Monday, December 6, 2010


To the guy I had coffee with on Saturday:

Well, it's been two days and change now, and although you asked if you could keep emailing me, and I said yes AND gave you my phone number, I've not heard bupkiss from you. Darn it, too, because I've been thinking for the last two days how we had some potential, and that you were someone I'd like to get to know better.

Alas, there's been no communication. Part of me hates leaving it in the guy's hands, but that's kind of how this ritual works, and I'm usually OK with that because it lets you either show you're interested or not. But next time? Next time you engage in this exciting, sometimes anxiety-provoking, uncomfortable process of trying to meet a new partner, would you please either be interested or be not interested?

Don't waste my valuable time by dribbling out your attention until it falls to nothing. I will not chase you when you throw me scraps; that defeats the purpose.

I got a clue when I emailed you and you said you "had been swamped". Oh my, yes. So busy. Well, of course, meeting an exciting new person pales in comparison to working, getting your car fixed and the day to day drudgery that life often dishes up, doesn't it? It takes so long to write the two or three sentences you graced me with per email. Saying you've been busy is the lamest excuse for not bothering to communicate. Ever. Don't use it, OK? Grow a pair and just say you don't think it's a good match.

And, to quote the words I use when I'm not interested, "I wish you the best of luck in your search".

PS Here's what I told myself this morning:

One of these days, a man will walk, literally, or figuratively, into my life. I will be amazed when I talk to this man and find out all the things we have in common. I will smack my forehead repeatedly when I think about how this person and I are such a great fit in terms of temperament, goals, and lifestyle. I will bore my friends with tales about how much this man "gets" me. How he laughs at my jokes, is incredibly handsome and witty, loves his family, takes pride in his job, and how we can talk for hours about all sorts of things. I will get down on my knees and thank the powers that be for sending this person into my life, as I have never felt a love so deep and generous before. We'll build a life together, surrounded by friends and family, and together become this other thing, this thing that is more than the sum of our parts. That, THAT, Mr. Coffee Shop man, is what I am talking about.


  1. I'm so sorry things didn't work out, he sounded like a good thing. To paraphrase Mary Chapin Carpenter, remember this:

    If you ever wish for things that are only in the past
    Just remember that the wrong things aren't supposed to last
    Baby, it's over and done, the rest is gonna come when you let it

    There are days when this has been my mantra!


Hi, sorry to make the humans do an extra step.