Back from radio silence

I've fallen off of posting and intend to get back on it soon. CB was here for a few days, and we were BUSY most of the time. I need to see if he can send me some of the video from the bike parade that went past my house last Saturday - it was fun to watch. Next year, we're doing it, though, not going to be spectators.

Teaching is going well, but I feel a bit behind. They have their first exam on Monday, and I haven't written it yet. Good thing those copy machines are available on Saturday.

Finally found some music lessons for Mr W that I think will work - more on that later. The short version is that they were going to have him in a class, but all the other kids were 6, so he'll get private lessons for the same price.

I'm starting to think about the holidays, too. Looks like Mr W and I will go somewhere, just not sure where yet. Probably Ohio for a few days.

I just noticed the date. My recollection of 9-11 includes spending a lot of time in the basement of the house my x and I were living in at the time. Mr W was 7 months old, and I remember having him on my lap, and he was gnawing on my fingers like babies will do. At one point, I felt two little ridges in his bottom jaw, and there were his first teeth just starting to poke through. Life marching on.

A Musical Wumpkin

Mr W is the nickname I use for my son Zach. After he was born, they brought him into the room and I said something like, "there's my little wumpkin". Or maybe it was pumpkin, but no matter, wumpkin stuck and he, as of this writing, will still answer to it.

He's an only child, and spends his time equally between his dad's house and my house; we all live in the same town so this usually isn't too much of a problem. He does well in school, and given the choice, he'd play on the computer or his handheld DS game thingy for the remainder of his free time. OK, that's not entirely true, but his dad and I (mostly I) felt that he should develop some other interests.

I did not come from musical people. This might be revisionist history, but I remember coming home in 3rd grade and wanting to play the clarinet. And my parents said no. As a parent of a kid who to date hasn't shown the initiative to say "I'd like to try X" I'm still surprised I got turned down. But my parents weren't musical either, so they didn't have a basis to know what they were getting into.

And, neither do I, but I'd like Mr W to have some musical background. A friend's son takes lessons from the terrific music director at our church, so I contacted him and was put on a wait list for private piano lessons. I think Mr W would benefit from the lessons, but looking back, I don't think he's ready to dive in. And, while Mr W's interest right now is an electronic keyboard, those lessons' point is to make him into a piano player.

This was a bit frustrating for me because I don't know what makes a good music teacher or program. I want him to be engaged and like it, despite the fact that he's got to practice.

And then, by chance, I found the place and program.

I was driving by our sad excuse for a mall (vacancy rate = 50%) and saw a colorful sign that said "Foundation Music School". Yup, I was attracted by the sign (hey look! color!). I looked at their website and they've got a program for kids 6-9 (Mr W is 8) that introduces them to piano through aural and visual means, and they play games and imitate sounds. I talked to one of the teachers yesterday, and she was enthusiastic and from the conversation, I think this would be a great introduction to music for the kid.

Phew! It's odd how chance played into this, but that's how it goes sometimes.

I just realized it's September

It's been a good summer. How is this measured? Well, partly by the absence of tragedy, but also by the extent to which the fact that it was summer was taken advantage of (if that's a sentence). Last summer we were all reeling still from my sister's death, and a couple of years before that was the whole divorce thing, so it may be the absence of tragedy. But we did do some good stuff:

Mr W, Sally and I went hiking, something I'd like to do more of, especially given this one trail that allows dogs off-leash. We also went to an amusement park and pushed his boundaries a bit as to what he was willing to go on ride-wise. I keep saying I'll go on whatever he'll go on, but I'm going to have to modify that to exclude rides that go around in speedy queasy circles. We rode our bikes fairly often, and he had a good summer at camp.

I got a decent garden in this year, although my landscaping projects have not come to fruition. Good thing about Colorado is that I've got some time yet before the snow flies to make some progress there. CB and I visited the Grand Canyon and looked for condors. Saw the former, looked for the latter for several hours with no luck. Over half the visitors seemed to me to be foreign - welcome, of course, but where's the Americans? I did some fieldwork for work and have concluded I prefer fieldwork on plants to that with mosquitoes. On the up side, I got to visit several cities in western CO that I had not been to, and they were lovely. Not to mention I collected specimens that will be my work for the next few months!

The weather wasn't too hot, which is always nice when one's house doesn't have AC. There is usually a stretch of a week or so when I contemplate putting the window AC unit in the living room, but it never stayed hot for that long.

So all in all, it was a good summer. Mr W was asking just yesterday about how long each season is, and I told him that if we end up with a mild winter (like we did last year) fall lasts a long time. Ah, sunny, jacket weather during the day and cooler temps at night. But there's always a chance of a blizzard in October as well, but that's the price of living here.

CB's coming in on Friday for several days. It's been a while since he's come here, and I'm very much looking forward to it.

Yes, that's pretty much what I thought

I've been sort of struggling to get up to speed with lectures and the other stuff (so much other stuff!) involved in teaching this class. Getting to bed late, not sleeping as well as I usually do, that kind of thing. But it's getting better, and as long as I'm a chapter ahead, I'm good.

I had this dream the other night that was kind of telling. I was driving, and twice I was going over a hill, and it was so steep that I couldn't see what was ahead of me. The second time I remember saying to myself "I can't see what's ahead". I go over the top of the hill, and can see at the bottom that the river that runs alongside the road has flooded so that it is crossing the road and it's just about impassable. I start to get panicky, as I feel like I'm going to have to go into that flooded area. I look again, and there's a spot on the side of the road, just before the flooded area, where I can turn around. I was really relieved.

I think this is my mind reviewing how I was looking at the situation: first, not knowing what was going to be ahead, then getting caught up in this fast moving thing that I didn't know how to deal with. And finally, the relief of there being a place to turn around, which I think is the reminder that after the semester is over, I can go back to the old routine.

On a related note, I had a realization when I was talking to a student in the hallway before class. There is no way I can speak all of the information they are expected to know by us "covering" the material at the pace that we do. An instructor has no choice in this kind of class but to hit the high points and convey their expectations that the students read the book. I'm grateful that the book comes with this really extensive online learning program and I'm going to use it.

Good Morning, I'm Linda and this is Bio 111

Aaaaaand we're off. I think I'm going to like this teaching thing. If the thought of "wow, 45 minutes has passed" is any indication, I'm fully capable of listening to myself talk for long periods of time.

It's funny. Where I work, there are lots of people who have their Ph.D.'s, so it's not like anyone goes "oooh", although I guess people expect you to write papers instead of just being a tech. However, yesterday, I saw nods of approval when I said I had a doctorate. Instant cred. Well, for that moment anyway.

Of a total of 24, there are lots of nursing students, lots of people returning to school, a couple of people who don't know why they are there, and overall I think they will be a good group, if first impressions are telling.

I need to rehearse my shtick a little more. I found myself pretty much reading from the slide when it was something I just lifted from the book, and then expounding on how cool this or that was if I already knew a lot about the topic. I also do need to get more class activities into the mix. So far, I've spent my time getting all the necessary stuff done (book keeping stuff) before I can think of cool and relevant activities for them to do. I'll get there.

I had them answer some questions so I could get a sense of where they were in terms of biology courses and to get a sample of their writing (to compare against written work done outside of class) and I'm so glad I did. Most of them had biology in high school, but they are coming into this with a blank slate. Good to know.

Tomorrow's the big day

Tomorrow is my first day of teaching. I'm ready content-wise, although I can't seem to get into my campus email account. There's also a bunch of little things to remember and book keeping things to do.

I feel like this is the time to take a deep breath and head on in there. I've sort of figured out how I'll allocate my time, and on the days during the week that I have Mr W, I'm just not going to expect too much school stuff to get done. I was also hoping to bank some hours for CB visits, but it's been hard to both take time off of work to do school stuff, and get ahead in that regard. I have a week's vacation yet, so that' good.

Here we go.

"There's been a small glitch"

That's how I approached my boss yesterday with the news that this awesome data set, which I had just finished a second draft of a manuscript for, had something wrong with one of the analyses. Oops. There's a lot to this population genetic stuff, and I discovered an inconsistency when I was going over the results for something else and I have to get it figured out before we can publish the paper.

One of the measurements one makes when doing population genetics is a measure of inbreeding. Big populations of organisms, like mosquitoes in general, should be random with respect to who they are mating with. This more or less absence of mate choice means there should be NO inbreeding in these populations. Small, isolated rare plant populations? Sure, they're expected to have some inbreeding. But big (like 10's or 100's of thousands - geez, maybe more) populations of flying organisms shouldn't have detectable levels of inbreeding.

But mine do. My feeling this is most likely a scoring error. I put the bits of DNA of interest through a DNA sequencer that is able to detect the size of the bits. Sometimes, especially when the bits are close in size, it's hard to tell what they call stutter, from actual data.

So I'm going back over the whole data set today - let's see, that's 10 markers times 247 individuals. I sure hope I can tweak the machine so I don't have to score all of them by hand, but I might have to look at a lot of raw data to get this figured out. *sigh*

To my boss's credit, his main concern was that we didn't put out erroneous data, so he's OK with me re-doing this part. I don't think it's going to change the gist of the data, but if the problem is what I think it is, what I'll do over the next few days will fix this finding of inbreeding that shouldn't be there. If it doesn't, well, I guess we'll have to come up with an explanation, but I'll feel better that that finding is genuine if I go through this exercise first.

Weekend? What weekend?

I've burned through an entire work day this week going to meetings for my second job (and getting my hair done :-)). I'll need to work Saturday to make up that time, and then wanted to work another half day to bank some hours for when CB comes in a couple of weeks. That may or may not happen. Yea for vacation time...

Like CB said yesterday, when so many people are out of work, no one wants to hear the travails of one's SECOND job.

Classes start Monday, and I'm well on my way to my goal of being two weeks ahead in terms of lecture prep. It's enough and it's all I'm going to be able to do this first semester. I'm having trouble getting into the college's class management sites; the system doesn't recognize my user ID and password. I called tech support this morning - nice of them to have it up and running 24/7 - and they'll fix it soon. *twiddles thumbs*

Gaa. I'm still off balance. Yesterday, we had a meeting with the textbook rep and they have a whole site devoted to helping the students master the content. There are animations, quizzes, homework - and the students pay to use this service whether I get my act together and get it organized or not. I intend to have them do some homework each week, to keep up with the reading and help them use the site, which will help them in the class. But it's one more thing, beyond the classroom management program where I'll post my lectures and keep track of student grades...

I'll get there, but I'm not there yet.

Orienting

I went to the part-time instructor's orientation yesterday at the community college, where I'm going to start teaching on Monday (gulp!). I'm more or less ready, I've given up the idea of being fiendishly ahead in terms of lecture in favor of being a couple of weeks ahead and able to think of those in class assignments that will relieve some of the drudgery of lecture.

There were a lot of people there. The first part was just for the department, which is natural and environmental sciences. It seems the lead instructor is the only full time faculty member; the rest are adjuncts. I can't believe this is a profitable way for a community college to go. There are, let's see, about 7 adjuncts teaching biology. I guess I look at it in terms of me possibly getting a full time job someday, and the odds just seem overwhelmingly against it, even though I think I would like it and do well.

The second part of the orientation was college-wide, and there were about 100 people there, all part-timers. Probably 2/3 were returning. They had most everyone except for the new president (who I guess hasn't started yet) come out and say a few words. I was impressed by the resources available to these students. Writing, note taking, stress management, tutoring, if a student shows any initiative at all, and nothing weirdly unexpected happens (which sometimes does), he or she should be able to get their two years of schooling and get on with life.

I'm pleased to be part of this. Colorado doesn't seem (and this is just my opinion) to support higher education to the extent that some other states do. My brother works for a community college in Minnesota, and they really seem to have it going on. It's presented as this really viable option for students who don't want or need a 4 year degree, or who want specific training. In his department, there are 4-5 full time faculty, and the students go through a program that leads to a certificate or associates degree.

I guess biology at the community college level isn't really a stand alone thing, like other subjects. You take your biology courses on the way to getting some kind of specialized training.

The new reality

I often struggle with the question of whether I'm doing enough for my son. Since he's an only child, the reality is that on the weekends, when I'm trying to keep the place from looking like no one cares what it looks like, he's got to entertain himself sometimes.

His preference has strongly gone to what I call "screened things". The TV, computer and his Nintendo DS. In a pinch, and particularly when I've said "no more" of those things, he'll ask if he can play on my iPod.

The question of an addict. Or is it? Recently, he go the idea to reconfigure the 10 or so Bionicles he's got so that they have pieces and parts of different ones on each. Hybrids, Franken-onicles, whatever. I like seeing that spurt of creativity, especially because he used to be very reluctant to take anything apart once it had been put together. Over this past weekend, he spent a lot of time doing this on his own. He wants to photograph or video them and put them on Youtube. I wish I had more than my very old digital camera that shoots a minute of uneditable video at a time to give him.

I think that, overall, this summer was a summer. That is, even though he went to camp most every day, it was primarily a playing camp. He certainly went to bed later, and got to play more screened stuff than he normally would. He read books voluntarily maybe three times, and I failed miserably at getting him to read aloud daily. On the flip side, we rode our bikes downtown for ice cream almost weekly, and that's a good thing. He also is starting to do chores, which I like and appreciate.

Oh, the sweet days of summer. Well, now it's the first day of school, and I'm looking forward to him actually learning stuff again. He'll bitch mightily, but I'm implementing a new schedule.

I think that he, like a lot of kids, actually finds some comfort in knowing what's expected of them, so with that in mind, we'll try to have a routine in the evenings. It mostly involves me keeping a better eye on how much screen time he's getting, and of course he's got to have his homework and chores done before the fun stuff. His dad and I are wanting him to learn an instrument, so we'll have to work that in too.

I'm looking forward to having him read to me again, and I think we'll wean ourselves off of the Calvin and Hobbes (he can read that on his own time) and I'll start reading him chapter books at the end of the day. I've seen some great recommendations lately, and it won't be hard to find something for us to read.

But for now, I need to get him up so we can start our day.

Clear as mud

One thing about having a blog is that the communication is so often one way. Yes, I lurv to read comments! But since no one proofs this stuff, and by golly, I'm often tired (or pre-coffee'd) when I write, sometimes it makes sense to me but perhaps no one else.

So I was writing about not feeling as much anxiety about teaching because CB and I had had a conversation where it got put into context. He noted that the lab frog cartoon was confusing, so I thought I'd clarify. The cartoon was unrelated except that it had to do with teaching biology.

I had been reading and getting lectures ready for this class, and it seemed like it was just prep and prep and there was no way I was going to be ready. The conversation with CB reminded me that, once I met the students, I'd make a connection with them, and the preparation would be put into context because I'd be helping the students learn.

We don't dissect frogs. Good thing, that.

In other news, we went to the annual Pooch Plunge yesterday, among other things in a very busy and fun weekend. I took some video, which has Mr W voicing concern over the thunder he hears and wanting to go home, but it's otherwise fun. I'll post the video soon.

Time, time, time

Last weekend, I started to prep lectures for this class that I am teaching. It starts in about a week, and my goal is to be 3 or 4 weeks ahead in terms of having lectures ready to present. I had wanted to do things other than lecture, because I think it's good for both students and the teacher to do that.

But I think that for this first time teaching, I'm going to barely keep my head above water presenting lectures that are more or less from the textbook manufacturer. I've edited them some, but am using pretty much what they have. It's not like the material is hard, it just takes a lot of time to process it!!! I have about an hour at the end of the day, and it's enough to get through half a chapter.

I should have started this process earlier. Coulda woulda shoulda. It will be fine, but I hate this feeling of disequilibrium before I settle into a routine of... of..., well, handing over almost all of my free time to this endeavor. It's only 15 weeks, right (insert weak laughter here).

I'm not at the "what the hell was I thinking?" stage (yet), but I feel woefully underprepared to start. Now, I haven't gone to the new instructor orientation (which is tomorrow), and there's another 5 hour (!) deal between the college and the department next week that I imagine will get me where I need to be.

*sigh* It will be OK, I think I'm just off kilter (why doesn't anyone ever say they feel on-kilter?) at the moment and things will settle into some kind of pattern soon. Just starting it is a big deal too. Funny, I haven't had any "I'm back in high school" dreams lately. They're just normal dreams, but I'm waking up more frequently during the night.

I remember when I was in graduate school and my lab stuff wasn't working, I'd wake up in the middle of the night and all of the sudden get hot, like a temporary fever for about 10 minutes, then I'd be up for an hour and finally fall asleep (about 30 minutes before the alarm went off, it seemed). I got that once last week, but have somehow convinced myself that the stakes aren't as high this time around, and that my time management skills are pretty good (and I don't have an infant...).

I hope to resurface here at the beginning of next week and say that it feels more under control.


And the picture is unrelated, but an old PostSecret entry that makes me smile.

A tad conflicted

Let me start out by saying that I love my job. I like it that my boss leaves me be to get my work done, and as long as the hours are in, he doesn't care when I work them. I also get a lot of say in what projects I work on, and we have funding to the extent that I don't have to scrounge to buy reagents.

Doing mosquito fieldwork is not my favorite, but I haven't had to do all that much. Having to attract mosquitoes with horse manure laced water has its downsides. On the upside, I'm going to Denver today (about an hour's drive south) to collect more egg rafts out of trash cans that have water in them. It's easy, and if it works it gets us another colony population to work with.

While I'm down there today, I'm also meeting with the associate director of research at the botanic gardens in Denver. I'll do it more or less on my lunch hour, so I'm not worried about using work time to do this, but I feel a little weird, seeing as I like my current job, that I'm inquiring about another. One that I would likely have to move to Denver for.

But Mr W and I were down there the other day, and even though he wasn't all that interested, and it was hot, I was blown away by the gardens. I loved the feel of the place so much that I sent my CV to this person. I had also heard through the grapevine that they were going to start a conservation genetics program so it was a good time to see what their plans are. I was a Botany major, and I do want to work with plants again someday.

So, we'll see how it goes.

I finally started preparing lectures for this intro biology course I'm teaching and haven't slept well ever since. I should have started earlier, and I will have enough time, and it's not that I don't know the material (water is the universal solvent, by the way). But I'm not in the groove of giving my free time to this class yet. It will happen, but I don't think I'm going to rest easy until I'm about three weeks ahead on lectures and have the other stuff like assignments, and quizzes, in order.

Thanks, Sal

Getting ready for the day is usually a reasonably smooth experience. I get up about an hour before I wake up Mr W, and he gets over an hour to eat/watch TV/get dressed/play a little. I make lunches the night before, and often lay out clothes for each of us as well. It's a rare thing that I arrive at work with my blood pressure up and pissed off.

But pissed off I was last Wednesday, when I sync'd my ipod, unplugged it from the computer and put it.... somewhere. Couldn't find it. Looked by the back door, in the bathroom, in my room, back to the computer. Rinse and repeat at least a couple of times. I couldn't find the thing, and ended up getting to work 15 minutes after I had agreed to be there. Arrg.

I still don't know exactly what happened, but I came home, and there it was. On my bed. With a few suspiciously dog-sized tooth marks in the case. And a little damp. But intact and it's worked fine ever since. What possessed Sally to stop at a little bit of chewing and stopping before she did any damage is beyond me.

I have witnessed her destroy a cell phone at the dog park once. Someone must have lost it in the grass because she found it and (in retrospect this seems so clear) Mr W's and my hysteria in trying to run her down and get the thing resulted in unabashed glee on her part, prancing around as she chewed it into a couple of pieces.

So, thanks Sal. I appreciate having my ipod back, even though I don't know how you got it in the first place.

Random thoughts

Wow, I can't believe it's only 9:05 pm as I begin to write this. Mr W's been getting to bed entirely too late these days, and today was so wiped out at the end of the day that there were only feeble protests of "but it's still light out" when I got him to bed earlier (like 8:15!) than I think he's been to bed all summer.

I usually don't get him down until close to 9, then it's a half hour of making lunches and doing dishes, and it's 9:30 before I sit down for a few minutes. This is really nice to have a little extra time. I might send him to bed early more often.

He's in a good space, this kid of mine. And I feel like I am too. He knows more or less what's expected of him, and knows that he'll lose access to the things that he loves to do the most (Nintendo DS-Computer-TV) if he doesn't do what he's asked. He's going to his first sleep over party this weekend. Right now I give it 50:50 that he needs to come home early, but he very well may surprise me.

And, I have to toot my own horn here for just a minute. I have palmed off one of my least favorite jobs to my eight year old son. Cha-ching! His job, when we come home at the end of the day, is to put away the dishes in the dish drainer. I don't know why, but I hate this job, and having it done for me when I'm starting the dishes later in the evening has been such a treat. Yes, I'm working on the laundry folding thing. That's my other least favorite task.

What else. I've been missing my sister lately, and it's something I should probably devote a whole post to. Her family has weathered this storm with grace and courage. I haven't been able to talk to my nephews much about it, but I talked to my brother in law the other day and he's been trying to get out and meet some new friends. It breaks my heart all over again to think they've had this new reality forced on them, but what else can we do?

My brooding is in stark contrast to her usual outlook and demeanor. She was a highly skilled neonatal intensive care nurse, very competent and also had the ability to put families at ease about their little babies. She was awarded her Bachelor's of Science in Nursing posthumously, and her husband and two sons, as well as my dad and his partner attended the graduation. The hospital where she worked renamed the intensive care nursery in her honor.

If I think about this too much I get teary (like now) and I wonder how stuff like this can happen in this world. Always, though, I come back around, eventually, to the realization that we have our time now, that going through pain and loss is supposed to make us realize how good the good usually is, and we should appreciate (and celebrate?) the now to the extent that we let the little things go and get joy from all the stuff that goes right in a day.

OK, before this turns sappy and preachy, I will sign off. I feel appreciative tonight.

I'm back. In high school?

I'm teaching one section (24 students, lecture and lab) of an introductory biology course for majors this fall at our local community college. I'm both excited and nervous about it. Not really about the material, more so the amount of time it is going to take to do a good job at it. I picture myself trying to use methods other than straight lecture, and that will take a bit of time to prepare.

I'll have to carve out time in the evenings and weekends, and more or less gave up one visit to AZ in order to be here for class each week. I do get the week of Thanksgiving off from teaching, but CB's going to be in New Zealand. Thank goodness for Skype.

When I'm stressed out about something, I have anxiety dreams. I am amazed at the consistency of content of them. The play out in one of two scenarios. In one, I am back at my old job in Toledo, where I did environmental programming for kids. I've shown up for my first day, the group is coming in 30 minutes and I need to come up with activities right NOW. There is the feeling that I've been away for a long time, and it's great to see everyone, and I'm a little surprised to be having to do this, although clearly it's my job and something I'm supposed to be able to do.

The other one, and this is the one I've been having lately, is that I'm back in high school. Yup, I'm me as an adult, and it's the first day of school and I'm supposed to be there, and, guess what? I don't have my schedule, can't find my way around, and I keep wishing I would have prepared a little better for this. It's high school, and we are in our uniforms. Sorry for anyone who I went to high school with who is reading this, but I never recognize anyone in these dreams.

I think the dreams are mostly harmless, a way to give voice to the anxiety I feel over trying to add another thing to my already somewhat complicated life. But I have an understanding partner, an flexible boss who just wants my "real job" not to suffer, and Mr W's dad has indicated that he'll be flexible as to the parenting schedule. Just need to add the proper amount of caffeine in order to squeeze an extra hour of coherent thought out at the end of the day.

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Saw it a little. Heard it, though

I'm in AZ for a few days. Yesterday we drove south to Sierra Vista, AZ to see a rare bird, a Brown-backed Solitaire. The devotion of birders to the pursuit of a bird that is outside of its normal range was fun and a novel experience for me.

I should perhaps back up a bit. Birding appeals to a lot of people, and of course people vary in the degree to which they participate in the activity. There are people like me, who know a few birds, have spent some time looking at field guides, and would be classified as something like an advanced beginner. At the other end are people who keep track of every new species they've seen, and have a "life list" of birds. These are the folks who have been known to drop everything and hop in the car to drive several hours in order to add a bird to their list.

For me, the fun of birding is being outside with friendly people, looking at the habitat, checking out the plants, and looking at the birds. That's about as far as it goes. Keeping a list seems to be a little too much trouble, although I'll keep my options open and say that maybe someday I'll start one. Maybe it's because CB doesn't keep one that I'm not motivated to. But the two people we rode down with had AZ birds lists of several hundred birds. That is impressive.

There can be a huge element of luck involved in spotting a bird that is outside its normal range. On the one hand, a couple of years ago a rare oriole showed up at a feeder not too far from where I live, and spent a couple of weeks there. It was the beneficiary of the homeowner being an avid bird watcher who put out all sorts of tempting goodies (like grape jelly) for the bird to eat.

On the other hand, as was the case yesterday, the bird might move around a lot and sing its little heart out, but not be within view for more than a second or two before it flies off and is heard down the trail aways.

The fun and lucky thing about yesterday, was that we were literally just about to leave when we heard it call. It was hot and we had been looking for it for about three hours. You should have seen peoples' reactions. We were talking about leaving and then it sang and they (I didn't realize it was THE bird) rose as one body and walked/trotted over to the spot where the sound came from. It was a cohesive movement that was fun to watch.

We spent the next hour stopping and listening, up the trail and down the trail, with people pointing. It was truly a group effort, which I liked a lot. It works that way when people go out botanizing as a group, too. The song is really amazing, akin to glass wind chimes. It makes me wonder how their voice boxes are configured to allow such sounds to be made. Apparently they have the ability to make two sounds independently, which you can sort of hear if you click on the link to the song in this link. Scroll down to the bottom of the page to get to the sound files.

Today, we are off to Flagstaff to visit with one of CB's coworkers, and we'll drive further north to the Grand Canyon to try to see condors. Sweet!

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A rare bird indeed

I flew to AZ this morning, after getting my butt kicked by a week of fieldwork. I don't know what I was thinking. Actually I do, since I brought my knitting and not one, but two skeins of yarn expecting to make good progress on my summer sweater (as the summer races by).

And a rare bird has been spotted in southern AZ, a Brown-backed Solitaire, so we're going to see if we can spot it too. There will no doubt be a bunch of people trying to do the same, and the process can turn into a social event of sorts.

As far as seeing a particular species goes, I have learned that there is a difference between seeing a bird in its native range, and seeing it as a rarity in your state. So, even thought CB has seen this bird before in - I'm guessing - Mexico, saying you've seen it in AZ is still a big deal.

I'm along for the ride. It's fun to hang with birders, the scenery will be nice and we'll see other stuff too, maybe an assortment of hummingbirds, possibly some good plants. Now, if the bird will only cooperate and be kind enough to stay put until we get there...

Fieldwork

I've been doing fieldwork in western Colorado this week. 12-14 hour days are good for banking hours, but I'm tuckered out!! We set traps in the afternoon, let them go overnight, collect and break them down the next morning, and move on to the next place.

Two more days. I'll write more about what we do and what we've found another time. What impresses me is how friendly and trusting people are. Sure, we've got the government van and our name badges on, but everyone we've asked so far has willingly let us onto their property to set traps.

With the exception of one lady who gave permission but didn't want to talk, most other people have asked questions and been really nice. Good reinforcer that most folks are just folks.

Plant Geek

I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way I became a plant geek. Probably when I was working in Toledo, and came across some Cardinal Flower (Lobelia cardinalis), just growing in a wet are in our woods at the very urban park that I worked at. No one had planted it, it was just growing there, and it was a beautiful scarlet color.

And ever since, I've been amazed at how certain plants grow in certain places, and I admit I'm a sucker for color - I love colorful flowers.

Denver has a nice botanic garden. They also do a lot of education and are one of a handful of places that a person can get a certificate in botanical illustration. I took their intro course a few years ago and liked it a lot.

I had been down there a few years ago to meet with people about my research, but hadn't just visited, ever. So I hauled Mr W down there today. He was sort of lukewarm about it all, but I thought it was fabulous.

They're in the middle of a capital campaign, so they've got all this new construction and big plans for research and conservation of plants - really where my true interests lie as far as professional work goes. So I'm going to write up a letter of introduction, and send my CV down there in case they're looking for a population geneticist to come on board. You never know.

But they have these wonderful gardens, and lots of water features, which is so attractive on a hot day like today. I'm don't really care one way or the other about Japanese gardens, but theirs was this amazing respite of calm. Dark water with lilies and lotus on it, turtles, gravel, sculpted pines - it was so tranquil, I just wanted to sit there and do nothing for a long while.

Mr W and I talked a bit about living in a bigger city, where there was a lot of stuff to do. He liked the idea until I said, "well, you'd have to switch schools". But I added that his buddy would only be an hour away and that wasn't so much. Who knows, who knows.

So if you have a botanic garden near you that you haven't visited yet or for awhile, go visit and soak up the tranquility. I was so glad we went down and I'm looking forward to going back. I bought a "me plus 1" membership, so I can go back again and not have to worry about the admission fee. I did that too with our local science museum. The nice thing there is that it gets me into the Denver science museum for free as well. It's almost paid for itself - yea!!

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Turning a Corner

I've been neglecting the blog lately in favor of knitting. At the moment, I'm working on a pair of socks, a sweater that has been taking up most of my knitting time, and a tank top that should fit, but sure looks like it won't, so I'm losing interest.

After a weekend with Mr W, I always feel like I've done a lot of parenting. I guess it's because he's an only child, but I feel sometimes like I work a little too hard at making sure he's got fun stuff to do. I do still need to intervene because if I don't, he will play on the computer for hours. Literally. So I ask him to take a break and he does and I suggest something else. Sometimes I'll play with him, but he's also got to entertain himself because I try to get house work done.

I've noticed a couple of things about him lately, though, as he settles into being 8 1/2. The first thing is that he doesn't want to sleep with a lamp on in his room anymore. This was his idea, I didn't really have an opinion one way or another. A couple of weeks ago asked me to turn the lamp off one night. OK, I said. He fell asleep without a peep (good thing about summer camp, it wears them out) and stayed out for the night. I did slip in and plug in a small night light, in case he had to climb down in the middle of the night to pee.

The other thing was that he's finally getting comfortable being in the water. This is the kid that has passed exactly one level of swimming per summer for the last two summers, when they have the opportunity to pass three or more. At the beginning of the summer, I told him this is the last summer he'd be able to use a mask and snorkel for swimming lessons. He did not take this well. I don't know if it was because I said that, or if he was just ready, but he's been making more progress with the lessons, and he practiced holding his breath during his bath the other day.

I'm proud of him.

Oh, this struck terror in my summer-loving heart: we were are Target a week ago and they were starting to put up the back to school supplies merchandise. Holy Toledo.

Not as old as I thought I was

Mr W and I saw an exhibit at the museum last weekend on health that had movie on what one's body goes through when you're hiking at altitude. This led me to decide that I'd go hiking on my birthday, on a trail that I had hiked a couple of years ago and liked a lot (i.e. lots of wildflowers).

I used to hike more than I do now. I've also had to have some physical therapy this year on my hip, which I injured when I was in my 20's (playing Capture the Flag, but that's another story). So I guess it wasn't a surprise that I woke up at 3 am and started worrying that I might hurt myself, or have to turn back because my hip hurt, or that the dog would get hurt, or blah blah blah.

I considered going someplace else, but in the end stuck with the plan and just did it. The trail head was about 1.5 hours away, up our local canyon (the Poudre) and it was a beautiful day. The dog was about out of her mind with enthusiasm; it was really fun to watch. There were lots of little rivulets of water, so I bet the smells were amazing. I kept her on a leash, which was great on the uphill (got a little assist here and there) but hard on the downhill because she pulled a bit.

And, it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. The parking lot is at 10,000' and the full hike was about 2 miles one way, with only about 1000' of elevation gain. Unfortunately, I only made it about 80% of the way, as there was still snow on the trail and it got deep enough that I was breaking through with almost every step. I'm a little disappointed, but I'm sitting here about 7 hours later and nothing hurts yet. I imagine my knees will be a little sore, but that's to be expected.

I might try again in a month, when the snow will be gone. I could certainly also pick something that wasn't so high up to begin with too, but it's nice to get the cooler air when it's hot in town. It was a good thing indeed to pull out my hiking stuff - pack, first aid kit, boots, etc., and have everything fit and feel good. I love my old boots - no blisters!

I picked up Mr W and we went to Whole Foods. They sell individual pieces of cake, so I got a piece and he got a cupcake. We are all caked up and I'm going to get him to bed so I can have a glass of celebratory wine and go to bed.

It was a good day.

It's not you, it's me

I don't blog much about being in a long distance relationship (LDR). I can see now that, at the beginning I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I'm quite satisfied (for/at the moment anyway) with how we carry on the relationship in the present. CB and I've been doing it for a little over two years now. He also travels for a living, leading bird watching tours, so there is an added component of absence that wouldn't be there otherwise.

I have to say, though, that one major challenge is processing the subtleties. Having to wait to speak until CB's in cell phone range or has an internet connection is just how it is, and for the most part, I haven't had a situation where I had to talk to him RIGHT NOW.

But something did happen the other day that gave me some insight, so I thought I'd share it. Being divorced and having a young kid who loves his dad but won't think to get him anything for Father's Day presents a situation that I sometimes have trouble with. Long story short, CB and I were talking on Father's Day, about Father's Day, and I saw his perspective as being (imagine this) quite sympathetic to a divorced man like my ex.

At the time, which was a bad time because he was in the middle of the last dinner of the tour with the people he was traveling with, I felt weird, like I had been scolded. And yet I couldn't do anything about it because he had to go. So we agreed to talk about it later.

Sometimes the feelings just sort of burn themselves out, and sometimes they don't. We eventually got to talk about it a couple of days later, and while I wasn't seething the whole time, the basic feeling didn't abate either.

It was interesting, after we each had our say, the difference we had was sort of still there, only it was in context now and it was OK. Another thing was the extent to which I realized how the things I do or don't do for Father's Day are hopelessly wrapped up in how I feel about the day.

I marvel at how the process ends up providing me with insight as to why I see things the way I do. Thanks, CB.

Vanity, thy name is...

This is sort of a shallow post, so if you're looking for something pithy, this probably isn't the one.

A few weeks ago, I got my hair cut. I got what I asked for, but it looks very, um, matronly. Practical, ho-hum, no pizazz. I've also been coloring my hair, on and off, at home, for a few years. I did the permanent color for a while, and for the last year or so have been using the semi-permanent kind. But I've not colored it for about 2 months, and it's starting to look salt and pepper. And matronly. And, well, old.

I go around and around with myself on the hair color issue. If I had the money to spare, I'd get it done at a salon every 4-6 weeks and likely be very happy with it. But it's about $100 each time, and I can't justify the expense (yet). So I do the semi-permanent color at home, and it's pretty good.

But then I get into a phase like now, when I try to convince myself that I shouldn't NEED to color my hair. That it looks OK as it is. That my self image shouldn't hinge on the amount of grey in my hair. So I don't color it for a while, and it grows out, and it's a bit two-toned (the semi-permanent color doesn't give as much of a skunk stripe look). Then I hit the wall and color it again. Because it looks prettier, fresher, and like a I give a hoot about what I look like.

What I need to do is to get it cut again, and just freakin' have a professional color it and stop worrying about it. I talked to someone at work who is in her late 50's and has sort of greying blondish, brownish hair - very natural to go with her granola-y self. She said the other day that her hair is completely grey, and that her stylist is going to very gradually color her hair lighter and lighter until it matches her natural color. In other words, she's got a plan.

I need a plan. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and trying to convince myself that, at a few days from 44, I'm supposed to be OK with the grey hair. It makes me feel old and alongside this haircut, the effect is magnified. Here's what I want for a haircut. Minus the attitude (mostly).

Stay tuned.

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Hi, do you mind if I join you?

This has been my line at lunch every day at this conference. Sure, I could go and sit by myself, but I've been forcing/encouraging myself to meet some new people.

And I have to say, I have met so many nice people. I don't know if it's because I'm older, or if I feel like I know what I'm doing (more or less) at work, or what, but it's not as hard to talk to people about what I do and what they do. Almost everyone seems to do at least moderately interesting work, and, of course, they don't mind talking about themselves. That's a good thing to keep in mind in general - people do like to talk about themselves.

My advisor in school was the one to suggest this conference several years ago. I remember her saying that the presentations at this particular yearly conference were most in line with her own research interests, and that the people who attended were friendly. And so it is. The talks have been interesting (although there have been 4 full days of them - whew!), and I'm leaving with several new ideas for my stuff at work.

I think one of the best things has been to talk to other women who have kids and full time sciencey jobs. It's just cool to be able to talk about our kids as well as our research projects.

And I also realized, repeatedly, that my work situation is somewhat unique. I'm thankful for the degree of autonomy and flexibility I have. And while we don't seem to be rolling in the dough, none of my purchase requests have come back unsigned yet.

Looks like next year's meeting is in Portland, OR. I like the green of the PNW.

Evolution Conference Day 3

I never knew so many people worked on reptiles. I thought I'd have enough oomph for a coherent post tonight, but I'm tuckered out. My talk went well. I think the most important thing I've gotten out of this so far are a couple of ideas of things to try with the mosquito DNA when I get home.

Everyone here does tend to think that their study system is so obviously the best.

It sounds hokey, but one nice thing about conferences is that you can get a fresh perspective of what you do because you're explaining what you do to people. Repeatedly. This isn't a bad thing, because people are polite enough to ask. You have to of course reciprocate and learn how they are studying something (*yawn*) that just wouldn't hold your interest. I'm trying to think of a good example, but I'm only remembering the interesting ones.

I don't know why, but I'm fascinated with the pale morphs of lizards and beach mice, who live on sandy dunes. It's such a great example of local adaptation. I guess I'm interested in local adaptation. Need to translate that to mosquitoes, because I think, even though they are really widely distributed, that they show local adaptation. No one has looked for it, that's all.

I was explaining my job yesterday to a couple of people who have faculty positions. I told them how I found out about the job (applied for an ad in the paper), how I'm regarded (lots of autonomy and flexibility) and where my funding comes from (my boss gets a budget and says, "order what you need to do your work") and I thought:

Man, I'm lucky.

And those are my random thoughts. Tired and heading to bed now.

Evolution conference Day 1

I'm sitting in the hotel room, almost ready to get some dinner. I feel like I've earned it, as the conference is about a 15 minute walk (a bit farther than I thought it would be), and I've gone back and forth twice already. Anyway, the room's acceptable (although there's a family with young kids next door, hopefully they'll turn in early).

As I sat waiting for my flight out of Denver this morning, I chatted with a woman who, as it turns out, teaches at a small college in Michigan. She does her research on plant conservation genetics, which is what I studied in school. I don't usually talk to strangers much (although I admire people who are really good at it) but she was carrying a poster tube and was about my age, so I figured we'd have something to talk about.

CB and I were talking the other day about scientific conferences, after I told him I put together a 12 minute talk. He thought that was kind of bogus. The audience would learn more about a particular project if the talk were, say, 30 minutes or so. This is true, but there are just too many people (about 900 presenters) wanting to give talks to do that.

Why don't they pare it down? Well, presenting one's research at scientific meetings is part of being a scientist. It's a way to tell others what one is doing research-wise, learn about what other people are doing, pick people's brains about new ideas, get help with troubleshooting, and make contacts for future collaborations. I don't think they turn anyone down who wants to do a talk, but I'm not sure.

And, while it's true that getting everything you want to say down to 12 minutes can be a challenge, bigger talks that are good talks require more work. I lucked out and give my talk tomorrow afternoon. Just enough time to practice a bit, attend some morning talks, get my talk over with and enjoy the rest of the conference.

(Don't) stop me if you've heard this

I've been thinking lately about how our stories define us. I was recently visiting CB and found myself saying, several times, "I've probably told you this before, but when I...." Then I'd use the story as an example of the thing we were talking about at the time. Does that count as tedious repetition? I hope not. I suppose the people who love us have heard our stories lots of times.

When my family gets together (not often enough, I might add) it seems like retelling stories holds an important place, right alongside getting everyone up to date on what's been going on in our lives recently.

Yesterday, I left work late and had to: get the dog, drop off the dog at home, get the kid, feed the kid and take the kid to karate. We are sort of new to the twice a week after work/camp/school activity, so I'm still very much getting the routine down. In my haste, I left my parking lights on and had to call AAA for a jump. First time I've used it - they were there in 20 minutes - good service!

Anyway, while we waited, I asked Mr W if I had told him the story of when I had been hiking, left my lights on, and my battery died. Just me and the dog and an empty parking lot, no cell phone reception, etc. It was a moment of triumph when I pushed my car out, popped the clutch and got it started. Yes, he had heard that story before. Darn, I really like telling it, too.

While I sat knitting during Mr W's class, I sat next to a teenager whose father was participating. She had nothing good to say about his form, or the fact that she had to be there. So boring, and he was sort of embarrassing her. It reminded me of a time when my dad came to the community pool and did goofy belly-flop cannon ball things off the diving board to embarrass us. I look back so fondly on that now, I hope that girl looks back fondly someday as well. I couldn't restrain myself, though. At the end, when she sighed and said, "finally!" I looked at her and said, "maybe next time you could bring a book". It just popped out, I didn't mean to make her feel bad.

I don't mind hearing stories again. I think it helps to reinforce bonds and remember the things that shaped us into who we are now.

Smells of the season

I was out walking over lunch today and smelled the flowers of some Russian olive bushes. I think it's a pretty distinctive smell, and it always reminds me of summer, specifically swimming at the municipal pool near my house when I was a tweener. I don't think of the place otherwise, but when I smell Russian olive flowers, it takes me right back to that place and time.

Another smell that does that is the smell of asphalt, again, in the summertime. The grade school across the street from the first house I lived in repaved their parking lot one summer, and ever since, the smell puts a picture into my head of the parking lot as seen from the front yard of that house.

Funny how smells can be so powerful. I'm sure there are others that do the same thing, but those were the two I thought about today, as summer's holding back a bit and we're having some rainy weather.

How about you? Any smells that just take you back to a place and time?

In other news, I took Mr W to his second karate class today. He had a full day at camp, and then the karate afterwards. He was whooped by the time it was time to go to bed. It's good to be that tired and have the next 9.5 hours to do nothing but sleep. I thought the class was neat, and he seemed to like it. I got to knit for an hour, while they practiced blocks and punches.

Invoking the Sal

I'm a pretty logical person. Maybe it's because I work in a public health setting and in a lab, but over the years I've become a bit of a skeptic. I've been thinking a bit lately about the logic behind the choice not to vaccinate one's children, for example.

That's serious business, and although I support a parent's right to choose what's best for their kid, I have to disagree with that choice, as the science doesn't back up any link between autism and vaccines. The recent rise in Pertussis (whooping cough) cases (reported here by NPR) is evidence of how vaccinations protect not just the person being vaccinated, but the people around them for whom vaccinations aren't as effective, namely very young infants.

This issue ties in nicely with something I feel strongly about , which is scientific literacy for people who aren't scientists. I'll be the first to admit I don't have the answer for this. It's has to be a combination of the information being accessible, as well as people feeling it's important to know it.

ANYWAY, and this post has veered off into more serious territory than I intended, I wanted to write about a funny incident that happened that defied logic in a fun way.

My sister in law, M, has a wonderful mom named Sally. Yes, my dog is also named Sally, and Mary's mom was one of a couple of Sallys that I thought, "yeah, it's a great name!" about when Mr W suggested the name. Sally lives in northern Minnesota, and I admire her immensely for surviving those brutal winters. Sally is also a pretty lucky person. Yes, this defies logic, stay with me. One of Sally's talents is winning at the casino, and apparently these vibes occasionally rub off on people who are with her.

Another of Sally's talents is finding parking spaces. Yup, as strange as it seems, Sal's got an innate talent for finding parking spots when seemingly none exist. This talent also is apparently transferable, and one can "invoke the Sal" in order to find a decent parking spot. It doesn't seem to matter whether one is late for a doctor's appointment or just trying to get a good spot for dinner, when you invoke the Sal, you sometimes get a good parking spot.

I don't pretend to understand why, and it's probably something along the lines of, say, chance, but it's fun to do and noteworthy when it works. CB and I went to a baseball game yesterday, and there were a lot of people there. We pulled up to a parking attendant, who said we should go back this way and if we couldn't find something, he'd direct us elsewhere.

Well, I invoked the Sal and lo and behold, we got a really good spot. Just like that. See? It works. CB was impressed indeed, and who can say whether that spot would be open? Some things are beyond our power to understand, you know?

Ready Set Go

It's undeniable. Summer is pretty much here, and it doesn't feel much different from the rest of the year. Someone should do something about this.

Mr W is signed up for 9 weeks of summer camp at the same place that he's gone to for the last couple of years. He's a C camper now - getting to be a big kid. We'll try yet again to get him to make progress in learning how to swim. They've got a heated pool and swimming lessons are part of the package. He's gone through one level a summer, a rate that is probably unmatched for its slow pace. I'm hoping this year will be the breakthrough year when I can finally feel like he could save himself if he got pushed into a pool.

I also signed the kid up for a week of Lego robotics camp, which a friend's kid is also attending, as well as a month of karate twice a week, a one day BMX bike how-to clinic, and a hip hop dance class after karate is over. It sounds like a lot, but I think he'll enjoy it.

The extra stuff is my attempt to find him his "thing". The thing he does outside of school and the video games that he'd do all the time and exclusively if given the chance. The way I see it, he's got all this potential, and there's so much to learn and see and do, I feel like it's to everyone's benefit to broaden his horizons a bit.

As for me, I'll be trying to get ahead in terms of getting lectures ready for teaching the biology class in the fall. My boss has made murmurings about doing fieldwork this summer, but so far he's been too busy to actually plan it, so I'd say the chances are 50:50 at this point that that project will get underway.

I've also got my garden that is mostly planted, except for buying some dirt to make a raised bed. Then there's the landscaping and patio installation. So there are unfinished projects, but I went ahead and bought the big expensive umbrella, so I'll have good shade when it gets searingly hot outside. Nicer patio furniture might have to wait until the end of the season sales.

I talked to my older brother yesterday, and he said they were thinking of coming through town on their way out to the west coast of Canada for a conference. I'm all excited now, and hope we can coordinate it. I'm also thinking of trying to do a short trip with Mr W and the dog. It's not like I'm not traveling at all. I leave tomorrow for 4 days in AZ, and am going to a conference for work a couple of weeks after that. I'd love to see family, though, and also would like to go someplace with CB for fun. Maybe all that can be rolled into one trip, we'll see.

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Jelly-side up

"I hope you land jelly-side up".

I've had a couple of opportunities to hope for this outcome lately. Among the people I see walking their dogs at the dog park is J, who until very recently had been an adjunct instructor at the same community college I'm going to do teach at in the fall. Unlike what I'm going to do, she taught several classes and this was her main source of income. She was told very unceremoniously the other day that her services would no longer be needed in the fall.

OK, it's common knowledge that being an adjunct isn't a steady gig, but the way that she got excused was really harsh. The person (department head, I think) made a big sweep and just told her there would be nothing for her, as well as for several other people who had been adjuncts for years. Just the way that it was handled was this weird power play and abuse of power.

Can it be good to be kicked out of your rut? I don't think a person can know this until after the fact. It feels to J only like her livelihood's been torn away from her, screw the personal growth aspect of it. She strikes me as a person who has great people skills and will talk herself into at least a temporary something pretty soon.

The other person to received good jelly-wishes was my former MIL, who is now in another rehab place for two or more weeks until they evaluate her and figure out where is best for her in terms of places to live. I don't know if it's denial or hope that makes her think that maybe, just maybe she can go back to a place that is essentially just apartments, with no assistance. It seems to me that the hard part is that her weakness is intermittent. Sometimes she can transfer in and out of her chair without incident, sometimes she can't.

When I went to see her the other day, she was temporarily in a room on the full-fledged nursing home wing of this facility that has several levels of care. She whispered that she didn't want to be around "all these old people". Indeed, it's her body that's old, not her mind or spirit. I hope she moves to a place that has assistance for her when she needs it, and if that's an "assisted living" place, then so be it. It's better than getting stranded on the toilet in the middle of the night, right?

Home Maintenance

Until I got divorced, it never really occurred to me that I'd own a home by myself. When it happened, we had been living in that particular house for under a year, so I had no sentimental reasons to stay there. The thought of moving into an apartment seemed like it would be cheating my kid out of something, and I sure didn't want to share a wall with anyone.

I gravitated to a particular part of town, the old part of town called, not surprisingly, Old Town. I bought a hundred year old cottage that had been fixed and flipped a few years before. I knew I had made the right choice when there were vegetables on my doorstep the day I moved in. I've paid for a reasonable amount of maintenance and repairs in almost 4 years that I've been here, and overall, it's been a great house.

I imagine it's been the cool spring that has prompted me to pursue a list of projects to make my yard more habitable and the outside of the house look nicer. By the end of the summer (I'm giving myself lots of time) I hope to have installed a paver patio, install mulch and edging about 3' out from my fence line, recycle Mr W's old sandbox into a raised bed, and paint the trim on this old house.

And may I take this opportunity to say: IT ALWAYS TAKES LONGER THAN IT'S SUPPOSED TO!!! Most of it is that I don't have the right tools a lot of the time, and a trip to Home Depot fixes that. Like yesterday, I was trying to prep the trim around my back door to paint it. I had the hose and a scrub brush, and got down to bottom, where it became clear that the paint down there was coming off, down to the wood, and the caulk between the wood and the house came off, so, just like that, I have another something to do before I can proceed.

I also tend to be on the timid side when it comes to fixing some things myself. I don't want to get to a point where I've made something worse by poking around, and it's hard to know that until after the fact sometimes.

I could have predicted that it would go like this, home maintenance projects always do, but geez, it really impedes on feeling like I've accomplished anything. It's partly the money, but I've noticed too, that I wanted to scale all of these projects to be things that I could do myself. I wanted them to mostly be things that I could work on when I could and they'd wait for me when I couldn't. I'll take pictures and we'll see how the summer unfolds...

More knitters

I went to a new knitting group today. I'm a semi-regular at the one that meets through my church, and I like all of the people in that just fine. Heck, my former advisor from school is part of the group and one of the reasons I go is to see her and the fam on a regular basis.

But I was thinking the other day how, darn it, I don't have many friends that I have made since getting divorced. I am so pleased to have made friends with D, but I think she's it as far as post-divorce friends go. Something else I noticed lately was that, aside from D, I think all of my friends are married. And this isn't a problem or anything; it's just a different thing to try to make new friends when one is in a long-distance relationship.

Thus this new knitting group. Not that I'm dissing my first group or anything, but I thought that this might be a way to meet some new people. So I went tonight, and they were very nice and I will likely go back.

I had to leave a bit early to pick up Mr W. My former MIL was supposed to move to a different assisted living facility, and did so for about 24 hours before everyone realized that she actually needs more care than they are able to provide, so she had to go to the hospital and is going to move to another place.

It's weird. It didn't seem like anyone was in denial, but at one point it seemed like she might even be able to go back to the independent living apartment she's been at for a few years. Then she gets a bug and can't transfer herself from her wheel chair and all of the sudden she needs to sort of skip a level and go into a facility that's just a step below a nursing home.

My heart sinks when I think of what this means to her. I know she sees this as a sort of defeat, and nothing anyone can say would change her mind. NPR had a bit on post-polio syndrome (she had polio when she was 16) and they said how people continue to lose muscle mass as they get older.

Grrr. How does one find meaning in these last years? How does a person whose body has failed them continue to eek out a little bit of contentment? I know I need to be more involved, and that I need to be an adult about having to converse with my x about her. I mean, I'm just fine with more or less limiting conversations with him to talk of Mr W's needs.

Anyway, this part of her story will be unfolding over the next few days. I've already volunteered to help her put away stuff in her new place, and just want to be of some help, you know?

"All my training led me to this one moment"

OK, it wasn't that dramatic, but last Friday I met with someone from our local community college about getting an adjunct position there to teach one course for fall semester. Even though I'm one of several people teaching just one class, and the poor guy probably has to go through the process of finding adjuncts every semester, I felt like they were pleased to have me.

I like my job. I love being able to have the flexibility and autonomy that I have, so it's not like I'm itching to get out from under anything. But I have friends and family who are educators and there is an allure about the profession that's undeniable. I mean, wouldn't it be great to get impressionable young minds jazzed about biology? Give them the foundations to be scientifically literate? Bridge the gap between the information gained from research and the knowledge held by the average nonscientist?

So, yeah, I think it would be cool to do it as a regular job someday and this is the first step. Turns out having a Ph.D. helps with where you start in pay, so that's good. It's going to present challenges with getting everything else done, but as I told CB "it's only 15 weeks". He was his usual supportive self.

In other news, it's Mother's Day. Mr W asked me yesterday if I'd take him to the store so he could get me some flowers. Awww, how sweet! Even if I have to pay for them, it's OK. I think this is the first year he's been aware of how Mother's Day works. I think I do a pretty good job of keeping my expectations low, so however it goes is OK. We'll go to the nursery and he can pick out some annuals for the garden.

We'll also go to see my former MIL, who unfortunately is at a rehab place for her shoulder as they make arrangements to move her permanently to an assisted living facility. She's understandably disappointed at having to give up yet more independence. This is the woman who years ago, when she learned that my x had made a large slingshot out of surgical tubing and canvas, happily served as the holder of the pouch, which contained a potato. We went to the dam at the reservoir and she locked the wheels to her wheelchair and we launched potatoes into the reservoir until the bag was empty. An adventurous spirit contained in a failing body.

Anyway, we'll do our Mom Day stuff, and then maybe make some cookies. It's shaping up to be a good day.

Podcast Junkie

As far as home electronics technology goes, I limp along. I don't really watch TV, and Mr W watches videos from the library. I don't feel like I'm missing much, because I spend a good bit of time on my computer, and NPR is pretty much always on at my house.

Last fall, when it looked like I was going to have to do a big slog of lab work, and somehow radio reception in the lab evaporated, I looked into getting an ipod. I settled on a Nano, and I must say it has been a really useful little gadget.

My funds never seem to allow me to justify buying music, so I've mostly used the ipod to listen to free podcasts at work and in the car. Somehow my 12 year old car radio came with a jack for plugging in things like my ipod. Go figure.

I've tried a lot of podcasts, and as you might expect, there's a wide range of topics and appeal out there. I thought I'd jot down some of my favorites. In alphabetic order, because that's how they are on iTunes. Here we go:

1. American Public Media's (APM) Speaking of Faith, with Krista Tippet. Not really about religion at all.
2. APM's The Splendid Table with Lynn Rosetto Casper. "For people who love to eat!"
3. Cast On with Brenda Dayne. A knitting podcast connecting knitting with life.
4. CBC Radio's The Vinyl Cafe with Stewart McLean. Sort of like A Prairie Home Companion with more music.
5. The Dinner Party Download. Little bits of conversation starters. They are so California.
6. Le Show, by Harry Shearer. Very funny, and he's pretty normal for a celebrity.
7. Knit Picks Podcast. Another knitting one; more about techniques.
8. Medical Matters by the BBC. Good medical-based features on one topic per episode.
9. The Moth Podcast. Go listen to it now. If you haven't heard of The Moth, you will. Amazing true stories "told without notes". Go. Now.
10. NPR's Talk of the Nation. We don't get it on my public radio station.
11. NPR's Planet Money. Another one to go listen to right now. They have talked me through the economic crisis. Knowlegeable and entertaining.
12. Ready Set Knit. Yet another knitting podcast. More techniques.
13. Science in the City from WNYC. Great features on science from the NY Academy of Science
14. Stash and Burn. Knitting. They knit a lot and talk about the ins and outs of patterns.
15. Studio 360 with Kurt Anderson. Art, culture, some sciencey stuff.
16. Stuff You Should Know. Josh and Chuck tell us all sorts of things about stuff you haven't thought to think about.
17. This American Life with Ira Glass. Somehow I usually miss this on the radio.
18. WNYC's Radio Lab. Another must-have. They only do a few shows per season, but you will be blown away at how they make science to entertaining and educational.

If I were to recommend just a few of these, I would point you to The Moth, Planet Money and Radio Lab. I really like everything on the list, though. I included the links to their websites, which are usually great as well, but you can get all of these through iTunes.

Happy listening!!

The downside of discipline

Mr W, through a series of unfortunate choices, today lost access to his video games, the computer and the TV. If he had his way, he wouldn't leave the house all weekend, he'd just bounce from screened thing to the next screened thing, so pulling it all is a fairly big deal.

But man-o-man today I wish he had a sibling. I spent more time than I probably should have helping him do his alternative thing. I was/am impressed though, that when he knew he had to find something to do, he thought of something creative. He made short videos with his legos.

Now we have about the lowest tech set up imaginable. A 9 year old digital camera that shoots 90 seconds of video at a time that has a set focus and sound, and is not editable. But he had little scenes that he shot and I put them in order and we burned them to a CD and he watched them. And was quite pleased with himself. I was too.

He didn't know enough about how to work the camera and that part of the computer to do it all by himself, so I didn't get a chance to sit down and do anything fun for me this afternoon (harrumph!).

He's going to hate to hear this, but I like him better when he's not consumed by the desire to play the video games. He's more patient and creative. I remembered something today that I had forgotten or dropped because it seems something like punishment, but I don't care anymore, I'm going to try it. I hereby deem one day a week an Unplugged Evening. Get some freakin' balance already.

I don't think he realizes it himself, but he will do sort of a classic "testing the limits" deal every once in a while just to know where he stands. I don't think the particular spot is as important as that he knows there is a spot, a line that he doesn't cross without consequences.

Started writing, but...

I've started a couple of posts, but they've gone nowhere. I'll be back tonight with something(s) that might be interesting to read. Until then.

The To Do List

What's on your To Do list? When I was in school I was big into keeping a list of the things I needed to attend to. I suppose if I were trying to juggle school, work and family now, I'd probably have some sort of electronic assistance to keep things straight. I do have a calendar, with my schedule, CB's travel dates, and when I am slated to watch Mr W. Otherwise, it's occasional notes to myself and the rest is in my head.

I have a kid free weekend coming up. Mr W's dad and I switch off weekends, and so far the schedule suits everyone. I imagine as he gets older, Mr W will have more of an opinion and we'll try to accommodate him. I used to get kind of squirrely (the word I've always used to describe it) when the kid would be with his dad. I felt unanchored, and when left to my own devices too long I tended to start to worry about all sorts of things that didn't need worrying about.

There is certainly no shortage of things to do around the house. I'm starting to reclaim my basement, which over the span of time I've lived here (3.5 years) has served as the "hmmm, don't know what to do with that, let's put it in the basement" place. About half of it needs to be put away neatly and the other half is going to Goodwill. I hope to turn the space back into guest space and a little sitting area. And of course there is the usual housework stuff I try to avoid.

What else is on my list of things To Do? There are those things that I'd rather do than the list of chores and maintenance/improvement stuff. I'd like to stroll downtown and go people watching. I'm knitting a pair of socks and one part has been a real challenge. Gotta exercise the dog - that's good for both of us.

Back when CB and I started dating, I burned through all of my vacation really quickly and had to work practically every weekend that I wasn't watching Mr W to generate enough time off for visits. Looking back, it was hard! The same amount of time off each month, just allocated differently. Now, I try to look ahead a bit and work just one of the weekend days. I also work a lot of the holidays, and have used my vacation time more wisely. Things feel more balanced.

So, I have Saturday off! I will meet up with friend D to work on knitting and drink wine and chit chat. I'll work Sunday, and try to get my housework done at some point. I'll work on my knitting, pay attention to the dog and work in the basement. It's hard to do it sometimes, but when I'm being objective, I feel like all the things on my list are important.

Now, where were those socks I was working on?

Project Notes

To say that I've embraced knitting is not an understatement. I usually have several projects going at once, and happily bounce from thing to thing depending on what I feel like working on. At this point, it's part of my day, and I feel like something's missing if I don't do a bit of knitting.

As to why this enthusiasm has developed, I'm pretty sure that being in a long distance relationship has something to do with it. There are long stretches of solo time, and it helps to have something to do that makes me feel like I'm living well, as opposed to just waiting for the next visit.

In terms of projects, I find it's good to have one or two that are mindless knitting that I can just do wherever. Then I like to work on something that forces me to learn something new. This may not seem the case to people who don't knit, but there are a lot of places to go once one has learned the basics. I think it's safe to say that knitters who consider themselves "experienced" have probably been doing it in earnest for at least 5-10 years. At least.

Keeping the "learning something new" think in mind, friend D and I decided to each start knitting the same sweater pattern. Long story short, we both stopped working on it, for different reasons. Speaking for myself, I'm just not there yet. It was not enjoyable at all. So I'm going to make Acer. (picture from that link).

I also started a pair of socks using a new method. I had lots of information on techniques, but not a specific pattern, so it has taken me a lot longer than I thought it would, with lots of ripping back and re-doing. Ultimately, I think this way will be faster and make a nicer sock, but it's frustrating as hell at the moment.

With those two stalled projects in mind, I started on a scarf called Clapotis (picture from here). Safe, predictable, useful. It had a new technique in it, where one drops a stitch at a particular point to create a really cool ladder effect. But it too has been an exercise in patience, as one has to knit a lot before getting to the good stuff. I was close to putting it aside when I got to do the first ladder, and now I'm hooked.

Then, there's baby stuff. I'd like to whip out a couple of gifts before the babies in question go off to college, so I need to get crackin'. The simple fact is that there will always, ALWAYS be more cool patterns out there than I can knit, so I need to choose wisely.

It's funny how this thing, a hobby, can go from something that is chosen to fill time, to something that engages me so much, to something that got added to the list of things that helps me define myself.

Easter

For some reason, I've been thinking about Easter this year. Not so much the "Christ has risen from the dead" aspect of it, but more so the rituals my family observed when I was growing up. Maybe it's because I have not marked it in any way? I also have had a hankering for a ham sandwich, which tells me I miss the ritual vs. the message.

But it also strikes me that the way I celebrate holidays has changed since the divorce. I don't put a lot of effort into the big holiday extravaganza because it's just me and Mr W, and half the time he's at his dad's house.

Growing up, my mom would hide our Easter baskets around the house and I'm still impressed at how she found good hiding places for years. We always used the Paas dye kits, and to this day, the smell of cider vinegar reminds me of Easter. Like most of my friends, we'd be eating egg salad sandwiches for a week afterwards. We'd get dressed up, take the obligatory family picture, and go to church. Then we'd either have relatives over, or go to someone's house for the afternoon.

I guess I'm just feeling nostalgic. I'll get my ham sandwich craving satisfied today or tomorrow, and continue to think about springy things.

Ugh, more snow? What I meant was...

This morning finds Colorado digging out from another spring storm. No one can really bitch too much about it, as we desperately need the moisture and that's just how the climate is around here. I get a little bummed out because the plows (a good thing) pile snow up in front of my alley, and it's hard to get my car out unless I shovel that plowed snow (a bad thing).

But I didn't really want to post on the snow. This week marked what would have been my mom's 72nd birthday.

I guess I can blame this one on Facebook. People have posted a lot of family photos, and it has been really fun to see both the families of people how they were when I was growing up, as well as of their kids and families now.

I also heard a statistic this week that unemployment hasn't been this high since 1983, the year I graduated from high school. The following year, my dad lost his job, and, being the selfish teenager I was, the first words out of my mouth were, "Can I still go away to college this fall?" I still cringe when I think of that, even more so now that I'm a parent and I know how much is involved in financing kids' activities. I did get to go away to college after all, by the way.

But I guess it's these things that have me wondering about what my mom would be like at this age, and what she would think about how I've turned out. She was certainly a product of her time. She and dad (who just turned 74 and is going strong) had three kids in the space of three years, which I know I've mentioned before but it never ceases to astound me.

She grew up in Pine Bush, NY, the daughter of a teacher and a large animal vet who worked for Cornell. She enrolled in nursing school at St. Luke's hospital, in New York City, and got her nursing degree. After she graduated, she and a friend drove out West, and spent 6 months sightseeing and working. To hear her tell it, all you had to do to get a job was to tell the nursing supervisor where you went to school and who your nursing supervisor was there, and you could get a job. I've always been impressed that, as two single women, they had the chutzpah to go on this adventure. I think it was the late 1950's.

She moved to Cleveland, I assume because that's where her friend was from, and at the almost-old-maid age of 24, met my dad at a party and they were married a year later. She stayed home with us kids until I was going to start first grade. I still remember getting her all to myself that year, when I only had half day kindergarten. Can you imagine? She almost had her freedom, the third kid ready to start school and.... she gets pregnant with my younger brother. Ouch. This must have been very difficult for her, for both of them, but she stayed a stay at home mom until he went off to school, and then continued working as a nurse.

Unfortunately, she was a smoker, and could never manage to quit. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that had spread to her lungs (or maybe the other way around?) in 1993, during a summer that she was in and out of the hospital, and we were all firmly in denial of the incomprehensible idea that she could die. I regret that no one ever acknowledged that she was actually dying, she just got sicker and sicker and then she was gone.

I wish she and Mr W could have met. They would have been fast friends, and I'm so grateful that he's got his grandma on his dad's side that treats him the way a grandma should (treats, gifts, a good listening ear).

She was a huge Cleveland Browns fan, in the glory days of Brian Sipe and in the days when the team was actually a contender. We'd watch the games on Sundays, and I must have been in junior high at the time. She hated to watch the games alone, and my dad would get so worked up that he had to go upstairs and read, or go take a walk. She'd get all excited when the Browns would make a good play, and in her euphoria, she'd pinch the upper arm (hard, sometimes!) of the closest person.

To say that I miss her is not quite getting at it. It's like with my sister. There's simply a hole there that can't really be filled. We are so adaptable as people, though, that this stuff teaches what we can deal with ourselves and what we need to call on our support circle (that's so new agey, but still) for.

Happy Birthday, Judy!