Zoom

It's been hard for me to be in the moment lately. A couple of days ago, I left groceries in the trunk of my car overnight. I didn't realize this until I went to find the bread I bought and it wasn't there. There have been a few other forehead-smackers like this, and I know it's because I'm pretty focused on the job thing. Like it or not, that's in the front of my mind at the moment.

"Living in the moment" sounds like a squishy sort of New-Age term, except when one misplaces their car registration, or forgets to mail a bill, or forgets to bring that van to pick up the kid because he brought his bike, which he had at his dad's house. It's as though there's only so much space inside my head, and it can be taken up by looking for a job, or it can be taken up by the day to day things that need to be done, but not both at the same time.

I'm not really worried, per se. I still feel like something will come up before I have to move, or lose my house, or something extreme like that. I know (in my head anyway) that I've got skills (I've seen them on the resume and all) and that somewhere, there will be an organization that can use me and I it. My SIL pointed me to the blog of a mutual acquaintance whose family's financial situation is a lot more dire, and it in turn humbles and scares me, and then I think, "what if?".

This is what I mean by "Zoom". I've mentioned this before, oscillating between "it's going to be fine, don't waste your time worrying" and "I need to find something NOW" is a bit of a ride sometimes. So it goes. One thing I think I have managed to do reasonably well is to hand it all over at the end of the day. I've gotten good at realizing that when I'm going to bed, I can't do anything else about my situation at that moment. As a result, I fall asleep pretty easily. But I've been waking up early, so the system isn't perfect.