Sunday, April 18, 2010

Um, it probably WAS me

It was like a line from the book, "He's Just Not That Into You".

I'll do a quick recap: I get an email from someone on the online dating site. We exchange a few emails, then there's nothing for four days. Then I write him off, then he emails, then I not-so-subtlety hint that I'm ready to meet for coffee, he gives me his phone number, I call and we set a time.

He called tonight and said he's "not ready to date". That I was his first contact on Match, and he's "just not ready". And as much as I appreciate his phoning me and letting me know that way, I'm pretty sure it's simply code for, "I'm not that into you".

And you know what? I'm fine with it. I wasn't feeling like we clicked all that well either. I feel so grown up. This book has actually helped me; it's so easy to lose perspective. It's funny how it's part deciphering the code (It's not you, it's me = It's you), and part cheering section (stuff like, "Why would you waste your time trying to get someone to like you? If someone likes you he will really let you know it").

And all of this is easier to take today because of the day I had. I went to church, and chatted with a couple of people I hadn't seen for a while, and that was nice. Later, I was hosting a study session for my students, one of which lives a few blocks away and has a kid that goes to Mr W's school. He was saying how he gets clothes for his kid from the twin boys next door to him, and do I know J and D? Yes, I say, they are in Mr W's grade. More connections made.

I hop on my bike to meet a friend for drinks and run into another friend and her family, and the friend knows the friend I'm going over to see. I'm talking with the friend I met for drinks and her husband came in, and I end up asking if he might consider helping me with a brick patio, if I decide to put one in this summer. He said he would.

As I rode home, I thought about how much I like his town I live in, and that I've done pretty well for myself so far. Running into people isn't so unusual, even in this town of 130,000 people. I've made a fair number of connections in my 12+ years here, and am looking to make more. I actually mentioned tonight that I liked being able to leave stuff lying around on the workbench in the garage because I'm the only one using it. I hadn't appreciated it for a while.


  1. I keep coming back to how many very happy, single, older women I know, compared to how many older, coupled women. There's more single ones. Mr Third Date and I were supposed to get together Thursday, and he postponed, saying, "Let's get together Saturday instead." And then on Saturday he said he didn't feel well, but he might feel better later, etc, etc. He didn't tell me for sure that we weren't going to get together until almost 6:30 pm, which is totally unacceptable to me. I didn't say that to him, but the mojo doesn't feel like it's going anywhere at all. The challenge is to not get jaded, to stay positive. But geeesh!

  2. *sigh* Thinking that I'll be on my own for the rest of my days is more depressing than liberating to me, but it's early yet :-)

    Sorry to hear this one didn't work out. Do you feel like you balance the online dating (checking, checking, "who looked at me?", etc.) with reality? I get so sucked into it. I spent 2 hours on OKCupid Sunday morning and my whole day was a bit off. I pulled both profiles, and am on hiatus for now.

  3. Linda, when I was on eHarmony I checked it A LOT! I feel liberated since I deactivated the account. I doubt I am ready for a relationship; I'm too busy and a little stressed. Although, I'm in a solid, sated, happy place in my life. But there are two things I dislike about living alone: eating by myself and no sex. I love sex and I REALLY miss it! I also love the social aspect of sharing food with another human; making food before sex... or after... or just for friends. Anyway, here's to the hiatus for both of us, perhaps all three. :)

  4. Suzanne, a sincere thanks to you for mentioning sex! I feel the same way, and it seems sometimes like I'm not supposed to somehow.


Hi, sorry to make the humans do an extra step.