MoDa 2011

For a long time, I have viewed Mother's Day with mixed emotions. My own mom, Judy, died in 1993, so after a couple years of very sad Mother's Days, the day has been one where I didn't have much to do. Fast forward to when I became a mom, and up until about a year ago, Mr W's cluelessness has made nothing happen on the day.

I guess that's an advantage of a two-parent household. The other parent can prod the child to get something or make a card, whereas I'm not going to press my kid into paying homage. Well, not too much. He's finally big enough that I can extract some yard work out of him "as your gift to me for Mother's Day" and he's game.

For some reason, this year feels a little different. I feel that I can celebrate my mom without getting too sad, and also celebrate being a mom. On Facebook, a bunch of friends have changed their profile picture to a picture of their moms, and I've followed suit. I posted this shot of her, taken when I was 2, which would make her about 29. She looks awesomely fabulous.

I'm not sure where the feeling of different comes from. I've been around and around with myself for the last few months, worrying about the job search, and worrying about the partner search, and I'm trying hard to focus on the moment and all of the things are right. Plus all of the things that aren't wrong, if that makes any sense. Trying to let go of the things I don't have much control over. After living on my own for six years now, it's not in my nature to do that. It's so hard, but yet I feel like if I don't find a balance between feeling like I'm doing my part, and letting things take their course, I'm going to be very stressed out.

So maybe the positive feelings on this MoDa 2011 are from me getting a little more comfortable with my place in the world right now. That sounds hokey to me, too. Well, nevertheless, may you and yours celebrate Mother's Day if that's your thing. Looks like it's going to be a nice weekend here.