This job thing has taken a bigger toll of me than I had previously thought. It's been interesting, though. When I was first divorced, I figured by the time I was 5 years out, I'd be happily settled down in the relationship I'd be in for the rest of my life. OK, I'm trying not to roll my eyes either. My point is that I had assumed, it's been part of my plan, to be settled down with a nice guy, with another income, by now. I didn't want someone to provide for me, but to be kind of a backup. And I'd be the same for him.
This feeling was ingrained when I was first looking for jobs, and saw the federal one that I did end up applying for. It was offered at two pay scales. The higher one (that I don't qualify for; I applied for the lower one) has a maximum salary (over time) of over 100K. When I saw this, the thought came into my head, unbidden, "If I made that much, I wouldn't need a man". And I guess that would be true financially.
I think that thought started my current mindset that it is all me here. It's my responsibility to find and keep the job that will provide me and my kid (for the half time that he's here) a reasonably good and stable life. And, it turns out, this doesn't scare me as much as it once did. I've got some skills, I can talk to people, I will find something.
I mentioned here a few days ago that there was the possibility of some money coming in that would keep me employed for a few months after the official end of my contract at work. I think that looks like it still might happen. As much as I'm privy to the goings-on at that level of the organization, anyway. Along the same vein, my supervisor told me he met with the highest level people in the division (i.e. our site) to make a pitch to have them change their minds and fund me so I can continue doing the genetics stuff I do, which no one else at the facility does. I was really pleased he would do this. I don't know when we'd know, and they didn't make any promises.
At the same time, I feel a little unsatisfied. I don't want to cobble together a few months' work at a time. And if I do get renewed, I don't want to have to go through this job-related anxiety next year. I don't want to appear ungrateful because I'm not. This, I suppose, is typical of the job situation for a lot of people. We're UP! We're DOWN. Oh, wait, someone's making a pitch for us, we're UP! Stay tuned.