Negotiations

Mr W and I were getting ready for the day on Tuesday, and he said, "I don't want to go to school, school's dumb." Somewhere back in my mind I remember hearing something about this. When a parent hears this, they are supposed to poke around a bit to see if the kid is having any trouble with class, teachers, friends, etc.

So I start asking questions about these things, and it's so amazing to me that this technique actually works. He starts in on how all of his friends are, "running away when they see me". Uh-oh. We talk about why this might be and he says they always want to play Star Wars, and wants to play Bionicle, and they are being mean, etc.

We talk about ways he can deal with this. I like to entertain all options, including the absurd and the unrealistic, just to show him that he's not locked into having to have a situation continue as it is. I basically say that friends take turns deciding what they play, and maybe they can talk about it.

We get to school in plenty of time, so I'm at the swings with him until the playground person comes out. Here comes his friend, and he comes right over to us. I keep myself from saying, "See? He's not running away." Mr W says, "we always play Star Wars, I want to play something else." Pause. "OK. You want to play Bionicles, don't you? I want to be Gresh (who is the coolest one)." This is debated, and off they go to do little boy stuff, conflict resolved.

I guess what impresses me is how he 'got it'. It was really cool to see Mr W expressing himself and asking for what he wanted in a calm way. Life is complicated. The sooner he learns to take turns and express himself clearly, the better.

Must have been the extra sleep

Has this ever happened to you? You go along in life, doing the things you are supposed to be doing, meeting your obligations, and although you do all the required stuff you usually do, it just seems hard to get things done, and things aren't as fun as they usually are? OK, that's probably not a sentence, but hopefully you can follow.

More to the point, I feel better the last few days than I have felt for a while. As if I've left a burden behind, or am moving away from something. I think I placed a lot of significance in the anniversary of my sister's death, and was dreading the lead-up to it. Now that it's past, and I've talked to most of my family about it, it seems appropriate to start looking ahead again, instead of back.

I hate how the process made me feel like everything was off kilter at times. And it is a process. Losing a close sibling is a big hit, and there will always be a hole there. It coincided with some doctor stuff I was tending to (check ups, and everything's fine) and my mortality seemed to loom large over everything. I don't want to be the next one in my family who dies young. But that one doesn't haunt me often, thankfully.

Anyway, so I gave the talk at work, and a couple of people's comments reminded me how much I like teaching, and I start to wonder about what I should be doing with my life professionally. And then, I got a good night's sleep.

I think I get just enough sleep to not be tired during the day, and not get sick very often. I usually get between 6-7 hours, and that seems to work. I'm tired at the end of the day (like now) and get up early enough to give myself some knitting or blog or Facebook time before I start my day.

Well, I was going to get up at 6 yesterday and head off to work, but fell back asleep for two more hours. It was afterwards that I got the idea that maybe I could teach one community college course in the summer or fall and see if I like it.

It is rest that begets these crazy ideas. I didn't feel any more energized, just more optimistic. It's funny how that works. I don't know if I'll do it, but I am going to think about it. I have a contact person at our local community college, and was set to teach a couple of courses there when the divorce stuff started a few years ago.

So on that note, I'm off to load the coffee pot for tomorrow and head off to bed.

Tap, tap, this thing on?

I've been busy this last week, working on a presentation for work. They do a weekly seminar series and I signed up way back in September to do the seminar for this week. My topic was all set, the research was finished and written up, it was more a matter of getting back in the groove of giving a presentation.

I was able to head home to practice, and gave my presentation to Sally numerous times. At the beginning, I'd have to stop and change something, or move a slide around in the PowerPoint presentation. But after a while, it clicked and I was ready.

I showed up early, worked with the IT guy to make sure the clicker worked and that the people who vidoeconference with us in Puerto Rico could hear us. Then, of course, the clicker didn't work for the presentation itself, and the settings for Puerto Rico's feed had to be fiddled with. But all that was OK. It was a friendly audience. The talk went smoothly and people asked questions for about 10 minutes.

Afterwards, I had a couple of people ask me if I had been, or had aspirations to be, a professor. This struck a cord with me because it hits me in the "are you doing what you're supposed to be doing?" department. I HAVE always wanted to be a college professor. I DO like to teach.

So why have I not pursued this? I am daunted by the amount of work that is required. The process of obtaining grants to support research is grueling, and so very competitive. I think I would feel like I wasn't devoting enough time to raising my son. I'd have to move, and things are already complicated enough being in a long distance relationship, and having Mr W's dad to account for.

I don't know. If I want to get back into it, I'd have to take on some kind of part time or volunteer work to show that I'm still thinking about it. I have a good job until June of 2010. I wish I had a crystal ball. Part of me just wants to know if I have the chutzpah to pull it off.

I think this comes from coming off of the first anniversary of my sister's death. I feel like I've rolled out from under something big and it's time to get back to looking toward the future instead of the past.

And this is what a headrest is for

Let's see, today's Thursday. On Tuesday, I was sitting in my car with Mr W, waiting for his dad to come out to take him home for the rest of a sick day. As we sat there, I pointed out this old pick up truck. You know, the one's with the huge curved front end. I told him, 'look how there's no headrest. In those days, if you were hit, you could get whiplash from the impact. That's why we have headrests in cars made these days.'

Fast forward to the very next day. I'm coming home from a PT appointment for my hip. It's going great - really helping, btw. I'm stopped at a red light and a truck (not an old truck, but a Durango) bumps me from behind. I'm OK, although I'll let the PT'ist know tomorrow when I go in to see if she sees anything.

Turns out, the car that hit me was itself hit from behind and pushed into me. They seemed OK too, but they had this spindly ski rack on the back of their truck that made a real mess of the third car. No damage to my car, although I could read their license plate on my bumper (I think it was a dirt transfer, their bumper was very dirty).

I got out of my car after it happened, and only at that point did I realize that the back of my head felt like it had hit the headrest. It must have happened so fast that I didn't really remember it. Thanks, headrests!!

Stuff happens that fast sometimes. I'm glad it wasn't worse. I was also glad I had my registration and proof of insurance handy. It was good to be caught doing everything right, you know?

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Purty Pictures

I’m giving the seminar next week at work. I’ve been sitting at my computer for the last few days trying to get all the info into a PowerPoint presentation. I like how it’s going so far, and wanted to share the “take home” figure of the whole thing. If my audience were familiar with the program that made this, it could be a 5 minute talk. I have lots of nice tables and figures, though. Maybe I’ll post more later.

Those people are so annoying

I’ve been thinking lately about stereotypes. Several things have brought this to my attention recently, and I’m wondering if it’s one of those “the universe is trying to tell you something” situations.

Mr W and I were sitting at the table last night as he had a bowl of cereal before bed. I like this time because it’s just he and I talking a bit before he gets ready for bed. Out of nowhere, he said how his friend took his granola bar, without asking, at lunch the other day. Didn’t apologize, and the adult who was around told Mr W to more or less get over it. Then he says, “he’s like that because he’s Cambodian.” Ouch. So we talked a bit about the dangers of going down that road, and how important it is to be kind and fair to people.

Then I was reading a piece about a popular knitting designer. Several comments praised how the piece avoided the grandmotherly stereotypes associated with knitting. This one doesn’t bother me too much. I guess I’m more amused than anything else that something I get so much pleasure out of can be considered the realm of grannies. Then again, I’d like to be one of those ladies someday…

Finally, I was dropping Mr W off at the all-day day care he’s at because there’s no school today. I let him bring a toy, and he was immediately swarmed by several boys wanting to get a close look. He shoots the ball of the toy, and everyone runs after it. It went all of 6 feet, so they didn’t have to go far. This big jock type young woman (this is a post on stereotypes, after all) says, “OK, you need to walk back to where you ran to, and then walk back to your place from there.” So Mr W dutifully walked to the place he ran to, but in his excitement, runs back to his spot. “No, you need to walk both ways.”

Ummmm….

I looked at her and said, “You’re kidding, right?” “Excuse me?” “You’re kidding about that, right?” “No, they need to walk because the floor is slippery, etc. etc.” I rolled my eyes, said goodbye to Mr W and felt sorry for the oppression that kids sometimes have to endure. Yeah, I know it’s for their own good, but wouldn’t it work better to: 1) tell them what you expect of them (“Hey, boys, we don’t run in here because it’s slippery”) 2) tell them the consequences (“If you do run in here, you’ll have to do a time out”) and then 3) enforce the consequences. I don’t know, it just seems pointless to make a kid go back and walk his path again.

I think stereotypes sometimes come in handy for us to justify other people’s behavior that we don’t understand. It helps us categorize peoples’ actions so we can then move on. But these recent experiences remind me to dig a little deeper in order to be clear as to what my wants and expectations are, as well as to understand the motivations of others.

Party Poopers

I like throwing parties off-site. You show up with a cake, meet the guests, they go off and have fun, come back for cake and presents, and then you leave things for the staff to clean up. Mr W's had two parties at Chuck E Cheese's now, and has enjoyed them a lot.

Yes, it can be sensory overload for the un-initiated, and many adults take refuge back by the food tables. The kids run around playing games for half the time, then come back for pizza and cake and a visit by the big rat, er, mouse.

I dutifully sent out invitations a couple of weeks ahead of time. To make it easier, or perhaps because I was too much of an optimist, I wrote "RSVP, regrets only" on the invitation. That way, and assuming most kids would attend, only the ones that wouldn't be there would have to call. Sounds good, right?

I had 4 kids not show up that I had to pay $15 apiece for. I can't believe their parents are so inconsiderate that they don't read the invitation and spend the 30 seconds it would take to call and say they won't make it. What is up with that??? It makes me pissed off all over again to write this.

The important thing is that Mr W had a good time, which he most certainly did. He was able to play the games with his buddies, and be the 'Birthday Star' for a bit. But I learned a lesson, which is that in the future I will make it crystal clear (and Miss Manners polite) that I need an RSVP. Hopefully that will at least cut down (it won't eliminate, I know) the incidence of having to pay for kids that don't show.

Let's Learn About Verbs!

Since I don't have cable, I usually pick up a few videos for Mr W to watch when he's at my house. It's been an interesting evolution from babyish stuff on out to more boy stuff. He had a Thomas the Tank Engine thing for years, and I can remember going to the library, looking for Thomas videos and being very disappointed when there weren't any. Of course, now when I go, there are 10 of them on the shelf. So it goes.

The videos are divided up into fiction and non-fiction, and the non-fictions ones alternately make me roll my eyes or just giggle. Sure, there are the stranger danger ones, and the potty training ones, but there are also ones that I can't imagine any kid sitting down to watch. Parts of speech? Come on! Hygiene? Can't parents handle that one?

Of course there are some that I wouldn't mind Mr W watching, like the stuff on science topics. He likes Cyberchase, from PBS, and anything Lego, robot, or super hero related. Such a little boy.

I like our library a lot. The community passed a tax increase for them a couple of years ago and I think they do a good job of being a repository of information for us.

Paying attention to ducks

CB and I went birdwatching today, at some wetland areas on the west side of Tucson. It was a really nice day, in the 70's and sunny. The last couple of times I've visited, it's been gloomy or rainy, so it was really nice to get out and enjoy some nice weather.

We saw mostly local species, including a pair of hawks that would cruise over the other birds and kind of stir things up a bit. CB really knows his stuff when it comes to birding, and when we go birding together, we have a system. He doesn't say what a bird is, he lets me try to figure it out (which is part of the fun, btw) and if I don't know it, he tells me. He's good that way.

We had just about walked around the length of the loop trail when we sat down to watch a bunch of ducks. Nothing earth shattering in terms of what species were there, but it was really neat just to sit and watch them for half an hour or so. Most of them were surprisingly busy. They'd be getting food, preening, getting into little scuffles with neighbors, but always on the move. They were close, so it was easy to get a good look at them, and appreciate some of the subtleties of the ones that can look similar other species. It was like a duck city, where they all had stuff they needed to do. Maybe all the action was because it's a good time to put on weight for migration.

I like that aspect of bird watching, when one is more concerned with what the birds are doing - appreciating them in some kind of context - rather than just checking off what the bird is.

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A 90% Day

At work, I have the flexibility to follow interesting lab results, and it's a part of the job I really like. I'm always looking at taxonomically-informative markers that can be used to quickly identify closely-related disease-carrying mosquito taxa.

A lot of "doing" science for me is getting materials, making solutions, setting up the PCRs, and in general doing the preliminary work to start answering the question you have. My coworker G has a name for this process, calling it "90%" of science.

The process also involves the dead-ends and mistakes one makes along the way (i.e. "did I remember to put that bit of stuff in the reaction?"). No doubt those can be informative as well, but often they just cause one to smack one's forehead and go the freezer to thaw the reagents again.

I've been putting in a lot of 90% days lately, and while I understand it's part of the process, it's a little frustrating as well. Another part of my job is to process samples with markers we already have that work well, so I've been doing that sort of bread-and-butter work as well and it's sort of comforting.

But it doesn't compare, thrill-wise, to figuring out something new that is of value to people wanting to ID specimens, and publishable as well.

My name is Linda, and I am a Selfish Knitter

Earlier in the week, I had high hopes of knitting a little something for a friend whose birthday is coming up. Hey, after all, I'm a reasonably competent knitter, right? I should be able to whip out a little something for a friend. I picked out a small project that I had not attempted before and got to work. I got about 45 minutes into it, and realized it would take me likely 3-4 hours to complete the project. And I came to the stark realization:

I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME.

There. I've said it. I've sort of been bumping into this idea as a result of the Christmas knitting I took on (willingly, I might add). Yes, I will finish the vest for my niece, at some point. Heck, it turned out so big, it might make a good high school graduation present! And I promised CB a couple of doable items.

But now, I declare myself a Selfish Knitter. Apparently I am not unique. Perhaps it's part of the evolution of a knitter.

Anyway, this was sort of a bummer. I enjoy knitting, now more than ever. And spending 3-4 hours on a knitting project isn't very much in the big scheme of knitting things. But I guess I'm getting more selfish with my time. I also didn't like the rushed feeling I got when I thought I could complete the project, but I had to hurry to get it done. The appeal of knitting is not only product but process, and hurrying seems wrong.

The inevitable conclusion is that, until I am bestowed with a lot more free time, I'm not able (willing? maybe) but simply not able to crank out the projects like the people on the knitting blogs who produce a sweater every couple of weeks. I still don't know how this is humanly possible while holding down a job, taking care of a child and being in a relationship.

For what it's worth, here's my current project list and wish list (I'll try to post links soon):

1. Purple "Spring Forward" socks - decreasing for the toe on the second sock - so close to done
2. Drumstick bag for CB - Frogged twice, but I know what I need to do
3. Vest for niece - 75% done - will finish this season
4. Gloves for CB - right idea, wrong yarn. Will have to start with new yarn.
5. Dish cloths - always one in progress in my purse.
6. Market bag - I'd like to make several; started one, frogged it
7. Socks with new Koigu yarn - awesome yarn - need to pick a pattern. Man, I love making socks!
8. Winter hat for me - I don't have one, you'd think this would be a priority...
9. Sweater with bulky yarn - need to pick a pattern that doesn't make me look like a marshmallow.

And the list goes on.

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Glitch

I’m a little disconcerted by a call I just got from Mr W’s dad. Seems his mother (my former MIL) isn’t feeling well, to the point where she’s going to stay in the hospital for a couple of days and then have a psychiatric evaluation of some sort. He was fuzzy on the details and obviously upset, but there’s definitely a problem there.

I’ll just say this: I feel guilty for not being more involved in her life, even though she’s not technically my MIL anymore. She’s a wonderful woman and has spirit and spunk despite having a lot of bad breaks in terms of her health. I also have the feeling that the x doesn’t pay as much attention to her as he should, although he takes care of her bills and such (we are all in the same town).

Just recently, I’ve started to rebuild the relationship. She’s maddeningly hands-off though, and lets me make all the moves. So of course life gets in the way and I don’t see or talk to her for a couple of weeks. The weird thing is that I just saw her a few days ago, when she watched Mr W for a few hours on MLK day when I popped into work. She seemed fine, but has been on antibiotics and maybe that’s interfering with the other things she’s taking (the list is long).

All one can do is move forward, though, and I’ll make arrangements to go see her when I hear where she’s staying.

Happy Birthday Sister Kris, 2009

Today would have been my sister's 46th birthday. I have felt the day coming. Yesterday, I thought it was the day before all day. She died February 20th, so there's another anniversary to deal with coming up, but I'll deal with that one when it comes.

It's a couple of things, though. It's sadness mixed with the continuing desire to honor her. And I don't think she'd mind serving as an example of why early detection is so important in cancer. Her family is doing admirably. Her husband has taken over a lot of the domestic duties and farmed out the ones he can't or doesn't want to do. He works a hellavalot and has tried very hard to keep things as they were for the kids.

I was thinking the other day about when she was sick and they had exhausted all the conventional options regarding chemo. The prospect of getting into clinical trials came up, and there weren't any local ones that she qualified for. I guess it's pretty specific, as in, they want people who have had these agents and not those, AND have to have Stage IV colon cancer metastasized to the liver, etc.

There was a trial in Huston to try something like an ovarian cancer drug in colon cancer patients. She hemmed and hawed and it really stymied me as to why she wasn't figuratively running out and joining up for this thing that offered some hope. But in her mind, it didn't offer hope.

She knew that if she continued as she was, that she would have a certain amount of time left with her family, in her home. If she enrolled in the trial, there was too big of a chance (in her mind) that her remaining time would be cut shorter. I had never considered this, and respected her decision.

I have a friend whose brother in law was diagnosed with the same thing as Kris, only more advanced. Just like that. Not feeling well, walks into the doctor and out with the bad news. He was put on palliative chemo almost immediately. I can see what the future holds for them, and it pains me. It's more suffering than a person (and their family) should have to bear.

I'm thankful for the researchers out there, and for the push for early detection. Happy Birthday, Sista!!

She liked red roses.

Bad Timing

The chunk of time after work and before Mr W goes to bed is a carefully-orchestrated bit of maneuvering that has to include a lot of things, such as making dinner, doing homework, and getting the dog walked. So I zip home yesterday to get Sally and take her to the dog park, and there's three new messages on my answering machine.

I push play, and before this goes any further, the story has a happy ending. I push play and there's a message from my doctor's assistant, saying that yes, there's arthritis in my hip (no surprise) and that I should give her a call to set up some physical therapy. Oh, and by the way, Dr. R wants me to have my annual girl-exam yearly instead of bi-yearly.

At this point, it's 20 minutes after the office has closed, so I'm out of luck until I can call the next day. Bad timing.

I had to stay on schedule, so that's all I heard, and I'm out the door. And the wheels start to turn. Well, OBVIOUSLY they saw something on the xray of my hip that made them think I need to have a pelvic exam, right?

And you should have heard the cascade of thoughts in my head. "Something's wrong", "I'm actually sick", "it's OK, I can fight it", "I feel fine", "I'll miss my kid", etc. I wasn't a wreck, but losing my sister to cancer that snuck up on her has changed me. Whenever I start to worry about myself, though, there is a very interesting process that goes on in my head, which is a combination of logic and emotion. I always come back to the premise that I am trying to live in a healthy manner, and what will be will be. That I'm taking reasonably good care of myself and that I need to spend my time living instead of worrying.

So, I do my stuff, and get back home, and listen to the message again. I had missed the part, after the assistant had said the Dr. wanted me to have yearly exams, where she said, "so go ahead and schedule that at your leisure." Oh, *sheepish grin* I guess that means there is no emergency.

It's a good reminder to live here now.

Oh, and don't forget to sweep the floor

This is my first weekend home after Christmas, and I'm trying to tidy up the house and work ahead for when I go to AZ at the end of the month. Entropy definitely rules, and when things are busy, stuff piles up on any available horizontal surface.

So I'm going to work for half a day and then come home and get the house uncluttered. I think I am one of those people for whom the state of my dining table is reflective of my state of mind. It just feels better to have stuff put away and I feel like I've earned my leisure time.

The list isn't long, but I was going over it this morning while I was still in bed waking up:

1. Work on my "Spring Forward" socks
2. Work on a pair of gloves for CB
3. Figure out how to do a handle for a purse I'm making from an old sweater
4. Fiddle with some cotton yarn for a market bag project

Oops. While this is really the things that came to my mind when I asked myself, "what do I need to do today?" There is also a list for the house that includes going through the mountain of mail in the breezeway, clearing off the table, and cooking some more stuff I can freeze for later. I laughed when I saw where my priorities were.

Ouch

From today's PostSecrets:

Windfall

I don't wear much jewelry, but I like to wear earrings. I have a few special pairs, like ones that my mom wore for her senior picture, but for the most part, they come and go and over time can lose parts or just get lost themselves.

When I was in AZ the last time, CB bought me a lovely pair of Holly Yashi earrings. Silvery metal, and just my style.

Then Mr W and I went to South Carolina to meet up with my brothers' families and lo and behold, my SIL has been beading lately. We made a trip to the local bead store and I picked out a few strands for her to make earrings. AND, she had already created a few pairs for me to begin with.

The end result is the picture above (there was actually one more pair, but I was wearing them). WOW!!! Thanks L! It was so cool to be able to say, 'I'd like to have this and that and make it this long.' I am set for earrings for a while and am very grateful.

Good Timing

I injured my hip years ago in a freak accident that happened while I worked as a camp counselor, involving the game of Capture the Flag and an embarrassing fall. Up until the last year or so, it hasn't bothered me much.

I'm not sure if it's just age (*sniff*) or what, but it's easier to tweak it now, and if I rotate my knee too far out - ouch.

Not wanting it to get worse, and hoping there's something I can do to make it a little better, I finally saw my doctor about it to start the process. I was a bit dismayed when I walked in and there were four people behind the desk working, and I still stood there for 5 minutes before someone helped me.

But I got in right after that, and my doctor said we'd start with an x-ray. Fine, and I could go across the street to the hospital's branch office-type thing, where they do imaging and lab work. "I can just walk in?" I ask, a bit incredulous. "Sure, you might as well get it over with."

I agreed, and headed over there expecting to spend an hour or two waiting. Much to my surprise, someone greeted me as soon as I walked in, and directed me to a check-in person. This person took my info, and I did acknowledge to myself how easy it was for me to do this because I have insurance. I just fork over my little card, and I'm in. Thank you, employer.

"OK, I'll take you back," she says, and we go back to the changing room. No one's in there, and I put on the scrub pants for the xray and am just pulling out my knitting when the tech comes in and takes me to the room.

Zap, zap. It's all done in 5 minutes and I'm walking out to my car, marveling at how nicely the timing worked out. Anymore, I'm OK with waiting for a bit because it lets me knit, and I think it's funny when I'm kind of deprived of the opportunity.

It will take a couple of days to see if they can see anything on the image, but I'm glad the process has started.

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Insert Happy Dance here

To counter any post-Christmas let-down, the gardening catalogs are on their way!! I love this part of the process, going over the beautiful pictures, bookmarking certain things it would be nice to have, and generally enjoying a display of color that ain't going on outside. The picture is from one of my favorites, White Flower Farm.

Resolutioners

I am back from a very nice visit with my brothers and their families. As family gatherings go, I have to count myself among the lucky. We choose to get together once or twice a year, and it always seems a shame that we don't live closer.

My older brother loves to cook. We were there for about 15 minutes (maybe less) before he started making a shopping list. We must have spent $500 on groceries, but only ate take-out food once.

I'm feeling the shrimp scampi and cubano sandwiches and red wine, right around my waistline.

Sure, me and 80% of America, we're all thinking we need to start exercising more regularly. So I've been weighing (ha, get it?) my options. I like the idea of joining a health club, and working out with a group of people, to feel the energy that goes along with doing that sort of thing.

However, my sister in law who, godblessher, gets up at 4:30 two or three times a week and goes to a spinning class at their local Y, says, "you don't want to be one of those resolutioners," Meaning the temporarily stoked people who, by golly are going to DO IT this time and work out, and then don't show up past the middle of February. I don't want to deal with the crowds.

Having the kid, and a dog who needs to be walked once a day, makes it hard to carve out the time after work and before dinner to work out. It's just that simple. When Mr W can fend for himself in the morning, my plan is to exercise then.

The plan. So the plan is to try to ride my bike to work a couple of times a week. I live all of three miles from work, and it's about 20-25 minutes of slightly uphill riding to get there. It seems to make so much more sense to make exercise part of doing something I have to do anyway, like getting to work. It's a plan whose details are still being worked on, but I'm thinking about it.

I'm still here

And I still have things to write about. Just took a little break for the holidays. Check back over the next couple of days; I'm going to get rolling again.

Some Christmas Thoughts

Here's a poem by Mr W:

Christmas is nice, there are no mice.

I stay home, because I don't have to roam.

I have fun, until Christmas is done.

As we close in on another Christmas, I find myself, well, oddly contented. I say oddly because I usually fret a lot about the few obligations I do have. Getting the right stuff for the right people in time for the big day. My dad has very specific present requests, and his birthday is two days before Christmas. The gifts he wants never change, so it's easy to get the right gift; it's just getting it there that seems to be a challenge sometimes.

I've finished all but one knitting project, and have learned a valuable lesson: I should make things that hold my interest while I'm knitting them, and also of course that I think the people will like. I mailed off presents for my brother in law and nephews - my sister's family - and felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I guess I've attached some meaning to these gifts, wanting them to say that I think of these people often. I hope they like what I made.

Mr W and I are traveling after Christmas to see my brother and his family, and I am looking forward to lots of food, drink and good conversation. My other brother and his wife are also coming in. I only wish CB could join us, but he's off to Mexico on work. He's getting a couple of knitted things, but was kind enough not to impose a deadline for them.

The plan for Christmas day is for Mr W to be with me in the morning, and then I'll drop him off at his dad's for a few days. I was going to work half a day, but got a better offer. My friend from high school has invited me to her house to spend the afternoon. Yippee!! I didn't mind the prospect of working. I've gotten reasonably good at working ahead to take time off later. But now I have an invitation, so I will most certainly not be working that day!!

Merry Christmas to all.

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Lingering Post-Election Misinformation

Check this out:

Our Disinformed Electorate
December 12, 2008
by Kathleen Hall Jamieson and Brooks Jackson

We saw more aggressive fact-checking by journalists in this election than ever before. Unfortunately, as a post-election Annenberg Public Policy Center poll confirms, millions of voters were bamboozled anyway.

More than half of U.S. adults (52 percent) said the claim that Sen. Barack Obama’s tax plan would raise taxes on most small businesses is truthful, when in fact only a small percentage would see any increase.

More than two in five (42.3 percent) found truth in the claim that Sen. John McCain planned to "cut more than 800 billion dollars in Medicare payments and cut benefits," even though McCain made clear he had no intent to cut benefits.

The first falsehood was peddled to voters by McCain throughout his campaign, and the second was made in a pair of ads run heavily in the final weeks of the campaign by Obama.

For more from the informative factcheck.org site, follow this link.

Holiday excess

Wow. Check out these displays. Here's a teaser:

For more, go see this link.

Found a couple times removed from here.

My conflicting thoughts on Christmas gift giving

Last year for Christmas, I bought several things for Mr W that he never played with. Never. Once they were unwrapped and out of the box (and hence unreturnable), he never touched them again. This is sort of a recurring theme; I don't see myself as a good gift-picker-outer.

In addition, I am conflicted about how to go about gift giving for him. I'm OK with spending the money, it's the choice of gifts that has me a bit flummoxed.

In conservation biology, there is something called the "SLOSS debate", which deals whether a rare species is protected better by existing in a Single Large Or Several Small preserves. I see an analogy to my gift giving this year. Should I get the one big kahuna of a gift that I know will be a big hit, or get several smaller items so that there's more than 2 things to open on Christmas morning?

Well, I did finally get off the fence yesterday, and got him a video game player. He'll love it, and I'll get my computer back :-)

It makes me feel better, in giving what I think is a big ticket item (although at Best Buy yesterday, no one else seemed to think so...) to also involve Mr W in making some donations to worthy causes. Here's my list:

1. Our local food bank. The long lines that are there when I drop my dog off at dog school across the street aren't getting any shorter.

2. Heifer International. Easy for kids to get behind this one.

I figured one local and one international charity would make sense and set a good example for the kid.

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Ups and Downs of Technology

I recently purchased a shiny new iPod Nano, like the one above. LOVE it. However, this morning I'm trying to get songs that I had on my other music service to cooperate, and it ain't workin'.

I'd just like to shake my fist a bit here.

*sigh* And while I'm shaking my fist, I am reminded when CB and I were talking about when to schedule the next visit, and I said, "let's wait until X (there was a good reason)", and he said, "you OK with that?" And I said, "I am now, but during that last week I'll be gnashing my teeth and shaking my fist because it's been so long".

It is now that week. Grrr.

On the up side, xmas knitting is going well, and I'm doing a couple of small things that have high instant gratification quotients.

Promotion of Pack Rat Tendencies

For all of my adult life, I've never lived in one place for more than 4 years. I've logged 3 in this house, and likely will set a new stay-in-one-place record by being here for a couple more years. This has reduced my tendency to be a pack rat, since I have to go through all the boxes every few years and decide whether it stays or goes.

But there are some things that get put to the side with the intention of using them someday should the need arise, and I think it's interesting how one can't really predict what those uses will be. Over the last couple of weeks I've used three things that fit this description.

First, I was able to give away a glass pendant that I made that, while lovely, was too big for my taste.

Then, I was able to use two movie gift cards that Mr W got for a birthday present when he was, um, well, I guess it was for his 4th birthday (he's closing in on 8). Yes, I used them with him, Bolt in 3-D. Bought him a blue slushie with the rest of the credit on the card, too.

Finally, and this is the one that I think is the coolest, there was a nice little rock hanging around in my medicine cabinet for the last couple of years. How did it get there? Well, Mr W collected it, as kids do ("here, mom") when we were visiting our local canyon and I put it in my pocket.

At the end of that day, I must have been going through my pockets before putting clothes in the hamper, and put it in the medicine cabinet because I couldn't throw out such a nice rock (it had quartz and mica, after all).

Last week Mr W says, "I have to write a paragraph on a rock." They've been studying geology. I say, "hey, I've got one that you collected." And with that the rock was put to use.

Only time will tell if these events will make me more likely not to recycle that shoebox or throw away that egg carton, but it's been satisfying to use things I had been saving.

A-ha!

I was talking with CB last night and he asked how my holiday knitting was going. I sighed and indicated that it’s become a bit of a slog. I feel like there’s a good chance I won’t make it, meaning I’m not going to finish everything I want to in time to get it to where it needs to go by Christmas.

It’s not a big list, nor are they difficult projects. But I think therein lies my problem. I was looking at some knitting blogs today. Yes, I was at work, but waiting for the computer to process files (like I’m doing now). And these projects were lovely – lots of texture, variegated yarn, really delightful.

And then the scales fell from my eyes. In my attempts to make gifts that people would like, I think I have dummied down the project to the extent that I don’t find them all that interesting anymore. Of course likable doesn’t have to be boring, and I will henceforth start planning the next thing. It’s going to be something for… me. Something like that scarf.

Flexibility

One of the challenges of dating someone that lives several hundred miles away is the timing of visits. I have a kid, CB's got two kids, and arrangements have to be made for Sally the dog. Add on top of that dating someone who travels a lot for work, and sometimes there is but one weekend that will work for a visit.

Such was the case for the December visit, or so I thought. I made arrangements with my boss, who wanted me at work for a solid week processing specimens. OK, great, good, I want to get this stuff done too. Second week of December? Right. He's traveling a lot himself lately, so this was scheduled about six weeks ago.

So I buy my ticket, and get a darn good deal, considering holiday travel prices are kicking in soon. Monday I go in and it comes up that it's the third, not second week of December that he wants to do this specimen processing. Uh-oh. I can change my ticket, I say, and go off to find that it will cost $350 to change the ticket.

Back to boss's office I go and he proceeds to think and talk at the same time, and we work out the details so that I'll prepare things as I would if I were there, and instead of me processing the mosquitoes, he'll just refreeze them and I'll start on them when I get back.

He was just so matter of factly flexible, I was very impressed. The work will still get done and I still get to go see CB. Phew!

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Blog Post - Thanksgiving Edition

As I sit here waiting for my samples to incubate for an hour, I thought I would make mention of the things that I'm thankful for today.

• The kid. As Mr W closes in on eight years old, I am delighted with how he's "turning out".


• The squeeze. CB's coming back from New Zealand today, and I'm thankful we're us.


• F and F. Friends and family. My circle of them means a lot to me.


• The job. 'nuff said.


• The house. Despite it being over 100, I love my little house and appreciate a roof over my head.


• Health. Of Mr W and my own as well.


• Living in Colorado. I know winter's coming, but boy it was a nice autumn!


• Sally Doodle Fuzzy Head.

Thanks to those that read my stuff here. Hope your Thanksgiving gives you the opportunity to appreciate the good stuff.

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Christmas Swap - going and coming

I participated in a Christmas Swap this year. It was coordinated by a knitter in Norway who got about 50 people from all over the place to participate. We were given a person's blog and street addresses and instructed to send them needles, a pattern, and yarn (for something Christmas-y perhaps), candy, a Christmas story and a gift.


It's funny how stuff gets to its proper owner. A few years ago I took a class in fused glass, and we made 5 pendants, all of which looked good in the making, but none of which I wore because they were too big. I've become more of a Sundance Jewelry sort of gal. But I liked them, and wished I could do something with them. I decided to send the best one as Ida's gift, and she said she liked it! Yea.


I received a package from Gro Vibeke, here's what she sent:

Seriously, every stitch on the socks is identical, unlike my socks, which have more, um, character. I'm working my way through the candy and think I will make myself a scarf with the yarn. A hat too, if there's enough. I am one of those people who knits but doesn't have a decent hat to wear...

This was fun, and I hope to do it again next year. I already have some ideas, and I'm going to keep up with the blogs of the ladies that I gave to and received from. It helps to read Norwegian, but luckily, they both speak English (yes, I felt like a dumb American) and they also post lots of pictures.

On to Step 2

One of the things that I'd like to accomplish at work is to develop a certain kind of DNA marker, called microsatellites. I'm lucky that my boss is supportive of doing this kind of thing, and if it works with the mosquito species of interest, I could conceivably repeat the process for other species.

I found a really clear and straightforward protocol, and over the course of three or four rounds or ordering, I've gotten all the supplies.

Great, all ready to go. Usually, you start with DNA from one individual, but I quickly learned that one little skeeter doesn't yield enough DNA. So off I go, trying to get the right amount of DNA from several mosquitoes processed together. And right off the bat, I run into problems...

The first picture is from my early attempts. What you want is for the DNA to look like the middle bands of the ladder (shown as L, ignore L2). Nice and crisp, not smeary. Notice how the only one that sort of fills the bill is 6, and, unfortunately, it was another species, thrown in for comparison.

So I try this and that, and finally, find another protocol that has me process 10 bugs in an impossibly small amount of liquid, and wouldn't you know, it works. It works!! See the picture below, both lanes labeled D, and how they are actually brighter than the ladder (L), which means that there is plenty of DNA in the sample. No smearing shows that the DNA is of good quality as well.

Yippee!!! Now I can move on to the next step. Stay tuned.

Sure, I'll wait

I've been doing some running around lately, stuff that potentially has me waiting in line. Also, my town is bisected by a rail line and freight trains come through several times a day. And, of course, I've been knitting a lot lately. Current projects include a hat, a vest, and a small xmas gift, with two more hats and three more small xmas gifts on tap to get done for Christmas presents.

So it is with great disappointment that I have been processed through lines quickly and efficiently lately! And the trains haven't been too bad either. I heard one coming the other day and quickly made my left turn and sped to cross the tracks so I could pick up Mr W (it was farther away than it sounded). Oh, well. I still have a project kept in the car just in case.

In other news:

I caught up with my dad the other day. It was really good to talk to him. We email frequently, but it was always my mother's job to get current with the kids. He's going to be 74 next month and is taking good care of himself.

I've also been finding and getting found by old friends on Facebook. One friend goes by her married name and when I got the friend request, I thought, "I don't know this person", but saw her photo and was pleasantly surprised. This has been a really fun experience to catch up with girls from high school especially.

For some reason, I've always felt that I didn't do as well in high school as I should have, given the money my parents were spending, the good school, and the fact that I was reasonably smart. I know it's goofy and off-base, but it feels like a bit of redemption to find high school friends after all this time and be able to say, "hey, I've made something of myself". Not that any school mate made me feel inadequate, of course.

And, finally, I dropped my car off at the repair shop yesterday. This is always a pain in the neck because I have to arrange my own transportation while Tom has my car. So this time, I took the bus back to within a few blocks of my house. Easy to do, once I arranged the timing, but I'm very glad I don't have to rely on public transportation. My fingers are crossed that there isn't anything big needing to be fixed this time, but with 160,000 miles on my good old Civic, it's likely.

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A Longish Slog

Have you ever read this little story/joke?

Dog Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity.My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

Hee hee.

I'm not as bad off as that poor cat, but I have been counting the days since I talked to CB. Usually when he's off working, he checks in every three or four days. Overall, I've been impressed by the degree to which there are internet connections in the places he goes.

Alas, this trip has not had such 21st century conventions. He's on a ship, cruising the sub-antarctic islands. Indeed, I hadn't heard of them either until learning about this trip. Perhaps there isn't an internet connection, or it's so expensive he's not using it, but I haven't heard from CB in 10 days!! OK, I guess it's 9, but still.

I'm fine, I have enough to do, and am working on no less than 4 knitting projects and one felted sweater that wants to be a bag. I certainly don't lack for activities. But this trip has made me realize that I like hearing from CB when he's traveling.

Thankfully, the time change on this trip isn't as bad as going to Australia, where it's either 8 or 10 hours earlier on the next day there. It's only 4 hours earlier on the next day. Hopefully that will be a plus when it's time to come back to this time zone.

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Frustrated

I’ve been thinking the last couple of days about how I measure progress at work. Being employed as a technician, it’s logical that my success would be measured by the number of publications I turn out, or at least the number of projects I complete.

I have a habit of trying to work on several things at once, with the logic being that maybe something will pan out or lead me in a fruitful direction. I take good notes, and my lab notebook is stuffed with the loose paper of journal articles, product information, descriptions of techniques and the like. I hit my “full” mark in that regard a couple of days ago and have since pulled out the non-essentials and put them in folders that live at my desk but that I can take to the lab with me.

In looking over what I’ve worked on for the last 6 months, mostly trying to develop more DNA markers to tell closely-related mosquito species apart, I have made no progress. I see some interesting bits, but have run into a brick wall, not knowing what to do when something looks promising, but yet doesn’t amplify in every specimen that it’s supposed to.

I need to figure out who I can go to for help in this regard. I’m the only one doing this kind of thing here, so I’ll have to sniff around back at school and see if someone can hold my hand for a bit. This annoys me, and makes me feel like I’m spinning my wheels, but needs to be done. Otherwise my job will consist merely of processing specimens, with nothing new, no discoveries. That would suck.

The M-

Mr W received his report card about a week ago. He's in second grade, so I look at it mostly for glaring deficiencies, as opposed to extraordinarily high achievement. He's a smart kid, and he has made his mom very proud by saying that Science is his favorite subject.

We went over the report card together last night, and I noted how great he was doing with all the skill stuff they are evaluated on. Then I showed him his two S+ (which is "Satisfactory plus") in Science and Social Studies. The kids get one grade for achievement and another for effort, and he received two M- (Most of the time - minus) for effort in Handwriting and Math.

I told him that his teacher said he wasn't using his class time as well as he could be (it was in the comments section) and he protested that he was doing all he could. I was surprised that he reacted this strongly to the M-'s. In my mind they were like B-'s: yes, he could try harder, but no cause for alarm.

I asked if he wanted to talk to Mrs. D about it and to my surprise he said yes, so we'll meet sometime this week before school to talk specifics regarding how to turn those nasty M-'s around.

I know that my educational expectations of him are pretty high. But darn it, I want to see him use his talents and be challenged by doing something in life that he both likes and makes a positive impact on the world.

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More Odds and Ends

I've been looking forward to it being Saturday all week. Sadly for Mr W, I have a bunch of me-things to do and I'll need to haul him with me. I'm sure I can buy him off with a Bionicle (it's usually well worth the price of the bribe) but we'll see. Here's what I gots going on:

1. Fall Leaf Cleanup. Important, but I'm still in denial. We'll see if that happens.

2. Yarn Store. Need some needles to do some xmas gifts.

3. Goodwill. I'm looking to explore turning old sweaters into bags. See #5.

4. Christmas Swap. I need to get the yarn, needles, etc. to send off to Norway for my Christmas Swap. I've decided on everything but what story I want to send. Need to do that.

5. Projects. I have an old garage sale sweater that I'm going to felt and turn into a purse/bag. I saw the idea somewhere, and it looks pretty simple. I found a bunch of wool fabric in my basement (when I thought I might want to try rug braiding but it was too expensive) that I can use for a lining, so I'm hoping it will turn out fab. Also several gift projects to work on....

6. Sell the Thomas the Tank Engine stuff. I finally put an ad on Craig's List for the stuff, and it's been hauled up from the basement. Hopefully a couple of people will swing by today and take some of it off my hands. When I think about how much $ was spent on that stuff vs. how much it will reasonably sell for, tears well up in my eyes...

That's it. Life is good: the furnace works, my kid is healthy, my sweetie thinks I'm swell, and I still have a job.

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Me and Michelle Obama

Like a lot of people, I'm still riding high on Obama's victory last week and am now prouder to be an American than I have been for a long time. I hope that prosperous and productive times can again be the norm.

I was talking to CB yesterday when he was waiting in the LA airport for a flight to New Zealand. This is going to be a long trip with spotty communication because he's guiding a bird watching group on a ship around the islands south of NZ. I've requested lots of pictures.

Anyway, we were talking and I commented that I see the Obamas as our contemporaries. He's 47, she's probably around that age, and I sort of see them as my peers. I've never felt that way about a president, and CB said it was probably because we're getting older. *sigh*

My parents were newly married when JFK got elected. I wondered today whether my mom had the same admiration for Jacqueline Kennedy as I seem to be developing for Michelle Obama. I remember my mom had this wool suit that was raspberry colored wool, very 60's, very Jackie-O. I wish I would have saved it; it would be deliciously retro now. I know they were as impacted as anyone by JFK's assassination, to the extent that they named my brother (born in early 1964) such that he'd have those initials.

I guess it makes me feel rather grown-up, but that's OK.

In looking for the image, I didn't know about the intense comparison of MO and JKO. Makes sense, though....

Obama

This is the last part of an essay by Anna Quindlen over at Newsweek. I cannot say it better myself, and so I won't.

There will be learned discussion in the years to come about the specific meaning of this moment, about whether it will be more symbolic than substantive, about whether having a black president will lull Americans into believing that racism is a thing of the past. But for just a moment consider this small fact: for a long time a black man in many parts of the United States was denied even the honorific "Mister" by the white community, and was instead called by his first name, like a child, no matter how elderly and esteemed he might be.

Now a black man will be called Mr. President.

They never thought they would see the day, people said, especially the older ones, who could remember the murders of Martin Luther King Jr., Medgar Evers and Malcolm X. They wept, some of them, and so did I. Perhaps it was because this man seems so young and vigorous in a nation that seems old and tired. Perhaps it is because he promises change and hope, and both are so badly needed. He is the president for our children's generation, a more tolerant and diverse society, so insensible of bright dividing lines that one of them would idly wonder whether Theodore Roosevelt was a black man. They belie a time when there was a crayon labeled "flesh" in my Crayola box, a crayon that was a pale pink.

But I suspect that, like many others, I wept for myself, too, because I felt I was part of a country that was living its principles. Despite all our prejudices, seen and hidden, millions of citizens managed, in the words of Dr. King, to judge Barack Obama by the content of his character and not the color of his skin. There were many reasons to elect him president, but this was one collateral gift: to be able to watch America look an old evil in the eye and to say, no more. We must be better than that. We can be better than that. We are better than that.

Let the change begin.

A painless voting experience

How about that? I was fully prepared with not one, but two knitting projects in case I waited for so long that I got bored with just the first one. Also, I dropped Mr W off at the before-school care, and Sally off at dog school, anticipating having to max out their days so I could spend time waiting in line to vote today.

I never even pulled out my knitting. I drove over to the Hilton, which I chose because it has a Starbucks, and walked right in. Someone who really had it goin’ on created Voting Centers in my county a few years ago, so I could choose one of about 30 places to cast my vote. I had my voter card that I had gotten in the mail and my ID, which the nice poll workers checked and I didn’t really even have to slow down as they checked my info, gave me my ballot and directed me to a spot to begin.

I chose a paper ballot, although I could have done it electronically. I think the paper is less goof-proof. There were a ton of state constitutional amendments this year and it took a while to read each one. I withheld a vote on whether the cities that allow gambling should be allowed to offer Craps and Roulette – I really don’t care.

So here I am, back at work, and I am so impressed with how my county made it easy and painless to cast my vote today. Go Obama!!!!!

The Fabulous Mr W

It's been a really busy week. On Halloween, Mr W went to a birthday party at our local roller rink. It's been about 25 years since I had set foot into one of those places, and not much has changed. Heck, they even had Michael Jackson playing when we walked in. Mr W doesn't skate much; this was probably his third or fourth time.

We see some of his pals, get his skates, and get them on his feet. I help him up, he wobbles over to the rink, and just goes right out there. And falls. And gets up, goes about 20 feet, and falls. This process repeats all the way around the rink. I'm wondering if I should have bought him inline skates a long time ago.

The thing is, though, I very much admire how he got out there and just did it. He tried, even though he knew he wasn't very good at it, and knew he was going to fall a lot. I don't know if it's because he's just sort of gotten this way after two summers of day camp where they do lots of these kinds of trips (bowling, mini golf, etc.) or if he's just that way, but I'm impressed with his willingness to try this stuff.

Afterwards, I asked how the party was. He said it was good, but also said something like, "I spend a lot of time falling down and getting back up again." As if this were a description of the event, not a judgement of his abilities. I liked that. And will keep an eye out for sales on inline skates.

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Odds and ends

Xmas travel plans:
Tickets are bought and I'm excited about Mr W's and my upcoming trip. I guess because it's getting late in the ticket-buying season, there weren't any flights home on the day I wanted, but we're coming home the day after that. I didn't want to wear out our welcome, but at the same time the tickies are expensive and I'd like to get my money's worth. As long as everyone's happy with hand-knit gifts, we're good. Anybody have a knitted Lego set pattern?

Trip to AZ:
Home again today. The visits with CB go so fast. I have gotten into a rhythm where I work most of the weekends when I don't have Mr W, and then take a long weekend off to either go there (most of the time) or have him come here. I do have vacation time, but not that much, hence working weekends. He's pretty swell indeed.

This new obsession with Knitting:
I'm almost done with one of the purple socks shown a couple of posts below. I've gotten a lot of satisfaction from the craft lately and have spent a lot of time on Ravelry, an online community of yarn people. It's been useful to see what certain yarns look like when they are knitted. This is good because some stuff that looks cool when it's on the shelf can be horrendous when knit up.

A reason to be annoyed with myself:
This Friday, Halloween is a school-out day for Mr W. I blew it by not calling to get him into the all-day day care and now they are full. Sh*t!!! I'm hoping his grandma can watch him for half the day, and then his dad and I can split the rest. I was good, even called too early about the last one, but forgot about this one.

Doctor visit:
I have a new doctor. No, nothing's wrong, but I saw an advertisement for this new doctor who is an internist that specializes in women's health and cancer screening. Sounds good to me. I have a doctor, but could take him or leave him, and he doesn't have these specialties. Having lost two family members to cancer that went undetected until it was ready to kill them, I want to be proactive.

The cost of a good time

I'm close to buying airline tickets for me and Mr W to fly to South Carolina after Christmas. It's been a weird year. Well, it's been a year of some losses. My sister died in February at age 45 of colon cancer. My one sister-in-law's grandfather passed and the other's father passed. Yikes.

My sister would usually host Christmas and we were always invited to go to Ohio for a few days. We get along well, so it was a treat to see everyone. The first night we were all together was always special, and we'd stay up entirely too late talking, laughing, eating and drinking.

I can't seem to make myself go to Ohio this year. I'm fairly certain that my brother in law will work as much as he can, and my younger brother will visit for a few days. I feel like a heel that I don't want to go, but I imagine they'll have the house exactly as Kris made it every Christmas, and I can't bear to see that without her there.

So Mr W will spend Christmas proper with his grandma and my x, and he and I will fly out a few days later. I know everyone who is traveling over the holidays gets socked by high airfares, but geez. I'm in for almost $900 just to get us there and back. Add on presents, food and entertainment... I'm thankful I don't have to shell out for a car or a hotel (thanks R and L!).

And for whatever reason, there does not exist a direct flight from where I live. I already know it will be worth any inconvenience, though. Mr W is a trooper of a traveler, and given a laptop and some snacks he can survive almost any airport delay.

Seeing my family reenergizes me, and I wish that Mr W could see them more often. We'll make the most of this time and hopefully have a chance to honor those who have died and celebrate what we have.

Consumed by the craft

Have you ever been so excited to work on some project that you get up early and stay up late for it? I started knitting a pair of socks a few days ago and they have consumed me. I was weird, it took me a long time to decide on a pattern; I had bought the yarn a few weeks ago. I guess I was hung up on having to knit it on the tiny (2.5 mm) needles or taking on something that was too difficult.

But I chose wisely, I guess, because, while I'm following a pattern, it was easy to memorize and also (more importantly) easy to know where I am in the pattern by looking at the work. The pattern is called "Spring Forward." I'm really enjoying the process on this, it's fun to see the pattern unfold.

I'll be going to AZ to visit CB at the end of the week, and I'm looking forward (in a way) to having a situation where I have to sit somewhere and wait, like being at an airport. It gives me a chance to work on my stuff. I suppose that could be a sign of this being an obsession? Oh well.

I do knit, really

I joined a Christmas Swap this year. Friend la Guera told me about it, and there are about 30 people from around the world (isn't that cool?) who are participating. Each person sends needles, pattern and yarn for a Christmas-themed item, something warm to drink, some candy and a story from their country.

I have been matched with Ida, from Norway. She is an accomplished knitter, as I've seen from her site. I realized, though, that she hasn't seen much of my stuff, so I figured I'd post a few pictures. I don't want to end up with something too difficult for me to knit, but on the other hand, everything that's been a challenge so far I have eventually figured out.

Time on my hands

Something happened yesterday that hasn't happened for a long time. I was 10 minutes early to pick up Mr W. I signed him up for a pottery class and had to get him right when school let out. It is madness and despair to try to find a parking spot near the school at closin' time, so I tried to get there a little early.

Usually he's at the after-school care, so I can get him anytime within a 30 minute window (that I've made for myself) when I get off work. There have been times when I have been a few minutes late for other pick-up events - really, not more than 5, and he is stricken by anxiety. We want to avoid that.

In the perfect world, I waltz in with three minutes to spare. Yesterday, I got there and wished I had a book, my knitting, whatever, but I didn't, so I sat on a bench on the playground and looked around. It was a beautiful autumn day, and I just sort of went through my to-do list and enjoyed the sun.

School let out, we got to pottery with time to spare and he had a good time.

We got his school pictures back yesterday. Of course to me he looks the same every day, but getting the school picture shows how much he's changed in a year. Sure enough, the shape of his face changed a bit, and for some reason, his hair is turning redder. I think this comes from my side; my mom had reddish hair. Seeing him reminds me of her, and that makes me smile.

This in from my Dad

My dad is great. In fact, as I get older and spend more time as a parent, I get just an inkling of what it must have been like for them to have three children three years apart. He and my mom put a high value on education, and all four of us got four year degrees. I think that one of the unintended consequences of all my education is a high degree of skepticism, which I see as a good thing.

Dad is kind of old school. I'm fairly certain he'll vote for McCain, and is pretty conservative, although I've noticed as he gets older he's able to see more commonalities among people than he used to.

So he sends me an email today, and this is what I see first:

Subject: Women's ass size study

And I think, oh dear, here's another forwarded piece of junk mail that I'll be slightly offended by and then immediately delete.

I read on:

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting:
30% of women think their ass is too fat
10% of women think their ass is too skinny......
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

And I laughed out loud at my desk, almost shooting my Crystal Light out of my nose.

Guilty of a Cliché

Mr W is supposed to read for 10 minutes a day. As his teacher predicted at the parent-teacher conference at the beginning of the year, he'd rather read to himself, as that is getting easier to do than read aloud. But of course the way they test the kids is to have them read aloud, so they need to be good at it, or at least have it reflect what they can do.

We go to our local library about once a week for books and videos. I pick out several books for him to read at home, as well as books we can read for bedtime stories. The last time I got books for him to read, I was excited because I could tell they were a step up from what he was reading over the summer and in first grade.

Fast forward to the first time I say, "OK, pick a book and let's have you read for 10." To my surprise, he looks at all the books and pronounces them "boring." "What?" I say. "You didn't even look at them closely. You know what you just did? You judged these books by their covers." He was unimpressed, so I asked him to read the one on submarines.

So I've been picking the book for him to read. I picked one out on prairie dogs, as we see them in their last vestiges on the edge of town as we take Sally to dog school. He gave me the usual "it's boring, it's too long" stuff and got to work. Lo and behold, he gets through two chapters and says, "we can read more of this next time, right?" Yes indeedy, my budding book lover.

Juxtaposition

Sally goes to dog school. Sally will be two in December, and as such still has a lot of puppy energy that needs to be burned off. When I got her, one of the benefits was to be that I would get some exercise while she got exercise. And that largely is the case. There is a small group of us who walk while at the dog park, mostly because our dogs would just lay there if we weren't moving.

But a couple of times a week I take her to dog school. No, they don't actually teach them anything unless I want to pay extra, but they do reinforce good manners and let the dogs play all day. Sal comes home exhausted, and I can focus on Mr W or not feel guilty about going out that night.

Dog school is located in an industrial park-type area, and it happens to be across the street from our local food bank. A couple of times a week, if I get Sal to dog school before 9:00 am, there are people lined up outside the food bank, each with a shopping cart that the food bank provides. Lately there have been 15-20 people in line.

I am conflicted about this. Here I am, doing something that is, by any definition, a luxury, a perk, a convenience. These people actually need food, or they wouldn't be standing in line. The simple solution is for me to donate to the food bank, and I sometimes do. But not enough to assuage my guilt over not doing more to help.

By all accounts things will get worse before they get better. I am going to make a bigger effort to do things that help with the basics, and that means donating food or money to the food bank, and also to things that provide coats or toys for kids. I still have a job and am able to pay my bills, and I think that obligates me to give something to those that don't and can't.