Growing stuff

I'm happy to be attending a seed-starting class tomorrow at our local horticulture gardens. In these tough times, I'm thankful the city has kept the place open. Afterwards a friend and I are going seed and dirt shopping, and I hope to get everything I need to start my veggies. Taking a cue from Jordan, who is taking a systematic approach to seed starting and plant planting, I'm going to devote some time to making some notes on when I should be planting based on when I want things to be ready. I'm usually a throw-it-in-the-ground-let's-see-what-happens kind of gardener, so this would be a change.

Once again, I'm behind on prep, so I won't be planting any cool weather things this year. Instead, I'll be concentrating on building the beds, getting my compost ready, buying a load of soil and laying down mulch. Bye bye grass, my goal is to have a small bit of lawn for show, and that's it. I have decided to go ahead with the deck project, and that will hopefully happen sometime this spring.

At the same time, I'm still on the fence about joining a CSA. I don't want to have to drum up someone to split a share with, and I'd like to work some in exchange for a discount on my share so I can learn a thing or two about the process. The thought has crossed my mind that I could conceivably both have a vegetable garden and be part of a CSA, and then preserve the excess. Canning scares me, though, and I could see myself composting extra vegetables instead when I got busy.

I think it's important to get to know some of the people doing this sort of work locally. I still toy with the idea of being a small farmer (no animals, but produce and maybe cut flowers), although I don't really know what's involved, so it's a romantic notion of escapism. Still, the idea of growing things for myself and others is very enticing. Somewhere in there is a workable scenario.

This is partly Ginger's fault. Ginger and I share a cube at work and lately she's been telling me about her dream, which is to own and operate a guest ranch. Why not? Real estate is still relatively cheap, and she's knows someone who is interested in providing financing.

Such dreams. Well, it looks like there are people out there who are doing this locally, and even an organization the NoCo Food Incubator that has a lot of info on local, sustainable agriculture. It sure is fun to think about.

A proper burial

One of the things that I think is cool about my SIL, besides the great way she and my brother exist in their relationship (lots of back and forth, but in an atmosphere of cooperation) is that she reads cards. As in Tarot cards.

Now, I'm a sciencey person through and through, but there is something about the cards that, I believe, taps into a person's subconscious and reminds them (us) of things that either are going on, or that we need to think about. There are lots of different styles of decks, although they all have the same cards. She's had the same deck for a long time, and I like how she's familiar with the symbolism (there is a lot) on each card.

I asked her to do a reading when I was there this past weekend. One can do a general reading, or ask a specific question, and I usually opt for the general reading because it covers everything. I won't bore you with what each card was and what it meant, but the first two cards that are laid down represent where you are now. The first is what's immediately going on, and the second is what "crosses" it - what confounds, or enhances, or affects it.

My first card represented loss, and the second was the Illusion card. In short this meant something like, "if you think you've dealt with a recent loss adequately, you're fooling yourself". This got me thinking about the end of the long distance relationship I was in, and by the time I was driving home from the airport, I had mulled and thought, and come to the conclusion that I needed to send one more note to this person and put the relationship to rest for good. I hadn't realized it until that point, but it felt like the relationship ended without any tip of the hat to the things that were good about it.

So I wrote the note, he was his usual gracious self, and I feel like the relationship has had a proper burial. This is good, because I've been hanging out with someone as friends that I think wants to get a little more serious, and I now feel like I'm more ready to go that way. Yes, this is the same person I've been musing about lately here in blog posts.

It's wacky to me how this psychology stuff works sometimes. It seems to simple and straightforward that the letter needed to be written, but it took a long time for me to figure out I needed to write it. I feel absolved.

Dropped on the gerbil wheel

I got home last night from visiting my brother and SIL in MN. I didn't do much, just answered some emails, unpacked, and went to bed. Of course the cost of leaving for a weekend is to play catch-up for a few days, and that's OK. The visit was worth it.

It is always nice to spend time with my fam, and J and M are generous hosts. We watched a lot of the Olympics, which I think I gravitated toward because my TV is only there to play Mr W's videos from the library. It's easy to get caught up in the drama (I use that word in a good way) and appreciate good athleticism, no matter what country the person belongs to. We also marveled at how people from all over the world could do the same sport and come together and be a few tenths or hundreths of a second different in their times.

I need to make a quiz for tomorrow, get Mr W, get the dog, call the mattress people to see if they'll deliver my new (cue the trumpets "AAAAAAHHHH") mattress on Saturday afternoon, and meet with a person on campus about a potential job opportunity. It's sort of like being dropped on a moving treadmill.

I am excited to talk to this person on campus, though. It's a research/lab manager job and the job description and the kind of lab it is sound like something I would write up if someone asked me, "what kind of job would you like at this point in your career?" I'll know more soon.

It was a good trip.

Some thoughts on love

It's been a busy week. More busy than I like to be, really. I had Mr W all week because I'm leaving for MN this afternoon, and I tacked on things that could have waited until a different week, like getting my hair done. I also substituted for another instructor's class, because he's covering mine on Monday, and had all those lab reports to grade (which thankfully are done).

I had a dream last night that I met some people at a coffee shop, and went out running with them while holding papers that I was supposed to read. Elsewhere in the coffee shop, the owner was taking a leisurely bath. Hmm, I guess I feel like I've got a lot going on.

Those kinds of days I just need to plow through, and try to remember the big picture, where that stuff is small compared to other things.

Anyway, thoughts on love. Well, most years since I've been divorced I've been tempted to wear a black armband on Valentine's Day. I never have, because I think it's too much of a statement, but I joke to myself that that's how I feel. Perhaps it's because of the bombardment of advertising that makes single people feel bad that they don't have anyone to celebrate the day with, but I forget it's about love. You know, the stuff that is bigger than the romantic love on greeting cards.

I usually forget until after the fact that it's OK to celebrate the love I have for the people in my life who are friends and family. Even if it's only here in this post, which I hope it's not, I'd like to acknowledge the bonds between myself and the people I care about. I think I'd be a much different person without those connections.

And what of romantic love? I haven't given up hope at all on that front. I've had something interesting happen lately and it hasn't played out fully yet. I met someone online who was the one to start the conversation. At first I was sort of neutral about him, for a couple of reasons that I'm not sure are valid or just me making excuses for not feeling the way I'm supposed to feel. He doesn't have kids, is 6 years older and has been married twice (with valid reasons for divorcing in both cases, it sounded like).

Otherwise, we have a lot of common interests and I enjoy our time together. He wanted to move rather quickly to a physical relationship and I've resisted, saying I don't feel that way. The funny thing is, I'm not sure if I do or not. I don't know the extent to which we can modulate our emotions to proceed or not proceed in a relationship and the idea that I appear to be hesitating on proceeding makes me thing that might mean I simply don't feel it's a good fit for whatever reason.

And all of this might be moot, because the dating thing can move pretty fast. He might have already started up another relationship he hopes to turn into a dating one, and I think I'd be both relieved and disappointed. I realized I learned a lot, though, and it's stuff I should have learned earlier. My x was my first boyfriend, which simply amazes me now. I feel like I've had to do some necessary dating stuff at this stage of my life instead, because we all have to do it (or something like that).

Anyway, Happy VD. May the good thoughts flow freely and you feel 'da love.

13 more to go

I'm making good progress on these lab reports. The students actually write fairly well, they just don't quite know what they are supposed to say, although we give them pages of what is supposed to go in the document.

In other news, I signed Mr W up for skating lessons. Beginning Hockey Skate, it's called, and it's for kids who have not skated before. He's looking forward to it now, but when I told him, you'd have thought I signed him up for princess classes or something equally awful. Crying, yelling, accusations of me being the worst mother in the world. Blah, blah, blah. I told him he could pick some other sport to try, as this was the point after all, but he finally said he'd try the skating.

I wish I had that much energy to throw into something.

The downside

I am thrilled to be heading to chilly Minnesota this weekend to visit with my brother and SIL. They are consummate hosts and I always leave there feeling (besides full, and a little hung over) very loved.

There is a stack of lab reports on the arm of my couch that are staring at me right now. I have 23 to finish before I go out of town Friday afternoon. These are the first ones they've written, so each one takes 10-15 minutes to grade. I'm heading over to try to knock out a couple before Mr W gets up, and don't want to find myself at midnight on Thursday with "just a few more" to do.

I'm proctoring an exam for another instructor on Wednesday, so that will get me some grading time, but otherwise it's going to happen in the evenings. This is my least favorite part of teaching. On many of these, the writing is OK, it's just too flowery for scientific writing. I try to cross out what doesn't belong, and rewrite some sentences to give them an idea of what to say.

Others, and I've gotten one already from a student that is going to be a problem child this semester, are so poorly written they have too many grammar and spelling mistakes for me to correct. For this one, I'm recommending she go to the Writing Lab on campus for help. It's not my job to teach her how to make a sentence, right? I wonder how she got this far.

OK, 23 more to go.

This is the one

My dad gave me money for Christmas towards a sewing machine. I want something that can sew through a couple of layers of felted thrift store sweater, and this is the one I've decided on. I was going to get a refurbished one, but this comes with support and a 25 year warranty, so I think it's a good choice. It's a Threadbanger TB12 - I feel hipper already.

Sweater Score!

I went a little overboard the half off Saturday sale at the thrift store today. Look at my treasures!

First, the ones I will actually wear.

Next, ones that I will throw in the washing machine on hot and use for felting projects.

Finally, ones that in my most optimistic moment looked like I could frog and reuse the yarn to knit something else. Of most interest to me, technique-wise, is the orange one, which has no seams except for the sleeves. That means it's probably hand knit, and someone knit the body in one piece in the round.

If you're looking for sweaters for these kinds of projects, look for ones whose seams are sewn together, not serged. If they are serged, you'll see lots of thin sewing thread along the seam.

I have no idea when I'll get to these, but they'll wait for me.

Assuaging mild guilt

My ex-mother in law, who I usually refer to as my MIL, is here in town. She hasn't had an easy go of it at all. Both she and my FIL, who passed in 2004, had polio as teenagers, and they strived to live as normal lives as possible. She's in an assisted living facility here in town.

She and I had a great relationship when I was married. She tried really hard to let us make decisions that were best for us, as opposed to ones where they would benefit somehow. Very selfless that way. After the divorce, though, the responsibility of communication has fallen to me. Period. She doesn't call, and if I don't call her, I don't talk to her.

I know she's being her "I don't want to bother anyone" self, but I'm busy! I forget to contact her, and then a couple of months go by and I feel guilty. Every time I see her, I tell her, you can call me if you need anything, or if you want to get together. And she says, "OK dear", and never calls.

So I called her yesterday, and will pop over there for a visit tomorrow. I always feel like I've done the right thing after I've visited, but still guilty that I don't make more time to see her. I think I'll bring her some flowers. I bought some for myself the other day, and it reminds me how much I like having fresh flowers around the house. They were even fair-trade, so I can assuage my guilt over carbon footprints, and slave labor and such. Life's a little complicated sometimes.

The Weekend - part whatever

As usual, I have high hopes for getting a lot done on this weekend free of kid duties. This is especially so this weekend, because I'm going out of town next weekend to the frozen nort' of MN to see my brother and SIL.

My boring and totally attainable goal is to get my lectures ready up through next week, plus get the test made and copied. I'm also going to start working on my application for the Casper job (insert friendly ghost jokes starting now). It will be great practice, especially if I'm lucky enough to get an interview, for when it's time to move to the next thing job wise.

There is a poetry slam at a coffee shop downtown (a 10 minute walk) tonight. I've always wanted to go to one, and I'm going to try to do it tonight. I often chicken out on Fridays and just stay home if I'm not meeting someone somewhere, but it sounds like fun and I'm going to try.

Despite the snow, I want to start thinking about starting some seeds for the garden. I see vast fields of broccoli and carrots on our land. Well, not really. Mr W's list of acceptable vegetables includes those two, so we're going to grow those. Broccoli takes up a lot of room but I think that's OK, because we will actually eat it, as opposed to me growing something like eggplant, that even I'm iffy on. I've got other things I'll grow too, but I wanted to make this garden something the kid could make sense of by already liking the produce that will come out of it.

And speaking of my dear Mr W, my Zach, my Zachmo-a-go-go, is going to be 9 tomorrow. Holy Toledo. Nine! I'm so pleased at how he's turning out so far, I could just bust a seam sometimes. I love how he's really creative, yet analytical. We were at the dogpark the other day, and there was a 13 year old dog there. Mr W says, "how old is that in dog years?" I said, well, it's a hund... and he cuts me off and says, "it's 90-something". He was right, it's 91 and he figured it out in his head. Smarty pants. Love him to pieces I do and he's having a sleepover at his dad's house tomorrow that I'll show up with the cake for. Transformers on the cake, of course.

Hope your weekend's shaping up to be a good one.

Job uncertainty

I posted a graph a couple of days ago that showed President Obama's proposed budget in terms of funding for various science agencies. It's great news that so many of them are having their budgets increased. The CDC, however, looks to lose over a hundred million dollars of funding. We are part of the Department of Health and Human Services, which has a lot of other functions besides ones that are considered basic science.

It's impossible to predict anything from the graph, and it's only been proposed. It still has to be voted on by Congress. However, the new head of the CDC has proposed cutting funding for West Nile programs, so people where I work are scrambling to show what we do in terms of benefiting public health.

All this is to say that things are uncertain at the moment. And that has me thinking what I want to do when I grow up. I was so grateful to get this job, it's hard to overstate my sense of relief in landing it. At the time, I had run out of money from my divorce settlement, had asked my dad for money (something I hadn't done since I was in my 20's) and was using my credit cards more than I should. I had been ready to commute all the way to Denver or to Cheyenne, WY (an hour south and an hour north, respectively) for a job.

And this job has been a really good job. My boss is results-oriented, so he doesn't spend a lot of time breathing down anyone's neck. I get to work on my own projects at my own pace and I like that. I've gotten two good first-author publications out of it (a good thing in my line of work) and that's good too. I make enough money to support myself and save a bit. So if this job is eliminated, I will be bummed out not only because of the money, but because it's a good job.

But sometimes it takes a kick in the pants like that to jump start one to the next thing they are going to do. Although I've always admired and yearned to be a university professor, it's not in the cards for me while I'm raising a child. I don't want to move Mr W potentially far away from his dad, and I don't want the pressure of starting and maintaining "an externally funded independent research program", which is a requirement of those jobs.

What to do? Well, post-secondary teaching jobs include community colleges, junior colleges, and other institutions that don't have graduate programs. In those jobs, teaching is the main thing, and it's usually to reasonable motivated students that want to be there.

So, this is what I want. I want to get a full time teaching job teaching biology. I am reasonably qualified, if I may toot my own horn just a bit. I have a PhD, which looks good, I have taught before, and I have a degree in education (it was 20 years ago, but still). I keep hoping that my local community college will have an opening, but it doesn't look likely. They are, however, building a new building, which will increase their capacity to offer classes, and who knows. I might stick around doing the one class thing until they open the new building.

There is a job opening, though. It's in Casper, WY, (pop 50,000, making it the second largest city in WY!) which is about 3 hours north of here, right along Interstate 25. It's at Casper College, and it's doing what I want to do. I'll post more about this process, but I'm going to apply for it. I have a huge concern over how this would impact Mr W. He very much deserves to have two parents in the same town. I don't know how we would get around that, although his dad might be willing to move as well.

This post is long enough. More later. Thanks for reading this longie.

A post in which I bitch

There seem to be several things converging that are eating up my mental energy at the moment and I feel like I just want to rest. I'm fighting a head cold, so I'm stuffy and my voice is cracky. My dog park wipe-out is mostly better, except there's one spot to the right of my sternum that hurts when I stretch. I'll probably have to go get that checked out.

Work is kind of wacky. The graph I posted yesterday includes a cut to the entire line-item in the federal budget for vector-borne infectious disease (i.e. mosquitoes, ticks, fleas) programs. People seem to think they'll restore some of that, but that, combined with trying to shoehorn us into the new building (we were supposed to stay in the old building, but things changed and now we have to be accommodated by shuffling other people around) makes me feel like they might just say screw it, and cut the program.

I've gone around on this a bit, and I would be OK. I will do another post on what I've been thinking about career wise, but I can do OK on unemployment for a few months.

The other thing is that I feel like kicking myself because I haven't gotten far enough ahead in class prep, and I feel almost as swamped as I did last semester. And for no good reason, except I was waist deep in the online dating stuff, so I feel like my time was not well spent. I'll get time this weekend to catch up, and suspect I won't feel better until that is done.

One a bright note, Mr W turns 9 on Saturday. My sweet wumpkin is getting to be not so little anymore. I'm buying him an Erector set.

Uh-oh

Might be time to dust off that resume....

Graphic found on http://www.wired.com/

Why I Bought a Queen Size Bed

I bought this today. It's called the Rangeley bed from LLBean. I've liked it for years, and am finally in a position to buy a new bed, so after looking around quite a bit, this is what I chose. You may notice that it's a platform bed, so it takes just a mattress, with no box spring. I liked the fact that the thing was built in Maine, and the shipping was very reasonable ($35), as opposed to Ikea. The closest Ikea store is Phoenix (I know, poor me), and the shipping for a $199 bed was $259! Oh well. I like this my first choice.

I have my eye on a Tempurpedic mattress, which I have picked out (it's called the Tempur-Cloud, or something like that) and need to go order in the next few days. I figured I'd order that from the store here in town, as I'd have to pay tax anyway, because the sales guy was helpful (maybe he'll get a commission) and they'll take away my old mattress and box spring. Mr W and I tried out the beds at the mattress store the other day, and although it's expensive, it's got a 20 year warranty and that's only about $100 a year! Justification, indeed.

And I thought briefly about buying a full sized bed, thinking that, well, I'm not sharing a bed with anyone right now, so why spend the extra money? That ended up striking me as a little too short-sighted and pessimistic. I do think that at some point, over the 20 year life of the mattress (!) I'll have a need for a queen sized bed. Man, if that warranty runs out and I'm still sleeping single, I'll be bummed out! I'm thinking the odds are in my favor though, just a matter of time.

Books "on tape"

When I'm not goofing around on my computer in the evenings, I do like to knit. My TV is strictly for the kid's use, as I don't have cable or the converter box for local channels. He watches videos from the library, and I don't feel compelled to get cable just so either of us can watch more TV. I've never been able to knit and watch TV anyway.

I also feel like I don't read enough. I really don't, and although it's something I do feel motivated to change, I haven't yet. I'd like to go to bed 30 minutes earlier, and split the difference by reading for a little bit before lights out.

Solution? Ta-da! In a fit of multitasking, I've joined www.audible.com, a site that sells all sorts of recorded books as downloads. What actually pushed me over the edge was hearing an interview with the author of "Eat, Pray, Love", who has a new book out called "Commitment". I thought that Eat, Pray, Love would be a great start, so I downloaded that. Haven't started it yet.

The book I did start is called "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. The book chronicles her process of finding out and then undertaking steps to become more happy. She wasn't depressed, has a satisfactory home life, family, kids, job, etc., but felt she wasn't as appreciative of those things as she could be.

I'm only about an hour into it, but I see the opportunity to do some of this myself. Goal setting, mindfulness, and allowing myself to "be Linda". One of her "rules" is to "be Gretchen", which I think means to accept one's own strength and weaknesses, without slipping into some kind of narcissistic tunnel vision. All of this kind of smacks of thinking about oneself a little too much, but I believe you have to get yourself to a spot where you're OK with who you are, what you want and where you're going so that you don't end up 75 years old and wishing you had enjoyed what you had a little more.

And listening and knitting is working just fine - I can do those at the same time, and am almost done with a scarf I've been working on. I listened to a podcast from www.knitpicks.com about blocking knitted things, and am eager to try their techniques. Blocking relaxes the fibers, and has one soaking the piece in warm dilute soapy water, rolling it in a towel, and then tacking the piece down to dry. All I need now is a nice scarf pin - Etsy, here I come!

I am so done

A month ago, I entered back into the fray of online dating, and I am stepping right back out as of today. Made a new friend, but didn't connect with anyone romantically. It's so aggravating, because there are certain benefits, but really big drawbacks as well to this whole thing (for me anyway).

I searched all the way down to Denver. Jeez, with 100 potential matches that met my criteria, you'd think (hell, I thought, anyway) that there would be someone to start a conversation with.

Wrong. My introductory email was either ignored (which still pisses me off) or politely returned saying the person wasn't interested, but thanks anyway. I totally respect the latter reply, by the way, and did the same to each and every guy (even if he was creepy) that sent me an email who I wasn't interested in.

It helped me a lot to remember that this does not represent the entire pool of potential suitors, but still. I'm not very good at moderating my activity on the dating site, and tend to check it way too often during the day, hoping someone has noticed me. And this, I believe, is a waste of my time and mental energy.

I was thinking today about the lengths I went to in order to maintain the long-distance relationship I was in for 2.5 years, and also how occupied I've been with the online crap (oops, I mean stuff) trying to find someone to partner up with. It was a bit of a forehead-smacking moment when I realized how hard I've been willing to try to find a partner, and previously to maintain a relationship, and these things have gotten me nothing, except a little wiser. Have I tried too hard? How exactly does one go about just "letting things happen"?

This is a lesson I'm still learning, and one thing I will do is to refocus on being involved in the community and doing a good job with the stuff I've committed to do. I have good friends, a nice house where there's plenty for me to do, a kid who needs raising, etc. Wishin' don't make it so. I don't believe much on faith, but I do know that I'll eventually find a wonderful man to share my life with. I just hope I'm not 65 when it happens.

Taken down

Going to the dog park can be a dangerous experience. Most everyone I talk to has been at least bumped into by a running dog. Sometimes we get knocked over, like today.

The dogpark is an icy mess at the moment. The snow that we got in December has melted and refrozen repeatedly, so the surfact is about 4" of ice. Bumpy ice. So a thrown ball can go awry. I was standing there swapping dog stories with another doodle owner and I saw a Lab named Sampson coming my way for a second before he plowed into me from the side and took me down.

And now, well ouch. The wind got knocked out of me and my shoulder hurts. People were very nice, and rushed over to see if they could help. The dogs themselves were very curious that someone was sitting on the ground, and Sally kept darting back and forth. Sampson's owner was very apologetic and I had the presence of mind to ask someone to pick up my glasses.

So now I'm wondering how sore I'm going to be and how I can stay safe when there's so much ice. When the ground is bare, a bunch of us walk when we're at the dog park, and I'd like to believe that a moving target is harder to hit than a standing one. I might get some of those grippy things I can put on my shoes for the ice, too. Darn dogs.

The weekend

It used to be, on the weekends when Mr W is with his dad, that I'd get a little squirrelly after spending so much time by myself. Those bits of self-doubt that I think most people have would have enough time to gain some momentum and sometimes I'd be wondering what the hell I was doing and where I was going in life.

Not so much anymore. I do miss my Wumpkin (I'm thinking the days are numbered that he'll let me call him that) on my off weekends, but I also appreciate the free time and time to "get stuff done". I try to cook ahead and make some stuff I can freeze for dinners, I clean my house occasionally (this is one of those days), and see friends.

I did refinance my house, and pulled out some money to do some projects here. It's funny. I feel like I should wait to spend the money until I'm sure I've been renewed at work for another year. They are moving our offices and labs, so it looks like there will be a place for us, and my boss feels like they will find the money to keep everyone on, but who knows? In addition, I'm grappling with what I "should" spend the money on. I really think that I'd use the deck off the living room, but it's a non-essential, and I could use new windows, and would like to put a half-bath in the basement (which I will likely never use, but will add value to the house).

My whole view of weekends has shifted, too. It used to be that I needed to bank hours on the weekends to use later, but that constraint has been lifted like a released rubber band - kapwing! It's been really nice to not have to work in work so much on my weekend (although I do go in for a half day here and there). I look back and am sort of surprised I did that for so long. I'm grateful (really grateful) my job allows me the flexibility to do that, as well as to leave in the middle of the day to go teach and make up the hours later.

So, here's to the weekend! I'm off to have some breakfast and clean up some dust bunnies.

MyJacketMyJacketMyJacket!

Here's a lousy picture of it, but I love it!! Thanks J and M!

Mr W's handiwork

This picture is of Mr W's and my lego creations. His is on the left, mine on the right.

More on the Jacket

My home phone doesn't ring that much. It's usually either Mr W's dad, or a solicitor, so I often will let the machine pick it up and screen calls that way. Yes, I've heard of that thing called caller ID, but I don't have it on this phone.

The phone rang yesterday morning as I was on my way out, and I debated about answering it. I thought it might be something about the kid, so I picked it up. To my amazement, it was a real live person from the Bemidji Woolen Mills company calling about the jacket I had ordered. She said they didn't have the red in my size, would I like a bigger or longer one of in red, or my size in gray?

Wow. I chose my size in gray because I thought it's going to be plenty big as it is. So now a gray one is being "sent right out to ya". I thanked her profusely for calling (they could have done this easily by email) and am looking forward to receiving my new jacket. Yea customer service!

Lighter Fare

No, the photographer did not get knocked over - she got out of the way!

Sister Kris

I'm a little early on this one, but the fact that my sister Kris's birthday is coming (January 16th) just hit me with a little wave of despair. This happened last year as well, but I didn't see it coming, and it threw me into a funk. It's hard to head grief off at the pass, but maybe writing about it will help a bit.

Kristine K. Sawyer would have been 47 on the 16th. She died about a month after her 45th birthday, and I'll probably haul all this emotional stuff out one more time here on February 20th (yippee). She was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in November of 2006. What they found were the multiple tumors that had spread to her liver. As so very many people know how this sort of thing goes, she responded well initially to chemo, had enough time to get her things in order, and then died a difficult death.

Throughout, she insisted on being the mother and wife she was used to being. At the time she was diagnosed, she was working full time and going to school full time. She wanted to get her BSN (Bachelor's in Nursing), and had signed on to work these dreadfully long shifts to maximize her time at work, while being able to see her kids. I wonder from this, and also my mother's experience dying of pancreatic/lung cancer, the relationship of stress to disease.

When most of the types of chemo had been tried, and there weren't many treatment options left, I remember talking to her on the phone about getting into a drug trial. I remember I was at the dog park at the time. From my very limited perspective, I thought, 'hey, you've got nothing to lose, you might as well enroll'. From her perspective, an untested therapy might shorten what little time she had left, and she opted not to risk that. If she did nothing, she knew about how much time she had left, and was unwilling to gamble with that. This makes a lot more sense to me now than it used to.

I'm going to have to continue this post later, as I wanted to talk more about what she did and who she was, as opposed to how this thing came and got her.

Every time I think about how she had to say goodbye to her children, it makes me weep. If I ever had to cry on command, that thought would do it. They and Bart have coped and survived this horrible thing, and it was good to see them last November carrying on.

She wanted to die at home but didn't make it. They had the hospital bed delivered a day or so before she died, thinking she could come home, but she never stabilized enough to make it. By that time her liver was failing and she wasn't all that lucid. I remember her looking at me and I thought, 'she can't tell if she's really seeing me or if I'm a hallucination'. That's OK. She had one final moment of clarity, which we sort of laughed with, because she sort of sat up a bit, called her sons over and said sternly, 'No cigarettes! No cigarettes!' As in, if nothing else, don't start smoking after I'm gone.

OK, more on this next time. Thanks for reading.

Thoughts on love and jackets

So I've thrown my hat into the dating ring again. It is hard to tell when one is "ready" to date again after being in a relationship, but my life seems so much the same now as when I was in the long distance relationship, I feel ready. It seems callous to say this, but, having been on both sides of it now, it is easier to disengage from the relationship when one is the dumper instead of the dumpee. A lot easier.


20 years ago, heck, 10 years ago, I would never have predicted that I'd be in my mid 40's pondering on what love is. I always assumed I'd be like my parents, til death do us part, etc. And I'm not writing today to boo-hoo myself on this. I feel like I'm as engaged in life as I've ever been, and am looking forward to the future.


But I wonder. I mean I have my list of things that I'd like my partner to have, and it's a lot of the characteristics that I have (no surprise there). I assume I'll end up with someone who has been married before, I can't see training a newbie in his 40's. I also figured he'd have kids, although this isn't a deal breaker. So I'm looking for someone like me.


Or am I? I read something once that resonated with me that went something like, we are attracted to people who have what we feel we lack. We fall in love with people who are examples of things that, if we had this thing about ourselves that we wanted to be like, they show us that. That is a clunky sentence, but there you go. So the trick is to get people together whose deficits cancel each other out?


Then there's chemistry. That elusive something that absolutely must be there to progress from friend to partner. Undefinable, hard to quantify, unpredictable even, but necessary.


I went on a coffee date yesterday, and I likened this process (online dating) to running outside in a hailstorm for me. I can do it for a short time, then I gotta come inside. The person I met yesterday was very nice, we have quite a bit in common and I'm interested to see where it goes. Stay tuned.


And jackets. I picked out a wool jacket yesterday (look at yesterday's post for details), and I'm all excited now to get it. It's not just that it will be perfect for much of Colorado's winters, not just that it will look good with my hand-knit accessories, not just that it has a high degree of built-in coolness because it's from Bemidji, MN (and thus is the real deal). It's that my brother and SIL thought to buy me this. Gestures like this remind me how much I am loved, and how much my fam means to me. I will post pictures when I get it.

You w-w-want m-m-me to g-g-go out there?

We've been hit by another cold spell here in Colorado. It's supposed to go down to around -10 tonight. However, by the weekend it's supposed to go up to the 40's (balmy!). I had all these great intentions to get out and attend things the last couple of days, but didn't get there.

Yesterday was the monthly Colorado Native Plant Society meeting. They have interesting speakers, and I usually know a couple of the people that attend, but I got home and stayed home. Thursdays, there's a knitting group that meets on the south end of town. I had every intention of going there tonight, but got home and it just seemed more attractive to stay inside.

Now, I don't think this is a symptom of being antisocial or anything (I hope not!). There just seems to be plenty to do here at home. There's a local food meet up monthly that I want to get to eventually, and a couple of the local bookstores host interesting things. There's plenty to look forward to when it gets a bit warmer.

It always helps to have the right gear when it's cold. When I was in Ohio over Thanksgiving, my dear brother and SIL bought me a wool shirt-jac from the Bemidji Woolen Mills . Sadly, it was too small, and they're having me pick out another one (that's what the link goes to - J and M, I'll kick in half!). This better be one hell of a jacket, it's not cheap!

I'm sure, though, if there's one thing people in Northern Minnesota know about, it's wool clothing. But here's an interesting observation. It seems that people don't break out their winter coats until after the start of the new year. Until then, they wear jackets like the one I picked out, probably a scarf and some mittens, but their REAL winter coat sits in the closet until some time after Christmas. As it was explained to me, this is sort of akin to not letting winter get the upper hand. It's a psychological victory to think to yourself that you're not wearing your winter coat, so it must not be winter yet. Sounds good to me.

Here's a bit of perspective: way up 'dar around Bemidji tonight, it's supposed to go down to -24 degrees. Holy moly. SIL's mom lives up there. A much less forgiving environment, it would seem. Sleep well and warm, all.

They're here! They're here!

I ordered a few seed/plant catalogs a couple of weeks ago, and two got here yesterday. Boy, there is nothing like the hope and promise of a seed catalog. Sure, you can do it, try some stuff you've never grown. Can't decide? Get both, or all three. It'd be really easy to go overboard with optimism.


But the fact that they came means winter can't possibly last forever, right? I should repeat at this point that I have virtually no luck growing things from seed. The desire is there, but the seedlings usually succumb to that damping off thing that makes them keel over and die. Perhaps I'll try to use all new stuff. I have a heat mat that I can set the tray on and I'll use that. Our local horticultural garden hosts a workshop on seed starting that I signed up for - maybe that will increase my chances of success.

One thing I have decided is that I'm going to site the beds (yes, I'm going to build another one to match the small one that used to be Mr W's sandbox) away from my fence a little so I can walk all the way around them, and fill in that space with mulch. Keeping the stuff away from the dog, (or is it the other way around?) will be a challenge, and I'll just have to see how curious she is. I lost most of the day lilies in the yard last year to dog nibbles, so I might have to keep her out somehow.

This has been such fun to think about, the garden and the home improvements. I realized that I really had been holding off on doing anything to this house that meant that I'd be staying for a while. I don't think there was a way around it, but now I feel like I've got a long list of things I'd like to do in and around it.

As Mr W gets older, the fact that this is a small house (~ 800 square feet upstairs, ~400 finished down) becomes more and more apparent. He's got a tiny bedroom and although he and his buds will play there sometimes when he's got friends over, they are otherwise in the living room, and I feel like I've got nowhere to go if I don't want to be doing kitchen stuff. Target online had a good sale and yesterday I bought three lamps, a couple of book cases, two end tables and a coffee table. Except for one lamp, I'll put these things in the basement, which I'll use for another living room and guest area.

Until then, I'll pore over the catalogs and try to be realistic as to how much food I should grow. Such fun!

Hippo New Ewe's!

Indeed, it is the first day of 2010 and things look pretty good. I'll be a little self indulgent here and review 2009, but am more looking forward to 2010 (is that snow out there STILL? I'm so ready to get my garden going).

I started 2009 having an old hip injury aggravated such that I started physical therapy for four months to make it feel better. Afterwards, my back hurt, and I sure felt old and broken down. The things that have helped? Good shoes, sleeping with a pillow under my knees and doing situps and back strengthening exercises. I need a new bed, no doubt about it, and will buy one in the next year.

At work, we have a weekly seminar, and in February 09 I gave one on my research. The response was good enough, and I really enjoyed being up there yakking, that I contacted the local community college to see if they needed any part time instructors. Long story short, I taught Fall semester, and will teach again Spring semester. It has been a great experience, and I'd do it full time in a heartbeat.

My day job at the CDC has been pretty good. I've been working on a study where I more or less had to recollect and reanalyze the data, and that's been a bit of a slog, but I've got some interesting things to look forward to and the funding for my position seems stable at the moment. I still overall love my job, and am very thankful to have it.

I think back about Mr W over the year, and he continues to love his screen time - computer, Nintendo DS, TV, but about 3/4 through the year he discovered that he liked to take apart his Bionicle action figures and reassemble them into unique combinations and will now spend quite a bit of time happily doing that. I bought him a cheap video camera and we're going to explore making movies of this process.

In the fall, I ended a long distance relationship that I had been in for the last 2.5 years. And although I still feel bad about doing it, as some time has passed, I realize it was the right thing to do, although being thrust again into the dating world is daunting. But I compare the me that I was the first time I looked to date again after the divorce with the me now, and my perspective has changed. I don't need someone to fill a void, I want someone to add to what I already have.

Ending the relationship drove it home for me that I was waiting to do any significant improvements to this house because I thought we might be moving. Now that I'm not, I decided to refinance the mortgage, pull some money out to do some improvements and settle in. I have more plans than money, but have decided to at least add a deck off the side of the house and put in a door so we can walk outside from the living room, and also to put a half bath in the basement.

Having my focus shifted back to staying in this house, in this community, I'm drawn to the local food movement that is developing here in NoCo (that's Northern Colorado). I want to grow more of our food next year, and also patronize others that do.

So that's about it. I have a lot to be thankful for - healthy kid, a good job, a house, my health, good friends, supportive family. I'm looking forward to what 2010 will bring.

In praise of my 1995 Honda Civic

I love my car. I bought it new when I lived in Toledo, and it will be 15 years next April that I have owned this vehicle. It has almost 172,000 miles on it, and, aside from three or four mufflers, three batteries, three or four sets of tires, and some miscellaneous "normal" repairs, it's been a relatively trouble-free car. I know I might be jinxing myself, but at this point, I'm ahead of the game, so I'll continue.

I know that my days with my beloved Civic are numbered. I put $500 into it a couple of months ago, which included me getting a new battery, which I am extremely thankful for each morning when I start my car. There's nothing wrong with it right now, but odds are I'll get to the tipping point in the next year or so, where it makes sense to get another car instead of plowing more money into this one. I take my car to Tom, who laments (in a nice way) most of the time that there's nothing expensive that needs to be fixed on it, and promises me that he will tell me when I'm at that tipping point. Pretty amazing.

I've had such a good experience with my Honda, it only makes sense to consider buying another. And I, for one, consider gas mileage to be almost the most important thing when deciding who the contenders are for Linda's next car. People who use their cars for actually hauling stuff or driving in potentially treacherous conditions of course have more to consider than I do here.

My old car gets about 35 mpg, and often more than 40 on the highway. This is what I'm used to, so naturally I'm looking for something comparable in my next vehicle. I can't imagine, given how I will use the car, settling for less.

So, what are my choices? Well, today's Civic gets a dismal 25/36. Yawn. The Civic Hybrid gets 40/42 mpg, but costs about $24K. Civic also makes the Fit, which I think is "so me". It costs less, about $18K for what I want, but it only gets 27/33. To its credit, there are websites that tout how people are getting much better mileage out of their Fits, so maybe I could get mid 30's overall? I like the style of it enough that it will likely be a contender. I've also read things online that say Honda is going to put out a hybrid Fit in the next couple of years, and if that were available, my decision would be made.

Finally, there is the Insight. I remember when my SIL bought one at least 6-8 years ago. She's got a long commute each day, and that model is a two seater. Today's Insight is a five seater, gets 40/45, and cost about 21K. I feel a sense of responsibility toward promoting this kind of consumerism, where we talk with our wallets, and that is a good reason to buy an Insight.

I'm thankful I don't have to make the decision quickly. I need to explore other makes of car as well, and also see if a diesel would work. One thing I've noticed is that American-made hybrid cars are more expensive than I thought they'd be. For example, the hybrid Escape, a small SUV made by Ford, is $30K! So, the search is on.

New (to me) Blog

I found a new blog on Science Blogs the other day. It's called Casaubon's Book, written by Sharon Astyk. She's homesteading, but was (and was?) trained as a scientist and writer. A fresh perspective on some of the environmental issues I've been pondering lately. I like her description that she and her husband decided to live "using a fair share of the world's resources".

I've also updated my blogroll with some new things I've found lately. Local food and crafting movement sites, as well as a very nice introduction to the science of evolution.

Aack! Enough relaxation!

OK after two days of hanging around the house, I'm really ready to get some stuff done! It was nice to have the down time, and today's list includes going to work for a bit, organizing school stuff, and continuing to look for good end-of-the-year deals on stuff that I'll have to buy in the next six months anyway.

I went to JCPenney's yesterday and bought Mr W four pairs of pants and two dozen pairs of socks. His dad has bought socks for him in the past, and now we've got about 4 different kinds of socks floating around in the laundry. The plan is to pitch them all (they look like they need it anyway) and start over with one kind of sock.

BTW, Why don't they make pants with double-fabric knees? I have several pairs of Mr W's pants that are perfect except for large rips in one or both knees.

Anyway, I did finish this pair of socks yesterday. I'm disappointed with how the colors pooled, but they will be good sturdy warm socks, so that's a good thing. I'm currently working on a pair of felted mittens, using up some odds and ends of yarn. My hands are pretty much always cold at the dog park, so this is needed.

Pre-Holiday Thoughts

It's funny what a double edged sword this holiday stuff is. On the one hand, I am really happy that all I have to do at this point is the fun stuff: put out the presents, cook the chicken, bake some gingersnaps, work away on my knitting, head down to Denver tomorrow night. Ahhhhh. OK, I also need to work half a day today and tomorrow, but it's researchy stuff, so no big deal.

On the other hand, it's going to be a quiet Christmas. I really love spending time with my family, and Mr W is going to be with his dad for half the time. It's OK, though. I'm looking forward to a bit of solitude, and whenever I get bored, I can always go to work or get going on organizing my course materials for school.

Nevertheless, it's time to wish all who actually read this little blog a happy holiday season filled with good times, good food and and good will.

Accounted for

Being single again, and having already seen my family for Thanksgiving, I didn't know how I would feel about spending the rest of the holidays alone. On the one hand, it's a relief to not be traveling by plane. On the other, there is a tendency to get mopey when I'm all by myself for too long or in certain situations.

I am happy to say that I have been accounted for. I had both an invitation to visit friends on Christmas, and have been invited to a New Year's Eve party. I guess it seems like a small thing, but I was really touched to be remembered and included. Mr W will be with his dad xmas eve and xmas morning, but I'll have him in the afternoon and we'll go visit friends in Denver after we open presents here.

I've also signed up to volunteer at our First Night celebration downtown. It's funny, I find the idea of having a kid-friendly New Year's Eve celebration that involves the arts so darn appealing. My kid, however, has never agreed with this sentiment, and has never wanted to go. So this year, darnit, I'm going by myself! I'll help out at one venue for a few hours, and then am free to wander around the others for free before I head over to the party.

This is good stuff.

Just give me money

I decided to refinance my mortgage in order to pull some equity out and do some improvements. I've been approved pending the appraisal, which happens this morning. For some reason, I'm a little nervous. There's no reason it won't appraise for more than I paid for it, considering I've done some improvements already.

Maybe it's just the idea of someone looking at my stuff, in my space. I feel like I've let go the putting-crap-away aspect of housekeeping since I started teaching. For example, there have been cardboard boxes on my enclosed front porch for several months, and I just got them cut up into the 2x2 ish sections and bundled so they can be recycled. The place looks great, only now I need to go back and pull stuff out of boxes and out from under things and actually organize them. That's OK, it will happen.

Mr W and I will go see some holiday lights tonight, and he's got a play date tomorrow, so the weekend is shaping up to be busy in a good way. It's so nice not to be worrying that I need to get a lecture outline done, or a quiz made. I might take a stab at starting to organize my school stuff, though.

Knittypallooza

It's been a lean few months for knitting around here. I've gotten a couple of things done that I posted the other day, and I'm almost done with a pair of socks, but I have to frog (that's rip out in its entirety) one because I made it too big and ran out of yarn).

I really do enjoy knitting in the evenings. It's relaxing, and most of the time I am content to listen to NPR and knit and that's it. It's sort of meditative. Well not this semester! It was almost like BEING in school, remember that? When, no matter how much time you had, and no matter what you got done, there was always something hanging over your head that needed to be done.

Eesh. So, needless to say, I'm thrilled to have gone through preparing for the bio class I teach once, and getting stuff organized is part of my between semester plans.

However, I have declared the weekend after Christmas: Knittypallooza. I have this sweater, this, ahem, summer sweater, that I started last spring, and would very much like to do a big push and get it done over the next couple of weeks. You know, so I can start something else! I also have the aforementioned sock to reknit, and then yet another sock to rip out and redo. I actually do love to knit socks, it's just hard to tell in the first few inches if they are going to fit, and my second one is often not identical to the first.

Knittypallooza will require me to sit around an knit most of the weekend, and I think I'm up to the challenge. Going for that long will let me feel like I've made up for lost time and get it out of my system.

There is a local knitting group that meets weekly and is getting together tonight. I might try to make that, although it's waaayyy on the other end of town. I'm starting to feel like I need to get out, after a few weeks of hermit-dom.

Just about there

I'm just about ready to turn my grades in for this first semester of teaching at the community college. In what amounts to the epitome of going through every little thing for the first time, yesterday I went to campus to get the finals scored on the scoring machine. As these things go, I had learned how to use the OTHER machine, not the one I had gotten forms for and my students had taken their test on. So I had to trudge over to the department office and bug the extremely nice and helpful admin assistant, who was her usual helpful self. She's so helpful that I feel bad when she drops everything to help me, you know?

So my finals have been scored, I just need to tally up the two parts (multiple choice and written) and add that to the rest of their grade, which I've already calculated. I'll turn it all in tonight.

I did get a chance to meet briefly with the lead instructor, who is my supervisor, and it made me really want to get a full time gig doing this. It's very unlikely at this institution, but one never knows. I've resolved to look around, and see what comes up between here and Denver.

I knew I would like it, and for all my complaining about being buried under the prep work and grading, I very much enjoyed it. The students come in with almost no scientific literacy at all. I tried (and will hit this point harder next time) to expose them to ideas that had relevancy to their daily lives. Two things I used were the Science and the City podcast, and Ted Talks. Both were about 20 minutes long per segment, and I had students do write ups on the topic.

During the break between semesters, I'm actually looking forward to getting my stuff organized into folders, so I can do more of a grab and go sort of thing. I hope to also get out and socialize more, I feel like I've been a bit of a homebody the last couple of months.

New Projects

Here are two projects I've completed lately. We had a cold snap here and it was good motivation to get these done. The hat is a pattern called Stella's Hat and is made from alpaca, which is kind of droopy, but very soft. The cowl is a pattern called Crofter's Cowl, and made from Cascade Venezia, which is silk and merino - great stitch definition and quite soft. It's a dark purple, which looks a bit yellowed in the photo.

Old me's

My dad's been getting the family photos organized. Yesterday I received a package with "my" photos in it. I had long forgotten about most of them. I need to get them scanned and will post some when that happens. How was it that we thought those huge eyeglasses looked stylish? So funny.

One thing I've noticed, though, is about how I look as a teenager and adult. I've always been about this size, always been a little heavier than I wanted, always thought if I could just lose those 10 lbs, I'd look so much better. Looking at some of these pictures, I realize that my shape has been pretty consistent over the years.

If I was exercising and eating healthy in a way that I thought I was doing all I could reasonably do for myself, I guess I'd be more inclined to accept that this is what I look like. But, while I do OK foodwise (I don't eat much meat, and I try to eat a variety of foods) and I walk several times a week with Sally at the dog park, it always feels like I should do more.

Maybe I should try what I call the "red wine-noodles-sorrow" diet. When I was going through the divorce, I dropped that pesky 10 lbs. (not intentionally) by drinking a couple of glasses of wine in the evening, eating ramen noodles (no seasoning, just a little peanut oil and soy), and walking around the house crying. I'm kidding (mostly).

No, I don't want to go that route. I do want to have good tools to cook good food for Mr W and myself, though, so yesterday I bought this. Better yet, I used a gift card that my brother in law gave me that had been sitting around. I took it to Macy's yesterday and the very nice clerk was able to reactivate it. So, I paid $25 for a pot that retails for (OMG) $139. I hope to have it for years.

I like the idea of having the right tools to cook with, and I do want to grow and actually eat some vegetables that we grow next year. I hope this kind of mindfulness towards what I eat contributes to a healthier me.

Cold and hopeful

I snapped this of Sally the other morning when it was about -10 outside. She has the tough job of sleeping on my bed most days, but is always on the look out for opportunities to get out and go to the dog park or to "dog school", the doggie day care that wears her out and lets me off the hook for dog park duties once or twice a week.

A good night's sleep

It's been cold here. As in dipping down below zero for the last few nights. The year I bought this house (2005) I had the house insulated. It seemed like the furnace wouldn't go on much at all at night, which is a good thing, because in this small house, the furnace wakes me up every time it kicks on. I'm happy to use earplugs when I don't have Mr W staying at the house, but if he is, then I want to be able to hear him if he calls.

Last year I thought I had the cleverest of solutions because if the furnace turned on during the middle of the night, I had a little space heater set on the floor below the thermostat that I would turn on low to fool the furnace into not turning on for the next few hours. That worked like a charm, but now the dog's got the run of the living room at night, and I'm just not comfortable yet leaving the heater running while she's in there. It's not like she leaps around, she's good about plopping down on her blanket and staying put until morning. I still might put the heater on a small table and try that.

Last night, though, I was all about putting in the earplugs and taking an Ambien. It worked really well, and when the alarm went off this morning, I could just tell that I rested well. And today was a good day. When I get a good night's sleep, I feel like I'm at my best. I was playing songs on my ipod in the lab, and had a smile for everyone I crossed paths with.

This makes me wonder what the world would be like if people routinely got enough sleep. How would we treat each other if we were all well-rested? People would be less stressed out in general, I would predict, and have more patience with other people and themselves.

Just my two cents.

One down, a couple to go

I finished shopping for Mr W last night. And before I revel in my great purchase, I do want to acknowledge that I'm happy/relieved to be able to do any shopping this season, and will do a post soon on how I'm trying to foster some sense of giving to Mr W, who gives lip service to the idea, but is just starting to understand that someone's gotta give for someone else to get.

I wanted to get him an inexpensive video camera because he's shown some interest in making short movies with his Bionicle toys. I love the Flip cameras, it's just the all in one sort of thing I was looking for, but they were just a little to pricey for an 8 year old.

So this is what I got: Which I see this morning is $1.20 cheaper today than it was yesterday - 'doh! That's OK. It was about $40.00 which is low enough that if something tragic happens, no one will get too upset.

I need to do other family shopping, for nieces, nephews and my dad. His birthday is Dec. 23rd, and godhelpyou if you combine gifts. He is easy to buy for, though, and desires restaurant gift cards. I do one of those for his birthday, and then for Christmas, I go rogue and for the last few years have gotten him something that he hasn't asked for, but uses anyway and this pleases me greatly. It's fancy jelly from Harry and David. I don't know, to give a person who has a very narrowly defined gift list something they will enjoy pleases me.

Oh, and as for myself, my LYS (that's local yarn store, for non-knitters) is having a 30% off sale on a brand of yarn that I like. I'm going to buy a sweater's worth of yard tonight for me. Now, if I could only gift myself the time to knit that sweater....

More Mom Pictures

Here are some more pictures I found when I was home last.

This is the most recent. 1961 when she took Dad home to meet her parents.

Mom in her Nursing School gradutation portrait. I love how the name tag says "Miss Temple"

I'm guessing this is her high school portrait. That locket is still around, but I'm not sure who has it.

I love this one - she's probably 15. So sassy!

Another project

So here's another thing I'd like to get done to my house in the next 4-6 months. This is a picture of a pair of windows in my living room,which runs almost the length of the yard. My plan is to replace these windows with a sliding glass patio door. This side of the house faces north, so I don't want to sacrifice any light by putting in a single door. A patio door is almost this size, and I'm hoping that fact makes the job a little simpler.

The other part of this is that I want to have a 10 x 10 deck built on the other side of the doors, so I can spend time outside comfortably. It will also be great not to have to leash the dog and walk her out to the yard. I'm looking forward to creating sort of an extra room, and I want the deck covered with a pergola of some kind to block the sun in the summer.

Right now, though, the Christmas tree is in front of these windows, and there is about 8" of snow on the ground. Forecast is for another 3-5", and it's going down to -1.

It's only December 6th?!

I'm so ready to start planning yard and garden projects, I can't believe it's not even Christmas yet!

I have decided to boost my efforts to grow food next year. To that end, I'm going to plant raspberries, and devote Mr W's old sandbox to veggies. This is a picture of the entirety of my yard, from the corner farthest from the house. It's a small lot, and I have no front or back yard. As far as potential garden space goes, there is this side yard, and then a strip along the alley on the other side of the house, where I have flowers, shrubs, and ornamental grasses.

I think I'll put the raspberries in some kind of container along the fenceline, to keep them from overtaking the yard and keep their soil isolated from the veggies that will be close by. Then I'll put veggies in the old sandbox that's in the other corner. I have a trellis for peas/cucumbers that I'll put over there, and then just sort of see what fits and what I feel like planting at the time. I tend to get overoptimistic with regard to the amount of vegetables I think I'll eat, so I want to plan realistically.

I also have the two old T posts that someone used to hang laundry on. I have visions of stringing something between them and having some kind of wind-powered, painted, fanlike arty something. Obviously still in the planning stages.

Other projects are afoot as well. I'm considering having work done on the house to make the yard more accessible from the house and will post about that in the future. For now, I'm content to research berries and dream of warmer days while I procrastinate about having to go out and shovel the 6 inches of snow that fell last night!

Thanksgiving - Take 3

For whatever reason, probably because I handed off a manuscript to my boss yesterday, today was a good day. I also got to work in the lab most of the day, and after being deskbound at work lately, it was nice to get back there.

Anyway, as I was doing a few go-rounds with Sally at the dogpark (if I stand there, so will she, so I walk and we both get some exercise), and it was cold and dark, I thought to myself that I was thankful to be walking at the dog park just then. Nothing hurt, I was warm she was happy to be loping along, and it seemed I should acknowledge that somehow.

This got me thinking about Thanksgiving, and how it really wasn't the same without my sister there, and in the future we'll gather elsewhere, and that's all OK. It's just how it is. On the way to arriving at this conclusion of it being OK, I realized I forgot to kind of acknowledge what I am thankful for, which is a good thing to be acknowledging this time of year.

I'm thankful for having a healthy kid. I am so proud of Mr W, I could just about burst into tears sometimes. I'm also thankful that my health has been good, and furthermore that I have decent health care. Related to that last point, I am thankful I have a job that I really like, with coworkers who are good to work with and a boss who lets me do my projects without hovering over my shoulder. I should buy him a bottle of scotch or something.

I am very thankful for my family. My dad continues to be healthy and active, and my brothers and their families mean more to me than I can convey. I'm thankful I have a circle of friends near and far that are there to celebrate and commiserate. I'm thankful for this house. I was fortunate to come out of my divorce with the financial means to buy it, and it has served as a source of security in a number of ways. I'm thankful I got the opportunity to teach this semester.

OK, that's a good list for now. It's supposed to go down below zero tonight - I'm also thankful for my sweater and slippers!

Of Course!

I'm a big fan of clever solutions. There's just a special kind of satisfaction associated with figuring something out with an answer that is resourceful and creative. I've gotten these sorts of forehead-smacking solutions for a couple of things lately that I wanted to share.

The first one happened when I was visiting family in Ohio. I was telling my sister in law about my desire to get the hardwood floors refinished in my house. There is hardwood in the living room and my bedroom, which comprise over 50% of the square footage in the house. I'm sure you can see the problem here. There simply isn't room to move everything out of those two rooms. My SIL looked at me and simply said, "rend a POD". Brilliant. I can get one of those big plastic boxes put in my driveway and keep the stuff in there for the few days it takes to do the floors. Ta-da!

The other thing was that, living by myself, it's hard to make arrangements to take my car into the shop. I borrowed Mr W's dad's truck last time, and took the bus to the repair shop. And felt pretty smug about it to, I might add. But as a taxi was behind me in traffic today, I thought to myself, "hey, I can just arrange a taxi, or our Dial-a-Ride program next time". Yea! I much prefer not having to rely on someone I know for a ride.

Old Photo

I got some family photos when I was home, and intend to scan them sometime soon. Here's one from about 1967-68. I was the baby of the family at the time.

Thanksgiving recap - Take 1

Mr W and I got back late yesterday evening from visiting family in Ohio. It was a mixed bag, and I have enough thoughts to make a couple of posts out of it. The kid traveled like an absolute champ, being helpful hauling luggage and looking for information on signs, and bravely facing his fear of flying, which I think he has conquered.

It was really, really nice to see my family. I hope to host a summer gathering for my brothers and their families here in CO.

I succeeded in getting some pictures of my mom digitized, and borrowed a few in case I need to rescan them. I visited the cemetery, where both my mom and my sister are buried, and paid my respects. I took pictures of their grave markers too, which feels a little strange but I'm glad I did it.

Thanksgiving itself was the usual debauchery, and I ended up a bit hungover the next day. To show how out of practice I am at this sort of thing anymore, I was into my third or fourth glass of wine when the thought occurred to me, "if I keep going, I'm going to be hungover tomorrow". Too late. It's such good motivation to not do that again any time soon.

I had some great pictures of the family, and one in particular of my sisters in law and myself I was looking forward to printing out. Mr W was trying to take some pictures and erased everything off the card - darn!

So, more later on family and gathering.

Chopping carrots

I've just been enlisted to chop carrots for the scalloped carrots, so this will be brief. Mr W and I arrived in Ohio without incident yesterday, and it's been great to see folks so far. We're expecting my brother and his family any time now, and my sister in law will be here this evening.

I went to the grocery store with my other brother this morning, and we bought a cart and a half of stuff. About 25 people are expected tomorrow, my sister's husband's family and then my brothers and dad. Life is good.

I think so

I think I'm ready to go to Ohio tomorrow. It was more of a challenge to fit our stuff into two small suitcases than I thought, but we'll do laundry after a couple of days there. Mr W is both excited and scared to get on a plane. Thankfully, he's come to terms with it, and is more of the mindset of "well, I don't have to like it, but I'm looking forward to being at the destination".

And I feel a bit of retrospection coming on with the holiday and all, so there will likely be a post or two about that. I've also got some plans for my garden next year that are starting to form (such a bummer that it's only November....). Looking back and looking forward. Does that make me firmly rooted in the present? It never seems that easy.

The day before

I'm sitting in my usual comfy spot, on the couch with my feet up. I've got my list of last things to do before Mr W and I fly to Ohio tomorrow, and it's not too long. Looks like we will be able to fit everything into the two carry on suitcases, and we'll each carry a backpack.

I downloaded a few episodes of TV shows Mr W likes to watch onto my iPod. You'd think watching anything on the little Nano screen would be uncomfortable. Not so. The clarity is so good that the picture is quite good.

Hmm...Slippers, or no slippers? I think we can squeeze them in, so I'll try. I need to take Sally to the kennel this morning. We could do it after work, but the cost is the same, so I might as well make our evening a little smoother by taking her in first thing. I think I'm going to get her evaluated for work as a therapy dog after the new year (or after the semester is over, anyway). I think she's got potential.

I'm of course looking forward to seeing everyone. I was in church yesterday, and the minister was talking about Thanksgiving family dynamics - we love to see our families in small doses - and I think mine is at the upper end of family tolerability. It will still be hard to stay in my sister's house without her there, but I need to do it at some point. I'll go out to the cemetery as well, bring some flowers. Note to self: put Kleenex on that list.

And one last thing happened yesterday that I wanted to note. I was talking to an old friend who lives in Denver, and after getting caught up, she asked me what I was doing for Christmas. She invited me to come to their house for the afternoon, and I was so touched. You know how when you're not expecting anything, and then someone offers you something nice? It was like that. So I will go and eat pirogis and homemade kielbasa, and try to keep my expectations at a level where I can be pleasantly surprised as often as possible. Life is good.

Toot toot

OK, I'm going to toot my kid's horn a bit, but this post isn't really about that. Each month, Mr W's school has an assembly and each teacher honors kids who demonstrate IB principles. IB stands for International Baccalaureate, and the program "focuses on the development of the whole child as an inquirer, both in the classroom and in the world outside." I like their emphasis on the fact that we are part of a larger world in lots of different ways.

Mr W received an award for demonstrating Knowledge and Curiosity, and I was able to come over for the assembly, so I did. As I gushed with pride that my kid was up there, I realized in horror (well, in small way) that his clothes are too small - both tops and bottoms. Time to get to the consignment store...

But what really struck me was when they walked in. Each class was filing in, and I'm looking to catch his eye. His class starts in, I see him, and instead of his face lighting up when he saw me, it was filled with, filled with...um, nothing, really, that I could see. I was a little taken aback until I realized that this is actually a good thing.

It's OK that he expects one or both of his parents to attend these events for him. The fact that he doesn't know the disappointment of not seeing his parent in the crowd is OK with me, and one of those things that will pay off when he's older and is comparing childhood experiences with someone else and says, "yeah, my mom or dad came to all my stuff".

Way back when

I went to our local Barnes and Noble yesterday to pick up some things for Mr W to read and do while we travel to Ohio next week. I paid way too much for a couple of graphic novels I think he'll like, and got a couple of activity books. Remember Mad Libs? I think he's at the right age where he'll think they're hilarious.

As I wandered through the children's section, I walked past their toy train table, and was transported back to a time when Mr W was about 2-3 years old, and LOVED Thomas the Tank Engine. I was fairly certain at the time that I knew the location of every store in town that had a train table, and we'd often go and spend an hour at one of these places.

There were a couple of little kids around the train table last night, and their adoring families were sitting close by, being encouraging. It really was the very same thing I remember doing. Since there are several trains on the table, parents see this as a great opportunity for kids to get used to the concept of sharing. It is, certainly, but I laughed at the memory that they sure as hell don't want to share at that age!

It seemed like long time ago, juggling school and raising a young child with the x. This is evident in the stuff we are packing for the Ohio trip. As recently as our trip a couple of years ago, I devoted half a suitcase to carrying toys. Now, he's got his Nintendo DS, and we'll have a few books and travel games. The plan is to pack light and carry it all in carry-ons. We have to change planes coming and going, and I want to have all our stuff with us in case the schedule goes awry. Moving forward.

A 16' ladder as a symbol of independence

If you were to look at the north side of my house right now, you'd see that I started to paint the trim. I started this project back in the spring. I picked a nice combination of a reddish brown and a warm tan out of a paint sample brochure and the two shades do look nice together.

However, you'd notice right away that the paint job stops about 7' off the ground. Yup, that's as high as I could get with my 4' step ladder. My neighbor (the same one who trimmed my trees the other day) offered the use of their 16' ladder, but I've never taken them up on it. I'm not sure why, but it probably has something to do with doing things for myself.

It probably also has something to do with how busy I've been teaching this class, but it's also true that for the last couple of years I didn't want to put too much money into this house because I didn't know how long I'd live here. Well, the answer to that question has changed to "for the foreseeable future" so now I'm starting to think about things I'd like to do and have for the place.

Somehow, the purchase of a 16 foot ladder is becoming symbolic both of me realizing I don't want to move any time soon, and also of trying to do things for myself. I have an old friend who is establishing a homestead in upstate NY (hers is the Blueberry Hills Homestead blog in my blog list and she posts often), and she turned me on to a few other blogs written by women who are doing that sort of thing by choice. I can't say my situation is just like that, but it looks like I could learn a thing or two here.

So, I'll be pricing ladders over the new few weeks.

Sunday goodies

It is so soup weather out there. Last night it went down to 20. Here's a picture of my default soup, chicken noodle. Nothing fancy, it's got onions, carrots and celery, noodles and chicken. I've taken to seasoning things with Penzey's dried Buttermilk Ranch salad dressing mix. A tablespoon of that stuff and it's quite yummy.

I also was overtaken by a desire for lemon squares. Dunno, I've never made lemon squares, but for some reason it sounded good. And they are also yummy, although next time I'll put more lemon juice in there. They are surprisingly easy, and I got my recipe from here. I do like both the lemon stuff and the crust together, but I could also just eat the crust, which is made from flour, powdered sugar and butter (wow).

Scratch these off the list

Do you ever have a flurry of activity when you get a bunch of stuff done? Here's my Sunday morning so far:

1. Feed and visit with the neighbors' cat
2. Shovel my walk and the neighbors' (who are out of town)
3. Fold laundry
4. Sweep basement floor
5. Block two wool sweaters (not knit by me) to get them to fit better
6. Threw away an old pheasant tail given as a gift to Mr W (ick)
7. Put away the Halloween lights
8. Started cuttings of some house plants
9. Changed my windshield wiper blades (huzzah!)

Now it's off to work for a few hours and then home to work on school stuff for a few hours. I'm very much looking forward to getting this semester in the bag and then being able to take advantage of the fact that I've done everything once.

From Today's PostSecret

You never know where you will find inspiration, I guess.

Best.Shoes.Ever

Sometimes the shoe universe smiles upon us and we can't help but just be grateful. Mr W and I were shopping at the thrift store to get a shirt for him to wear in his school play (he did fab - nailed his line and got a laugh - yea!) and I wandered over to the shoe area and saw these:

Now, you may think these are too close to being like circus shoes, or they may otherwise not be your thing. But I loves me these shoes. They're Danksos and practically brand new. Many pairs of shoes at the thrift stores have seen many better days.

I have to wear thick socks with these because they are a tad big, but it's winter, so it's OK. I think one of the reasons I like them so much is because I wouldn't splurge and spend the $85 that these shoes likely cost, and these became mine for a mere $7.