Monday, February 21, 2011
Back to it
It was great to see everyone, and we began to have "the talk" with my dad. Thankfully he's still sharp mentally, and although he has slowed down just a little, he seems to have many more years ahead of him. He showed me the list - 40 items long - of the things he had to do when he arrived at the Florida house back in December. He's so much in the do-it-yourself generation. I wish I was more like that. It seemed like he's done a good job at getting his papers in order so that we know what he wants to happen in case he gets sick.
Florida, as you might imagine, is nice. It didn't feel homey to me, though, and I'm still trying to figure out why. Where my dad lives reminds me of Tucson, with the low strip malls, palm trees and clay roofs. It feels like a place, like Tuscon, actually, where it is a substantial job to keep nature at bay so people can enjoy themselves. My strong preference is a place where air conditioning is optional, I guess.
I sometimes feel like the odd one out. Mom and my sister are gone, and while no one excludes me or anything of the sort, I feel like there is a bond between the males of the family that I am not part of, and I guess that's a function of loss more than anything else. There is a concept in genetics called genetic drift, where, small changes that don't directly affect survival accumulate over time between individuals or populations that are separated by space. The end result isn't good or bad, it's just that you can tell there's a difference. Not that I feel like I've drifted in a way that influences how well I get along with my family, but I feel like I've had to make my way on my own without their influence because they are so far away.
My dad asks me, every time we are together, if the x and I will get back together, and this drives me crazy, despite the fact that I know he means well and has my best interests at heart. Mr W's dad has never, never ever, wavered in his desire to not be married to me, which is fine. It makes it easier to move on, and I could never go back. I got a bit impatient with him when it seemed like he thought I was unpaired because I wasn't looking in the right places, like church (he doesn't read this blog).
It was a great visit, and I hope to get down there every year or so. It is always nice to see everyone. I guess seeing people who have known me my whole life gets my introspective self in high gear.