By mutual agreement, B and I decided to end our relationship today. I saw it coming, but I'm still a little melancholy tonight. We dated for about five months. In the end neither of us felt like it was a good fit. I tell you, that chemistry thing, that spark, the feeling that you and another person "fit", are still a bit of a mystery to me. It's hard when both parties are nice and good people, because you think it SHOULD work, but I guess it makes it easier, too, because you can part on good terms, which we did. No harm, no foul.
As I said, I saw this coming, and I was at the library yesterday, and happened upon a book called, "Meeting Your Half-Orange" by Amy Spencer. The subtitle is, "An utterly upbeat guide to using dating optimism to find your perfect match." The book is about getting into the mindset that: A) a person who is a really good fit for you is out there, and B) you can, by remembering this, and acknowledging what you're looking for, and what you have to offer, attract that person to you. The book stays largely away from making the process seem too mystical; she gives a psychological basis for her ideas instead, which I like. I also like how she stresses that we shouldn't settle. That we should do some soul searching as to what it is that we really want in a relationship, and ask for it.
And I find myself, strangely, optimistic. Something the book mentions is to tell the universe that you are looking for your half-orange (a translated Spanish expression that refers to the idea that if you find your half-orange, you and he make up something together that is complete, although she stresses that we are really looking for someone complementary, not someone who would "complete" us).
So I'm telling you and the universe, now, at this time. I'm in a good place in my life, and I'm looking for a committed relationship with a guy who is a really good fit for me and in it for the long haul.
I'm not soured on internet dating, either, btw. I still think it's a good way to see a bunch of people that meet your basic criteria. However, I'm not in a hurry to jump back into that pond. I'm going to just be for a while. I'm certain I'll find him. It might take a while, but he's out there.
It's amazing how many pieces have to fit. I've met bunches of folks that wanted to walk to the same place, but weren't happy, or smart, or interesting, or semi-educated, or, or (or sane)... And then there's chemistry and all the other stuff. Then we have chemistry with totally non-fits. Go figure. I like the idea of not working so hard. Lord knows, working hard isn't working. And I like the idea of keeping high standards...
ReplyDeleteI met a great person a month or so ago who's not a partner possibility, but is making me feel great and it's helped my attitude change for the better. (Not something I'm going to write about in my blog - yet or maybe ever.)
Glad it's amicable with you and B! Do you still have a hiking buddy?
Linda:
ReplyDeleteYou sound OK with the mutual decision. That's a good place to be. It's all in due time, I guess. Live and learn - that way life alwayw gets better. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!
We were talking in SS whether arranged marriages would sometimes work better than trying to 'find' your own...in that these people know you and see you from a different perspective and don't have emotions involved, just what makes sense, but that whole blind-date-life would be scary!! We are not the arranged marriage type of group, but you get to thinking about people who just don't want to see what is blaringly obvious to friends sometimes...like disrespecting, and things going on behind the back.... just a point to ponder
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments, all.
ReplyDeleteJordan - I hope you like the book. Yes, I think after some time has passed, we'd be good hiking buddies.
Suzanne - Yes, all in due time. I'm keeping busy, and even got invited to a Halloween party this weekend - yea!
Karen Sue - I wish sometimes my family was all together in one place so at least I could see what kind of guy they'd think was good for me.