This all started when I got back from my little vacation. My boss (who I really like but is a man of few words sometimes) sent me an email: "call me". That's it. OK... Now, I've been up and down about similar requests before, and it's usually along the lines of "where'd you put those specimens from Mississippi?". But this time he said R (his boss) told him there might be money to keep one of us contractors that got laid off 4.5 months ago (with the end of the contract being July 13st). So the question was, was I still available? And I said, "well, at the moment, yes."
He writes up a one page thing, I read it, it goes to who it's supposed to go to, and then he emails yesterday, "it's a done deal". Just like that, I go from what felt like certain doom to another year of a job that I've done for 5 years already and gives me enough to do the things I want to do. It was just so sudden. And arbitrary-feeling. (I'm working to quiet those certain-doom opinions that float around in my head, but that's another post.)
When I told my dog park peeps about this, I asked J, who is a psychologist/counselor person, "why do I feel a little, well, put-off by this?" She said, "you're feeling all sorts of emotions right now, it's OK". And I do. On the one hand, it feels like my good hard work didn't really have anything to do with me keeping my job. To that, she said, "welcome to the real world". And that's true.
On the other hand, there will be no hour-plus commute, and I get to stay in and keep my house. Two biggies in my "security is important" mindset.
On the other hand, I bought interview clothes! And shoes! Nice shoes. Dressy working-woman shoes (can you tell I work in a lab?). That I now won't get to wear while communicating how well I'd do in a new job.
Or will I? My boss and I haven't talked face to face about all this yet, but I'm going to be honest with him and tell him about the permanent federal positions that I've applied and been deemed eligible for. I think it would be short-sighted to not go ahead and take the interviews for those, if they come.
And on the other other other hand, this is an opportunity, and I'd do well to see it as such. I will now be able to position myself for the next thing. I've had the chance to get a taste of what the job market is like around here, and will do something to get myself better qualified for the next time (and I'm certain there will be a next time) my contract does not get renewed. Exactly what that is, I don't know yet, but I'm thinkin', always thinkin'.
In the meantime, it's Saturday, and I need to do some errands, tidy up the house and am going to see some live music tonight. Still processing all this, but life is good.
Yes, I still have a garden. I'm going out to take pictures this morning. I ate the first zucchini yesterday, and the peas are yummy, too.