmed the larger ornamental grass that is quite happy where it is.

I then scraped most of the pea gravel out, and replaced it with mulch. Let me just say this so the world knows: I hate pea gravel. Weed city. I did dump and spread it on the alley side of the garden alongside my house, and am sure it's packed with weed seeds. But I had the bright idea to cover it with black plastic for a few weeks so it kills the weeds. Hopefully that will work.

And here's where I stopped today. I need to buy a couple more plants for this area, and just a wee bit more edging, then mulch some more. Mulch, mulch, mulch. I still have quite a bit to go, and it looks like I've got enough to do all the areas that need it. It's funny, the "after" picture doesn't look all that different, but in person, it's a big improvement! It's raining (again!) and hopefully will clear so I can finish this tomorrow.

Update - 5-29-11
OK, here it is. I forgot to buy another roll of edging, so there's a 2' gap down at the other end, but this job is pretty much donesville. I'm very happy with how it turned out. I know there will be stray weeds, but now I can keep on top of it a lot easier. I know, there's one stray violet at the edge of the sidewalk. I thought the better of pulling it, as doing that pulled up the edging in other places. I'm going to spray this one.

Now I need to paint the porch, paint the fence a nice bright white, and I think I'm done for a while. It's supposed to finally start getting warmer, and I'm already happy I got this done before that happens.

I shake my head when I think about how this got to look so ratty. I think it's related to the idea that, according to The Plan, I wasn't supposed to still be in this house this long. I was supposed to be married to some great guy and we'd be well into our new life together by now (six years from when my x and I split). I know that great guy thing is going to happen one of these days, but now at least my house doesn't look like I'm waiting anymore, and I like that.

More House Doings to Do

The garden is doing well, under Sally's careful supervision. I've since put the green fencing around most of the raised beds to keep her from snacking.

Memorial Day Weekend is coming up, and there's a good chance that the weather will be nice enough to do more work around the yard. I'm not sure what switched, but I feel the urge to get a few more things done before I can let myself go camping this summer. The list isn't long, but there are a few things yet that I need to do to make the place look presentable.

One thing that's always bugged me about the front of my house is the pea gravel that the previous owners put down around some pieces of flagstone to create a path that leads to the little porch and front door. If Blogger lets me upload a second picture here, I'll show it. OK, no luck yet. What I dislike about it is the extent to which the weeds just proliferate there. It looks terrible, and I end up spraying the weeds, which I don't want to do. So one of my projects for the weekend is to rake the gravel up, wash it off a bit (hopefully getting any hitchhiking weed seeds off) and putting it on the alley side of the 4 x 4 timbers I lined the alley garden with.

There we go, I was able to upload the photo. You can see the weeds around the flagstone pieces above. There's not all that much gravel there, but I'll replace it with mulch, and then pull out some of the volunteer plants that have proliferated in that semi-circular area where the dead ornamental grass is. Then I'll plant a few more plants (thinking about a bunch of Blue Flax, which grows wild around here). I lost my awesome Penstemmons over the dry winter, which made their own little hybrid zone that was fun to watch each year.

I'm rambling, sorry. I need to also paint that little porch thing, which is down to the bare wood on the horizontal part. I think I'll paint it with something that shows that it's wood (as opposed to outright paint), and then am planning to paint the picket fence white at some point in the near future. Then, I'm good to get out and do some camping.

I've got a couple of social things to do as well, which is good. I got invited to a party by a woman in my Spin class, who happens to live just a couple of blocks away from me. They are big into the local music scene, so they'll have actual live entertainment by people I've heard of (coooool). Then I'm going to get together with my friend J in Denver, who has just had her oldest graduate from high school and is busy busy and we need to catch up.

I sent P, the person I met while hiking, an email saying that I was done. I told him it was the distance (he lives an hour away), which it was, but I'm afraid I didn't feel a click with him either. At least initially, we'd only be able to get together every other weekend - twice a month - and it made me realize I need to look closer to home. Who knows what will happen, but it feels more right to try to find someone I can have lunch with during the week, and see on the weeknights I have free. So, the search continues, and it will happen when it happens. With the job stuff occupying my mind, it doesn't seem so urgent.

Nice Job

I'm just back from the colonoscopy. The prep was a bit difficult this time - took a long time to kick in, and that's all I'll say about that. Dear friend D got me there and back, and I'm so grateful. I got the all clear from the doc: "normal colon, no polyps, nice job". That last part makes me giggle a bit. There were so many people involved in this process, no wonder health care costs are so expensive. I probably talked to 12 people today. But they all were nice and professional, and I wondered about if I would have made a good anesthesiologist. It sounded like she had a cool job.

I'm relieved that the results were normal, and I don't have to do this again for five years, which is a good thing. The rest of my day entails a nap, some knitting and the usual dog park.

Saturday River Clean up

We have a great Natural Resources Department in my city. The county is no slouch either, and there are regular nature-y events scheduled with each. Yesterday, there was a trash pick up scheduled along a section of the Poudre River.

Mr W was less than enthused, but we rode our bikes the few blocks down to the park, got our trash bags and walked toward the river. I settled in to pick up the pieces of a broken bottle, while Mr W started climbing on the branches of a willow tree. All of the sudden he shouts, "There's a coyote!" Sure enough, I saw just the tail of something, tearing toward a field. Coooooool, we agreed. And he knew what it was (not dog, fox or wolf).

A bit later, I was picking up some old clothes (why people leave clothing by the river and don't come back for it, I don't know) and there was a little garter snake curled up inside. Mr W wanted (with his gloves on) to hold it, which I thought was great, so we spent a few minutes looking at it, going over why it had characteristics of a non-poisonous snake and then let it go. It was just the right size to not get creeped out by.

For a kid whose stated preference is to stay inside and play video games, this was a nice reminder that he does like doing the nature thing. I like that the park is just a few blocks from here, and will try to remember to get down there more regularly this summer.

Green and an F.O.

We've been getting rain for the last couple of days, so everything is very green. Here's the intrepid rhubarb plant that grows just outside my back door. I thought I had gotten all the flowering stalks cut off, but this one peeped out. Looks like this will be the "do something with rhubarb" weekend.

My best laid plans for raspberry containment have already been overcome, as you can see they are escaping out to the left. I'll need to reassess and try something else for the upper part as well. But it's nice to think we'll have fresh razzleberries. I wonder if any will make it inside.

This is why I love perennials. The Delphinium (on the left) started greening up weeks ago, and it's the big, bold kind with spikes of dark blue flowers. Looks like it's time to thin the Iris (again!), and the rose in the back looks respectable after I finally cut the dead canes off last weekend.

Here's my boughten lettuce starts, planted around the beginning of April. I believe I'll have a salad tonight. I sewed the snap peas heavily, and there are a couple of the wimpy broccoli seedlings I started inside. The look better every day.

And last but not least, here's my Cadence! A Finished Object (F.O.) that is done but not blocked. the lace pattern at the top will lay flat and pop a lot more when I've blocked it, they tell me. I wish I had made it just a little longer, but I will see if I can get another inch out of it when I block it, and I could pick up stitches and add a couple more inches of ribbing at the bottom because I've got plenty of yarn. This was done in Cascade Ecowool Plus, and two of their massive (400+ yard) skeins were more than enough for this sweater, made in a large (38? maybe a 40 inch bust), and I have about half a skein left, so this took about 600 yards. A real bargain.

The Garden Season Gets Up To Speed

When we get rain here in CO, it's usually met with exclamations of "We need it!" and no one gets too bent out of shape. If it's actually raining, you'll see many people without an umbrella or a raincoat because there's usually a good chance that it won't rain. But we've had a couple of rainy days, and are forecasted to have a couple more for the rest of the week.

So you can appreciate my sense of satisfaction that I got vegetable plants and seeds in yesterday. What? No pictures? I know, I'll get out there this morning and get some. Our frost date is May 15th, so things should be fine. Out of the things I started by seed, I only planted a half-dozen broccoli starts. I don't know what happened, but things never thrived. Potting soil, peat pots, fluorescent light, heat mat, then real sun, it still wasn't enough. But they didn't damp off, and they are technically still alive, so maybe it's a nutrient thing. Anyone want to weigh in?

In other news, I've scheduled my once-every-five-years colonoscopy for next Tuesday. As the sibling of a person who had colon cancer, this will be a regular (well, every five years) thing. Friend D is able to get me home, and I'm so appreciative. It will be good to know. I think about how my sister had a tumor growing in her colon for years, and it went undetected because she was 'too young' to get colon cancer. Get your screenings, people.

Thank you very mulch

Today was a long, but good, work day. I installed edging, which has needed to be done for a while now. I also ordered six yards of mulch, and got about half of it put down. It is amazing how much better things look. I'd been looking for the right edging to put along the sidewalk and ended up using cedar shingles/tiles (they probably have a better name...). Below on the left are two landscape timbers I tried last weekend. The sidewalk has bumps on the sides of it, so I couldn't snug the timber against the sidewalk and it looked bad.

On the right are 4 x 4 timbers that Mr W and I placed a couple of weeks ago. These make a right turn and head down the alley. It was an easy project, as I just scraped the soil a bit, placed the timber, and we pounded in 1' pieces of rebar to hold it in place.

Left side edging done. As these things go, it wasn't as challenging as I thought it would be. We had two days of rain (which happens a handful of times a year), and the soil was easy to work.

I'm a little embarrassed to show the degree to which the weeds had gotten away from me here.

I pulled some of the weeds, and cut the trench.

Lots of newspaper for weed control.

Yeah, there's no comparison, is there?

I then put mulch over the existing mulch on the tree lawn, which was a big improvement. Hopefully I put down enough to discourage weeds. I also trimmed the suckers on the two Serviceberry trees. Time well spent. I hate it when it feels to me like I'm not keeping up with this part of owning a home and being part of a neighborhood. Voila!!

As I worked, Mr W's math teacher happened to walk by. I didn't know she lived in the neighborhood, and I introduced myself and we chatted for a bit. Remember when you thought the teachers ceased to exist outside of school? 

In other news, I met one of my new neighbors! The husband of a youngish couple. I didn't see any evidence of kids. For some reason, they haven't taken down the For Sale sign yet.  But their stuff is inside. Odd.

As heard on This American Life

Ira Glass just said the unemployment rate for people with PhD's is 2%. That made my evening!!

I'm laying low tonight, and going to get to bed early so I can have a really productive day tomorrow. I'm installing edging in my yard, and getting 6 cubic yards of mulch delivered that will make the yard and garden beds look nice. I'm surrendering more of my yard to mulch, so will lay down wet newspaper before I put the mulch down.

I'm going to plant some plants I've bought, too, and I've got about 4" left of the second sleeve of my Cadence sweater. That will get done this weekend.

But now, I'm going to get off the computer so I can read for a while.

Party's Over

The pity party, that is.

Maybe it's being able to get the thoughts written down here, or maybe it's actively trying to see what other people are going through. Either way, I'm good. I've got my perspective back, and although I haven't 'let it go' all the way (still have a pinkie-hold on it - maybe two fingers) I'm closer to doing so.

I applied for another job today, and that helps as well. I find that (OK, please excuse the obviousness of what I'm going to say) if I keep busy, especially doing things that make me happy, that goes a long way in maintaining the right attitude.

K? K.

Double Whammy

I admit, I'm having a tough time of it lately. I'll freely acknowledge upfront that the important stuff in my life is in place. I have my health, my kid is also healthy, I'm able to make the mortgage payments on my home, and I have a job for the next 5 1/2 months.

I find, though, that the job search and the partner search have worked to compound my anxiety about both, and I'm working to let that go. I've thought about what that means, "letting it go" and how I am not good at it. At all. In one way, letting go means to just drop it, to leave it behind, and be done with it. In another way, letting it go means that it will "go", somewhere, on its own, so letting it go connotes giving up control, although you are still interested in the outcome. If you've read this blog at all, you can probably surmise that I have trouble with both meanings. It's hard for me to get to that place where I feel like I've done enough and can set the thing on autopilot and get on with life.

I listened to this yesterday, it's a podcast of the OnBeing radio program, and the host interviewed Sylvia Boorstein, who is both Jewish and a Buddhist scholar and teacher. It helped. It's like I know what I need to do, I need to "just" stop worrying. I'm having trouble finding a path to get there. I'm pretty sure I will find it, but this is a difficult thing.

MoDa 2011

For a long time, I have viewed Mother's Day with mixed emotions. My own mom, Judy, died in 1993, so after a couple years of very sad Mother's Days, the day has been one where I didn't have much to do. Fast forward to when I became a mom, and up until about a year ago, Mr W's cluelessness has made nothing happen on the day.

I guess that's an advantage of a two-parent household. The other parent can prod the child to get something or make a card, whereas I'm not going to press my kid into paying homage. Well, not too much. He's finally big enough that I can extract some yard work out of him "as your gift to me for Mother's Day" and he's game.

For some reason, this year feels a little different. I feel that I can celebrate my mom without getting too sad, and also celebrate being a mom. On Facebook, a bunch of friends have changed their profile picture to a picture of their moms, and I've followed suit. I posted this shot of her, taken when I was 2, which would make her about 29. She looks awesomely fabulous.

I'm not sure where the feeling of different comes from. I've been around and around with myself for the last few months, worrying about the job search, and worrying about the partner search, and I'm trying hard to focus on the moment and all of the things are right. Plus all of the things that aren't wrong, if that makes any sense. Trying to let go of the things I don't have much control over. After living on my own for six years now, it's not in my nature to do that. It's so hard, but yet I feel like if I don't find a balance between feeling like I'm doing my part, and letting things take their course, I'm going to be very stressed out.

So maybe the positive feelings on this MoDa 2011 are from me getting a little more comfortable with my place in the world right now. That sounds hokey to me, too. Well, nevertheless, may you and yours celebrate Mother's Day if that's your thing. Looks like it's going to be a nice weekend here.

Knock Knock

I live in a safe neighborhood. I know my neighbors by name, and I feel safe here. Having a big dog who barks when people come to the door helps too. I've thought about adding more/better locks to my doors, but haven't done it yet.

I was in bed last night and had turned the light off around 10:45. I should mention that my bedroom is at the very front of the house, perhaps 10 feet from the sidewalk, and very close to the front door. I frequently hear soft voices of people walking by in the summer, and it's not a big deal.

At 11:03 last night, someone knocked on my door. Not hard, but knocked, and I could hear a male voice talking. I might not have heard it if my room was in the back of the house. The dog of course starts barking (good girl!) and I have this visceral reaction, where my heart starts pounding in my chest as I think about what I'm going to do if they force their way into my home. They also have flashlights, or headlamps, and I can see the light pass by my window several times. They knock a second time, the dog barks, and my heart starts pounding again. I work up the nerve to peek out the side window, not the front, and can see the light from the flashlight.

I wait, never even considering answering the door, and they go away after what seems like 10 minutes or so. Could it have been that long? I don't remember looking at the clock again. I laid back down and had a restless night's sleep.

What happened? I'm guessing it was a case of mistaken house identity, as there are several parallel streets in this area, all with old houses, and maybe they got the address mixed up. This put quite a scare in me, though, and I felt really vulnerable. Mr W was here too. But they didn't really want to get in, otherwise they could have. I've got a big pane of glass on the porch door, and a big old window on the porch that could both be broken if someone wanted in badly enough.

Hmmm. Maybe I'll go door shopping this weekend. I'm very happy with how the dog did her job, though. Good dog, Sally!

Another this and that

The work to do at work is piling up. It struck me as sort of an odd juxtaposition that people are expected to work harder after getting notice that they are losing their jobs. I'm doing it, I will do it, and I was pondering what my motivation was. One would think there'd be a motivation to coast. But I feel like I am a professional, I feel like I owe it to my boss, I feel like if I can do this last push, that I can look back and know that I did my best in that job.

So, I've got four manuscripts to write in six months, along with data analysis for two, and some lab work... It is a busy time. Life in Cubeville is not always conducive to the flow of writing, so I'm going to see if I can work from home some when it's time to do a lot of that. Depends on the day, but the sounds and smells can be a distraction.

It's almost time to plant vegetables. Almost. I think I'll set out my seedling tray because it's supposed to be nice today. They really limped along this year. Didn't die, which I take as progress over last year, but failed to thrive for the amount of care I thought I gave them. I've seen several blog posts about people planting things in zip lock bags, maybe I'll try that next year. Thankfully, I can punt and get what I need at the garden store, but still would like to see if I could get my determinate tomatoes to grow. They are pathetic little things still.

I took the van in yesterday for several smallish repairs. I like that I have the kind of relationship with them that when the weakening back hatch pistons made it so the hatch bumped the mechanic on the head, they replaced them. I happily paid. Not sure we've worked out the hot engine thing, but we'll see. They fixed a couple of leaks, and I'm happy to report that my transmission fluid is as clean as you'll find anywhere now. The mechanic also showed me how the second battery works. A previous owner put a second battery in, plus a couple of cigarette lighter outlets, and although I could see the wiring, I couldn't tell what was hooked up to the second battery. Turns out it's always on, directly hooked up to the main battery, which is charged by the alternator. He suggested, and I agree, that they could put a switch in that can cut the power between the batteries, so that I could use the power of the second battery only, and not worry about having enough power to start the van at the end of the trip.

So, I'm thinking about where we'll go this summer, and that's fun. I thought maybe the Wildflower Festival in Crested Butte, or maybe the Black Hills before school is out. Perhaps a trip out to see my brother, and I have a pipe dream of driving this thing to the Pacific Ocean, but it will likely remain a dream.

Shopping Bag Experiment

 

I got a couple of fabric shopping bags from a friend the other day. Shortly after, I was at the garden center, looking at potato grow bags, for which the garden place wanted $15 apiece. I didn't buy any, and then yesterday, had the idea of using these, because they are the same material. I tried a black plastic grow bag for potatoes last year, but they got too wet and rotted. 

I put a bit of soil in the bottom, after I took out the flat plastic piece, and put the seed potatoes on top. The one on the far right is itself an experiment, being one sprouted, organic Yukon Gold potato from Whole Foods that got away from me. I covered them, and will water them with the soaker hose, which needs to be repaired before I can use it.

In other news, I had coffee and lunch with P yesterday. I admit I don't feel a spark yet, but he's nice, and we have a fair bit in common.

Like visiting an old friend

Sally and I went for a nice hike this afternoon. The weather's been kind of cool, and as a result my desire for yard work has been ho-hum. I did get one thing done, which I'm going to put in another short post, plus odds and ends like fixing the hinge on the gate in the yard that's been falling apart for the last (*cough*) couple of years.

This lovely little plant is P. bellii. I studied it in school, so I feel like it's an old friend in a way. It's pretty specific in terms of its habitat, loving shaley soil that seems inhospitable to many plants, so it's kind of rare. There's a population of it where we hiked, and it's just coming into flower. I should have put something in for scale, but the whole thing is about 5" across.

I've noticed a difference hiking this year, since I started doing Spin classes last fall. I have more energy when I hike; it's easier. That's a good feeling. The dog loves to hike, and it's good to get her out as well.

I'm Eligible!

Yes, that's right. In the eyes of the hiring system for the Biologist job, I have been deemed Eligible. I think this is one of many little steps in the process, but I'm so pleased to have made it past the initial screen. Here's the definition.

"Eligible - Application Referred to Selecting Official: Applicant's name has been sent to the selecting official for further evaluation and possible selection."

Ha! Me and 50 other nerds.

It's still Poetry Month

Ahem. And I'm a couple of haiku short. So, I'm cheating and reposting this nice poem that I posted a few months ago. Courtesy of the OnBeing blog.

“Love after Love”
by Derek Walcott

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Control

For as much as I'm a fan and proponent of science, I also recognize that there are workings that are beyond the reach of my conscious mind. I bought myself a Tarot deck a few years ago, and pull it out occasionally. IMO, it taps into what I am already thinking or feeling at some level, and brings it up for discussion (with myself, of course). I'm a total newbie/novice, but still manage to get something out of it a lot of the time.

This card came up in the "probable future" spot in the reading. For me at this time, this one's all about control.

Here's a blurb:

"The lesson of the Four of Pentacles is that control is impossible. We stand in the world as in a great ocean. Who could manage or possess such power? The only way to keep from drowning is to ride the currents. The ocean will support us as long as we swim with the flow."

Between my job search and my Mr. Right search, I've been weighed heavy with trying to make things happen. And happen NOW. Or when I want them to. With this in mind, I wanted to let these two aspects of my life know that I'm going to be letting them both go on their own for the weekend. I'm going to turn my computer off for much of the time, and work out in my garden. I'm going for coffee with new prospect P, and probably will try to hike with Sally on Sunday.

It's hard to let go!

Edging

Now THAT's an exciting blog post! Ha. I got my income tax refund recently and feel like I've got a few bucks to do some small improvements in my yard. One of them involves large quantities of mulch to cover or re-cover areas that I don't want to cut with the mower, with the related job of containing the mulch by installing edging. With the rain we've had lately, it should be relatively easy to install the edging, and it make such a difference to how my little yard will look. I'm keeping my options open for another raised bed or two where I put some of the mulch, but won't being doing those this year.

The tax refund has also made it OK that I hang on to the van for a while longer, despite no immediate job prospects come November. It's been running warm since I had the heater coil replaced last fall, and I made the appointment to bring it in to have them look at that, plus to make sure she's trip-worthy for the summer. I want to get out a lot this summer (note to self, maybe it's time to make some campground reservations...).

I did succumb and email the contact person for the Biologist job, as I haven't heard anything, and it's been over 4 weeks. Four rather anxious weeks, despite my best efforts to go with the flow, knowing that I have given it my best shot. She was gracious enough to get right back to me, and said they had received a large number of applications, and she expected to "have an update by Friday". I'm glad I emailed her. I'm just about to the point where I feel like I am checking the job sites enough, but not too much. When I look at something like "all the jobs in Fort Collins" that were posted in the last 24 hours, it's several hundred. I mean, it looks like there are a lot of jobs open, even if almost all of them are not my thing. Lots of medical, IT, financial positions. But this is a good place to have the skill I have, and I remain optimistic that I can find something in town.

Lastly, I finally got to speak again with P, the person I met when I was hiking the other day. He was out of town for a week, and we traded a few emails, but got to actually talk on the phone yesterday. So far so good. It's hard (duh) to get the nonverbal communication stuff over the phone, but we talked for about 40 minutes. We nailed down a time for coffee on Saturday.

Mild Holiday Angst

It was kind of a strange day today. I don't know where my head was (oh, wait, it was probably on some job classified site, but still) but I totally misread Mr W's interest in Easter. He must have spent the last few with his dad, because I had asked him if he wanted to dye eggs, he said no, so I bought a little box of chocolates, happy with my thoughtfulness. Boy, did I read that wrong. He was very upset that I didn't get him Easter candy, and cried actual tears for a while, although later admitted that he wrung it out a bit to see if I'd buy him a new game for his video game player. They are pretty savvy, but I didn't feel bad enough about it to offer that.

The above events did put me in a bit of a funk, and I actually got melancholy, which is unusual for me. I pined for the days when mom and dad had the holidays all planned out, down to our clothes and shoes. I was taken care of.

But we went to church, and doing that kind of dusted me off and propped me back up. I was hoping to get a little nugget to metaphorically put in my pocket, to help me get some perspective. The minister, who I adore, he's so good at what he does, talked a bit about how you have to have the lows so you can appreciate the highs. You have to know what the bad stuff feels like in order to appreciate the ecstasy of the good stuff. I liked that.

Mr W and I also went on a hike with the dog, and while I thought we'd go just part of the way around this trail, we ended up doing the whole two mile loop, which Sally loved because she got to go wading into the chilly water several times. Mr W hung tough until the last 1/4 mile or so, but still persevered. 

I called my family, my dad, and each of my brothers, and got to speak with my dad for a bit. I had let him know about my job situation via email, and he said the funniest things, which I got a lot of comfort from. It was like he was in my head, and said the stuff I needed to hear. He said he had talked with God about the job thing, and that it was all going to work out. Better than I expected, and things would be just fine. Then he went on to say, "You're not alone, honey." It makes me tear up just writing it again. I hadn't asked for the assist, but he gave it and it helped a lot. Later I got caught up with one brother and got an email from my SIL, so touched base with everyone.

Next year, I'll make up the basket, and heck, I'll even hide the thing, and leave clever clues (Mr W's going to regret asking today whether I had hidden his candy. It might be in the compost pile...) for him to work for finding it. He actually really enjoys that, and I think it's fun as well. I was sort of wanting ham, but made a tuna casserole (not the same) because the celery was going down fast.

In the end, it's up to me to make a stab at holiday traditions, whatever they end up being.

Aaaaaannnnddd another thing

I've just updated the "blogs I follow" list. I've got a slew of them in Google Reader, and just imported most of those.

Lots of good stuff!!

Job Seach Mini-Rant

To the HR people out there who write job descriptions, working with the people who actually will be supervising the new hire, carefully listing the requirements and expectations for the job, figuring out how many years of education candidates should have:

Would it kill you to give a salary range for the position?!!

"Commensurate with qualifications and experience" means almost nothing to me. Why do people do this? Is it to passively try to lowball potential workers so they don't have to be paid at the very top of the budgeted amount for the position? Do they not know how much money they have to spend on the position? I can't believe it's the latter. Do they think that giving a salary range reduces their bargaining power when it comes time to negotiate a salary?  Or that giving a salary range would turn some people off who might think the salary is too low and therefore not apply at all?

I just don't get it. A few years ago I talked to some people on campus about a Lab Manager job, and in the end, I'd have to take a huge pay cut. It wastes both our time to have me even come in, when if the salary was posted, I'd have passed on the job. And I feel weird asking up front. Furthermore, I simply told them I had to remove my name from consideration, and didn't say why, because I thought it would look bad. Greedy. On the other hand, maybe I should have known, although for a job that's just called "Lab Manager", I imagine there's a large range of salaries. Yes, I know how to find those salary surveys online, it just seems like they're never exactly like what I'm searching for.

That's one thing I like about trying to get in with a government agency. It's all out there at the beginning. And, they'll pay for a person to have an advanced degree. No, I still haven't heard anything on the Biologist job. On Monday it will have been four weeks since it closed, so I should hear something soon, like how my qualifications compared to other applicants.

But I'm keeping my eye out for a variety of things, and figured out a couple more keywords to search on that return the sorts of jobs that I could do. I haven't reached an equilibrium point yet between feeling like I'm actively searching enough and feeling like I'm spending too much time checking and rechecking job sites. Hopefully soon.

Garden 4-22-11

Lettuce and peas.

Apple blossoms!!

Haiku #6

I should wait for rain
To pull the copious weeds
Timing, everything

Sleep. And contract work

I should start this out by saying that I found out yesterday that I will get that bit of funding to take me three months or so past the end of my work contract. That is very good, although the details have yet to be worked out and I'll have to be some kind of other contractor, where I buy my own health insurance and take out my own taxes. I don't dislike that, it's just that I don't want to do it wrong. And ambivalent is the word of the hour there; it is great to get a little extension (so I'll have a job through Halloween) but my need/want to have a full time thing is still pretty strong.

This segues nicely into what I wanted to say about sleep. When things are humming along, I'll get about 7-7.5 hours of sleep during the week, and maybe 8-9 on the weekends. I wake up once, and then go back to sleep pretty easily. When my mind is occupied with thoughts of things that are not settled, it makes me wake up early. I'm thankful that I usually don't have trouble falling asleep, but I'll wake up earlier than I want to.

Anyway, I can tell a difference when I've gotten a couple of decent nights' sleep because I start to plan. I start to think forward, and that is a good feeling. I woke up this morning feeling that way, and am relieved. I have a lot of work to get done in the garden/yard this weekend, and it helps to be looking forward to it with enthusiasm.

I've always envied those people who can fall asleep at the drop of a hat and do 8-9 hours, no matter where they are or what's going on in their lives. I've wondered if a person could be trained to be more like that.

Some musings

I'm still thinking about the juxtaposition of seeing old flame CB, and meeting this new person, P on the same day. I don't quite know what to do with the feelings related to knowing there is someone out there with whom I share this great chemistry and who feels the same about me, yet we can't be together. With Mr W's dad here in town, I simply can't pick up and move. I can't do that to Mr W solely for my benefit. And CB can't do it on his end either. So, I will let these feelings recede and sort of put them in a pretty box in my mind. And look forward.

Look forward to getting to know P. I take it as a good sign that we talked easily and about interesting stuff on the trail, so I imagine there will be more of the same. He works at an art museum, so he's a student of history and is like-minded on things I care about, and is outdoorsy.

Back to Mr W. He went to the doctor the other day for just a check up and almost weighs as much as Sally the dog now. 80 pounds. He's still slender, and I worry that one of these days, his lack of having a sport that he does regularly is going to catch up with him. But he's quite healthy, and I am thankful. Last night for the first time, he asked that I set the alarm clock instead of waking him up myself. You got it, kid. We'll have to find something other than NPR to wake him up to, maybe a CD.

He sometimes bemoans that fact that he has to attend the after school care, while "everyone" else does not. Has to go to the all-day day care when they have a day off from school and his dad and I are working. It usually ends up as, "well, that's just how it is, and most kids have two parents that work" Blah, blah, blah. I guess it's part of being a kid that he can't see that in a couple of years he'll be capable of staying home on his own, and won't have to go to that stuff. Two years is a long time for a 10 year old, though, isn't it?

An Open Letter to Mike G

Dear Mike (for those of you who don't know Mike, he's a good friend of my brother's and commenter here):

Just wanted to let you know that I took your recent advice to wish for my prince to come. While I was washing dishes on Friday night, I said, out loud, "I want to meet him. I want to meet a nice guy who is potential partner material."

I'd thought share how my day went yesterday (the next day, Saturday).

1. I went hiking with a local Meet Up group. We went to the Red Mountain Open Space north of Fort Collins, where it was (and always is) windy but really beautiful country. When we first got there, there was a group member from Laramie, WY (which is about an hour north of FC) who met us there, and he was driving a red Insight like SIL Mary's. I went over to see how he liked it and we talked a bit. Later in the hike, we were chatting, and it turns out he's from Ohio, and went to the same college that I went to, but graduated a couple of years before I got there. He's asked me out for coffee, and we're volleying emails to set it up.

2. Riding as a passenger on the way to the hike, I'm checking my email, and see that a guy from the dog park who is part of our little group that always seems to bring their dogs there at the same time, has sent me a message, saying if I ever wanted help in my garden, to give him a call. I see him as a friend, but it's still nice to be asked, you know?

3. Finally, in the evening, I drove to Denver and met up with old friend (and former long distance relationship guy) CB, who had been in town leading a tour. I sat in on their last dinner, and it was a really nice experience to see how CB and his co-leader interact with the clients, and how much they obviously enjoying themselves. I was not expecting to feel pretty much the same about him, after a year and a half of being apart. So goes this matter of the heart. It was great to see him. The combination of the 900 mile distance and the need to be good parents to our young kids is difficult to surmount.

How's that for asking and receiving?

I mean, I've been whining for months now about this, but I haven't actually sent a request to... um, whoever receives such things. I'm a nerd who is firmly on the side of science on most things, but the degree of coincidence here is a little freaky.

Haiku #5

Job searching feels like
holding my breath for too long
while life continues

Mixed

I got an email from the x this afternoon, telling me that he and his girlfriend are now engaged. No firm plans on the particulars yet but they are staying in town.

I have mixed feelings on this. I don't mind, or care that he's taking this step. I really don't. There has never been any ambiguity as to our status, and I am thankful for that. And furthermore, as I told him when I replied to his email, anything the promotes stability in Mr W's life is fine by me. She seems a reasonable person, has a son of her own (a couple of years younger than Mr W) and doesn't seem to have any hangups about her role in his life. I asked Mr W tonight what he thought, thinking that, like a lot of kids of divorced parents, that he might be a little sad that this event meant that his parents really would never get back together.

He said it was fine, and then asked right away how I felt about it. And then asked if I was ever going to get married again. I hope I don't appear like this crazy spinster type person to him. I told him that I was really looking forward to being married again, I just hadn't found the right guy yet. His response was, "So someday, I'll belong to two families." Yup, that's been the goal, my sweet offspring.

This gets to why this news kind of sat like a pebble in my shoe today. I'm a little bummed out that I am not in the same place. I'm a little sad that I am not in the same position. I haven't by any means lost hope, but I figured I'd be there by now. But here I am, and life is good. I'm looking forward to a lot of things. The job thing will resolve itself. My kid and I are healthy. The important stuff is in place.

Occupied

It was another up and down-ish sort of day yesterday on the job front. I'm still waiting (it might be too soon yet) to hear something on the fed job, which I will call the Biologist job to distinguish it from another fed job I'll talk about shortly. The Biologist job closed a little over two weeks ago, but I'd like to know NOW, thanks. It's nice that they let you see, on the electronic application system, whether all of your materials have been received, and mine have. So it's just a waiting game.

I finally heard about the teaching jobs. I didn't get them! Not too surprising there. I'm still a bit flummoxed as to what exactly they were looking for that I didn't even rate an interview. Well, fine, then. Keep your $9,000 a year pay cut and I'll take my talents elsewhere. It's kind of like that, that I was willing to sacrifice in order to do this important job, and they more or less said, "No. No thanks". If there were a clearer message to move on and focus somewhere else, I don't know what it is.

Did you read/listen to the piece on NPR about aging and stress? A new study indicated that our ability to bounce back from stressful events has something to do with longevity. Looking forward, I am.

I had been meaning to contact a friend who I hadn't talked to for a while. I am friends with he and his wife and our kids went to the same daycare when they were little spuds. He works for a nonprofit that helped me choose my study organism when I was in school, and has since become its director. I emailed him to see if he knew anyone that might be connected to the Biologist job, and he said no, but he'd keep his eyes open for other positions.

That night, that NIGHT, he forwards me an email that is what they call an "Outreach Notice" where another agency wants to gauge interest in a position before it's actually posted. The position is another fed position, in town, and is for something called a "Science Application and Delivery Specialist". Another job that is right up my alley, blending science and the explaining of science. And it pays well, too. This one is mostly the explaining of science. I'm still marveling at the timing of it. I would have seen the posting when it becomes official in a month or so, but now I've sent my resume directly to the person I'd be working for. How cool is that?

They are still trying to wrangle the extra months for me at work, and I feel ambivalent about working so hard to get out of there and finding the next thing. I hope the timing works out so I can get done all I want to there, and then take a couple of weeks off and start the new thing. HA! Right. But that's OK.