I admit I've been experiencing the same up and down thing lately that I've been prone to since this job search thing began. I'm fine one moment, and then I think something like, "what if I lose my house?" "what if I have to commute to Denver?" and, the ever-popular, "what if I can't find a job that pays enough?". *sigh* I get tired of it. Weary. And it passes, and then I feel like things are going to be OK. More than OK, that things are going to work out to my satisfaction all around. They just will. That I will at some point look back on this phase of my life, where it felt sometimes like I was double-whammied with having to look for both a job and a mate, and think, "that was tough, but things are better now".
I'm trying to be more mindful, as in the Jon Kabat-Zinn kind of mindful, as I think this is going to really help me move right on past the doubt and the worry over things that simply aren't in my control. As I've got about 32 hours of driving ahead of me over the next week (wow!) I've downloaded one of his books from Audible, and am going to really make an effort to DO it, not just read about it and think it's a good idea.
One of the things that never fails to de-funkitize me is experiencing the connections I have during my daily activities. Work's been pretty solitary lately, with me doing my experiments, crunching data and writing manuscripts.So I have enjoyed the friendship of the people in my Spin class, who seem just as delighted as I am that we've sort of come together as a random bunch and have so much to chat about.
Then there's the dog park folks, who I see almost every day. We talk about our dogs and our lives, and it's great to celebrate and commiserate there. I'm also tickled that I have wonderful neighbors. It's something that is hard to predict, but I have lucked out in that department. It eases my mind that I'll have people to foist extra vegetables on later this summer, too :-)
And this morning, I stopped by the farmers market to pick up my CSA egg share. It was so nice to chat with Claire, whose family runs the farm. How cool is it that we've been able to develop a friendship that started out over me wanting to buy eggs from a farm? Cool indeed.
So it's these kinds of connections I remind myself that life is all about. Trying not to forget it, either.
In other news, tomorrow and the 4th will be spent getting ready for our road trip. This will be the year to determine whether it's worth it to me to keep the van. I haven't camped this year in it at all, instead feeling like I needed to put time and effort into the house. I'll tally up the cost in time and money and see if it's just cheaper to fly!! That makes laugh, because it's probably close. But it will be a good experience for Mr W and I to see that part of the country. I really enjoyed seeing the prairies through Iowa last year, even though they were the ones along the highway.
In yet other news, I've traded a few more emails with BW, who is out of town and we won't both be available until after Mr W and I get back. I've been ruminating on our conversations, and am looking forward to getting to know him better.