One Step Closer

It's a slippery slope, this online searching stuff. There I was, minding my own business, simply toying with the idea of perhaps sometime owning one of these VW campervans, and I see this. I admit, I have been seduced by the idea of owning one of these, just like I was the last time I tracked one down (the one that the x now has).

I'm a pretty practical person, and I think that is a large part of the appeal of a vehicle like this. It's got all you need to take your home wherever you want to go (roads permitting).

Anyway, I've talked on the phone with the owner of this one, a really nice looking 1989 that is in Boulder (about an hour away) and he's agreed to let me come down tomorrow and take it to my mechanic up here in Fort Collins to go over it and let me know what he thinks. I trust Tom the Mechanic on all things car, so if he says it's sound for what it is (a 21 year old van) then I'll likely get it.

Gotta figure out financing, sales tax, insurance, tags, etc., but I think this is what I want. In the worst case, I'd be out a bit of money for those items, but I could turn around and sell it for basically what I paid. They ain't making any more of them.

As an aside, it makes me think about the blogs I follow of people who have small livestock as part of their lives (yes, Jordan, I'm thinking of you). And I thought about how, even when I dream of having my own small farm, I see cut flowers, I see herbs, I see vegetables, I might even see a raspberry bush or three, but I don't see keeping animals besides pets. I don't know, my urge is to have the home base and be able to pick up and go for a weekend without having to make arrangements to having anything fed in my absence. Not sure why.

Do they do this everywhere now?

I was at the plant store today, getting annuals, and have noticed a trend. Most perennials are offered in gallon sized pots this year. Here's a picture from the place I usually buy my plants, but the other two places in town are doing the same thing.

It'd be nice to have a 2.5" pot, or a 4" pot of these plants, so one could buy more of them (duh). Those nice gallon pots there are $9.99 - $12.99 each.

I can certainly understand the nurseries' desire to make money on what they do, but it bugs me how doing it this way limits a person's choices. Thankfully, a lot of the annuals are in 4 packs (where did the six-pack go?), and I think I've got enough for all the spots I want to tuck annuals. It's May 15th, which is supposed to be our frost date here in north-central Colorado. I have taken the plants I bought today inside, and will continue to check the weather to see when I can just leave them the heck out and be done with it.

Claire, whose family has a small farm not too far away from me, and also a good blog, posted on her FB page that they got nailed by hail today. She also mentioned that the number of days we've had this year where the temperature has been warm enough to be considered a "growing day" are a bit over half of what they normally are. It HAS been a cool spring, and the flowers are rally hanging on the trees nicely (hopefully meaning good fruit set).

*** Edit: Here's her post about it

In other news, isn't that a nice Campervan? It's for sale in Boulder, and I want it, please. Just have to decide if it's what I want and need. These darn Westies (VW Vanagons with Westfalia camper conversions) are kind of pricey, and not many of them are for sale at any given time, and they usually all have over 100K miles on them because they are 20 years old. I know, it sounds crazy to me too when I say it that way. People usually like them so much they put a new engine in them and it keeps on truckin'.

We had one when I was married, and I loved it - did the research, tracked down the one we would eventually buy and gave it up in the divorce. It's been an interesting couple of weeks around here, with school ending and me realizing that I haven't been this free to make weekend trips for three years. Makes a girl want to go camping, but not sleep on the ground, you know? Rough it, but make coffee and cook over a stove.

Got gauge?

First, here's a picture of my humble assistant, the usually calm and always sweet Sally:
And then here's my gauge swatch. I'm starting a new pattern called Passiflora,. I found it on a site called the Twist Collective. The yarn is a delightful lavender and is a wool, silk, bamboo blend. Very nice. And I got gauge on the first time, how cool is that?

I think I'm going to like this

I lurv my new camera. It's a smart little thing, and I've used it some and the battery indicator hasn't even budged. As a sort of related aside, I went to a talk the other day by a professor at CSU, Amy Prieto, who is in the chemistry department and is looking for new greener ways to make better batteries. She totally rocked as a speaker, and I so admire researchers who can speak to the general public and give a lot of credit to the workers in their labs. A class act all the way.
But she said that when you get a new device, you should run the battery out the first few times you use it, and that will extend its life. Good to know.

We now return to our regularly scheduled blog post. I took the above picture last Sunday when Mr W and I drove out to the Pawnee Grasslands. This was about all that was blooming, but I imagine after the snow we've had, things will be popping up soon. This is my yard yesterday morning:


That May 15th frost date is there for a reason, people.

But anyway, the camera. It's small and portable and I really like it. So much so that I'm going to go out looking for more flowers to photograph this weekend. I'm so impressed at how it just automatically switches to a macro mode when the camera gets close to something.

Try try again

I've been trading emails with a new man online... about my age, has kids, similar politics, IN TOWN, gardens, several similar interests. Fingers crossed, but I don't want to think about it too much and jinx it.

Now that it's Mother's Day

Well, now that it's actually Mother's Day, I'm feeling a little less, um, confrontational, I guess.

My mom was tops. The best. She died in 1993 of pancreatic cancer, and it was a huge hit to the family. It happened so fast we were still trying to comprehend the possibility of her dying when she passed. There is still a hole there.

She was a nurse for many years, taking time off to stay home with us kids. One of her stories I love is that when she graduated from nursing school in New York City (around 1959-1960) she and her pal Sue wanted to see the West. So she bought a car (a 1956 Bel Air, if memory serves) and they did just that. As I heard the story, the times were such that a nurse could walk into almost any hospital, talk to the nurse manager about who they had worked for, and where they had graduated from, and would be given a job. Different world. They spent time in Sun Valley, ID, and years later mom regretted not being able to buy property at the time.

I think of her often. I know I've written this before here, but I think about how she would think I've done a good job with my life and my kid, and that pleases me. I've learned from her mistakes, and that's something I think any parent would be happy to know. It's funny, a few years ago, I looked down at my hands like I'm doing now, and thought, "those are mom's hands". A few wrinkles and spots, some experience, still very capable.

I sort of take for granted that I'm there for my kid. It's assumed that I will be supportive and nurturing to Mr W, and that he'll come first - all that stuff. That's just my job. I don't call it being a good mother, you know? It's just part of what I do, and I realize that my job is, in some respects, made easier by only having to keep track of one. But the kid's turning out good so far. Plays too much on the computer, and isn't interested in sports, but likes to ride his bike and hike and is into building things and math and science. He's "coming along" as my dad would say. So far so good.

So happy mother's day to us as we live and we learn.

UFOs and Mothers Day

With the semester winding down, I'm remembering that I like to knit. It's something I've essentially put away for the time I've been teaching at the community college in order to do all the prep that needs to be done. I also have a trip coming up where I'll be gone for 10 days, and that always says "knitting!" to me. A quick google search confirms there are a couple of yarn shops in Ithaca, so that's nice.

I was looking over my yarn, seeing what I should start on, or pick up again. No pictures, the batteries are dead - hopefully the camera will come today. I have about a half dozen UFOs with my knitting stuff. That's Unfinished Objects in knitting lingo. Projects that I've made good progress on, but have come to a point where either, 1) I've made a part of it too small, like the heel on the second sock of a pair, or 2) I've made a part too big, like the neck (i.e. the very first part) of a sweater that I've already worked on for at least 20 hours.

These projects languish for a few reasons. With the sweater, that neck isn't fixable. I'm also not wild about the color anymore. With the socks, the pattern makes it hard to rip back so I could redo the heel. I should just frog (completely undo the project) both and be done with it. It's hard to do that when it represents hours and hours of work, but it's not worth it to have something that I won't be happy with at the end.

And Mothers Day is tomorrow. It's too strong of a statement to say that I hate Mothers Day, but it's usually mostly a reminder of my losses, and eventually I have to go cry in the bathroom for 5 minutes. Mr W always has a little something he's made in school, and it's nice to be acknowledged for working hard to be a good mom. But it's a tough day, and I'll be glad to have it done.

Sure, I can do that, can't I?

So I'm reconsidering the whole patio/deck project.At the moment, I'm considering trying my hand at installing a brick or paver patio myself. I've read a few books on the topic, and it seems like it's not technically all that hard, although I'll likely need to rent a tamper (or whatever they call the thing that pounds the ground flat and level). I can do this, right? I'd situate the patio right in front of where I'd like the new door, and it can wait until I feel more flush (if ever).

Both the house across the street from me and the house next door are being renovated, and I'm feeling that my place looks a little, well, shabby. There used to be a front porch across the whole house, but it was enclosed a long time ago. Now, half of the old porch is part of my bedroom, which doubled its size, and half of it is just an enclosed entryway, shown on the left of the picture with the three windows.

My house has no curb appeal. There are so many cute houses with porches in my neighborhood that I'm thinking maybe I'll get an estimate to have someone open up that area into a front porch again. There are a couple of houses in the neighborhood where they've done the same thing, so I'll take some pics with my new camera (c'mon, get here!) and have those to show whoever does the project.

One nice thing about this set up is that I'm thinking of having them cut another opening in this new porch wall, and put steps in to the yard (on the far side of the house that you can't see in this picture). If I use a couple of folding gates, I can have my dream of just opening the door and letting the dog out into the yard - score!

But I need to get on this patio thing before it gets too hot. Any words of wisdom?

No more wimpy batteries

I have an old, ancient (like 10 years old) digital camera that x's parents gave us before Mr W was born. It has no image stabilization, the screen is small, and worst of all, it eats up rechargeable batteries. I'm certain the battery thing is partly my failure to keep a good set of rechargeable batteries around, although it seems like I buy a new set every couple of months or so.

Mr W had a piano recital last Sunday, and I was there to record his 15 seconds of fame for posterity, and the batteries died. I vowed then and there to get a new camera, and ordered one of these yesterday, a Canon SD1200IS from Amazon. Good ratings, comes with its own little battery pack and charger, it should work better.

I'm looking forward to toting it around with me more, as I'm usually thinking "hey, that would make a good picture" when I'm out and about. I want to document this year's gardening efforts more as well.

Raised Beds - May 1st

Karen Sue was nice to ask about my raised beds the other day, so I thought I should post a picture. I am overall very happy with how they turned out. I still need to put brackets on the outside corners to improve these bookcases' chances of being serviceable raised beds, and finish planting things as the season progresses, but I'm pretty much done with construction. Here is what they looked like after the first round of work.

I finished making the middle bed out of 4 x 4's and planted two raspberry bushes yesterday. The big blue pot is plastic (and very light) and I was originally going to put an apple tree there, but haven't done so yet. There is a pack of pansies parked there at the moment. The black plastic on the left is my effort to stop the spread of some Bishop's Weed, which is on the north side of the house. It has done so well without any attention on my part that it's creeping into the lawn and looks bad. I'll have to put grass back there (or something, maybe some kind of ground cover that doesn't get as tall as the Bishop's Weed).

For irrigation, I started with a new regular hose and a new soaker hose, and a bunch of fittings and customized lengths of each to fit the beds and not have the mulch being watered.

One problem that has arisen is that place where the mulch meets the grass. I should have installed edging, but I hate installing edging, and it seems like whatever is then next to the edging needs to be dealt with. This became apparent very quickly yesterday when I was cutting my grass with my nice little push mower, which would seize up and stop when I hit a piece of mulch that had escaped to the lawn. And the grass is longer (I don't know how this works) right where it meets the mulch. I will probably use Roundup on the those edges and be done with it.

I did get my broccoli and lettuce planted yesterday. I bought plants last week. My seed starting efforts failed this year because I never transplanted them out of the seed starting mix, which didn't have enough nutrients for the seeds to grow past a couple of inches tall. Live and learn - I'll be ready for next year. It's good to peek out there and see green. Now, I just have to keep the dog out. I set up little wire fence things, but have no idea if this will work.

Our Daily TED #5 Adam Savage

This is an entertaining view inside the mind of Mythbuster Adam Savages' creative obsession. It doesn't seem that his mind ever stops....

I can see me in one of these

I've been struck by the urge to travel a bit this summer. I'm already signed up for a conference in Ithaca, NY in early June, and Mr W and I will take a week and so something, but I wanted to start camping again.

Then it hit me. For the last three summers (when I was in the long distance relationship) I was working on the weekends I didn't have Mr W, and getting house stuff done when I had him, so I stayed pretty close to home. I made my choices willingly, so it's not like I was forced to budget my time that way.

But this summer, THIS summer, I am filled with the promise of not having to budget my time as in the past, and I won't be teaching, so I will get 15-20 hours a week back, or it hopefully will feel something like that.
So, I want one of these, a 13' travel trailer. I won't get one, most likely, but I want one! This is not a new theme with me. After Mr W was born, I got this same sort of urge, but it manifested itself in having to have a VW Vanagon campervan. I searched relentlessly, and we found an '86 for a reasonable price. We used it pretty often, they are great camping vehicles. It was decided in the divorce that x would keep it, as it's finicky, and needs frequent small repairs (that cost a lot of money).

But in using the Vanagon, I realized I'd rather have a small trailer that can be set up and left at the site, just in case the car is needed to do something. I love the idea of having everything I'd need in such a little space.

I'll probably buy one of these instead, as the price difference is several thousand dollars! It's from LLBean, and I like how it's got its own little screened in porch. I had a dream last night that I have occasionally, and I'm going to have to think about what it means if anything). Every once in a while (probably several times a year) I dream that I'm a little ways up in a building, or on a dock and that I can see whales in the water. Often they are orcas, sometimes nondescript whales. It's always such a thrill to see them, and I usually say in my dream something like, "I have dreams like this, it's so cool to see them for real!" Duh.

On a lighter note...

Yesterday's post was a bit heavy, and after a good night's sleep I feel better about my place in the world. Mr W's going to turn out fine, and he'll be exposed to enough good partnerships that he'll be able to pick up what a good marriage is.

So, I wanted to show you these flowers. This plant is pretty humble, but a few months ago it developed a stumpy offshoot from one of its branches and lo and behold produced about 5 rounds of flowers. For my part, I try to ignore it except when it's really dry, and haven't moved it, in hopes that it will keep flowering when it sees fit to. Well, it sat dormant for the winter and now has this delightful crop of flowers. Waxy star centers, velvety petals, just perfect.

I worry

I got sucked into subscribing to Audible.com a few months ago, thinking I'd enjoy listening to audiobooks while I knitted in the evenings. Having the side job of teaching has made it rare that I knit in the evenings like I used to, and I've accumulated a few credits, so I was perusing the offerings the other day on Audible's site.

I made a good wish list that I will likely order from, but one book caught my eye. It's called "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce - A 25 year Landmark Study". I haven't downloaded it, but that didn't keep it from making me blue the last couple of days. From the site:

"Wallerstein shows how adult children of divorce essentially view life differently from their peers in intact homes, and also sheds light on the question that so many parents confront: whether to stay unhappily married or to divorce. "

This has made me worry that my kid will be somehow damaged by my divorce, and that breaks my heart a bit. I should point out that I did not want to divorce, and while I was the one who filed the paperwork, my x was having an affair that he had no intention of ending, clearly stated that he had fallen out of love with me and had no interest in getting counseling. I still don't see how I could have done things differently.

But I still feel like we cheated Mr W out of something. As it is, x and I are in the same town, and Mr W goes back and forth without incident. His friends all get shuttled around by car anyway, so it's not like the only friends he has are at one house or the other. I would say that his needs are being met, and he's got two loving parents who take the job of parenting very seriously.

I read an interview with the author of the book, and my sense is that the damage comes in large part from children seeing their parents be so horrible to each other, and for a long time after the divorce. Kids also sometimes have to care for siblings or even their own parents, while the parents are recovering emotionally from a divorce. Reading this made me feel a little better. Even though I still have strong feelings about how the marriage ended, I try really hard to separate them from the duty of raising Mr W, and I think I've done a good job on that. So good a job that Mr W wonders periodically why we don't all just move back in together and be a family again.

But this has strengthened my resolve to model a good marriage for my kid. I may or may not end up with someone who has kids, but I want very badly to show Mr W how a marriage is supposed to work: the support, the give and take, that kind of stuff. I feel like I owe him that much.

Our Daily TED #4

This one's on Motivation. I've heard snippets of Dan Pink's work in the last few months and like his presentation. This is sort of business oriented, but also applies to our world. What DOES motivate us? It's interesting to me that in certain tasks, an incentive (carrot vs. stick) works, but in others, there's more at work there.

Waiting while the weeds grow

It's been raining, raining, raining. It's funny to me (and probably annoying to the rest of the world) how cranky Coloradoans get when there's more than a couple of days of rain. We're on day 2, and I'd very much like to get garden stuff done this weekend, but that may or may not happen.

No one really complains about the rain without a little tip of the hat to the fact that we need the water. We always need the water. As a place that gets 14"-17" of rain a year, every sprinkle is appreciated.

But the weeds! The people that owned the house before me landscaped the front 8' of the house with pea gravel, large pavers, a garden area, and a little porch. This has been a good lesson for me because I will not use pea gravel in the future. The weeds are relentless in this stuff, I don't know why. I've got some kind of Sedum that is plentiful, and at the moment, there's some kind of wild lettuce that's making a play to cover all the gravel. And it's raining. I will probably try to get out there when there's a break in the rain and pull a few - the soft soil is conducive to that. I also resort to Roundup for this area when things dry out. There. I admit it.

In other news, it's the new normal around here, with me getting used to not checking my email 30 times a day to see if anyone on the online dating site wants the pleasure of my correspondence. It's a relief, and I feel like I can now devote that mental energy to more important things and be OK with just kind of keep my eyes open for a while. I'm sleeping better, and that's good. Me and Mr W are going to Denver tomorrow to visit the aquarium. He wanted to go, so we'll go.

Our Daily TED #3

This video is of Spencer Wells, who is a geneticist with the National Geographic Society and head of their Genographic Project, which studies the shared genetic history of humans living today. Very cool, great speaker.

It's been raining here for the last couple of days, which has put the kibosh on gardening, and weeding in particular. My front walk looks pretty disheveled. It's good to get the rain, though.

Our Daily TED #2

By popular demand, here is Jill Bolte Taylor's absolutely amazing recounting of when she had a stroke. All the more interesting because she's a neuroscientist, and had a good grasp of what was going on.

Glad I figured out how to imbed video. :-)

Our Daily TED

Do you know TED? TED talks are presented by amazing speakers on a wonderful diversity of topics. Academics, artists, humanitarians, the talks are inspiring, informative and not-too-long (less than 20 minutes).

I have made a goal to listen to one TED talk a day for a month, in the hopes that I'll do it every other (how's that for optimistic realism?). To help motivate me to stick with it, I'll post the video on this blog.

I show TED talks periodically to my class, and the one I'm sharing today I will show to my class tomorrow, as we are talking about DNA replication. This talk has to do with using DNA to build things.

Paul Rothemund details DNA folding Video on TED.com

Sadly, it doesn't look like you can view the video within the blog, but clicking on the link should take you there.

Enjoy!

Um, it probably WAS me

It was like a line from the book, "He's Just Not That Into You".

I'll do a quick recap: I get an email from someone on the online dating site. We exchange a few emails, then there's nothing for four days. Then I write him off, then he emails, then I not-so-subtlety hint that I'm ready to meet for coffee, he gives me his phone number, I call and we set a time.

He called tonight and said he's "not ready to date". That I was his first contact on Match, and he's "just not ready". And as much as I appreciate his phoning me and letting me know that way, I'm pretty sure it's simply code for, "I'm not that into you".

And you know what? I'm fine with it. I wasn't feeling like we clicked all that well either. I feel so grown up. This book has actually helped me; it's so easy to lose perspective. It's funny how it's part deciphering the code (It's not you, it's me = It's you), and part cheering section (stuff like, "Why would you waste your time trying to get someone to like you? If someone likes you he will really let you know it").

And all of this is easier to take today because of the day I had. I went to church, and chatted with a couple of people I hadn't seen for a while, and that was nice. Later, I was hosting a study session for my students, one of which lives a few blocks away and has a kid that goes to Mr W's school. He was saying how he gets clothes for his kid from the twin boys next door to him, and do I know J and D? Yes, I say, they are in Mr W's grade. More connections made.

I hop on my bike to meet a friend for drinks and run into another friend and her family, and the friend knows the friend I'm going over to see. I'm talking with the friend I met for drinks and her husband came in, and I end up asking if he might consider helping me with a brick patio, if I decide to put one in this summer. He said he would.

As I rode home, I thought about how much I like his town I live in, and that I've done pretty well for myself so far. Running into people isn't so unusual, even in this town of 130,000 people. I've made a fair number of connections in my 12+ years here, and am looking to make more. I actually mentioned tonight that I liked being able to leave stuff lying around on the workbench in the garage because I'm the only one using it. I hadn't appreciated it for a while.

Just the way things work

As I've kvetched about off and on, I have posted my profile on a couple of online dating sites. This process, as you may have heard and/or experienced, can be kind of grueling. You put yourself out there, try to make some connections, and end up being rejected a lot. Although it might seem like other people have a different experience, I think the vast majority of people have to (metaphorically) kiss a lot of frogs to find their prince or princess.

For me, the worst part of the process is getting no response. Silence.

Did he get the email? Did he get hit by a bus? Was it something I said? How I said it? There was a time when I would get these pangs of regret, as though it was something I did or said, or somehow misstepped to cause the person to reject me. Boo hoo. I diagrammed it once, and I'll have to look around for it, but one time I experienced a full circle of emotions starting from being happy and OK , and then "he hasn't replied!" through "was it something I said?" through "screw him!" and back up to happy and OK.

It used to take me a day or two to cycle. Now it takes me about 20 seconds or less. But it still happens sometimes that I can't shake this feeling of being irked that the other party hasn't shown the common courtesy of sending a "no thanks" after we've exchanged a few emails.

I went through it this week. I've been exchanging emails with someone new who seemed interesting and then there was nothing. I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I didn't sleep very well last night, partly because I was thinking about it. And come 4:15 am, when it was clear I was up for the day, I went to the dating site, blocked any further communication from him, and made my profile hidden. Good riddance.

And I decided, then, that I am taking a break from this, and he can kiss my whatever. Done. Because the only thing I can change is my own behavior, right? Now, in my last clever missive to this guy, I had included my personal email, thinking it was time to do so. You know where this is going. I have sworn off online dating, I am so done it's not even funny. And he sends a really nice email today, saying he's been just swamped with school (he's returning for a second bachelor's), and is sorry for not having written sooner.

I am so amazed at how things work sometimes. I was ready to take a break. I had made the decision to take the profile down, did it and meant it. And then, the very same day, he emails. I am a little bewildered at how the universe works sometimes. Or fate, or whatever it is.

I did tell him, though, that I'd like to meet him. I know that violates some kind of etiquette, in that the guy is supposed to drive that part of it, but I need to see if he's worth waiting several days between emails for in the first place, you know?

What is a good value?

I got the first estimate for my deck project, and it's about $4,000 more than I thought it would be, at just a bit over $11,000. I like this guy, and would not mind at all working with him. I'm still waiting for the second bid, and won't get that for several days, but let's assume for the moment that it's close to the first one.

I'm having trouble justifying this project. I have no doubt I would use a deck, and it would be nice to have direct access to the yard from the house. I don't know if that is worth $11,000 to me.

I'm wondering if the money would be better spent on something else. I bet I could get a modest kitchen remodel for $11,000 that would add value to the house. And for that matter, we've gotten another wave of "well, we're not sure what the budgets are going to be looking like for the next fiscal year" at work. I actually ran into my boss's boss, who is this totally nice guy, and who took about 15 minutes out of his day, as he was on his way to something else, to talk with me about the state of things. They just don't know at this point. Money was taken away, but likely we'll get some of it back. How much, no one knows. People are working on it.

This doesn't sound like a good time to spend that money, does it?

It's really important to me, if I get work done on the house, for the work to add value to it. So what would add more, a deck, or a nicer kitchen? I think the answer there is obvious, but I'd like to know whether the deck would add anything at all. Who tells people these things? I had an appraiser come out to do an appraisal the refi, I wonder if he'd be able to answer that.

In response to the job wackiness, I've found another teaching job to apply for. Not ideal by any means, but it's teaching the stuff I want to teach. It's an instructor position in Denver. Year to year. I chickened out of applying to the one in WY a few weeks ago. I like it too much here. But I've asked people for references and all I have to do is write up my teaching philosophy and send the application on its merry electronic way. So I will. I'll think about the implications more if they actually invite me to interview....

Live and Learn

This umbrella will be put on Craigslist this evening or tomorrow. It was, in retrospect, an impulse purchase, and is now taking up more than its fair share of room in my little garage. I've met with two new contractors and will get bids from both this week, so the deck project is on. Because of that, I don't need this anymore.

I bought it last summer in an attempt to use my yard more, which faces west and gets uncomfortably hot at that time of year. As it turned out, I think I sat under it less than 5 times all summer. I have considerably higher hopes for a deck, which will also let me just let the dog out to the yard, as opposed to me having to leash her up and take her outside like I do now.

So, live and learn. I paid $350 for it and the dark plastic base that gets filled with water to stabilize the thing. I'll be happy to sell it for $100 (I'd probably take $75 even).

I've also taken pictures of a a few other items that I will also post on Craigslist: a bike trailer that I used to haul Mr W around in when he was a wee lad, a tagalong bike that he used for a summer, and Mr W's old bike, which is in really nice shape, but he's outgrown. If I can sell all of these things, I'll have recouped the investment for my raised beds.

In addition, I got a nice surprise today, in that my dad sent me some money towards plants for the garden - sweet!! Always the unexpected good surprises mean so much to me.

Agreed

Irrigation

With my raised beds done and in place, I have to now decide what to do about irrigation. There is no way I can be trusted to water things regularly, so have pretty much always used a timer to give everything 15-30 minutes of water a day. I use soaker hoses, and those have worked well for me.

I've heard of some people using a drip irrigation system, but that seems like more work to me. I'm OK with cutting old regular hose to the proper length, attaching fittings and then cutting soaker hose to fit on each bed. Is a drip system worth it? I'm also under the impression that having a drip system will limit my options a bit as far as where the driplines get pointed. I guess I just don't know all that much about a drip system. Any thoughts from readers would be welcome.

I had asked the other day what people thought of battery packs and drill bits and actually went to Home Depot last Friday to just buy a corded drill and a new, quality drill bit. I stood in the power tool aisle (with no one appearing to help me, which was unusual for 6 pm on a Friday night) for 15 minutes, but couldn't justify the purchase. I can't think of anything else I'd really use the thing for, so I'm going to search for new batteries online and see how much those cost. A new drill was only $40-$50, so if batteries are $30, then it's a wash and I'll either rent one for the day, or buy a corded one. Haven't checked rental prices yet.

Raised bed day!!

Here's what the yard looked like this morning. With all the moving going on at work, I was able to get two book cases (7' x 35" x 16"), and my co-worker helped me get them home with her truck. I know, that's the fate of people with trucks, isn't it? I bought her a gift card to the gelato store for her trouble.

I also got about a dozen moving boxes, which I cut into 2' sections, soaked in water, and put down (overlapping along the way) along the fence line and under where the raised beds would be. This is for weed control, and we'll see how it works out. The plants are supposed to have no problem penetrating with their roots, but weed seeds aren't supposed to be able to get through from the bottom. It was nice to have uniformly sized pieces of cardboard.

I knocked the plywood backs off the book cases with a mallet, and folded/broke them in half lengthwise to use like the cardboard, except I put them down on the sides of the beds as something for weed control on the paths. Not sure how this will work either, except that we don't get all that much rain here, so the mulch probably won't wash off of the plywood.

I also raked up leaves and stuff out of the yard, and put that in the bottom of each bed. You are supposed to be able to have a layer of non-composted compostable stuff, so I did.

It's important to overlap the pieces of cardboard and also to have them stick out from under the raised bed- again, for weed control.

Almost two yards of soil/compost mix later, and the beds are filled. I had to go back to the store and get more mulch, but I couldn't rest until all the cardboard was covered up. The square thing in the middle is going to get a couple more layers of 4 x 4's and will hold raspberries. Maybe. If I didn't make things too tight back there. It was a concerted effort to make the pathways along the fence wide enough for my cart, and I'm glad I did. The pot is something that I'm planning on getting rid of, it was just to heavy to haul it off today.

The proud gardener! I gotta get me a new hat - that one makes my head look small...

Happy Birthday, Judy

My mom passed in 1993. She would have been 73 today. I still think of her often. It usually makes me cry when I consider that she'd be proud of me, and that she and Mr W would get along famously. I want to tell her thanks, that her influence helped shape who I am today. Thinking about the double-whammy of having both she and my sister gone is sometimes a big whammy indeed.

Both mom and Kris died of cancer (pancreatic and colon, respectively) and I don't want to die in my 40's or 50's. I'd just as soon be doddering about in my garden at 80, thank you very much. To this end, I enlisted the help a couple of years ago of a doctor who is an internist and specializes in cancer and women's health. Dr. R. rocks. Dr. R helps me take good care of myself, and I feel like we're on top of things. She's got my whole history, asks good questions, and is really good at getting results from other doctors (like the dermatologist, and the mammogram people, and the folks who x-rayed my hip a while ago).

I had my yearly physical today and I told Dr. R. that I haven't felt this good for a long time. Over the last couple of years I had hip stuff, back stuff, elbow stuff and shoulder stuff that would bug me periodically. It all feels good at the moment, and I feel like I need to take advantage of this, so I'm making efforts to get stronger. There are 147 steps between the entrance of the building and the floor where my office space is, and I'm trying to do the stairs at least once a day. I want to hike and bike more this summer, and get the dog and the kid out with me as much as possible. My blood pressure was good, and my cholesterol is acceptable. I mention these things not to boast, but to give thanks, as the rest of my family takes meds for both conditions.

It was a fitting acknowledgement of Mom's birthday today. I'm trying to take good care of myself as best I can in hopes that I can have many more years ahead of me.

On the move

At work, we're in the process of moving to the other building. The CDC built a nice new building a few years ago with the understanding that some of the PI's (that's Principal Investigator - the scientists who run their own labs) like mine would stay in the old building. And while it is old, with no windows, we had a lot of space and I liked that.

Well, we got the word a few months ago that we'd have to move to the new building, where there hadn't been designated space for us, so they had to move people around to make room. We also moved our offices, so now we're in the new Cubeville, two to a cube meant for one person - but that's how we were before.

All this sounds like a major pain in the ass, but it's been OK. In all seriousness, I take their efforts to mean the higher-ups intend to keep my PI on instead of jettisoning his research program in the face of tighter budgets. I still have a job for the moment, and for a contractor who is renewed yearly, that is a good thing, and I am thankful. Really, the job makes all the other stuff possible.

And the view - well, the building is nestled right against the first foothill of the Rocky Mountains, and Cubeville sits in a room with really high ceilings and walls of windows on two sides. The views are absolutely spectacular. I'll post some pictures. The bird virus PI has parked a spotting scope in the break area so we can look at ducks and things on the lake below.

I might not get much work done for the next week while we are putting stuff away, but it will be nice to get going again in our new space. I also scored the best working spot, all the way in the back. It just worked out that way, as that spot gives me good access to the equipment I use. Here's to being productive again!

A power tool question

I have some 4 x 4's left over from when my fence was built, and I want to use them for making a raised garden bed. I was all excited yesterday to get the holes drilled so I could thread pieces of rebar through them and have an 8" high frame.

No such luck, with my two charged cordless drill batteries, and my 3/4" drill bit, Mr W and I were able to drill exactly 1 and 1/2 holes before the batteries gave out. The drill is old (10 years) and the drill bit is part of an inexpensive set of about 20 that I bought when I moved into the house.

My questions are: Do these batteries get weaker over time? Can I buy replacements at a Home Depot type store? Also, are all drill bits created equal? Could I spend some money and get a good one that will stay sharp? I imagine the answers to these questions are all "yes", but was wondering if anyone who reads this blog has experience here. Thanks!

Better late than never

I finally got my seed starting light stand made, only about three weeks later than I had wanted to. Oh, well, it's all a learning process, isn't it? The wood was scrap wood from my garage, and I already had the heat mat. The fixture cost me about $40 with shipping and included two T8 bulbs. The tray, peat pots and dirt were probably another $20. It's probably wise not to calculate the per-pepper cost of these endeavors, right?

I'm pleased that Mr W and I worked together on it, and I will admit in hindsight that I held my breath as he sawed the pieces of the 1 x 4. It's probably taller than it needs to be, but we'll see. The stuff has weeks of growing to do yet.

I also received the brackets the I'll use to make my raised bed, and they looked bigger in the picture, you know? I can still get a 14" high bed out of them, and that will still mean plenty of dirt to haul to fill the thing. I might go out yet and get the lumber today, but otherwise probably tomorrow. There is still snow in the yard, but I'm eager to get going. I was hoping to grow some peas and cool weather stuff before summer hits in full force. This shouldn't be a problem.

I am going to try the lasagna approach, although I don't have as much organic-y compostable stuff as I could. My neighbor, on the other hand, has a big pile, and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't mind me taking the leaves off the top. I want to have about 6" of soil, 4" of finished compost and and the rest will be the organic stuff in progress. Obviously I'm still mulling the proportions over, and I'll probably have some kind of minimum amount of topsoil and compost that I need to order for them to deliver it.

Yea! It's windy and cool today (although sunny at the moment) but we're slated to have some really nice weather over the next few days.

Toot

It's not like I've been traveling or anything lately, but I haven't written as much here. This is for two reasons. First, we're covering photosynthesis in the class I'm teaching and that takes some time for me to prepare. Second, well, um, second, I'm doing the online dating thing, and I'm surprised at how much mental energy it takes to pursue it.

I'm not even going to reveal my ratio of emails sent to dates (OK, it's zero), but this week I had two of the nicest (really) "no thank you" emails ever. It gives me some hope, and I try to remember that this does not, by any means, represent the entire pool of available men, so I still might run into someone nice in the produce department at Whole Foods (right, Suzanne?).

This note, though is to toot my kid's horn a bit. I wanted to say how proud I am of my son, the one and only Mr W (that's short for Mr. Wumpkin, a name he acquired shortly after birth). I got his report card yesterday, as well as the results from one of the standardized reading tests he took lately. He scored in the 93rd percentile. I was surprised. They have him in the smaller, and I thought slower reading group (which was fine, and that's what his teacher thought was best), so I thought everyone else was reading like he was reading, you know?

For his part, he said he had to guess at some of the answers, and couldn't see what the fuss was about - just a number. I noticed in the last few weeks that his reading has made a jump. I noticed it because he was reading me a comic and read pretty big words pretty fast. Didn't stop or hesitate, he just knew the words. This seems to happen about once a year. He kind of goes along, and then ramps up in some kind of skill - it's cool to see.

Too, too frou-frou

I've been on a pogo stick of a search for someone to cut and color my hair. I had the same woman do it for 10 years, and when I finally realized that I got a good cut about one time in three, it was time to find someone else. The next person I found was kind of militant in her view (chicken as pets, not food, for example) of things, as well as being open only on Tues, Wed. Thurs. I now am going to a salon downtown and I like the stylist that I have.

When I get my hair cut and colored, I really just want it cut and colored. I'm not, for reasons I'm not sure I know, into the "salon experience". If I wanted, I could have a paraffin wrap on my hands, as well as a scalp massage and a foot bath while my color set. I saw several people walking around with plastic bags over both hands and finally figured out that's what it was. The foot thing, I don't know, maybe it's all that Catholic school I had, but there's an element of servitude that I'm not comfortable with in someone bringing me a pan of soapy water to soak my feet in. These extras sort of took me by surprise the first time I went to the salon, but this time, the stylist asked, but didn't bat an eye when I said 'no, but thanks'.

It's funny, though. Product, it's all about the product, baby. It's an Aveda salon, and the stylist was saying how my hair looked so nice and shiny, and took the color so nicely, that I might consider using their $12 a bottle shampoo. I admit I really do like this spray stuff I bought last time that gives my straight and heavy hair some oomph. So I bought more of that and some shampoo, I think partly because she said it made my hair look nice!

So, I'll stay with this stylist, decline the extras and use the product.

Make mine a lasagna

I went to a couple of gardening workshops yesterday. One was on sustainable vegetable gardening, and the other was on the sorts of beds one can use in a vegetable garden. Both were interesting and I got a lot of good info. I've been doing a lot of gardening workshop/lecture stuff lately, it feels like. You know, as opposed to actual gardening. We got some snow this week, but it will be gone soon and it will be time to get going on it.


I purchased some of these brackets, which were sort of expensive, but I figured if I got them, I could make one really nice bed that will last a while. One of the emphases yesterday was on reusing materials, but I find I usually don't have the patience to sift through the freecycle and Craigslist stuff for more than a few minutes. I feel like I'm wasting my time. I know I should work on that more, and thought maybe if I could find an old bathtub with feet, it would make a fun planter for the raspberries I'd like to grow (image).

One of the techniques mentioned yesterday, which is very appealing to me is called Lasagna gardening. It's so very simple it seems like it wouldn't work, but the instructor assured us that it does. You start by soaking old newspapers (think 1/2" thick or more) or pieces of corrugated cardboard in water long enough for them to get really wet. You lay those down and overlap them a lot so for weed control. Then you layer uncomposted organic stuff - a mix of anything you'd normally compost. Then you add actual compost, and top it with a layer of topsoil. Sounds like it's worth trying.

In other news, I'm back doing the online dating thing. It wears me out, but I told myself I'd devote some effort to it before the weather go too nice, in addition to trying to get out and join things, attend things and do things. This past week I met someone, exchanged some good emails, and finally talked and Skyped with him last night. It was only when we were more or less face to face that we both realized there's no chemistry. Is it effort wasted? In the big picture, no. You have to be willing to have that happen a few times. I figure I've got really no more than two of those in me before I take a break. It is draining. He had such a cute smile... but we inhabit different worlds.

On for tonight

Tonight, Joel Salatin is speaking in Fort Collins. The talk was originally scheduled to be held at one of the more progressive churches in town, but has been moved to our local performance hall (seats about 1200). I'm so excited! After reading about crap like tomato paste rackets in California, and meat farming down south, I fear (get ready for this understatement) that factory farms may not have our best interests at heart. And those links are for stories I just found this morning while looking through my regular news websites. *sigh*

I find these "in defense of food" stories empowering, and I become more convinced that the more we can do for ourselves in terms of being informed (even if we can't or don't want to grow our own food) the better. I joke about wanting to be adopted by a CSA farm to learn what they do, but I would like to learn such things. I will at least be spending more money ($20 a week is my goal) at the local farmers market, and also (I think this is as important) breaking out of my shell a bit to talk to people at the market. I also want keep an eye out for other ways to learn about what would be involved to not only be a better backyard gardener, but also to someday perhaps pursue that dream of making a modest living from what I can grow on some small acreage.

Will he, or won't he?

I've been playing a sort of tag with the person I had wanted to use for my deck project, and I think I'm going to look for someone else - it's just not working out. He is a friend of a friend, and supposedly does good work, blah, blah, but he's made it so hard to get to see said work, I'm done.

We've communicated largely by email, with week-long pauses between emails, and me finally asking (via email) if he was still interested in the project. The answer was yes, come by and see the project he was working on to get an idea of the quality of his work. All well and good. I email him several days ago, saying that Wednesday (today) would be good, and that I'd call him to confirm.

So I call today, and he's got the gall to say I could come by, but he wouldn't be there because the floors are being installed. And I sputter just a little and say the point is for him to show me his work, and maybe next week would work? OK, next week.

I thought about this a little, and it's just too much damn work. It feels like I'm pursuing a relationship with someone who's not interested, as opposed to someone I'd like to pay a few thousand dollars to do some work for me. No thanks, there must be some decent workers around who can do this relatively simple project. Back to square one on this.

Here's what I want

Tick tick tick. That's the sound of the growing season slipping away from me while I look around for the right light fixture to make my seed starting set up with. OK, things aren't quite that dramatic yet.

When I attending the very informative workshop on seed starting last month, the instructor had an example of a home made stand that held a 24" fluorescent light fixture. He was very casual in stating that the fixtures could be had easily and for not much money. It has been difficult to find the right fixture. For example, I got a 24" fixture from Home Depot. When I opened the box yesterday, I realized it's the kind of fixture you install in a ceiling, so it's got no plug. D'oh!

Back to the drawing board. I've looked around, and there is a surprising lack of options for what I want. Sure you can buy a grow stand from a seed company, but as far as I can tell, they've got one bulb (which isn't good enough for a tray of seedlings) and they cost $70-100! A four foot fixture is bigger than I have room for, so two feet it's got to be. I guess I'll order from the place I found the picture from. I'm a little wary of ordering from a place that I've never heard of, but I'm getting to the point where I need to start the seeds soon.

We have thawed here in Northern Colorado, and except for a stubborn patch of ice on the northwest side of the house, the snow is gone. It all looks like someone should come through with a hose and wash all the dirt and grime away.

I bought a second composter the other day, and turned my pile. There has been a distinct lack of decomposition (i.e. I still had green grass clumps from last summer), and the ornamental grass I put in there I don't think will ever decompose (it's almost like bamboo in consistency). This makes me think that maybe I'll want to invest in one of the expensive composters, I don't know. I was hoping to have my own compost ready to use this year, but that might not happen. I did, however, get rid of 6-7 bags of leaves from last fall that had been in my garage, so that's good.

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Hi, my name is Linda and I'm new here

I was in a long distance relationship for 2.5 years, which ended last fall. I traveled every 5-6 weeks or so to see him (he traveled for a living, so I willingly did the bulk of the relationship traveling), and would often work on my kid-free weekends to bank time for visits. I knew it at the time, but one effect of doing that routine is that I sort of put my relationships here in town on hold.

We all know it's hard to make friends. I think about my kid, who I've dropped off a couple of times at all day day-care when he's out of school and I have to work, and he doesn't know anyone except for maybe one of the teachers. Thankfully he usually knows someone, but any kid in day care ends up getting lots of experience making new friends.

Luckily for us adults, we can get online and find groups that have been formed specifically for the purpose of meeting people and doing social things. Meetup has lots of local groups, and I joined the Over 40 Social Club, the Card and Board Game group and the largest group, which is the Sport and Social Club. I'm excited about this. It's nice to have events already happening that I can choose to join or not, and it's always good practice to do this kind of thing, even if it makes me tired afterwards!

I sometimes feel a little insulated from social stuff, and don't quite know where to start. I've made one new platonic friend via Match.com, so that's a good start. In a sense, I feel like I'm doing things regarding making friends and just dating that I should have done in my 20's. I thought back the other day to how I married my first boyfriend. I look back and I can't believe I was so shy and retiring that I didn't manage to date some before I got married. Well, life has given me the opportunity to do that now, like it or not! And so I will comply.

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I love a parade

I admit it, I love to watch parades, always have. I've become disenchanted with the Macy's Thanksgiving parade because of the plastic people and commercial endorsements, so give me a small town parade any day. The candy throwing, the local celebrities, marching bands. The picture is of the Fort Collins Nursery's "Precision Wagon Drill Team" or something like that. They go to and fro with their wagons, it's fun.

My town has an annual St. Patrick's Day parade that happens this Saturday. Mr W and I already have a full day planned with skating lessons, a birthday party and a sleep over for him, but I think we will just have to squeeze the parade in. I've gone almost every year, although last year I was out of town.

I can remember going down to the parade right after Mr W was born, so he was probably 6 weeks old or so. I don't recall all of the details, but I do remember feeling rather put out that I had to take him into the pizza place's bathroom to change his diaper while the parade was going on. Ah, motherhood before I realized that the little bald guy calls the shots. It seems like such a long time ago.

In other news, spring is teasing us. Everyone is acknowledging how nice it's been lately, but it's always followed up by something like, "but March and April can be the snowiest months of the year". As though we're all braced for another storm. Bring it. At this time of the year, the snow melts pretty fast and there's a lot of grime to be washed away from the winter. As a friend recently said, the weather really makes one run for the seeds and dirt and want to get going on starting some seedlings for the garden. Bingo.

Sr. Joseph

My dad, who I haven't written about for a while, is alive and well in Ohio. He just turned 75, and is in good health. He and his partner love to go out and socialize, and Halloween is one of their favorite events. I just got this picture sent to me a couple of days ago, and it sums up Dad's sense of humor and outlook on life pretty well. I love it.

What a day!

In a good way, that is. I went out to move things around in the garage the other day and noticed the front tire on my bike was flat. It was a nice morning, so the Sally the dog and I walked down to the bike shop, where this very cute, but kind of young, bike shop tech waited on me. I don't see myself as the cougar type, but maybe I could make an exception... Ha ha. When I went back to pick up the bike, he was there again and said (ouch) "my mom's name is Linda". (Ouch) OK, so maybe he was too young. Anyway, I am the proud owner to two new inner tubes, and am looking forward to tooling around as it gets warmer.

From dropping off the bike, Sal and I went to the hardware store, where I bought myself a boxcutter. I felt a little like I should repeat often that I just wanted it to cut boxes, but no one at the hardware store seemed to care. I've ordered enough stuff in the past year or so that has come in cardboard boxes that there was a small mountain of them in the basement.

I felt like a total dufus, though. I'm all set to start slicing up my many boxes, and I can't get the cutter open to install the blade. I squeeze, and I pull, and I push and twist, and spend about 20 minutes, thinking, "I am NOT going back and asking them how to operate a utility knife!" But I did, and as it turned out, part of the packaging was caught. The nice guy at the hardware store freed it and I was on my way. I cut, bundled and got rid of about 30 lbs. of cardboard at the recycling center - yea!

I like being able to patronize local businesses. It's funny, between those two things, I feel like I got a lot done.

I also washed several thrift store sweaters that smelled kind of old and musty, and I just remembered they are still in the bathtub and will need my attention here before too long. I still need to grade some school stuff and do dishes, but it's been a good day.

So, the fruit thing

I've been freaking myself out lately reading the blog Casaubon's Book. The future Sharon paints is looming and sort of bleak for the unprepared, and I've kind of decided to take a break from reading her stuff for a bit - it scares me. But this movement to be more self sufficient, and also the preponderance (EDIT: oops, I had originally used "dearth" and meant the opposite) of female homesteader blogs I've been reading, coincides with thoughts I thought I came up with myself, but probably have been influenced by these things. I want to grow more of my own food, perhaps learn something about preserving some of it, and generally move toward being somehow more involved with the local food culture here.

I grew up in Ohio, and remember the fruit orchards near Lake Erie. The family of one of my x's coworkers at the time owned an orchard, and the memory of being able to walk up to a sweet cherry tree and pick this amazing (it was a good year, 1988) piece of fruit that the tree just GREW is still vivid to this day.

I've been thinking lately about what it would take to be a small farmer (small, as in less than 5 acres). It's totally a pipe dream at the moment, but beside me right now are books with the following titles: "Rebirth of the Small Family Farm", "Starting and Running Your Own Small Farm Business", "Changing the Way America Farms", "Making Your Small Farm Profitable", and The New Organic Grower". I haven't even gotten past the "first, you need to examine your motivations for wanting to farm" parts of these books yet, but the idea is so darn tantalizing. It's fun to think about.

For the moment, though, I will have to be content to manage my current piece of land (she said with a snicker), which is my yard, measuring about 20 x 30'. And that is fine. I love where I live, and don't want to make the mistake of taking on too much and then being overwhelmed. It's funny, though. Since I've been able to make the choice, I've always chosen to live in a house with a yard, partly because I wanted to be able to have the space to grow food if I needed or wanted to.

So, the fruit thing. Well, with my little micro yard, and the fact that this part of Colorado is rather limited to fruit tree options, I've decided to grow a few trees in containers. There are varieties grafted onto dwarf rootstock, and apparently having the roots/tree confined this way mildly stresses the tree so it fruits earlier and a bit more prolifically. And, having them in pots allows me to move them inside if there's a freeze warning, as well as keep them a manageable size for the yard. I'm still planning on having the deck built sometime this spring, and will likely place the trees on the west side of that, in full sun.

And the choices right now include apples and apricots, two of each.

Did I say last night?

School rules, baby. I was planning on posting my fruit epiphany, but need to get some prep done for the class I'm teaching. Cellular respiration this time. We had a really nice day yesterday that is getting rid of the snow, but my alley is a muddy mess. I'll take it over winter any day. Oh, and another sure sign of spring - our local Dairy Queen opened for the season March 1. Sweet!

LindaCO - Fruit Farmer?

I'll post more on this tonight, but had this idea that I could grow some fruit trees in pots in my small yard. I'm so excited!

I just forgot

My job allows me the flexibility to go see Mr W when he's in things at school during the school day. I've been good about attending the various functions for the last 3 1/2 years, and it usually feels to me like he doesn't really care one way or the other if I'm there. I get a a nod as the class files out, for example.

Boy, was I wrong. Last week, the third grade had their storytelling festival, and I completely forgot about it. The invitation was on the table, and I had it on my mental calendar that it was coming, but it passed me by. It wasn't until Friday night when I said something like, "when is that thing?", that I found out I missed it. He was mildly upset, "you said you'd be there", and "my heart just wasn't in it without you there". Ouch.

I gave him my reassurances that I would attend as many future events as I possibly could, and paid extra attention to him when he had his skating lesson the next day. That's right, I HAD my knitting, but CHOSE not to work on it. He was looking for it, too. I was up in the stands, and he'd look up occasionally and wave. It's funny, I really thought he didn't care one way or the other. He probably didn't, either, until I wasn't there.

I'm always trying to get Mr W interested in extra-curriculars, and we wandered around the pool-ice skating place for a while after his skating lesson yesterday. We walked into the pool area, and he was interested in watching... that's right, this is what caught his attention.... women's water polo. So many sports elicit absolutely nothing from him, I was a little surprised he wanted to watch this. He was impressed they tread water for the playing of the game (I was too, it looks like a difficult sport).

All in all, a very productive day yesterday. I got my mattress delivered, and got the bed assembled, and it's super comfortable. Getting the king sized bed that I had when I was married out of there and replacing it with a queen size has left some space in my bedroom, and I'll be on the lookout for a reading chair this spring at the garage sales. Whoop!

More thoughts on love

Dear self,
You're doing a pretty good job with this whole "being on your own" thing. Really. Compare yourself right after the divorce to where you are now, and you really seem like you are doing well: good job, healthy kid, nice little house, some hobbies, good friends. But you need to resist the urge to pursue relationships with men that SEEM like they should be a great fit.

Case in point, well, look at the situation you are in. This person found you on one of those online dating sites, you looked at the picture and felt, well, neutral. But the profile information was really interesting and intriguing and you liked where this person was coming from. Upon the first couple of meetings, there was a lot of common ground as to general outlook on life, professional stuff, religion, and you, dear Linda, thought that was enough that you should take the next step and point the relationship toward a physical one. Even though the ambivalence kept you up a couple of nights.

Let's just review this again. That's a bad idea. Make friends all you want with whomever you want, and save the good stuff for someone who you simply can't resist pointing that kind of affection towards, OK? And it's perfectly fine to go about your business for a while without "finding a partner" as one of your foremost goals. Honest. It's getting to be spring, and there's lots to do around your humble little house. So, try this, alright? Be single for a while and enjoy that ride.

Much love,
Linda

Work, work, that's all I ever do around here

In addition to my full time job as a postdoc/technician for a government agency grinding up mosquitoes and extracting their DNA in the name of science, I also teach one course at the local community college. It was something that I decided to pursue about a year ago, when I gave a talk at work and a couple of people remarked that it looked like I'd make a good teacher. I'm apparently swayed by flattery, because here I am, the second semester into it.

Let me say I love to teach. The students are generally responsive, and it makes me feel like I'm giving something back. The grading takes a long time, but after the grueling first semester of getting lectures ready (sometimes the morning they were supposed to be presented), I'm a little bit ahead, although it's still a 15-20 hour a week deal. I was really hoping there would be an opening locally for me to do this full time, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen.

The time it takes to do both the regular job, and the teaching job has had an impact. When I feel stressed about the class, I don't sleep well, and that pisses me off a little. I've come to realize I just can't do both, and have instructed a couple of friends to dope-slap me (metaphorically, please) if I get the notion to do this again in the fall. I've already declined summer classes, as I want to be able to do stuff in the evenings, will be traveling for work and vacations, etc.

Things have been a wee bit tentative at regular work lately, and it swings back and forth between "we don't know if our program is going to survive" to "we'll be OK". My boss is planning on field work for this summer, so that's a sign to me that he's assuming that we contractors will be around for another year. I've recently finished up a project and submitted the manuscript to be published, and am working on a couple of new projects that I'm enjoying, so this is good news indeed.

I've worried before about not working with plants, as that was my major in school, but it turns out mosquitoes, by virtue of the fact that each is an individual, yet there aren't really the ethical concerns about killing them for science, are good study organisms for the evolutionary biology questions I'd like to answer in plants anyway. So I've more or less decided that I'll stay here as long as they'll have me. The money is good, it's local and the hours are flexible. Overall, it lets me do the other things in life I want to do, and once I shake this class in early May, I'll be freed up to do that stuff. Like getting more involved in the sustainable agriculture movement here.

Double bad

Occasionally, Mr W asks about whether his dad and I will ever get back together. Up until yesterday, they were the distracted questions of young kid. Last night, though, he asked as though he thought I'd say, "Yes, that's a good idea. Let's try that". It probably makes perfect sense to him - x and I are in the same town, we talk amicably when we see each other, why on earth would we not just all live in the same house?

This bugs me for two reasons. The first is, of course, that I have to tell Mr W that it's not in the cards, now or ever, that his dad and I will be getting back together. It was a fairly clean break (although see reason #2), and not only has the offer never ever been put on the table, I wouldn't go back if I could. It pains me, though, to see his disappointment in my denial of what he saw as a pretty reasonable request.

The second reason is that I have to come up with kid-friendly reasons as to why the marriage ended in the first place. And that is hard to do, given what actually happened. I can't say, "Well, he had an affair so I was forced to take the drastic action of divorcing him", or, the real zinger, "Well, he refused counseling, and had absolutely no desire to reconcile". No, those things aren't fit for a 9 year old who needs a functional dad in his life.

I'm sure as hell not going to be the one to tell him what his dad did to end the marriage. But anything else makes me look like an equal partner to the end of it, and I think that sucks. For now, I told Mr W that his dad and I had problems getting along (even THAT is so chicken shit), and we decided we'd be happier living apart. It really minimizes what marriage is supposed to be, and I don't want to delude the kid that people stop being married for no good reason, which seems to be the case here.

Typical of a 9 year old kid, we talked about it for a couple of minutes, and then he abruptly wanted me to continue reading the bedtime story. This won't be the last time it comes up, though, and I need to come up with a better response.

Stitchy Coolness

My dear SIL Lori sent me a really cool Valentine's day card that I wanted to post a couple of pictures of. I didn't know you could DO this - use a sewing machine on a piece of cardstock - it is such a cool idea, I love the effect. She quilts, so know about things thready and fabric-y. It's so nice to be remembered!

Quote me

Well, quote Jenna, who writes a nice blog called Cold Antler Farm:

"Happiness is understanding you don't want to be, can't fathom being, anyone else."