I spend a fair bit of time by myself. At work, there are other people that work in the same lab, and it's nice to chat with them, but by and large, I feel like I can go for hours with only my own company. And I'm not complaining, it's how the job is set up and it's fine.
When Mr W's not here, I'm also on my own. I feel like I've filled my time adequately these past few months, with banjo lessons, and the nascent bracelet business. I feel like I've channeled my mental energy away from online dating into creative pursuits and it is a lot more satisfying. A lot.
After going a bit overboard with the Meet Up groups, I'm happy with the amount of stuff I'm doing with those groups. I've figured out what I already knew in one regard: I'm not a go-out-to-a-bar-and-dance-with-strangers kind of gal. I'm not judging that kind of recreation, it's just not my thing. There's a song by David and David called "Swallowed by the Cracks" with a line that goes, "We just drive around in circles, getting nowhere all night long. Getting drunk with strangers, telling lies and singing along with the jukebox." And that sort of sums up how I feel about the bar thing.
But there are good events with other groups and now I know more of what suits me, so that's good. I went to a book club and I want to continue with that one for sure.
Anyway, things are good. I feel like work is going along well. I've got a couple of ideas that I'm trying out, with the blessing of my boss, and we'll see how those pan out. My life outside of work is satisfying, too. Still looking for a good stable relationship, but am convinced that it will come when it comes and in the meantime, I'm trying to get on with things.
So, is it human nature to think that once I feel satisfied with how things are going, something bad is going to happen? I'm listening to "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" and it makes me wonder about getting cancer, and dying young. If it's not that, then I worry about my kid. Occasionally, the inevitable uncertainty over whether my job will get renewed rises up. I think it's a byproduct of the amount of time I spend with my own thoughts, and I always eventually beat back those thoughts (at the very least relegated to the bin of "I'm doing my best here, so that's all I can do"), so I regain an equilibrium. But it's odd to me to think that something bad with happen once I've got my life more or less how I want it. As though the converse is somehow true: that if I'm not happy with some aspect of it, that's enough to keep major bad stuff from happening? I don't really believe that.
Ha! Maybe it's holiday stress. I don't have much, but there are a bunch of details to attend to before Mr W and I fly to Ohio this coming Tuesday.
OK, thanks for letting me vent. Here's a fun holiday video that made me smile.