I got an email from the x this afternoon, telling me that he and his girlfriend are now engaged. No firm plans on the particulars yet but they are staying in town.
I have mixed feelings on this. I don't mind, or care that he's taking this step. I really don't. There has never been any ambiguity as to our status, and I am thankful for that. And furthermore, as I told him when I replied to his email, anything the promotes stability in Mr W's life is fine by me. She seems a reasonable person, has a son of her own (a couple of years younger than Mr W) and doesn't seem to have any hangups about her role in his life. I asked Mr W tonight what he thought, thinking that, like a lot of kids of divorced parents, that he might be a little sad that this event meant that his parents really would never get back together.
He said it was fine, and then asked right away how I felt about it. And then asked if I was ever going to get married again. I hope I don't appear like this crazy spinster type person to him. I told him that I was really looking forward to being married again, I just hadn't found the right guy yet. His response was, "So someday, I'll belong to two families." Yup, that's been the goal, my sweet offspring.
This gets to why this news kind of sat like a pebble in my shoe today. I'm a little bummed out that I am not in the same place. I'm a little sad that I am not in the same position. I haven't by any means lost hope, but I figured I'd be there by now. But here I am, and life is good. I'm looking forward to a lot of things. The job thing will resolve itself. My kid and I are healthy. The important stuff is in place.
I know exactly how you feel. My ex and his girlfriend of 5 1/2 years bought a house and moved in together last summer. They likely won't marry, and my kids are older than Mr. W, so the situation is a little different. The important thing is that my sons are happy, well-adjusted and have a good relationship with everyone involved. This feeling of outside looking in remains a pebble in my shoe as well, despite the very good things in my life.
ReplyDeleteI have always admired you for being so open and honest about your feelings on this blog. Your Prince will arrive soon if you wish him to.
ReplyDeleteThanks, all. As Suzanne said, (paraphrasing) as humans, most of us do have an unsquashable desire to be paired up. I'm done thinking that maybe I'm not ready enough. I just need to meet more people:-).
ReplyDelete