I'm back. In high school?

I'm teaching one section (24 students, lecture and lab) of an introductory biology course for majors this fall at our local community college. I'm both excited and nervous about it. Not really about the material, more so the amount of time it is going to take to do a good job at it. I picture myself trying to use methods other than straight lecture, and that will take a bit of time to prepare.

I'll have to carve out time in the evenings and weekends, and more or less gave up one visit to AZ in order to be here for class each week. I do get the week of Thanksgiving off from teaching, but CB's going to be in New Zealand. Thank goodness for Skype.

When I'm stressed out about something, I have anxiety dreams. I am amazed at the consistency of content of them. The play out in one of two scenarios. In one, I am back at my old job in Toledo, where I did environmental programming for kids. I've shown up for my first day, the group is coming in 30 minutes and I need to come up with activities right NOW. There is the feeling that I've been away for a long time, and it's great to see everyone, and I'm a little surprised to be having to do this, although clearly it's my job and something I'm supposed to be able to do.

The other one, and this is the one I've been having lately, is that I'm back in high school. Yup, I'm me as an adult, and it's the first day of school and I'm supposed to be there, and, guess what? I don't have my schedule, can't find my way around, and I keep wishing I would have prepared a little better for this. It's high school, and we are in our uniforms. Sorry for anyone who I went to high school with who is reading this, but I never recognize anyone in these dreams.

I think the dreams are mostly harmless, a way to give voice to the anxiety I feel over trying to add another thing to my already somewhat complicated life. But I have an understanding partner, an flexible boss who just wants my "real job" not to suffer, and Mr W's dad has indicated that he'll be flexible as to the parenting schedule. Just need to add the proper amount of caffeine in order to squeeze an extra hour of coherent thought out at the end of the day.

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Saw it a little. Heard it, though

I'm in AZ for a few days. Yesterday we drove south to Sierra Vista, AZ to see a rare bird, a Brown-backed Solitaire. The devotion of birders to the pursuit of a bird that is outside of its normal range was fun and a novel experience for me.

I should perhaps back up a bit. Birding appeals to a lot of people, and of course people vary in the degree to which they participate in the activity. There are people like me, who know a few birds, have spent some time looking at field guides, and would be classified as something like an advanced beginner. At the other end are people who keep track of every new species they've seen, and have a "life list" of birds. These are the folks who have been known to drop everything and hop in the car to drive several hours in order to add a bird to their list.

For me, the fun of birding is being outside with friendly people, looking at the habitat, checking out the plants, and looking at the birds. That's about as far as it goes. Keeping a list seems to be a little too much trouble, although I'll keep my options open and say that maybe someday I'll start one. Maybe it's because CB doesn't keep one that I'm not motivated to. But the two people we rode down with had AZ birds lists of several hundred birds. That is impressive.

There can be a huge element of luck involved in spotting a bird that is outside its normal range. On the one hand, a couple of years ago a rare oriole showed up at a feeder not too far from where I live, and spent a couple of weeks there. It was the beneficiary of the homeowner being an avid bird watcher who put out all sorts of tempting goodies (like grape jelly) for the bird to eat.

On the other hand, as was the case yesterday, the bird might move around a lot and sing its little heart out, but not be within view for more than a second or two before it flies off and is heard down the trail aways.

The fun and lucky thing about yesterday, was that we were literally just about to leave when we heard it call. It was hot and we had been looking for it for about three hours. You should have seen peoples' reactions. We were talking about leaving and then it sang and they (I didn't realize it was THE bird) rose as one body and walked/trotted over to the spot where the sound came from. It was a cohesive movement that was fun to watch.

We spent the next hour stopping and listening, up the trail and down the trail, with people pointing. It was truly a group effort, which I liked a lot. It works that way when people go out botanizing as a group, too. The song is really amazing, akin to glass wind chimes. It makes me wonder how their voice boxes are configured to allow such sounds to be made. Apparently they have the ability to make two sounds independently, which you can sort of hear if you click on the link to the song in this link. Scroll down to the bottom of the page to get to the sound files.

Today, we are off to Flagstaff to visit with one of CB's coworkers, and we'll drive further north to the Grand Canyon to try to see condors. Sweet!

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A rare bird indeed

I flew to AZ this morning, after getting my butt kicked by a week of fieldwork. I don't know what I was thinking. Actually I do, since I brought my knitting and not one, but two skeins of yarn expecting to make good progress on my summer sweater (as the summer races by).

And a rare bird has been spotted in southern AZ, a Brown-backed Solitaire, so we're going to see if we can spot it too. There will no doubt be a bunch of people trying to do the same, and the process can turn into a social event of sorts.

As far as seeing a particular species goes, I have learned that there is a difference between seeing a bird in its native range, and seeing it as a rarity in your state. So, even thought CB has seen this bird before in - I'm guessing - Mexico, saying you've seen it in AZ is still a big deal.

I'm along for the ride. It's fun to hang with birders, the scenery will be nice and we'll see other stuff too, maybe an assortment of hummingbirds, possibly some good plants. Now, if the bird will only cooperate and be kind enough to stay put until we get there...

Fieldwork

I've been doing fieldwork in western Colorado this week. 12-14 hour days are good for banking hours, but I'm tuckered out!! We set traps in the afternoon, let them go overnight, collect and break them down the next morning, and move on to the next place.

Two more days. I'll write more about what we do and what we've found another time. What impresses me is how friendly and trusting people are. Sure, we've got the government van and our name badges on, but everyone we've asked so far has willingly let us onto their property to set traps.

With the exception of one lady who gave permission but didn't want to talk, most other people have asked questions and been really nice. Good reinforcer that most folks are just folks.

Plant Geek

I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way I became a plant geek. Probably when I was working in Toledo, and came across some Cardinal Flower (Lobelia cardinalis), just growing in a wet are in our woods at the very urban park that I worked at. No one had planted it, it was just growing there, and it was a beautiful scarlet color.

And ever since, I've been amazed at how certain plants grow in certain places, and I admit I'm a sucker for color - I love colorful flowers.

Denver has a nice botanic garden. They also do a lot of education and are one of a handful of places that a person can get a certificate in botanical illustration. I took their intro course a few years ago and liked it a lot.

I had been down there a few years ago to meet with people about my research, but hadn't just visited, ever. So I hauled Mr W down there today. He was sort of lukewarm about it all, but I thought it was fabulous.

They're in the middle of a capital campaign, so they've got all this new construction and big plans for research and conservation of plants - really where my true interests lie as far as professional work goes. So I'm going to write up a letter of introduction, and send my CV down there in case they're looking for a population geneticist to come on board. You never know.

But they have these wonderful gardens, and lots of water features, which is so attractive on a hot day like today. I'm don't really care one way or the other about Japanese gardens, but theirs was this amazing respite of calm. Dark water with lilies and lotus on it, turtles, gravel, sculpted pines - it was so tranquil, I just wanted to sit there and do nothing for a long while.

Mr W and I talked a bit about living in a bigger city, where there was a lot of stuff to do. He liked the idea until I said, "well, you'd have to switch schools". But I added that his buddy would only be an hour away and that wasn't so much. Who knows, who knows.

So if you have a botanic garden near you that you haven't visited yet or for awhile, go visit and soak up the tranquility. I was so glad we went down and I'm looking forward to going back. I bought a "me plus 1" membership, so I can go back again and not have to worry about the admission fee. I did that too with our local science museum. The nice thing there is that it gets me into the Denver science museum for free as well. It's almost paid for itself - yea!!

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Turning a Corner

I've been neglecting the blog lately in favor of knitting. At the moment, I'm working on a pair of socks, a sweater that has been taking up most of my knitting time, and a tank top that should fit, but sure looks like it won't, so I'm losing interest.

After a weekend with Mr W, I always feel like I've done a lot of parenting. I guess it's because he's an only child, but I feel sometimes like I work a little too hard at making sure he's got fun stuff to do. I do still need to intervene because if I don't, he will play on the computer for hours. Literally. So I ask him to take a break and he does and I suggest something else. Sometimes I'll play with him, but he's also got to entertain himself because I try to get house work done.

I've noticed a couple of things about him lately, though, as he settles into being 8 1/2. The first thing is that he doesn't want to sleep with a lamp on in his room anymore. This was his idea, I didn't really have an opinion one way or another. A couple of weeks ago asked me to turn the lamp off one night. OK, I said. He fell asleep without a peep (good thing about summer camp, it wears them out) and stayed out for the night. I did slip in and plug in a small night light, in case he had to climb down in the middle of the night to pee.

The other thing was that he's finally getting comfortable being in the water. This is the kid that has passed exactly one level of swimming per summer for the last two summers, when they have the opportunity to pass three or more. At the beginning of the summer, I told him this is the last summer he'd be able to use a mask and snorkel for swimming lessons. He did not take this well. I don't know if it was because I said that, or if he was just ready, but he's been making more progress with the lessons, and he practiced holding his breath during his bath the other day.

I'm proud of him.

Oh, this struck terror in my summer-loving heart: we were are Target a week ago and they were starting to put up the back to school supplies merchandise. Holy Toledo.

Not as old as I thought I was

Mr W and I saw an exhibit at the museum last weekend on health that had movie on what one's body goes through when you're hiking at altitude. This led me to decide that I'd go hiking on my birthday, on a trail that I had hiked a couple of years ago and liked a lot (i.e. lots of wildflowers).

I used to hike more than I do now. I've also had to have some physical therapy this year on my hip, which I injured when I was in my 20's (playing Capture the Flag, but that's another story). So I guess it wasn't a surprise that I woke up at 3 am and started worrying that I might hurt myself, or have to turn back because my hip hurt, or that the dog would get hurt, or blah blah blah.

I considered going someplace else, but in the end stuck with the plan and just did it. The trail head was about 1.5 hours away, up our local canyon (the Poudre) and it was a beautiful day. The dog was about out of her mind with enthusiasm; it was really fun to watch. There were lots of little rivulets of water, so I bet the smells were amazing. I kept her on a leash, which was great on the uphill (got a little assist here and there) but hard on the downhill because she pulled a bit.

And, it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. The parking lot is at 10,000' and the full hike was about 2 miles one way, with only about 1000' of elevation gain. Unfortunately, I only made it about 80% of the way, as there was still snow on the trail and it got deep enough that I was breaking through with almost every step. I'm a little disappointed, but I'm sitting here about 7 hours later and nothing hurts yet. I imagine my knees will be a little sore, but that's to be expected.

I might try again in a month, when the snow will be gone. I could certainly also pick something that wasn't so high up to begin with too, but it's nice to get the cooler air when it's hot in town. It was a good thing indeed to pull out my hiking stuff - pack, first aid kit, boots, etc., and have everything fit and feel good. I love my old boots - no blisters!

I picked up Mr W and we went to Whole Foods. They sell individual pieces of cake, so I got a piece and he got a cupcake. We are all caked up and I'm going to get him to bed so I can have a glass of celebratory wine and go to bed.

It was a good day.

It's not you, it's me

I don't blog much about being in a long distance relationship (LDR). I can see now that, at the beginning I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I'm quite satisfied (for/at the moment anyway) with how we carry on the relationship in the present. CB and I've been doing it for a little over two years now. He also travels for a living, leading bird watching tours, so there is an added component of absence that wouldn't be there otherwise.

I have to say, though, that one major challenge is processing the subtleties. Having to wait to speak until CB's in cell phone range or has an internet connection is just how it is, and for the most part, I haven't had a situation where I had to talk to him RIGHT NOW.

But something did happen the other day that gave me some insight, so I thought I'd share it. Being divorced and having a young kid who loves his dad but won't think to get him anything for Father's Day presents a situation that I sometimes have trouble with. Long story short, CB and I were talking on Father's Day, about Father's Day, and I saw his perspective as being (imagine this) quite sympathetic to a divorced man like my ex.

At the time, which was a bad time because he was in the middle of the last dinner of the tour with the people he was traveling with, I felt weird, like I had been scolded. And yet I couldn't do anything about it because he had to go. So we agreed to talk about it later.

Sometimes the feelings just sort of burn themselves out, and sometimes they don't. We eventually got to talk about it a couple of days later, and while I wasn't seething the whole time, the basic feeling didn't abate either.

It was interesting, after we each had our say, the difference we had was sort of still there, only it was in context now and it was OK. Another thing was the extent to which I realized how the things I do or don't do for Father's Day are hopelessly wrapped up in how I feel about the day.

I marvel at how the process ends up providing me with insight as to why I see things the way I do. Thanks, CB.

Vanity, thy name is...

This is sort of a shallow post, so if you're looking for something pithy, this probably isn't the one.

A few weeks ago, I got my hair cut. I got what I asked for, but it looks very, um, matronly. Practical, ho-hum, no pizazz. I've also been coloring my hair, on and off, at home, for a few years. I did the permanent color for a while, and for the last year or so have been using the semi-permanent kind. But I've not colored it for about 2 months, and it's starting to look salt and pepper. And matronly. And, well, old.

I go around and around with myself on the hair color issue. If I had the money to spare, I'd get it done at a salon every 4-6 weeks and likely be very happy with it. But it's about $100 each time, and I can't justify the expense (yet). So I do the semi-permanent color at home, and it's pretty good.

But then I get into a phase like now, when I try to convince myself that I shouldn't NEED to color my hair. That it looks OK as it is. That my self image shouldn't hinge on the amount of grey in my hair. So I don't color it for a while, and it grows out, and it's a bit two-toned (the semi-permanent color doesn't give as much of a skunk stripe look). Then I hit the wall and color it again. Because it looks prettier, fresher, and like a I give a hoot about what I look like.

What I need to do is to get it cut again, and just freakin' have a professional color it and stop worrying about it. I talked to someone at work who is in her late 50's and has sort of greying blondish, brownish hair - very natural to go with her granola-y self. She said the other day that her hair is completely grey, and that her stylist is going to very gradually color her hair lighter and lighter until it matches her natural color. In other words, she's got a plan.

I need a plan. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and trying to convince myself that, at a few days from 44, I'm supposed to be OK with the grey hair. It makes me feel old and alongside this haircut, the effect is magnified. Here's what I want for a haircut. Minus the attitude (mostly).

Stay tuned.

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Hi, do you mind if I join you?

This has been my line at lunch every day at this conference. Sure, I could go and sit by myself, but I've been forcing/encouraging myself to meet some new people.

And I have to say, I have met so many nice people. I don't know if it's because I'm older, or if I feel like I know what I'm doing (more or less) at work, or what, but it's not as hard to talk to people about what I do and what they do. Almost everyone seems to do at least moderately interesting work, and, of course, they don't mind talking about themselves. That's a good thing to keep in mind in general - people do like to talk about themselves.

My advisor in school was the one to suggest this conference several years ago. I remember her saying that the presentations at this particular yearly conference were most in line with her own research interests, and that the people who attended were friendly. And so it is. The talks have been interesting (although there have been 4 full days of them - whew!), and I'm leaving with several new ideas for my stuff at work.

I think one of the best things has been to talk to other women who have kids and full time sciencey jobs. It's just cool to be able to talk about our kids as well as our research projects.

And I also realized, repeatedly, that my work situation is somewhat unique. I'm thankful for the degree of autonomy and flexibility I have. And while we don't seem to be rolling in the dough, none of my purchase requests have come back unsigned yet.

Looks like next year's meeting is in Portland, OR. I like the green of the PNW.

Evolution Conference Day 3

I never knew so many people worked on reptiles. I thought I'd have enough oomph for a coherent post tonight, but I'm tuckered out. My talk went well. I think the most important thing I've gotten out of this so far are a couple of ideas of things to try with the mosquito DNA when I get home.

Everyone here does tend to think that their study system is so obviously the best.

It sounds hokey, but one nice thing about conferences is that you can get a fresh perspective of what you do because you're explaining what you do to people. Repeatedly. This isn't a bad thing, because people are polite enough to ask. You have to of course reciprocate and learn how they are studying something (*yawn*) that just wouldn't hold your interest. I'm trying to think of a good example, but I'm only remembering the interesting ones.

I don't know why, but I'm fascinated with the pale morphs of lizards and beach mice, who live on sandy dunes. It's such a great example of local adaptation. I guess I'm interested in local adaptation. Need to translate that to mosquitoes, because I think, even though they are really widely distributed, that they show local adaptation. No one has looked for it, that's all.

I was explaining my job yesterday to a couple of people who have faculty positions. I told them how I found out about the job (applied for an ad in the paper), how I'm regarded (lots of autonomy and flexibility) and where my funding comes from (my boss gets a budget and says, "order what you need to do your work") and I thought:

Man, I'm lucky.

And those are my random thoughts. Tired and heading to bed now.

Evolution conference Day 1

I'm sitting in the hotel room, almost ready to get some dinner. I feel like I've earned it, as the conference is about a 15 minute walk (a bit farther than I thought it would be), and I've gone back and forth twice already. Anyway, the room's acceptable (although there's a family with young kids next door, hopefully they'll turn in early).

As I sat waiting for my flight out of Denver this morning, I chatted with a woman who, as it turns out, teaches at a small college in Michigan. She does her research on plant conservation genetics, which is what I studied in school. I don't usually talk to strangers much (although I admire people who are really good at it) but she was carrying a poster tube and was about my age, so I figured we'd have something to talk about.

CB and I were talking the other day about scientific conferences, after I told him I put together a 12 minute talk. He thought that was kind of bogus. The audience would learn more about a particular project if the talk were, say, 30 minutes or so. This is true, but there are just too many people (about 900 presenters) wanting to give talks to do that.

Why don't they pare it down? Well, presenting one's research at scientific meetings is part of being a scientist. It's a way to tell others what one is doing research-wise, learn about what other people are doing, pick people's brains about new ideas, get help with troubleshooting, and make contacts for future collaborations. I don't think they turn anyone down who wants to do a talk, but I'm not sure.

And, while it's true that getting everything you want to say down to 12 minutes can be a challenge, bigger talks that are good talks require more work. I lucked out and give my talk tomorrow afternoon. Just enough time to practice a bit, attend some morning talks, get my talk over with and enjoy the rest of the conference.

(Don't) stop me if you've heard this

I've been thinking lately about how our stories define us. I was recently visiting CB and found myself saying, several times, "I've probably told you this before, but when I...." Then I'd use the story as an example of the thing we were talking about at the time. Does that count as tedious repetition? I hope not. I suppose the people who love us have heard our stories lots of times.

When my family gets together (not often enough, I might add) it seems like retelling stories holds an important place, right alongside getting everyone up to date on what's been going on in our lives recently.

Yesterday, I left work late and had to: get the dog, drop off the dog at home, get the kid, feed the kid and take the kid to karate. We are sort of new to the twice a week after work/camp/school activity, so I'm still very much getting the routine down. In my haste, I left my parking lights on and had to call AAA for a jump. First time I've used it - they were there in 20 minutes - good service!

Anyway, while we waited, I asked Mr W if I had told him the story of when I had been hiking, left my lights on, and my battery died. Just me and the dog and an empty parking lot, no cell phone reception, etc. It was a moment of triumph when I pushed my car out, popped the clutch and got it started. Yes, he had heard that story before. Darn, I really like telling it, too.

While I sat knitting during Mr W's class, I sat next to a teenager whose father was participating. She had nothing good to say about his form, or the fact that she had to be there. So boring, and he was sort of embarrassing her. It reminded me of a time when my dad came to the community pool and did goofy belly-flop cannon ball things off the diving board to embarrass us. I look back so fondly on that now, I hope that girl looks back fondly someday as well. I couldn't restrain myself, though. At the end, when she sighed and said, "finally!" I looked at her and said, "maybe next time you could bring a book". It just popped out, I didn't mean to make her feel bad.

I don't mind hearing stories again. I think it helps to reinforce bonds and remember the things that shaped us into who we are now.

Smells of the season

I was out walking over lunch today and smelled the flowers of some Russian olive bushes. I think it's a pretty distinctive smell, and it always reminds me of summer, specifically swimming at the municipal pool near my house when I was a tweener. I don't think of the place otherwise, but when I smell Russian olive flowers, it takes me right back to that place and time.

Another smell that does that is the smell of asphalt, again, in the summertime. The grade school across the street from the first house I lived in repaved their parking lot one summer, and ever since, the smell puts a picture into my head of the parking lot as seen from the front yard of that house.

Funny how smells can be so powerful. I'm sure there are others that do the same thing, but those were the two I thought about today, as summer's holding back a bit and we're having some rainy weather.

How about you? Any smells that just take you back to a place and time?

In other news, I took Mr W to his second karate class today. He had a full day at camp, and then the karate afterwards. He was whooped by the time it was time to go to bed. It's good to be that tired and have the next 9.5 hours to do nothing but sleep. I thought the class was neat, and he seemed to like it. I got to knit for an hour, while they practiced blocks and punches.

Invoking the Sal

I'm a pretty logical person. Maybe it's because I work in a public health setting and in a lab, but over the years I've become a bit of a skeptic. I've been thinking a bit lately about the logic behind the choice not to vaccinate one's children, for example.

That's serious business, and although I support a parent's right to choose what's best for their kid, I have to disagree with that choice, as the science doesn't back up any link between autism and vaccines. The recent rise in Pertussis (whooping cough) cases (reported here by NPR) is evidence of how vaccinations protect not just the person being vaccinated, but the people around them for whom vaccinations aren't as effective, namely very young infants.

This issue ties in nicely with something I feel strongly about , which is scientific literacy for people who aren't scientists. I'll be the first to admit I don't have the answer for this. It's has to be a combination of the information being accessible, as well as people feeling it's important to know it.

ANYWAY, and this post has veered off into more serious territory than I intended, I wanted to write about a funny incident that happened that defied logic in a fun way.

My sister in law, M, has a wonderful mom named Sally. Yes, my dog is also named Sally, and Mary's mom was one of a couple of Sallys that I thought, "yeah, it's a great name!" about when Mr W suggested the name. Sally lives in northern Minnesota, and I admire her immensely for surviving those brutal winters. Sally is also a pretty lucky person. Yes, this defies logic, stay with me. One of Sally's talents is winning at the casino, and apparently these vibes occasionally rub off on people who are with her.

Another of Sally's talents is finding parking spaces. Yup, as strange as it seems, Sal's got an innate talent for finding parking spots when seemingly none exist. This talent also is apparently transferable, and one can "invoke the Sal" in order to find a decent parking spot. It doesn't seem to matter whether one is late for a doctor's appointment or just trying to get a good spot for dinner, when you invoke the Sal, you sometimes get a good parking spot.

I don't pretend to understand why, and it's probably something along the lines of, say, chance, but it's fun to do and noteworthy when it works. CB and I went to a baseball game yesterday, and there were a lot of people there. We pulled up to a parking attendant, who said we should go back this way and if we couldn't find something, he'd direct us elsewhere.

Well, I invoked the Sal and lo and behold, we got a really good spot. Just like that. See? It works. CB was impressed indeed, and who can say whether that spot would be open? Some things are beyond our power to understand, you know?

Ready Set Go

It's undeniable. Summer is pretty much here, and it doesn't feel much different from the rest of the year. Someone should do something about this.

Mr W is signed up for 9 weeks of summer camp at the same place that he's gone to for the last couple of years. He's a C camper now - getting to be a big kid. We'll try yet again to get him to make progress in learning how to swim. They've got a heated pool and swimming lessons are part of the package. He's gone through one level a summer, a rate that is probably unmatched for its slow pace. I'm hoping this year will be the breakthrough year when I can finally feel like he could save himself if he got pushed into a pool.

I also signed the kid up for a week of Lego robotics camp, which a friend's kid is also attending, as well as a month of karate twice a week, a one day BMX bike how-to clinic, and a hip hop dance class after karate is over. It sounds like a lot, but I think he'll enjoy it.

The extra stuff is my attempt to find him his "thing". The thing he does outside of school and the video games that he'd do all the time and exclusively if given the chance. The way I see it, he's got all this potential, and there's so much to learn and see and do, I feel like it's to everyone's benefit to broaden his horizons a bit.

As for me, I'll be trying to get ahead in terms of getting lectures ready for teaching the biology class in the fall. My boss has made murmurings about doing fieldwork this summer, but so far he's been too busy to actually plan it, so I'd say the chances are 50:50 at this point that that project will get underway.

I've also got my garden that is mostly planted, except for buying some dirt to make a raised bed. Then there's the landscaping and patio installation. So there are unfinished projects, but I went ahead and bought the big expensive umbrella, so I'll have good shade when it gets searingly hot outside. Nicer patio furniture might have to wait until the end of the season sales.

I talked to my older brother yesterday, and he said they were thinking of coming through town on their way out to the west coast of Canada for a conference. I'm all excited now, and hope we can coordinate it. I'm also thinking of trying to do a short trip with Mr W and the dog. It's not like I'm not traveling at all. I leave tomorrow for 4 days in AZ, and am going to a conference for work a couple of weeks after that. I'd love to see family, though, and also would like to go someplace with CB for fun. Maybe all that can be rolled into one trip, we'll see.

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Jelly-side up

"I hope you land jelly-side up".

I've had a couple of opportunities to hope for this outcome lately. Among the people I see walking their dogs at the dog park is J, who until very recently had been an adjunct instructor at the same community college I'm going to do teach at in the fall. Unlike what I'm going to do, she taught several classes and this was her main source of income. She was told very unceremoniously the other day that her services would no longer be needed in the fall.

OK, it's common knowledge that being an adjunct isn't a steady gig, but the way that she got excused was really harsh. The person (department head, I think) made a big sweep and just told her there would be nothing for her, as well as for several other people who had been adjuncts for years. Just the way that it was handled was this weird power play and abuse of power.

Can it be good to be kicked out of your rut? I don't think a person can know this until after the fact. It feels to J only like her livelihood's been torn away from her, screw the personal growth aspect of it. She strikes me as a person who has great people skills and will talk herself into at least a temporary something pretty soon.

The other person to received good jelly-wishes was my former MIL, who is now in another rehab place for two or more weeks until they evaluate her and figure out where is best for her in terms of places to live. I don't know if it's denial or hope that makes her think that maybe, just maybe she can go back to a place that is essentially just apartments, with no assistance. It seems to me that the hard part is that her weakness is intermittent. Sometimes she can transfer in and out of her chair without incident, sometimes she can't.

When I went to see her the other day, she was temporarily in a room on the full-fledged nursing home wing of this facility that has several levels of care. She whispered that she didn't want to be around "all these old people". Indeed, it's her body that's old, not her mind or spirit. I hope she moves to a place that has assistance for her when she needs it, and if that's an "assisted living" place, then so be it. It's better than getting stranded on the toilet in the middle of the night, right?

Home Maintenance

Until I got divorced, it never really occurred to me that I'd own a home by myself. When it happened, we had been living in that particular house for under a year, so I had no sentimental reasons to stay there. The thought of moving into an apartment seemed like it would be cheating my kid out of something, and I sure didn't want to share a wall with anyone.

I gravitated to a particular part of town, the old part of town called, not surprisingly, Old Town. I bought a hundred year old cottage that had been fixed and flipped a few years before. I knew I had made the right choice when there were vegetables on my doorstep the day I moved in. I've paid for a reasonable amount of maintenance and repairs in almost 4 years that I've been here, and overall, it's been a great house.

I imagine it's been the cool spring that has prompted me to pursue a list of projects to make my yard more habitable and the outside of the house look nicer. By the end of the summer (I'm giving myself lots of time) I hope to have installed a paver patio, install mulch and edging about 3' out from my fence line, recycle Mr W's old sandbox into a raised bed, and paint the trim on this old house.

And may I take this opportunity to say: IT ALWAYS TAKES LONGER THAN IT'S SUPPOSED TO!!! Most of it is that I don't have the right tools a lot of the time, and a trip to Home Depot fixes that. Like yesterday, I was trying to prep the trim around my back door to paint it. I had the hose and a scrub brush, and got down to bottom, where it became clear that the paint down there was coming off, down to the wood, and the caulk between the wood and the house came off, so, just like that, I have another something to do before I can proceed.

I also tend to be on the timid side when it comes to fixing some things myself. I don't want to get to a point where I've made something worse by poking around, and it's hard to know that until after the fact sometimes.

I could have predicted that it would go like this, home maintenance projects always do, but geez, it really impedes on feeling like I've accomplished anything. It's partly the money, but I've noticed too, that I wanted to scale all of these projects to be things that I could do myself. I wanted them to mostly be things that I could work on when I could and they'd wait for me when I couldn't. I'll take pictures and we'll see how the summer unfolds...

More knitters

I went to a new knitting group today. I'm a semi-regular at the one that meets through my church, and I like all of the people in that just fine. Heck, my former advisor from school is part of the group and one of the reasons I go is to see her and the fam on a regular basis.

But I was thinking the other day how, darn it, I don't have many friends that I have made since getting divorced. I am so pleased to have made friends with D, but I think she's it as far as post-divorce friends go. Something else I noticed lately was that, aside from D, I think all of my friends are married. And this isn't a problem or anything; it's just a different thing to try to make new friends when one is in a long-distance relationship.

Thus this new knitting group. Not that I'm dissing my first group or anything, but I thought that this might be a way to meet some new people. So I went tonight, and they were very nice and I will likely go back.

I had to leave a bit early to pick up Mr W. My former MIL was supposed to move to a different assisted living facility, and did so for about 24 hours before everyone realized that she actually needs more care than they are able to provide, so she had to go to the hospital and is going to move to another place.

It's weird. It didn't seem like anyone was in denial, but at one point it seemed like she might even be able to go back to the independent living apartment she's been at for a few years. Then she gets a bug and can't transfer herself from her wheel chair and all of the sudden she needs to sort of skip a level and go into a facility that's just a step below a nursing home.

My heart sinks when I think of what this means to her. I know she sees this as a sort of defeat, and nothing anyone can say would change her mind. NPR had a bit on post-polio syndrome (she had polio when she was 16) and they said how people continue to lose muscle mass as they get older.

Grrr. How does one find meaning in these last years? How does a person whose body has failed them continue to eek out a little bit of contentment? I know I need to be more involved, and that I need to be an adult about having to converse with my x about her. I mean, I'm just fine with more or less limiting conversations with him to talk of Mr W's needs.

Anyway, this part of her story will be unfolding over the next few days. I've already volunteered to help her put away stuff in her new place, and just want to be of some help, you know?

"All my training led me to this one moment"

OK, it wasn't that dramatic, but last Friday I met with someone from our local community college about getting an adjunct position there to teach one course for fall semester. Even though I'm one of several people teaching just one class, and the poor guy probably has to go through the process of finding adjuncts every semester, I felt like they were pleased to have me.

I like my job. I love being able to have the flexibility and autonomy that I have, so it's not like I'm itching to get out from under anything. But I have friends and family who are educators and there is an allure about the profession that's undeniable. I mean, wouldn't it be great to get impressionable young minds jazzed about biology? Give them the foundations to be scientifically literate? Bridge the gap between the information gained from research and the knowledge held by the average nonscientist?

So, yeah, I think it would be cool to do it as a regular job someday and this is the first step. Turns out having a Ph.D. helps with where you start in pay, so that's good. It's going to present challenges with getting everything else done, but as I told CB "it's only 15 weeks". He was his usual supportive self.

In other news, it's Mother's Day. Mr W asked me yesterday if I'd take him to the store so he could get me some flowers. Awww, how sweet! Even if I have to pay for them, it's OK. I think this is the first year he's been aware of how Mother's Day works. I think I do a pretty good job of keeping my expectations low, so however it goes is OK. We'll go to the nursery and he can pick out some annuals for the garden.

We'll also go to see my former MIL, who unfortunately is at a rehab place for her shoulder as they make arrangements to move her permanently to an assisted living facility. She's understandably disappointed at having to give up yet more independence. This is the woman who years ago, when she learned that my x had made a large slingshot out of surgical tubing and canvas, happily served as the holder of the pouch, which contained a potato. We went to the dam at the reservoir and she locked the wheels to her wheelchair and we launched potatoes into the reservoir until the bag was empty. An adventurous spirit contained in a failing body.

Anyway, we'll do our Mom Day stuff, and then maybe make some cookies. It's shaping up to be a good day.